Ask Me Help Desk - Is it weird for a thirteen year old to date a fifteen year old?

It's only 2 years but there is a big difference between a just 13 year old girl and a 15 year old boy. A probably 2nd year high school boy and a middle school girl.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

It's only 2 years but there is a big difference between a just 13 year old girl and a 15 year old boy. A probably 2nd year high school boy and a middle school girl.

At 13 my daughter is going into 8th grade. A 15 year old would be going into 10th. In Canada high school begins in 10th grade, 9th is still middle school. So really not that huge a difference grade wise.

But where they are in school doesn't really matter. Two years age difference in their teens, is nothing. Having both a son and a daughter, I can definitely say that girls are far more mature than boys at that age.

The most important thing I think you should all remember, at 15 the boy is still very much a child. He can't drive, he can't vote, he can't do anything without his parents being a part of things. If he wants to go on a date, someone will have to drive him to that date. Same with the 13 year old girl. Very easy, as a parent, to monitor the relationship. Where are they going to go at that age? The movies, to McDonalds, for a bike ride?

Yes, some teens make bad decisions, and some teens do get pregnant or worse. But not all teens! Not all teens by far!

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Originally Posted by Alty

So basically you're saying that girls have no minds, that guys can easily persuade them into doing things they don't want to do by telling stories and lies, because all guys think about is sex, and girls are too stupid, brainless, or weak to see through those lies and say no?

Really?

Just an fyi, teen boys aren't the only ones that think about sex. Girls do too. But if a girl isn't ready, and at 13 she really isn't ready, and has a backbone, and a bit of common sense, unless the guy rapes her, she''ll be just fine.

Not all girls are easily mislead by idiot boys that only want one thing. Most girls see through the lies and stories, they educate themselves, and I think volleyball won't let some idiot boy fool her into having sex when she's not ready. She's smarter than that!

You can raise your kids, and forbid them to date until a certain age when you think they're ready. But we can't do that here, and we shouldn't do that.

Look at her writing. She's not some dumb kid. She's not going to throw it all away for 2 seconds of passion because of some guy. She's smarter than that. If she weren't, her parents wouldn't be okay with her dating.

Yes, often times hormones and a moment of passion get in the way. But she's not going to let that happen. I have faith in her. Her parents have faith in her. And maybe if we showed more faith in the teens today, they'd be more willing to do the right thing. Lectures don't work, it just makes them want to do dangerous things even more. Faith works, and I have faith in volleyball. She's going to make the right choices. She's a good kid.

You're very welcome.

I hope you make the right choices in life. I hope you stick to your beliefs, and stick to what you want. Wait until marriage, or at least until you're older, and in a stable relationship.

I have faith in you. You're a smart girl, that's very evident in your writing. Concentrate on school, get good grades, go to college, and date, and have fun. But stick to just dating, nothing sexual until you're ready, and you're not ready until you're an adult and can not only financially, but physically support a child. Sex has consequences, always.

You have a good head on your shoulders. Stick to your guns. Don't let any horny boy talk you out of what you want in the future. Don't let a moment of passion ruin the rest of your life. Dating should be fun, and sex really isn't fun until you're older, and I'm not saying that as a mom, I'm saying it because it's true.

Any time you want to talk, I'll be here to post. You're a breath of fresh air, a smart kid, and I know you'll go far in life.

Thank you so much. I'm beyond appreciative of what you have to say. I asked this question thinking I would just get a bunch of answers saying oh well you are just going to have sex, and I did and that's fine because people can think what they want. Your responses are amazing. Thank you.

Well... if you will or not remains to be seen. Its easy to say you won't... far harder to live up to it. Hormones and peer pressure makes that a very hard goal to keep. SO prove the law of averages wrong and keep your current vow that you won't... you WILL be glad you did later if you are able. Remember we've all been there and know exactly what you will be facing... something you don't just yet. Remember what we have said about what happens to many people who don't keep that vow. Hopefully that will make it easier for you to keep it.

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Originally Posted by volleyball1256

I asked this question thinking I would just get a bunch of answers saying oh well you are just going to have sex, and I did and that's fine

So you did have sex?

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Originally Posted by J_9

So you did have sex?

Obviously. Or so she says, so all of the well intentioned posts were for naught. Alty said she has faith in this girl, etc. it didn't make any difference at all. So where were her parents at this point ? All of the energy of all you wonderful people gone to waste.

You see, I know my teens, I know how teens operate. I've raised 3 to adulthood, 2 of whom have children of their own. I've been around teens for the last 17 years. I've seen how the times have changed and how it's more common for young teens to be having sex than not. That's from personal experience, not professional. However, I only have 7 years of professional experience, and I have seen the changes there as well.

The he next thread this girl starts will be asking if she's pregnant.

What makes this situation worse is, this teen had sex with a 'crush' who someone told her 'liked her'. I wonder if he still likes her ? I doubt it.

I agree Tickle. It's not uncommon for these boys to go around telling his friends about the sex. This poor girl just earned herself a bad reputation.

Wait a minute here. How did we go from parents giving approval to dating and THIS just 11 days ago,

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Thank you so much. And yes of course not sex. I believe in saving sex for marriage and would never let anything escalate that high. I doubt I would even kiss him right now. Thank you for your input it was very encouraging.

To THIS now?

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I asked this question thinking I would just get a bunch of answers saying oh well you are just going to have sex, and I did and that's fine because people can think what they want.

I just want to know what changed or has this whole post been a huge LIE in the first place?

It's called attention seeking or it could be a troll.

For those reasons I need to unsubscribe.

I think she is saying she expected everyone to say she was going to have sex and she heard what she expected to hear. However that is not what we were saying to her. It was basically be aware and be careful.
I still don't believe her parents told their just turned 13 year old they just want her to be happy so go right ahead and talk to a 15 year old, one they don't even know.

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Originally Posted by J_9

So you did have sex?

No no not at all. I meant that was what all the responses were going to be without me even mentioning sex. I wasn't trying to say that I did.

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Originally Posted by J_9

You see, I know my teens, I know how teens operate. I've raised 3 to adulthood, 2 of whom have children of their own. I've been around teens for the last 17 years. I've seen how the times have changed and how it's more common for young teens to be having sex than not. That's from personal experience, not professional. However, I only have 7 years of professional experience, and I have seen the changes there as well.

The he next thread this girl starts will be asking if she's pregnant.

I know that your wrong but if you want to think your right go ahead.

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Originally Posted by volleyball1256

Thank you so much. I'm beyond appreciative of what you have to say. I asked this question thinking I would just get a bunch of answers saying oh well you are just going to have sex, and I did and that's fine because people can think what they want. Your responses are amazing. Thank you.

I just realized how this was worded. When I said I did I was talking about getting the responses meaning I did get responses about sex without me even mentioning it.

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Originally Posted by tickle

What makes this situation worse is, this teen had sex with a 'crush' who someone told her 'liked her'. I wonder if he still likes her ? I doubt it.

I did not have sex with anyone. I meant that I did get responses about sexy without me even mentioning it.

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Originally Posted by J_9

I agree Tickle. It's not uncommon for these boys to go around telling his friends about the sex. This poor girl just earned herself a bad reputation.

I
I did not have sex with this boy or anyone. I meant that I did get responses about sex without me even mentioning it.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Wait a minute here. How did we go from parents giving approval to dating and THIS just 11 days ago,

To THIS now?

I just want to know what changed or has this whole post been a huge LIE in the first place?

I meant that I did get responses about having sex without even mentioning it. I realize now that was worded wrong and am trying to show you that I would never have sex before legal age and mental maturity

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I think she is saying she expected everyone to say she was going to have sex and she heard what she expected to hear. However that is not what we were saying to her. It was basically be aware and be careful.
I still don't believe her parents told their just turned 13 year old they just want her to be happy so go right ahead and talk to a 15 year old, one they don't even know.

That is exactly what I meant thank you. I did not realize what I had said before I checked the responses.

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Originally Posted by tickle

Obviously. Or so she says, so all of the well intentioned posts were for naught. Alty said she has faith in this girl, etc. it didn't make any difference at all. So where were her parents at this point ? All of the energy of all you wonderful people gone to waste.

I'm trying to clarify this the best I can. I didn't have sex and am not going to anytime soon. When I said I did I was referring to the responses about sex without me ever mentioning it.

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Originally Posted by tickle

What makes this situation worse is, this teen had sex with a 'crush' who someone told her 'liked her'. I wonder if he still likes her ? I doubt it.

I meant sex*

Thanks for clarifying that and sorry for the confusion. As you see adults get excited when preteens and new teens talk about SEX (OR dating.....same thing to us)

As long as you stay on your path of abstinence you are good to go. When I was a young lad of 15 though, no matter how nice the girl was, or how much I liked her, I WANTED sex!! Guys like me no matter how many times you say NO, or whoever you are saving it for... I don't care, we ask anyway and hope we get lucky.

I was a rather nice fellow though, and parents loved me. I still wanted sex, and most 15 year olds do! Have fun, be smart, AND be cautious. Stuff happen!! Never be afraid to talk to mom...HONESTLY....NEVER!!!!

I am going to repeat myself and add a question.

This may seem off-topic, but it goes to how truthful you are with your parents. I have been looking at the time stamps for your posts, do your parents know you are on-line at 2 am? Do they allow you to be on-line at al hours of the night?

I have a some questions that touch on continuing to text with him or to see him in person.

When is his birthday?

What does your friend think about their cousin? Does the friend think he is a good person?

You have now been talking to him for about a month. What have you learned about him? Do you have enough in common to make discussions comfortable or are you both pretty much repeating the same things over and over? Has he given you any reasons to stop talking to him?

Do you still feel like you have a crush on him or has the flattery of having a male notice you worn off?

The main piece of advice I give my children and I will give you, be careful and pay attention. Do not make excuses for any bad behavior. Walk away if the person asks or encourages you to do things (including those that are not sexually related) you know are not right or correct or are flat out wrong.

Always remember that your parents are there for you. If you ever feel like you are getting in over your head, go to them.

I think you have a good chance of being one of the good examples instead of a negative one. I am hoping you are listening to all the advice you are getting. Some may or may not be what you want to hear. But all of it is about keeping you safe.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

I am going to repeat myself and add a question.

This may seem off-topic, but it goes to how truthful you are with your parents. I have been looking at the time stamps for your posts, do your parents know you are on-line at 2 am? Do they allow you to be on-line at al hours of the night?

I have a some questions that touch on continuing to text with him or to see him in person.

When is his birthday?

What does your friend think about their cousin? Does the friend think he is a good person?

You have now been talking to him for about a month. What have you learned about him? Do you have enough in common to make discussions comfortable or are you both pretty much repeating the same things over and over? Has he given you any reasons to stop talking to him?

Do you still feel like you have a crush on him or has the flattery of having a male notice you worn off?

The main piece of advice I give my children and I will give you, be careful and pay attention. Do not make excuses for any bad behavior. Walk away if the person asks or encourages you to do things (including those that are not sexually related) you know are not right or correct or are flat out wrong.

Always remember that your parents are there for you. If you ever feel like you are getting in over your head, go to them.

I think you have a good chance of being one of the good examples instead of a negative one. I am hoping you are listening to all the advice you are getting. Some may or may not be what you want to hear. But all of it is about keeping you safe.

Thank you.

Sad that she had to explain what she wrote:

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I asked this question thinking I would just get a bunch of answers saying oh well you are just going to have sex, and I did and that's fine because people can think what they want.

You all read this as her saying she had sex? I guess I know where your minds are.

Read it again. She said she posted thinking that people would just say she was going to have sex, and she got exactly the response she expected.

Didn't need her to explain that, I just had to read her post. Why did you all jump to conclusions without reading carefully, and then became so holier than thou about it, and, to be honest, very cruel.

Volleyball, you stick to your beliefs. As long as your parents are okay with you dating this boy, and his parents are okay with you dating him, and you stick to your beliefs to wait to have sex until you're old enough, that's all that matters.

If you read my post you would see I did not read her as saying she had sex. In fact I clarified what she said.

Thank you for clearing that up. As you can see, the written word can easily be mistaken.

You sound like a very smart young woman. Keep it that way.

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Originally Posted by J_9

Thank you for clearing that up. As you can see, the written word can easily be mistaken.

You sound like a very smart young woman. Keep it that way.

Thank you.