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OP,
That's the worset! And you are thinking about PAYING OUT OF YOUR POCKET TO DAMAGE YOURSELF?Quote:
As of now I don't have the money but should I consider this in the future? Is he being reasonable?
He doesn't even want to pay for what HE wants?
Tell him to grow up and stop being so selfish!
Even if he paid, I don't know if I'd get it done!
This is such a HUGE clue and it says a lot about what YOU want! If you don't want to get it done, don't. If he keeps on pushing and making you feel bad about who you are... tell him so, if he doesn't get his act together you'll prob need to go to more extreme measures...Quote:
Originally Posted by darknessandmist
Has he mentioned this as of late? And in all honesty, putting all self-confidence issues aside; how do you feel about this relationship and the way he is behaving as a hole and on this issue?
I'm thinking of taking a break from the relationship, I'm feeling so low because he's no longer attracted to me, I thought he would understand. I want to focus on other things for a while.
Is he actually saying that; that he is no longer attracted to you.
I can understand that this is getting you down, especially since he often reminds you of something HE wants fixed.
And I honestly do think you need sometime to think and build yourself up.
Why a break and not a break up?
Have you already talked to him about taking a break? Since you say; you "thought he would understand"...
He should be frequently complimenting instead of frequently being critical. He should respect your decision not to have surgery to please him. He should be able to judge you as a whole and complete person first. Your breasts should not make him see you as less than perfect, and in need of fixing.
He should cherish you as an independent person with free will. Not as someone held in less self esteem because he sees 'faults' where there are none. He should build your confidence up, not run it into the ground. He needs to be there when you are down, feeling blue and having a hard day; not creating those feelings.
A hot cup of tea and a foot rub at the end of your day, should replace the scalpel and body altering badgering he keeps up with. A few unexpected surprises just to show you that he values you as a person, and wouldn't change an inch of you for anything in the world.
He should spend his time in blissful harmony, holding you in his arms, and thank God for the most precious gift he has ever been given. Unconditional love.
He needs to show love himself, not demand physical perfection, and nurture the person you are, and if he isn't capable of that, he should move on, and let you find somebody who will love you, totally, without compromise, and without change.
I meant that I thought he would be more understanding of my situation regarding weight loss leading to sagging breasts.Quote:
Originally Posted by roxypox
Constantly reminding me about the look of my breasts makes me feel that he is no longer attracted to me.
I haven't yet spoken to him about it, I want a break and not a break up but let's see what he has to say.
He broke up with me and I'm sure it was mostly over this.
I doubt I'll ever want to be in a relationship again after all this.
I never want to go through this embarrassment again.
You re better off without him-he sounds like a real jerk.
You may feel like staying single forever but there are decent guys out there and I hope that when you've healed from this you ll find someone who likes loves and respects you for who you are.
Good luck.
He broke up with you? Good, that's good for you. Your better off.Quote:
Originally Posted by darknessandmist
I know you don't see it. I know your feeling like men are all this way but they are not. Trust me. It might take some time for you to heal and get over this and see there are some good men out there. Down the road you will come across a man who will fall in love with you for your saggy boobs, stretch marks, messy hair, bad acne, wild children, fat thighs or whatever it may be. These men are the keepers. They fall in love with you for who you are, for your character, for your mind and heart. Everything else is just the outside package. In the end the old saying is true, what's inside matters most.
D&M, you will be fine. Your life will be much better now that you have had that childish jacka$$ removed. THAT is the surgical procedure that you needed to have done.
Never do something like change your body, to suit someone else. It's a decision that is between you and the person in the mirror.
The world is full of guys that are not shallow enough to judge a person's worth by their personal imperfections.
You just pick yourself up, and dust yourself off, and hold your head high knowing that you are someone special.
Love will find you again soon. I know I'm pulling for you.
I think that's good news, and eventually you will settle with this, and be that much stronger.
While you may think it was about your breasts, it was about control. He could control sexual affection, your self-esteem, your confidence, and leave you doubting yourself so much, that you would think that implants would have helped turn him into a decent person, and that he would then treat you differently.
With a man that shallow and selfish, it would have been another 'issue'. The way you walk, talk, dress, etc. Had you gone along with the implants, it would only have been a long list to follow of other changes he would demand of you, while denying you affection and hammering on your self-esteem until you complied.
You may not see it yet, but he must have seen something in you that was stronger and more difficult to change than he thought. So, he may have broken up with you, but the reason may have been because it is in his nature to control, and you weren't a good subject.
He wanted me to get a lift done, not implants, but I didn't agree to it.
I'm trying really hard to feel better about myself :(
It is going to take time Darkness, to get your sense of self back, which has been pushed to the back burner because of the way you were treated. It is very difficult to live with someone who lets you know that your very essence is negotiable. That is what he did with you.
He managed to change your opinion of yourself, and that is a systematic control technique that works time and time again. To live it, and experience it, yet alone explain how it happened, is impossible. You were left with little confidence, self esteem, and energy. It will take time and patience to get that back, but you will get back to your old self, I guarantee it.
When you start having doubts about the decision you made to be on your own, and start wandering a bit emotionally, replace that with a long walk, a night out with friends, or start a diary to write down the feelings and get them out there. We sometimes tend to remember the good, and forget the not so good times, but it is a trick of consciousness because remember the good makes us feel better. Just keep some balance when this starts to happen.
In the meanwhile, enjoy your freedom, celebrate that you are independent and getting stronger, enjoy your time with yourself. Do what you want to do, and try not to look back.
Many have been where you are now. And if the worst thing you have to face is losing a man like the one you had, then you've done not too bad.
Maybe, but when I have so many people advising me to get a lift
(not on here, but on other forums and in general)
Because men are visual creatures and would be put off, etc,
I start feeling low again.
You don't need a man to define you!! Stop listening to those other creatures on other forums. They don't know what they are talking about!
There are plenty of men out there who will love you for your brain not your breasts.
I wish you could have seen all the boobs I've seen. I was a certified bra fit consultant for a few years, and let me tell you, women's boobs are as different in shape and size than you can possibly imagine.
Boobs swinging under the pits, boobs down to the navel, perky boobs, no two boobs the same size, stretch mark boobs, surgery scar boobs, happy boobs, sad boobs. No two boobs are the same as another woman's. It is a complete myth that natural boobs look anything like the boobs that men see in magazines/computers/strip clubs etc. they are not real. Actually it makes me laugh to think people actually compare themselves to artificial ones.
Ever see a mouthfull of pure white, perfectly shaped implants? That is about as natural as Elvis singing soprano. But, somehow people figure that is perfection, and everybody should strive for that.
Your boobs are NORMAL. Honest, you have nothing to worry about.
If only I had a nickel for every woman who thought her boobs were horrible... :rolleyes:
Don't even want to imagine getting into a new relationship after all this!Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
May I suggest a therapist? You have self esteem issues and you should see what you can do about working through those before you worry about a relationship. Statistically speaking, self esteem is the number one cause why women get involved in abusive relationships.
And another thing... if idiots on the internet are making you feel bad about yourself, you need to find a different hobby. Here is a small insite for you... the internet is full of idiots.
If YOU decide you want to have your breasts done... you should really wait until you are done with kids. I went from a nice B cup to a D cup after I had my daughter. I invested in good support bras. I often tell my husband that I am going to have a reduction. And even though they are SAGGY - he says "HECK NO"! He likes them the way they are.
I have a family member who nursed 2 kids and wanted to do a lift. She ended up getting implants after meeting with her dr. (just an FYI if you consider a lift)
Here is what you need to consider - YOU need to be happy with what YOU see in the mirror. Being comfortable in your own skin is a great thing and for most women hard to achieve. Looking at pictures of "perfect" women... do you realize that those pictures could have been touched up? So you don't see flaws? No one... let me say that again... NO ONE is perfect.
If this man/boy can not appreciate you for you - then it is time to cut him loose.
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