Ask Me Help Desk - Shy Guys

Quote:

Originally Posted by nis66

I don't know how women feel, but I would prefer if women are really bold, its better they ask a guy out for coffee, lunch or dinner. As, of me being a guy I would prefer that as I am shy..............I am finding it difficult to overcome that once I know her first and go out with her, once I go out with her and know her more, then that shyness goes away, but it is that initial reaction which what she would think, or how she would react, is always in my mind. Online or on the phone I can talk to anybody.............But, when I know I like someone it is tough to talk direct. Also, its more for a guy like me who had been married for several years and never thought of a women and suddenly now divorced and single again its tough. Also, cultural differences play a lot. I am from a different culture, so for me its tough.......................and I am not like those young kid in the block again...............I would love to find the women of my dreams again after so much of hurt and dead beat marriage I had..........but, its hard and tough, but hope there will be a women for me who loves me for who I am and not for what I am.............

Too much of preaching I suppose.. sorry girls. I just am a too nice guy, who had a bad marriage.......................

Don't beat yourself up, she was the wrong one das all, but yea I agree cause I find it difficult myself, to approach again after a break up.

What it is with shy guys, they find it difficult to approach cause of the rejection tip.

In our minds, we visualize the out come before it happens, and usually if we are insecure or just came out of a relationship, we tend to see bad outcomes in our head before we actually go up to the girl.

Which stops us dead in our tracks.

Which is why we don't do the approaching.

So basically let him know you like him!

He probably doesn't know.

So it seems like everyone is on the same page, some guys are shy and can't help it.

Think of it like this; we all had to learn how to ride a bike right? No one just started really good at it. Now imagine if we were never taught how to ride a bike and we had to learn on our own. Some would surely get it and some would fail. That's approaching women in a nut shell. Some of us never really learned how to interact and portray the things we wanted and some of us did.

If you're OK with being shy and not approaching women, that's great. If not, maybe looking at what exactly is making you feel approach anxiety in the first place would be a good place to start. I can say that in most cases, it's not knowing what to say at what moments that causes it.

They feel intimidated they want to be with the but think that they are 2 good for them

So maybe you should be taking a step back and saying to yourself, "My end result is sex (or a relationship or what ever). If I am starting with A and I want to get to C, all I have to do is figure out what B is and I'm in." Social interaction is very predictable.

I have that same shyness thing but normaly people are happy when they get the girl I kind of don't like it cuzz I don't know how to act around a girl

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xaniz

i dont know how to act around a girl

It's nothing complicated as long as you don't make a big deal out of it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by kristynn

IT'S NOTHING COMPLICATED AS LONG AS YOU DON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT!

Comments on this post
alizeblu agrees: Easy for you ta say.

Indeed. As any other thing, it's easy to say, but not so easy to do.

Yet, it is TRUE it's not that complicated and when we make it complicated, well.. we shouldn't!

Alizeblu, kristynn is right, but I'm afraid she states it too bluntly. As with a lot of things, it only makes sense if you understand it. That is were most people fall short when giving this type of advise. The people who have always understood it can not help the ones who have never been taught how. That and (no offence kristynn) girls give really bad advise when it comes to what girls want in a guy.

Most women will tell you they want a confident man with a good sense of humor and a good personality. The most important word in that list is man. Most advice from girls goes, "just be yourself and don't think about it too much, find a girl that is right for you." The problem with taking this advice is that they have no more idea in what they want than we do. Also, this does not address the question, "what if being yourself hasn't work?" "What if, "don't make it complicated", doesn't explain anything or help for that matter?"

I don't know what type of conflicts or problems you are having Alizeblu, but look up some of wildcat21's posts and Google a guy called David DeAngelo. And remember, there are no answers in this field, only tools to help you get to the answers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by alanalov

Why are (young adult) guys really shy sometimes around girls?

Shy guys don't worry! - You are grounded, smart & sexy and what we are looking for in the long run..

Also a lot of it has to do with past experiences. Probably an embarrassing experience or put down and usually we don't want to re live it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by alizeblu

and if its a very attractive girl, you can forget about it. i probably wont even speak at all. lol maybe a hi, and bye, but nothing else. lol

Aw... now I see... if u like an attractive girl, u should say more than that! U guys don't understand it that attractive girls are wondering why you don't talk to her. She MIGHT want to talk to you;)

Shy guys, how can we help you be less shy around us?

Except from us having to come talk to u...

Hey,don't do that, that will scare them, I met a guy shaked when I sat next to him,lol. Well... I think we'll have to take them as they are. I personally like a shy guy, I think it is totally normal to be shy, that's really cute. BUT, it's just hard to tell if they like us or not... if they are too shy to tell us... ;)

Yea sucks doesn't it, too shy to approach, but usually they want us to approach, but I have to say, id never approach a gorgeous woman cause I'm not trina get turned down by a beauty, that alone would be devastating, lol.

My boyfriend used to be shy around me,but now he is crazy about me and won't stay away from me but I love him anyway...

LOVE CONQUERS ALL!!

Because we're scared. We really wona speak to you but we don't wona be turned down, for me I think that if I try to speak to a girl then she'll just laugh and poke fun at me :(, I duno why but I guess we just feel so much lower in the pecking order than the other guys around us we just don't see how a girl would ever wona speak to us! I'm speaking from countless nights of experience and rejection btw:(,