Ask him out for coffee on a Saturday or Sunday. It need not necessarily be during a weekday.
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Ask him out for coffee on a Saturday or Sunday. It need not necessarily be during a weekday.
Mom,
I REALLY LIKE THIS GUY!. he's a sweetheart.
Huno,
He purposely picks up shifts when I work to spend more time with me. And I mean horrible shifts that nobody would want because you don't make much money during those shifts. Why do you ask?
Oh, just curious as to what kind of guy he is. :) Looks like everything is going well for you--glad to hear it!
And do pop in every so often. You can't spend all your time with this guy... :p
Yes, what type of guy he is? A sweetheart should not be the ONLY reason u like him. And if he really worth of it, U ASK HIM OUT! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by huno
Nicespringgirl,
The original topic of this thread has kind of become irrelevant. This is a different guy and we are already seeing each other. It's a long story... sort of. Ha!
Huno,
I will remember to check in with you guys. My dilemma right now is whether I should sleep with him. He wants to, I know, but he never asks me to and never pushes the issue. I think awhile ago he mentioned it jokingly at work and I said I didn't want to and explained why which is because I am leaving at the end of the summer to go back to school and I am NOT the type to sleep with someone just because. I don't really want to for the reason that I know our "relationship" won't really last that long. But then I do... so bad. <SIGH>
He's going to stay there with or without sex... so he says and I believe it just by the way he acts.
People at work are starting to figure things out. I guess we've been caught giving quick pecks to each other by a couple people. The cooks have figured it out. One of them confronted me saying "we all know you're f***ing "Divinci"" (lol i almost put his real name in there)..... which im not sleeping with him, but i guess that pretty much says that they know. Tonight that same guy said "you need to train your wife"... to Divinci and meaning me by "wife".... Gospel heard Divinci say to him later when the same cook (who is a real jerk btw) asked what was going on between us that "nothing... and even if something was going on, it wasn't any of his business." So.......... other than that, most of the feedback has been positive. My friend (ill call her Mark Twain) said "I'm glad that he is going after someone like you who will treat him right... unlike his last girlfriend"... this is getting very specific so I'm going to end on that note.
Then, don't.Quote:
Originally Posted by stargazer10
Ah, yes, I understand. In fact I'm sort of in the same situation. I'm moving in a week to start a new job and the girl I'm (sorta) with is avoiding me now because she says she doesn't want to miss me when I leave. I told her I wanted to try and make it work but she's saying the long distance thing won't work out. Which I know in my heart it won't... I hate long distance things...Quote:
Originally Posted by stargazer10
But my girl (let's call her... um... uh... crap I can't think of anything... I'll choose the first thing I see--XBox360) says that she gets hurt easily and doesn't want to go through the pain of a breakup, so she's starting to call me less and she won't see me as often. I tell her, "XBox360, don't play me like that--I'm supposed to be playing you!" (Okay, I didn't say that last part... that was just for the bad pun :D).
Yeah... I guess girls really avoid getting hurt. My last GF told me the same thing, that she didn't want to get hurt. I don't understand the fear... we're all going to get hurt when a relationship ends but that doesn't mean it's not worth pursuing...
Well, do what you think is best. I personally think you shouldn't, if you're the type to stick by your beliefs you could end up regretting it. And then what the cooks say will be true. :D
Mark Twain? Just where the hell do you get all these names? :pQuote:
Originally Posted by stargazer10
Well, you knew people were going to talk. My advice is to tune it out. But I'm sure you already knew that.
I'll bet a few of those guys are jealous. :cool:
Ha ha. These names are getting a bit ridiculous... Divinci, Carrot, Gospel, Mr. Good Bar, and finally Mark Twain (for a girl... lol)... don't ask... they are all plays on names and characteristics they have... Maybe one day I will tell you...
Well I am going to see Divinci today... ill let you know what I decide on the sleeping with him dilemma... I probably won't
Hey guys,
So I haven't posted in awhile and you said you wanted feedback so I figured now (at two in the morning because I can't sleep) was a great time.
Currently, I am bashing my head against a freaking wall feeling like a freaking idiot. Why? Because I got myself into a stupid situation. I shouldv'e taken kristynn's advice and went with Gospel. But, no, I chose the difficult relationship (or whatever the heck it is) and went with Divinci. Big mistake on my part. The whole hiding it from my parents thing... horrible.
I keep saying that I "can't" tell my parents, but when I think about it (if I could tell them without them being angry or upset) I wouldn't even "want" to. That says a lot right there. So now I'm facing a dilemma because I find myself wishing I hadn't pushed Gospel aside. In fact, the whole time I'm pretty sure I only said no because it was too easy for me. I like to put myself in difficult situations I guess. Rebellion? I don't know.
So now I want Gospel, but I don't want to hurt Divinci's feelings. Although we aren't really in a relationship because it absolutely is not a relationship. And I'm not even sure Gospel will give me a second chance. Basically, I'm a girl who doesn't know what she wants. Well... maybe "girl who changes her mind a lot" is a better description.
Help. Please.
Whoa, hold up there, girl--what's wrong? Did the relationship go sour? It sounds like he or you did something stupid... is this just about the parents, or are you disappointed with Davinci?
Explanation, please.
What I would do is just ask him and if he says no take it as hey I found out if he likes me or not and that is all that matters. But if he says yes ask him if he likes coffee and take him out a your treat.
Yes, you do sound a little confused, but isn't that supposed to happen at some point in your life? In time, you will figure it out.
I always thought that if you have to "hide" anything from your parents (or anyone important in your life for that matter) it is not worth it. Yes, you don't have to introduce EVERYONE to your parents, but eventually the more serious relationships you will have to. Even though your original intention was not to get serious with this person and that eventually you would be ending it, you also ran the risk of developing more intense feelings for this person than you originally anticipated, which would definitely put yourself in quite a predicament. IF that would have happened (which I understand did not happen) you would most likely have felt that you had to CHOOSE your parents over your "boyfriend" (or the other way around). No one has the right to give you an ultamatim. I was in a similar situation myself and it is not a good position to be in. I was at a rebellious point in my life and chose unwisely because I felt pressured by my then boyfriend. I know that I am going way over the top here because I know that you do not have serious feelings for Divinci (or anyone else at this specific time), but I feel that I still have to say this. My situation you ask? When I was 19, I met someone at college, fell in love and then introduced him to my family. My family initially did not like him, saying that he was rude, controlling, etc. I quickly made excuses for him, saying that he only did those things because he cared for me. After a while, because my family only wanted me to be happy, they bit their tongue and did not intervene in my choice. This boyfriend eventually became my husband and we had two beautiful children. What went wrong you ask? My then husband emotionally and verbally abused me. He also tried to keep me away from my family and friends because he knew that they saw through him (not giving me messages when my family called, intercepting and throwing out invitations that came in the mail for things that he did not want me to go to, etc). This ended in a bitter divorce, which has taken a toll on my two children.
I know, you are NO WHERE near any of that at this point. However, you never know who you will meet in the next coming months or a year. In what I have read in your posts, you remind me so much of myself that it is scary. I also did not want to hurt anyone's feelings, etc. It is almost like I want to "warn" you about things that could happen. But then again, no one can predict the future. I just don't want anyone to have to suffer in the same ways that I suffered. Sorry for the long post.
In my long post, I forgot to state what I thought about the Gospel situation. Ask him out to a movie, etc. You are not in a committed relationship with Divinci. If you feel bad about doing this, then there is something deep down inside that you are not acknowledging. Maybe you have stronger feelings for Divinci than you realize. Or, you could be so concerned about what other people will think about you that you find it difficult to make any decisions on your own (look up the term codependency). Find strength within yourself.
Mom,
No need to apologize for the long post. It is much appreciated. I finally came to the same conclusion: the if you have to hide it from your family then it isn't worth it.
Huno,
What happened? Well I went on a two week vacation. Being apart from Divinci was not difficult for me. I actually missed Gospel more. And I haven't seen Gospel yet since returning from vacation. I made me think a bit. I feel like I really only liked Divinci because he was different then what I "knew" and because it was almost a rebellion. I hate feeling controlled by my parents. Nothing went sour. He still thinks everything is okay, mainly because when I'm with him I don't second guess myself, but when I am alone I do (a lot). My best friend had that problem. If you don't want to be with someone at all times, does that mean you might not really want to be with him? And since I can't really have a relationship with him and I am slightly uncomfortable out in public with Divinci, maybe I should end that relationship.
Mom,
I posted as you posted your shorter post. I already do go out with Gospel to movies and lunch and dinner, etc. I feel like Gospel and I seem to be "dating"... whereas Divinci and I just meet in secret. I like that Gospel and I can just go out and I can tell my mom that I am going out with him. With Divinci, I don't feel like I can talk to my mom about him.
EDIT: Divinci knows about the fact that Gospel and I go out. I don't hide that from him. But, also, the "dates" aren't technically "dates". But, I find myself wishing they were. I guess I just need that aspect of a relationship and I can't have that with Divinci. That also brings up the "settling" issue. I don't feel that Gospel would be settling. I think that I might have actually strayed away from him because he was exactly what I wanted. Maybe that scared me because it was too easy. Relationships have never been easy for me.
Good for you. And good luck to you, too.
Stargazer -
Keep in mind that relationships are not easy for anyone. They are always hard work. Like you, I gave up a boyfriend in high school because it was too easy and he liked me "too much". Now, I wish that I would have stayed with him and maybe things would have been different. Oh, the shouldas, couldas, wouldas!! Why is that we women like challenges in relationships?
Hm... so are you saying then that you think you're falling for Gospel, and you think there's not much of a chance because everyone thinks you're going out with Divinci?
Well, I would have two comments about that:
1) I think you can still go out with Gospel, but if I were you I'd be a little slick about it. I think you should gradually start flirting with Gospel more and hanging out with Divinci less. The goal would be to take it slow. This will make things look more natural, and also deals with my 2nd comment:
2) I get the feeling you're the type of girl who wants what she can't have. In other words, you wanted Divinci, and now you have him: now you can't have Gospel and suddenly you want him. Am I right? I correlate this to my first comment in the sense that, if during this "transition" you find yourself wanting to go back to Divinci, you give yourself some breathing room (as opposed to throwing yourself at Gospel 100%, in which case it would look weird if you suddenly fell for Divinci and wanted to go back to him again).
And YES, I lament that women always go for the wrong guys... because I'm always the right guy that gets dropped for the losers. Someday, that'll change...
Someday.
I think your confidence needs a boost, you need to feel good about being you...
Overcoming Shyness
This sight looks like some good stuff, please let me know what you think?
Nice talking to you. Bye."
Huno,
Gospel moves in three weeks... there isn't time for "gradual" change... I introduced him to my brother and his girlfriend... they both love Gospel... and I really am excited about that because family is important to me and I feel like they should like who I date... Divinci is NOT the right guy for me... I don't know why I didn't go with Gospel the first time, but now I realize my mistake... relationships are always tricky for me... I think I was scared because I am always the one who gets dumped and it hurts to be dumped, but I guess I need to put that aside and take a chance... so GOSPEL is who I am going to go after because he is someone I CAN introduce to my family and I like him A LOT A LOT A LOT!. he's adorable and such a sweetheart...
I hear that from girls a lot: they are afraid to be dumped and so they don't take chances... well, if guys thought that way too no one would ever date!
How far away is Gospel moving? Long-distance relationships aren't impossible if the two people like each other... you should go for it. Since you don't have much time, move quickly. Maybe take him to the movies and plant one on him, just out of the blue. You'd be surprised how well that can actually work on guys.
Lol... well I ended things with Divinci and I went to the movies today with Gospel... so things are going great...
Awesome:)
Well, that's good, but you didn't mention kissing him out of the blue, LIKE I TOLD YOU TO DO. :mad:Quote:
Originally Posted by stargazer10
Now you're going to have to move even faster. Next time, let him round 2nd base. And by 2nd base I mean 3rd. And by 3rd I mean call the Super 8 in advance and bring condoms.
HUNO!! Wow! Umm... I'm speechless... I am NOT going to take your advice... thanks though!
You all are going to kill me... I went back to Divinci... I give up on things right now... I'm so confused... and toying with these guys' emotions is not fun or normally what I do... I'm tired of this so I think I'm going to just stop it all... Maybe I shouldn't choose either.
You know, you should forget about these two guys. I don't think this type of thing (should I call it "game"?) is what you want or what they want. In fact, you don't seem to know what you want anymore. I might have lost track of how things were going for you, but I believe you don't know what you want anymore.Quote:
Originally Posted by stargazer10
Get yourself out of this game! For better or for worse? It won't lead you anywhere.
I'm not going to kill you, but I'm going to grab your shoulders and shake the sh!t out of you! :mad: :pQuote:
Originally Posted by stargazer10
So... I guess kristynn's advice is the most logical, but I'm going to give you the most practical: you should just do whatever you want. It's really the only way you'll learn.
Learn what? Well, it depends. If you and Divinci actually make a relationship out of it, then you'll learn how to reconcile your differences with your parents to do what you think is best.
But if you just end up bouncing between a bunch of guys, you'll learn whether that's a way of life that you enjoy. Some girls have no problem dating around and if that's your thing, more power to you. If, however, you actually want a relationship of some kind you're going to find out quickly that jumping between two, three+ different guys is very unfulfilling.
Whatever you do, I hope it makes you happy. Good luck!
--huno
P.S.: okay, so are you going to tell us the logic behind your code names or what? I think I deserve something for putting up with--I mean, advising you in your hour of need. :D
Okay...
The Names:
Carrot: He has red hair. No need to tell you his real name because it has nothing to do with the nickname.
Mr Good Bar: I have no idea. I was drunk at the time and that is what I thought of.
Gospel: His name is one of the Gospel writers in the bible. Hence, the "Gospel according to ........".
Divinci: His name is the first name of a certain painter...
AND... I am pleased to anounce that things are going great with Divinci. I haven't had the desire to go back to Gospel. I think the little two day break from him was sort of a eye-opener. It almost needed to happen because it made me realize how much I felt for Divinci. I missed him... a lot... when I broke things off.
O I forgot about "Mark Twain"... for a one of the other girl servers... I used that awhile ago...
Samuel Clemens... Samantha (and she's a lesbian so I picked a guys name... I don't know)... Ah... I feel awkward and strange because of my weirdness
Hi you can ask him if he has someone or not in indirect way, for example after or before weekend you can open general topic with him since he is your colleague and ask him how he spend his weekend as if you are asking for advise... or for his opinion... by this you will be able to figure it out from the conversation if he has someone in his life or not. If it did not work, try to get closer to him or to his close friend at work.Quote:
Originally Posted by stargazer10
Good luck
Well, at least you're happy. :) I think that's the important thing. Hopefully things continue to go well.Quote:
Originally Posted by stargazer10
Just curious: where do you see this going at this point? Do you want a long-term relationship with him? What do your parents think?
What is the true definition of happy? I don't know if she can truly be happy if she is soooo worried about what other people (most specifically her parents) may think about the person she is dating. Stargazer, be careful. I know that you should be strong and independent and choose the person that you want to be with without major influence from other people. However, really think about WHY you are attracted to him. Is it because of rebellion, that you are tired of being the good girl and this guy is giving you some kind of wild side thing? I went through that phase, thinking no one is going to tell me what to do, etc. I thought I was happy, but I was kidding myself. I ended up getting really hurt because I grew very attached to this person, even after I discovered that he was not the best for me. Then it was doubly hard to break up with him. I only wish that I would have done it a lot sooner because then the break up would not have been so hard. If you like this guy for all of the right reasons, then good for you. I know that you are young and probably are not thinking about the long term, but maybe you should start thinking about what is best for your future. Getting really attached to someone who might create a lot of problems for you in the future isn't really adviseable. Think about it. Only you can make the decision.
Mom,
I move in a week. The relationship was never meant to be long term. A summer fling is a better way of putting it. So when I move, it will be difficult to continue dating and therefore we aren't going to continue dating.
Stargazer -
Good luck to you. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.
Mom
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