I don't think you should accept his gift of rent and a car payment. It's just one more excuse for you to go back to him! If need be, seek government assistance until you get back on your feet. You need to cut ALL ties with him if you truly want him out of your life.

Don't you dare fall for that. You tell him thanks but no thanks. Your daughter does not need to grow up seeing this as an acceptable way of life for women. If she gets mad tough. You're the mom and you have every right to say No! You both need to be away from this creep.

He's bad news guys... what a jerk! He just had my cell phone turned off... now the old me would call and try to make up with him to get my phone back on... but I am still hanging in there though... I am pissed that he went there but I guess I should have suspected it... I tried talking with my kid, but she doesn't understand... this is going to be harder than I thought! I am feeling worn out from all of this... I called the help line for some support but I still feel a little off track... he's telling me that he BETTER NOT see me with another man, or else he's going to 'f' both of us up! So many men are killing their girlfriends/wives and ex's today... and to be honest I am scared...

I know this is going to be hard, but you can do this, you must do this. You don't want your daughter growing up in this atmosphere. Document everything he says to you. You can get an oder of protection against him.
Does his wife know about you?

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Originally Posted by kaharie96

i've been messing with a married guy for the last 3 yrs...and even tho i know he's married i love him and i believe he loves me...i put up wih his crap, but he doesn't want me to date/talk to another man even tho he's married and lives with his wife...i tried to leave him a few times, but he ends up buying me back....why is he so selfish? why can't i have someone on the side too? how do i leave him for good?

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AGB disagreed with an earlier post of mine. He said it isn't fair to hurt the wife to make yourself feel better. In principle, I agree.

But, if you go to the police and file for a personal protection order, the wife will eventually find out the truth. The point of my previous post is to confess, tell the truth to anybody who needs to hear it, and don't worry about any fallout it may create. Any damage that has been done is the responsibility of the husband and the wife to fix.

But that's just my opinion. There's a lot of good ones on this site!

At this point, I think she should concentrate on saving herself. The possibility of telling the wife could either keep her safe or get her in harms way. Right now I would concentrate on packing up if you can't afford the apt by yourself. Perhaps they have a smaller apt in same building? Also, take him off the lease. If you can't afford the car by yourself, trade it in. If he is on bank accounts, take him off. Same with credit cards, etc. It is nice to have people take care of you, but when they do there are always strings attached. Cut his strings. He is an A$$.

Yes we saw one another a year ago... she pleaded with me to stop seeing him then... but I was being selfish at the time... I don't want to open any old wounds for her by going to the cops... their going to go to his home and she will know he never stopped messing with me...

But do you think its fair to give him a cop out on threatening you multiple times? He needs to know that you aren't messing around now. Believe me. The wife would be thankful to know that you are done with him AND that he is acting in this manner. Who knows maybe she will become a friend after this whole ordeal.

The stones on this guy. I can't believe to threaten you in that manner. He shut your phone off to get your attention so you would call him begging to turn it back on.

Like everyone said document everything. Write down dates & times and what happened. If you have a record of him acting like a nutjob it can only help you.

Well said Glinda. Good advice.

One more thing, if he calls you... tape record it and don't let him know. Get one of those little ones. That way if you need proof for the protection order that he threatened you, you have it. Also it could serve as proof that he is still contacting you even after you told him to buzz off... good proof for the wife. Good luck sweetie. Stay strong.

Thanks you guys... great advice and I am going to take it... he's left 18 messages on my home phone with in the last 24 hrs... he keeps telling me he's going to 'f' me up... he said he was going to park down the street and watch my place for any men coming in or out... then tats when he's going to make his move and 'f" us up... he said he will turn the cell phone on if I answer his calls... I am good... dont need him... or his cell phone... but I am still going to stay with my grandmother for a few days... just until the locks are changed

Don't delete those messages! Definitely keep them. You are building a case here.

I'm glad you have somewhere to go for a few days. It will help you feel safe to be around family.

You are doing so well! The first steps are usually the hardest and you seem to be doing so good!!

Rusty: I said not to run to the wife because telling her about the affair will do nothing but hurt her. Now it has become apparent that this guy could be dangerous, and I have NOTHING against going to the police for protection. Yes, if a suit is filed, she will find out, but personally telling his wife is not an acceptable way to deal with this problem. If anything, it will exacerbate the problem.

Kaharie: I agree with rusty that you should tell people who need to know, but only those who need to know... at this point I'd say that's the local police department, your family and a handful of close friends. You and your daughter have the right to live normal lives, without fear of being beaten or killed by an a-hole like this guy.

Guys I did it... I called the cops on him... yesterday I went to my house to get me and my kid some clothes and he came over... I really believe he's been following me... well anyway he started taking the clothes he bought for me and my kid, throwing them all over outside... telling me if I didn't take him back that we would be naked as the day we were born... we got into a huge fight, I mean a fist fight!. if it wasn't for my neighbor he was going to run me over with his truck... he called me everything under the sun... b's, whores... u name it, he called it... he told me he was going to KILL ME! My neighbor witnessed his threats... I called the cops and they put a warrant out for his arrest... I won't lie he beat me up, but I WILL press charges on his you know what... I am really out done right now... and I filed for a protecting order too...

Oh my goodness. I'm sorry you went through this, but now you really have evidence, you know what king of person he is and you are now away from him. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
Good for you girl!

Ty homegirl... I am just sorry I had to learn this way... but it could have been worst... my kid asked what happen to my face and I told her I was in an accident... was I wrong for lying? Should I tell her the truth?

You weren't wrong for lying to your daughter. Some things kids don't need to know. The truth probably would've scared her.

I think it all depends on her age. And she needs to know not to trust this man and when people do things like that , it is very wrong. How old is she?

Thanks AGB... she really likes him and he's good to her... we just can't get along... he's been calling... begging me not press charges against him... yeah right... he told me if we get a male judge he will understand why he put a foot up my azz... he has pictures of me going out to clubs dress "like a whore" and f****** every tom and hank, so he puts it... he said he kept all the rent receipt and receipts for things he bought for me and my child... I am spending his money while f****** another man... will this hold up in court? Although it's not true?

She just turned 5 homegirl