UPDATE:

This completely caught me off guard and it seems way too good to be true. I found out last night that she changed her status on Facebook. She took her link with her boyfriend off. So now that part is blank, as in nothing in the status section. As for the boyfriend, it still says "In a relationship" but with no one linked to it. I guess he has to change that part off himself.

I don't want to get my hopes up or get ahead of myself because I haven't gotten any news from her directly. Just to be cautious, is it possible that she suddendly decided to hide her relationship of 1.5 year?

As for me, I think I will just continue to talk to her normally as if I knew nothing. If she does confirm it one day, I know that I can only be her friend for a while because I don't want to be her rebound...

Anything else I need to keep in mind about?

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Originally Posted by I wish

UPDATE:

This completely caught me off guard and it seems way too good to be true. I found out last night that she changed her status on Facebook. She took her link with her boyfriend off. So now that part is blank, as in nothing in the status section. As for the boyfriend, it still says "In a relationship" but with no one linked to it. I guess he has to change that part off himself.

I don't want to get my hopes up or get ahead of myself because I haven't gotten any news from her directly. Just to be cautious, is it possible that she suddendly decided to hide her relationship of 1.5 year?

As for me, I think I will just continue to talk to her normally as if I knew nothing. If she does confirm it one day, I know that I can only be her friend for a while because I don't want to be her rebound...

Anything else I need to keep in mind about?

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Well, if it is changed on Facebook, then it must be official, someone alert the press... :rolleyes:

Dude, you sound like an absolute creeper right now... listen to yourself. You would be a rebound IF she decided to come to you AFTER she broke up with her boyfriend. Get your thumb out of your a$$ and quit acting like a freaking dog... your tail is wagging after reading her "status" on FB isn't it??

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Originally Posted by I wish

UPDATE:

This completely caught me off guard and it seems way too good to be true. I found out last night that she changed her status on Facebook. She took her link with her boyfriend off. So now that part is blank, as in nothing in the status section. As for the boyfriend, it still says "In a relationship" but with no one linked to it. I guess he has to change that part off himself.

I don't want to get my hopes up or get ahead of myself because I haven't gotten any news from her directly. Just to be cautious, is it possible that she suddendly decided to hide her relationship of 1.5 year?

As for me, I think I will just continue to talk to her normally as if I knew nothing. If she does confirm it one day, I know that I can only be her friend for a while because I don't want to be her rebound...

Anything else I need to keep in mind about?

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Your falling for the Demon of FALSE HOPE!!

As much as I love Facebook, it is the absolute worst thing ever for people recovering from a breakup and those wanting something they can't or shouldn't have.

Just leave the girl alone and let her make up her own mind.

Seriously. That's the best thing to do!

Any updates I wish?

UPDATE:

First off, I wanted to thank everyone for their help. I really took everyone's opinion into consideration, as appreciative as I may have sounded.

About a week ago, she confirmed with me that she broke up with her boyfriend. She also told me that she hasd a job interview for a job in my city (we live 2 hours away). As she is already aware of my feelings, I didn't want to be the rebound guy (I didn't say this, but I was thinking it). So I told her that I was going to give her "time and space before contacting her again. But that I will be there for her if she just wanted to talk to a regular friend."

Instead, she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend for mutiple reasons and one of the reasons was that she wanted to concentrate on her studies and that I should not waste my time on her anymore. She told me to focus on my career and that she hopes to stay friends.

That was the last straw. It is still extremely painful and I'm trying my best to move on. I've never felt so much pain... I've even had two medium-term relationships (2 years and 3 years) and like quite a number of other girls, but I've never been so hurt and we've never even been together. Is this even possible?

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Originally Posted by I wish

Instead, she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend for mutiple reasons and one of the reasons was that she wanted to concentrate on her studies and that I should not waste my time on her anymore. She told me to focus on my career and that she hopes to stay friends.

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Ooohh, that's a chill wind blowin', man! How considerate of her to be concerned about a waste of YOUR time!

Actually, she did the honorable thing to make it clear that she doesn't want a romantic relationship with you, boyfriend or no boyfriend. You should thank her for that.

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That was the last straw.

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The sooner you really accept this, the sooner you'll start to heal. Illusions lose their power when they're accepted for what they are. She's not that into you, man. Sorry.

Yes, these asymmetric obsessions are a b!tch, it's true, but they seem to be a nearly universal human experience. I take that to mean they're a necessary part of our emotional education for adulthood. Suck it up, kid. Honestly, you'll be fine and I wish you well.

The way you put it, is it even worth being friends with her?

It's such a sad and pathetic feeling right now... I'm sure in time I will heal. Like I said, everything else in my life seems to be going all right. I know that I can't let one girl bring me down like this. But does it ever feel horrible.

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I wish;1612164, The way you put it, is it even worth being friends with her?

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Don't even think about that, until you have gotten past this whole situation, however long it takes.

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It's such a sad and pathetic feeling right now...

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I agree, break ups thoroughly suck!

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I'm sure in time I will heal.

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Absolutely!!

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Like I said, everything else in my life seems to be going all right. I know that I can't let one girl bring me down like this.

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That's something to remember. Even as you have those dark days, know the sun will shine again.

Thanks for your support.

This pain I'm feeling is outrageous. When we feel depressed, we feel pessimistic about every aspect of our lives. But I'm only feeling this way about the girl, like I said, every thing else in my life is going pretty well. So all the pain is concentrated on her, so it's really really really INTENSE. I can't even think of words to describe this feeling.

I don't know how to tone the intensity down. It makes no sense whatsoever. Where is the off switch?

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Originally Posted by I wish

is it even worth being friends with her?

It's such a sad and pathetic feeling right now... .

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If you want those sad and pathetic feelings to hang around then be friends with her now , if you want those feelings to pass , best to get her out of your life until you have fully healed.

Just takes time I'm afraid. Good Luck!

I took the high road and I'm willing to be friends with her, because I rather her be part of my life somehow. But I know that I'll have to make sure that my feelings for her are gone before we can actually be friends right?

Her job interview is today and if she gets the job, she will be in the same city as me. It's easier to get over someone if they are farther away. (I'm sure half of you will tell me to only worry about it "IF" she gets the job).

Getting over her has been the toughest thing I've ever done. I'm able to accept that she used to have a boyfriend, that there's probably plenty of guys jumping at her now and that she probably might even like someone else. It's easy to block out those thoughts cause she's 2 hours away.

But it's going to be 10 times tougher if she's in the same city. I'll be so tempted to hang out with her, my feelings will rush back and I'm going to have to refuse to see her? This is going to destroy me...

Guess what, most people live in the same city with their ex. I do, and a ton of others do, so please don't use that as an excuse. The key to this is controlling your own actions. It isn't about worry, it is about actions. Worrying is just wasted emotion, but hard to control nonetheless. Actions, how you cope with your worrying, is a totally different thing. She could live a block away from you, and it wouldn't matter. The harder you focus on yourself, the easier and faster this will go.

You can get through this if you want to... if you are actually willing put forth the effort to. I am, unfortunately, not sure that you really want to however. Seems to me you are giving her way too much credit for your actions, and way too much control over them.

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Originally Posted by I wish

I took the high road and I'm willing to be friends with her, because I rather her be part of my life somehow. But I know that I'll have to make sure that my feelings for her are gone before I can actually be friends right?

Her job interview is today and if she gets the job, she will be in the same city as me. It's easier to get over someone if they are farther away. (I'm sure half of you will tell me to only worry about it "IF" she gets the job).

Getting over her has been the tougher thing. I've been able to accept that she used to have a bf, that there's probably plenty of guys jumping at her now and that she probably might even like someone else. It's easy to block out those thoughts cause she's 2 hours away.

But it's going to be 10 times tougher if she's in the same city. I'll be so tempted to hang out with her, my feelings will rush back and I'm going to have to refuse to see her? This is going to destroy me...

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I feel for you, I really do, because I've been there. But I got to tell you, the first step to getting beyond this is to face up to the reality that this experience is something YOU are inflicting on YOURSELF, and has nothing AT ALL to do with HER. As long as you cling to the illusion that anything at all depends on HER, and what SHE feels about whom, you will suffer, and there's no help for it.

I know, I know, you aren't ready to stop suffering yet, and you'll have to do it till you're done just like everybody else, but when you ARE ready to stop, you know what to do first.

I was talking to a few friends and they all agree that she did not close the door on me completely. The funny thing is, none of those friends know each other, they're giving me advice separately. They all think that she just needs time to find herself again. Her ex boyfriend dragged her down, so she really has to work hard independently.

I have no problem giving her space. I am aware that all of this could just be an excuse that she just doesn't like me at all. But she just broke up a few weeks ago.

I feel like I should wait a few months and try again. During this time, I'll make sure to keep our contact to a minimum and meet new people. I won't put my life on hold for her, but I'm just not ready to give up on her either. Does this seem ridiculous?

Seems like you are contradicting yourself... you will "wait a few months" and then try again... but you won't put your life on hold for her??

Repeat that, and tell me if that makes any sense at all.

I repeated it, and even on a Monday morning after a crap of sleep weekend it doesn't make ANY sense to me. Then again putting my life on hold for someone else never made any sense to me

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Seems like you are contradicting yourself...you will "wait a few months" and then try again...but you won't put your life on hold for her???

Repeat that, and tell me if that makes any sense at all.

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I am well aware of the contradiction. My heart doesn't want to give up, but my brain tells me not to put my life on hold. Both ideas are inside of me, thus the contradiction and the reason I am seeking advice.

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Originally Posted by I wish

Does this seem ridiculous?

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Ummm... Yeah, it does.

If you do what you are supposed to do, in a few months, she will be nothing but an after thought... right?