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No that will not hold up in court. He is trying to scare you. You will have FAR more evidence at what an abusive bully this man is and no judge would say "oh you were right to beat the crap out of her she IS a whore..case dismissed!". I don't think so. Don't listen to him he is LYING. HE is the one who is going to get in trouble he is not proof of you doing anything he is the one who is abusing you, harassing you, threatening you AND HE IS THE CHEATER HERE. What a dumba$$
He promised me the judge will side with him... he's going to try to make it look like I was using him for his money... so he snapped!!
I know he is a lair... he keeps calling telling me he's sorry, but I pushed him... I really wish he would leave me alone! This is driving me crazy... should I call his wife now? She's going to know any day now anyway? I threaten to tell her but he acts as if he don't care! He said I am his real wife and he loves me more than he could ever love her... he know when he say things like that I always go back to him... but this time I cant... I just can't go back... I am trying to be strong but he's using eerything he has to tramp me...
No. Don't call his wife. She will find out any way, but it's not necessary that it come from you. You just hang in there. We're all cheering for you.
Then I would not tell her unless she asked you about it again. Regardless whether he is nice to her or not, he hurt you and you don't know that he would not hurt her. She needs to know that he is not to be trusted.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
You don't need to give her details but tell her "he hurt mommy. He is not being a very nice man so we need to not be around him anymore." Also tell her if he or anyone else hits ot hurts her, she must tell you..
Thank you homegirl... I am so glad you guys are so supportive... you ALL give me hope
Again the judge will not side with him. He is the one acting inappropriate. HIS actions are illegal. It is illegal to abuse someone, harass them, threaten them, stalk them. Those are all illegal. Your behavior may be morally questionable (not judging just stating) but nothing about it is wrong.
This man sounds like a complete lunatic.
Did you file the order of protection? IF he bothers you again just call the police. I recommend you get some MACE and if he starts near you spray him until the canister is empty and call the police. This is no mercy here for someone who is acting the way he is.
Yes I got the protection order... we still have to go to court when he's served... he said he's going to turn his self in Sunday... he said he wants to kill his self for hurting me like this... I feel really bad for him...
DO NOT FEEL BAD FOR HIM.
HE PUT HIMSELF IN THIS SITUATION.
We could stop himself at anytime. Everything he is saying and doing is in an attempt to manipulate and emotionally blackmail you. You can feel sorry for him that he is so pathetic but do not feel bad for him. He is a pathetic, psychotic loser. Who f'ed up everything in his life by acting like a complete idiot. If it hadn't been over you it would've been over someone else. It really isn't "you" he is in love with it's the idea of being able to control someone and have that person so deeply debted to him that he can feel that he owns them. He is mad right now because you keep bucking everything he tries to put the saddle back on. He thinks he can own you again because it was so easy all the other times.
If you do not follow through with this now you will never be rid of him and yes this will escalate maybe to the point of him killing you and your daughter. I've seen that happen plenty of times in the news. Its not uncommon for a psychotic man to kill his lover when she no longer wants him.
Have you gotten a tape recorder... are you recording all of the messages... or are you letting the answering machine do it? Also, do you have your locks changed?
Have you taken steps towards financial independence? These are all very important things to do.
Regarding the beeting, I am sorry that that happened to you. But if anything, it really taught you what kind of a man he is. Hang in there!
Homegirl... he's on my voicemail... so I got him... my locks are changed now... and as far as money... he was my provider... I am not making any real money right now... I am PT getting 16hrs a week... he told me I didn't have to work because he would take care of us... so I went down to a few hrs a week...
Talk to your company on Monday about getting more hours. If he pays your rent and bills he is still controlling you. If they won't hire you full time then look for another job where you can be full time.
If your company can't give you more hours, look for a new job. From this point forward, he is not paying your bills. I guarantee you won't check another dime from him unless you drop everything. If you do that, you will give him even more power over you because it will show him that you are weak. YOU ARE NOT WEAK!! YOU ARE WOMAN!! HEAR YOU ROAR!! (you are supposed to roar now) If you don't think your work will put you up to full time, start looking for a job this weekend. Do not waste any time.
Thank you sooooo much homegirl! I AM WOMAN! And he WILL HEAR MY ROAR! I am done with hm! I Don't NEED HIM AT ALL!! He's controlled my life for 3years... I am taking it back...
YOU GO GIRL!! You can accomplish anything!!
FYI: It is star here... but call me what you want... but YOU GO GIRL!
Well done!! And remember that he has tried the violence angle and that hasn't worked , he might try the nice angle now but remember , DON'T FALL FOR HIS LIES!
Now that we have it settled that you can do ANYTHING YOU WANT!! You need to plan your work... and work you plan. Start with the finances. Make your budget this weekend. With the bills you currently have, find out what you NEED. Rent, food, transportation, utilities, insurance, savings, credit card pymts, etc. Once you figured out what you need, use that to determine how much you need to make to make it. If the numbers scare you, you need to downsize. Get a cheaper car or smaller apartment. Although it may be sad to get rid of those luxeries... it is only temporary. It is better to be happy and safe in a smaller apartment or cheaper car... then to be an endentured servant. Remember, how you handle this situation will show your daughter the kind of strength that women have...
I just want to jump in and say you can without a doubt do this.
When my dad left my mom he left he without anything. He refused to pay support and he never allowed my mother to work (he is/was very controlling). She didn't know what she was going to do. My mom pulled herself up by the bootstraps and worked 3 jobs to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. After a short time of doing that we moved closer to her family. We lived with my aunt for 6 months and my mom was able to drop one job from the regime and worked 2. My mom always says that she has no idea where the strength to do all of that came from. Because on top of all the hard work my mom was chasing my dad down trying to find him in order to get him to pay child support. You never know what you are capable of until you are faced with a challenge that seems too big.
I know strength will shine through. This is YOUR life and YOU are taking it back!!
You will be fine. You'll stand on your own two feel. Think of the wonderful example you're giving your daughter. We are all in your corner. Hang in thereQuote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
One thing you should do to definitely build your case is take pictures of your bruised face, if the police haven't already. You want to build that case against this bastard.
Sad soul... the cops already took photo's the same day it happen... they locked him up last night while he was working... his wife called me crying... telling me not to press charges on him... like I told her "its too late"! I feel really bad but there's nothing I can do about it... he called collect askng me to drop the charges and he will leave me alone for good... he asked me to come down and bail him out... is he smoking? I still have his ATM card, I told his wife I woud drop it off to her... she can bound him out if she wants to, I am done!!
Good! Don't ever drop those charges. Remember that he is a liar, and beats a woman he says he loves? I feel sorry and scared for his wife too.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
Becareful. He knew before he beat you or left messages on your phone that those actions are illegal and could get him in jail. That's the sick part... that he knows leaving messages like that give clear proof to the police... yet leaves them anyway. His desire to get back at you seems to be stronger than his rationality.
Protect yourself and don't ever meet with him again. So far you seem to have taken all the right steps.
Walk out the door!! Go buy yourself a gift, wrap it remember the bow, and sit it aside... in a few days.. when you have had time to think and see the world as it is (about him and only him) you will realize a lot of wrong things about him, because you are holding on, you are blinded by confusion, remember the gift throw it away!! Nothing in this world is worth being unhappy, confused,or treated less than 100% by another partner... the gift by the way seeing and not having at the time * is a way of seeing gifts aren't everything. Pride is worth a lot With all the stds, who in the world want more than one partner, you need a one person relationship so you can HAVE ALL ATTENTIONQuote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
Well who's the selfish one here? Hes a married man who lives with his wife and you are aware of this, you say you feel bad or whatever for messing with him but yet you stay in this relationship because why? Do you feel he needs you? He doesn't. He needs to be faithful to his wife, and you need to get out of this ASAP and stop letting him drag u back in! You need to be stronger than that and realize hey he has a family.this is wrong. Be the big person here and cut all ties.. change your number if you have to, but get out! Because no offense honey, right now you sound pretty selfish.. sorryQuote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
Deep down you did this on purpose.
What do you mean crush? I did nothing on purpose... trying to right a wrong now
Good for you for not bowing down to dropping the charges. This guy now knows that you mean business. Let him come at you and he will just keep winding up back in jail. Eventually his wife's threats will too much for him to continue to threaten you.
Do you still have the protection order? If you do and he is calling you from jail... that is typically a violation of the protection order. Read your protection order to see what his can and can't do. If he violated the protection order by calling you from jail... call the cops.
Yeah, great call. He could be in violation. Let this guy and the judge know you mean business.Quote:
Originally Posted by star3114
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