Good Luck
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Good Luck
I don't even know that now pros and cons I mean pro I love him con He is making me nuts pro when we are together I feel loved and safe con when we are apart I feel unsure of us all the time Pro he is a great dad con he is a great dad lol Pro He has a really good job con he is so used to being by himself I think it will be hard to add us to his life everyday.Pro Before all this he was willing to add us . Con Moving but that's also a big Pro for me I would love to leave this place.
Pro he is a fantastic lover lol . Pro we Love doing the same things we have the same passions .Con he is not a giver of the way he feels bad at words.
I know when I met him I looked right past him ,I was seeing someone and it was coming to an end (actually the day I met him I broke up with the other guy) But It was a chance meeting I happened to be out of town visiting friends and he was setting at a table full of guys and I was handing out flyer's for a upcoming event for a ride . His friend read my vest and ask me what kind of club I was in . I turned around told them and moved on doing what I was doing . The next bar there they were all of them and we acted like we went way back . I made a bet with my guy and if he lost he would buy me a beer and if I lost he would still have to buy me a beer lol . We hung out in a group setting since one I wasn't even actracted to the man and 2 I was still dating mr omg what was I thinking lol . So the dya ended I went home got online and he had found me we talked for a few weeks online on the phone then we started seeing each other ever chance we had almost every weekend. He made me feel so great all the time all our pictures we have these big smiles from ear to ear . He holds my hand brushes my hair out of my eyes he may not say words but he does actions.
After he ask me to Marry him I went in to full bride mode it threw him off I am sure . I was never the lovey dovey type now all the sudden I am saying crap like love you more . Kisses all the time . Sweet talking and wanting the same in return . I did a 180 on the man . I went from I don't give a if you call to all girly girl . What in the world was I thinking . And is it to late to say you know what G You have every right to feel the way you do I went nuts on you . I hear someone wants to love me forever it's hard to believe I never thought someone would ever want me forever and ever . I was the fun girl . I am done being her . I want to make a real home for my family and for him .
Is it to late to say wait you know I am so sorry I moved so fast I let the bling get to my head .lets take a step back and date some more .
Let him talk first and tell you what he has been soul searching for.Quote:
Originally Posted by stbmrsd
Do not assume or jump to conclusions. Wait until he talks to you so you can base things on facts.
The wedding is off we are off it's not what he wanted he felt smoothered and he would rather be by himself he thinks forever .
I'm sorry to hear that. Perhaps you can be friends, in time. It may not be easy to hear now, but maybe its for the best. Even when we're so very sure, God always has His own plans. Perhaps your true soul mate is waiting just around the corner. Everything happens for a reason --we just rarely know what that reason is. {{hugs}}Quote:
Originally Posted by stbmrsd
Quote:
Originally Posted by LearningAsIGo
Learning is right... God does have a plan. Sorry you're in so much pain.
I'm sorry to hear that. It was not meant to be.Quote:
Originally Posted by stbmrsd
One door has closed because there is another one to open.
You will get through this.
You will get through this. I'm so sorry!Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
I have not contacted him but he sent me an email . Now everything is just playing around in my head . He did send a note to my good friend it was a nice note . He wasn't sure if we were still dating or not WTH .He is a coward and is scared to talk to me . No reason to be . I was as nice as I could be told him I understood never said a mean word and I am not going to I am above that . If your not ready to get married your just not ready . What is left to say ?
Quote:
Originally Posted by stbmrsd
Don't say anything to him.. he's made his choice.. he has to live with it.
You two could still get past this.
Perhaps he felt controlled, maybe you were a bit pushy.
If he loves you and you love him, you two can work things out, take things slow talk to each other, get to know each other.
Things may work or you may find he is not the man for you.
You were independent before, be that girl again. Men do not like clingy women.
It may work or it may not. Don't contact him.
Those are his feelings though, don't invalidate them.Quote:
Originally Posted by stbmrsd
If he is not ready to get married after 5 months, he is not. It makes sense. If you want to have a relationship with this man, talk to him. Get to know him and let him get to know you, but don't ignore him because you are hurt and pissed. Don't disregard how he feels. You two are adults. You should be able to talk this out and then either try to make it or agree to walk away.
I don't think nc is necessary until you two have talked this out and have come to a decision to split up. If you don't want to have anything else to do with him, then tell him and be done with it.
I agree 5 months was fast and I am fine with stepping back .I am fine with talking to him . I do love him and I want us to talk this out I will copy the letter he sent my friend and show you what he is thinking and feeling. Your so right I was pushy I wish he would have said hey lets hold up on getting married for awhile I would have been OK with that . I would rather had that then this you know .
I'm not sure. I told her I wasn't ready to be married. I tried , but every time she would talk about the wedding and setting a date, I just would panic. I felt very smothered, not by her but by the idea of being married. I don't want to go into a marriage feeling that way. She's very emotional right now and understandably so. When the emotions simmer we can talk and see what we will do. But she has taken it so hard Idon't know if things could be the same. It had nothing to do with my daughter, it's all me. I tried to do it but when it got to the nitty gritty I couldn't. I apologized to her for going so far with it but I thought my feelings about being married might change after I gave her the ring. It's nothing against her, I think she's a good person and we have fun tgether but I just can't be married right now. I hope you understand...please don't hate me
What he was saying Im not sure too is if we were still seeing each other . Something I myself would like to know . I have been giving him space and hopeing he would contact me by phone but he didn't today and won't his at work . So Should I call him in the morning or send an email or something? Another thing that's a problem is all the people that love me like friends lol think they are helping by writing to him and stuff it's not helping I ask them not too but they already did .So I can't help what they do but I hope they stop it . I made it clear . I am not playing a game and this is my life and I want to see where this goes .
You said you have not contacted him since he sent you an email, so maybe he is waiting a response from you.Quote:
Originally Posted by stbmrsd
Your friends need to mind their own business and I'd tell them. I would imagine he would be feeling ganged up on at this point. Talk to him. Call him set up a time you to can have a heart to heart. He bared his soul to your friend, he was being honest. Return his e-mail. Set up a time to get together and talk.
I think there may be hope for you two if you talk to each other, clear the air.
Ok I wrote him told him we needed to talk that I wasn't angry .Guess we shall see what he has to say in the morning when he gets his mail :) I am hopeful . I told him I understood that 5 months was fast and we had all the time and when the time was right it would be right for both of us .
It's between you and him. Nobody else! Don't talk about marriage when you do speak with him.
NO I wouldn't lol
I hope things work out for the two of you, I really do.Quote:
Originally Posted by stbmrsd
Communication is a wonderful thing. Don't assume anything. Talk and get a full understanding. Listen to what he is saying.
I wish yo well
Who knows what the future holds?
If he's the one it will happen someday.
Be strong and we're here.
This is the reply I got from him when I said I would like for us to talk :/ I might be reading in to it since I am so unsure of everything but to me it seems like he is saying what he thinks I want to hear but sort of really wants it to be over But I don't know unless we talk how does he know I am to upset to talk ? I am not upset really I am scary calm.. Anyway I guess I put the ball back in his hands once more
We will talk, I think it's best to wait until emotions calm down. Right now, I have no idea what I would even say to you. I need time to figure out what I want. And I have been thinking of you as well. I don't know how things could ever be the same after what I've put you through.
You did not answer his e-mail right away and you don't know what your friends have been saying to him.
Wait until you have your talk. Don't read anything in to this
If you want any chance with this man at all, you need to wait and let him say what he has to say.
So We have had the discussion going on about the called off wedding so that's over and done with the engagement is broken his choice not mine. But I agree with it ,it was fast now what .
I did the NC then my friends started running their mouths and got things all messed up something I had no control of and was to late to stop .I made sure to tell them all to stop it and to let it be and let us see where this is going to go . I love this man and I do not want him out of my life I think we are worth trying...
So I sent him an email saying I would like to talk about what's next he sends me one back saying we will talk but he doesn't know what to say to me ,Scared it might be to late .
Can one salvage a relationship after an engagement has been broken ? Since we have only been dating a short while before he ask me to marry him .What do you think ?
I think what you need to do is just give him time. Let him come to you. Don't ask him 'when can we talk'. Just let him think for a few days.
If he doesn't Get back to you in a week or so maybe send I'm an e-mail to say are you still keen to have this talk? But again if he doesn't answer don't bug him.
If its meant to be it will be. If its not you will find that special guy.
Wow, after reading through this whole thread, it only reinforced what's always been said on this site many times
Too much, too fast, crash and burn.
Don't know what the future holds for you both but a time to let the emotional dust settle is what's called for. After getting off a roller coaster, it takes a minute or too to catch your breath, and get your legs under you again.
You both honestly have a lot of baggage to unpack, and not just from each other, but from previous life experiences. That in itself takes time, and not easy for impulsive needy people, as you both are.
I think you see this as a blessing in disguise, and make a plan to honestly evaluate this whole episode and put it into the right context so as to see what really happened, to mature adults acting like kids and following feelings that they never bothered to think about nor cope with. Sorry, you're both guilty of feeding each other Gobble-De-Goop.
You got carried away, and it was all good until the conflicts to your plans showed up, and then you were forced to deal with reality, and not just the fantasy. That was a good thing by the way, over time you will realize how GREAT it really was, as it started awakening some very real common sense to this whole matter.
The dust has yet to settle and must before you can start talking about the ride you just took together, and what's needed is time and the routine of reality as to what you were doing before you met. You have had a chance to see yourself in a real light of facts, and can change what you don't like and keep what you do.
Leave him alone for however long it takes to get your balance back and being able to stand on your own and return to being happy with yourself, and able to be grateful for what you have and the good time you have had with him, and now with yourself, family and friends.
Its tough to wait for all that but you sure can't rush the healing process, and we know that so don't try, just do what you have to, and you do have a lot to focus on, and there is no hurry but the one we put on ourselves.
You asked can people date after an engagement has been canceled? Sure they can if they are patient with themselves, and take all the time they need to sort out their own feelings, before wondering about how someone else feels. You didn't have that patience before, for whatever reason. Now is the time to find it for yourself.
I wish you much luck with that journey, through the healing process. And you will be better, I guarantee it!
It is a good time to reflect on what you really want for you and your children. You went from one relationship right into another. Be alone for a while.
It will be lonely but you'll learn to like the time you have to yourself.
Things may work out and things
May not. As Tal said: both of you have a lot of baggage from your past.
Give him time and take time for yourself... Kit
Well I hadn't been in any relationship for many years before meeting him I dated sure but not commitment type thing . Baggage is something everyone has isn't it ? Life it's self comes with all that . I am giving him space and I am giving me time ,But it hurts my heart non the less . If I dated him 5 years would that make it better that I would be upset over all this ? No I dated him 5 months fell head over hills not at first sight not at all but there was something there from the beginning . He wasn't just a fling he was my dreams sorry if that doesn't cut it but my reason's for loving this man is in my heart and in my soul regardless of the "time" we were together . Anyway I hurt that's all I just hurt .
I always think about what's best for my kids always.. I pour my whole life in to these kids they are my reason for my every movement . Peace all have a lovely 4th
Quote:
Originally Posted by stbmrsd
Please don't think you're alone... we're here if you need to talk.:)
I guess the difference between 5 months and 5 years, you would have known each other better.
He does not know you well enough to feel comfortable and you did not know him well enough to know how far you can go with him.
There are things you need to learn about each other.
I hope you two make it.
Been a week since an update. Not much has changed so I guess that's why no updates ,I got 2 emails from him and they both just added salt to the wond . I hate to give up hope but to keep myself sain I have too. My love for him is still very deep but from what he said I am angry at him . I wish there was a way to work it out but I don't see it happening . I never did contact him I kept the NC to the T and when I got each email from him they both threw me for a loop.I would reply to him but it was useless . I will do good one day and then Bam he will write me. My friends are sick of me and my family could careless so I set alone in my pain and trying to move forward and it's so hard to do . I feel like in one moment everything in my life has changed and regrouping has been very hard on me. Anyway that's about it for now :/
Why did you go NC with him?
I thought you two were going to talk things out. What happened?
I did reply to his emails . But there is an update lol I ran in to him yesterday very odd since we both live 2 hours from where we saw each other . I had no clue he would be there and when I walked in the bar and saw him my heart hit my feet . He came over to me and talked to me he said he didn't want me to think he was a and not speak so we talked . A lot and we hugged I didn't cry yay me lol..
We even danced lol . I told him how I felt I told him even with out getting married I still wanted us and I missed us so much he agreed he missed us too .He told me he loved me but was so confussed by everything and doesn't know how I would ever forgive him . I told him I already did. I told him I understand everything moved so fast and we all got scared . I told him I just wanted to be with him that's it simple as that .
He still said he didn't know and he was confussed .He said he would talk to me later and kissed me and left . We were together for over an hour there was a lot more said I know I just can't think of it all .
After getting in the car with my friend I told her everything that was said and she said to her it sounded like a man who really didn't want to be with me but didn't want to hurt my feelings and was trying to let me down easy . I don't know about all that I know I felt good being near him . So funny the things you miss most his smell his eyes the way he laughs I could have stayed in his arms all day .
So do you think it's a guy trying to let me down easy ?
I ask if there was hope for us and he said he didn't want to answer that . So who knows
I think you do yourself a lot of justice giving a very confused guy the space to make up his own mind, without your influence.
Keep doing your thing, as you poured your heart out, made your feelings known, and now its all up to him.
Pay attention to see if words match actions. Not just the joy of being with him again. Those are the yearning of an unhealed heart.
Sorry but nothing has changed except your feelings being stirred up, even more.
Darn, why do I have to be a realist, and blow your happy bubble?
I don't know. You guys cleared the air, I don't know why he is still confused. He didn't want to answer if there was hope for the two of you, that is another I don't know.
Time will tell. If he has not contacted you in a week, I'd let it and him go.
I think he wants to let you down easy.
He wasn't sure before , but he probably is now.
He isn't ready to commit to you or anybody.
I as Tal believe he has just stirred up those old feelings and I too have to burst your bubble.
Get used to being without him and move on. I'm really sorry.
I agree with you all . I hate it but I know it's over
Quote:
Originally Posted by stbmrsd
Please know you can keep posting.:)
Yes, do.
We are here if you need to vent
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