Hey Star Gazer,
Nice to hear all that.
By the way, I was only kidding about Gospel. I know how it's like when you're not attracted to a guy who's interested in you. And you sound just like me, "a girl who likes to please". It definitely is always hard to reject people. I haven't found, myself, a way to do this nicely... if there is a nice way...
I also know how it's like when you find out the guy you're interested in is not "available".
But, I guess you agree that it's not the end of the world.

Yet, I still think YOU should find out from Carrot concerning his girlfriend. Sometimes, for some reasons, some people say things... but those things might not always be true. So, are you still shy to ask Carrot yourself?

Well yes I am too shy to ask Carrot myself... it's the way I am... I hate that part about me. I know I should ask him, but it's just so hard to come right out and say it. <SIGH> I hate being shy. :(

Being shy sucks. Ranks right up there with having lupus.

Well, so you've mentioned you're shy, and you have low self-esteem around him. What goes through your mind when you see Carrot? Do you forget what you want to say? Do you envision yourself saying something and him snapping angrily at you, humiliating you in front of your co-workers? Do you think that he's a better person than you and so you believe you'd be bothering him or wasting his time with your company?

Also, think about this: you're very personable online and people here like you--I am positive you're the same way in person and anyone who meets you will enjoy having you around. You're a good conversationalist and I'm sure Carrot would be happy to talk to you, no matter what the subject.

You could pick better nicknames for your boy toys, though... :p

Ha ha! "Boy toys"... well Carrot has red hair... Gospel and Divinci are plays on their names... and Mr Good Bar... I actually have no idea why I chose that... I was under the influence... lol!

How to make a guy cry?

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Originally Posted by stargazer10

Ha ha! "Boy toys".... well Carrot has red hair... Gospel and Divinci are plays on their names... and Mr Good Bar... I actually have no idea why I chose that... I was under the influence... lol!

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Under the influence? Of what, gummi bears? Jolly ranchers?

You seem like entirely too sweet and innocent a girl to have been on the bottle or on the wacky tobacky...

Anyway, just keep that happy, cheery attitude when you talk to Carrot. Maybe he's not so into his girlfriend and wants a replacement... you never know...

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Originally Posted by aguillermo

How to make a guy cry?

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Kick him in the balls. Next?

LOL! Well a lot has happened since the last post. Tonight I kissed Divinci. He broke up with his girlfriend two days ago. What I haven't really told you guys is that while I've been hung up on the whole Carrot thing... I have been attracted to Divinci, but I never really took it anywhere because of his girlfriend. I know it seems bad that we are already kissing two days after the break up, but (something for perspective) they had let the relationship linger for about two months before now. Meaning they knew the end was coming, but neither of them actually had the nerve to end it.

What sucks though is that where I work, everyone talks. So there isn't any way they are going to find out. Divinci and I both agree that they would say so much stuff that wasn't true and cause too much drama. So I'm confused. Do I want to see him privately/secretly or not. It is weird because I never really said anything before, but we both have great trust in each other. We talk about EVERYTHING. It's ridiculous. And what's weird is that we are complete opposites.

There are some things to think about.

First, there are reasons that some people choose not to date anyone they work with, and you already stated one of them; people talk. I think that you are wise to consider making your relationship as discrete as possible for this very reason.

Second, a lot of managers/owners at various work situations (not just restaurants, but especially in restaurants) have a policy that workers cannot date each other. This is because people sometimes have difficulty separating their personal lives from their work lives. Now, add the fact that the person you have a relationship with and personal issues with also works with you. I worked with a couple who I thought had a pretty good relationship, but whenever they had personal issues with each other, it created a silent tension among them, which had effect on business. Because of customer complaints of inadequate service, management eventually told the couple that either they had to become more mature and deal with their personal situations better and not let them effect their work, or one or both could no longer work for the establishment.

Third, this guy JUST broke up with his girlfriend, so take into consideration the idea of a possible rebound relationship for him. Even though the break up seemed to be in the works for a while, this guy may be in the needy phase, even if he was the one who did the breaking up. Just be careful.

Finally, isn't Divinci the one who you said your family may have a problem with? Think about ALL of the reasons that you are attracted to Divinci. Sometimes people are attracted to someone or something because of the challenge. Once the challenge has been conquered, then the intrigue is gone and the attraction is no longer there.

You have a lot to think about.

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Originally Posted by stargazer10

I like this guy at work and I want to hang out with him outside of work (maybe even as a date), but I really don't want to wait around for him to ask me because he may never do it. Here's the thing though. I don't know if he is single or taken. How do I go about asking it without it looking like I'm trying to figure out if I can have him? And if he doesn't have a gf, how do I ask him out? I am not used to the whole girl asking guy out thing, I usually wait for the guy to ask me, but I feel like I lose so many opportunities by waiting and want to just come right out and ask a guy out. I'm really shy so this isn't easy for me and I have no idea what to do.

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You could do what a lot of women do... spread it around to the other office workers. It'll get to him eventually.

Oh girl! I was in this exact situation once. I was 99% sure he was flirting with me and God knows I was flirting with him. His office was way over on the other side of the building so we never spoke more than a few words at a time in passing each other. He got a promotion that was going to put him even further away and I was moving to another area myself. I knew I would never get to see him then! I've told guys at bars to dance with me but it's easy to find the confidence to tell someone to dance with you specially when you're tipsy , it's a whole other thing to ask a guy on a date when you're sober and at work. I thought to myself 'He's just shy, maybe afraid I'll hit him with a sexual harassment suit.” So one day I got my nerve up and hunted him down. I walked up to him and with confidence said, “You don't have a girl friend do you?” Why wait for a answer, of course he didn't ! At the same time I was holding out a piece of paper with my Email and phone number. I just froze in my place when he said,”I'm engaged.” And sure enough about a month later they were having a little party for him and his to be wife at work! Until then I had never in my life asked a guy out or offered my number. I would have never thought he was engaged 'cause I was sure he was flirting with me! Now I know how hard it is for a guy to ask a girl out and I know the feeling of that rejection when they say no. I think I would ask another guy out again if I really liked him but next time, I will make sure there is no girlfriend!
Girl just do it! If he says yes then just think of the self confidence you will gain. If he says no... well you'll get over it. I did and I don't really regret it.

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Originally Posted by stargazer10

Tonight I kissed Divinci.

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Well, I take back the whole "sweet and innocent" comment... :D

I think Mom's post was great (can I call you Mom, Mom?). There are indeed a lot of points to discuss. Here is my POV (as if you asked for it... ):

1) In almost EVERY workplace, people are going to talk, especially if you're all in your teens/twenties. You're just going to have to get used to that, even if you try and keep it discreet; unless you are completely nonchalant about it (which is hard to do if you really care about each other), word will spread. Try and be very discreet about it.

2) If it's just a small place, I doubt your work has a "worker dating" policy, though that shouldn't stop you from wondering how you're going to handle the time when your relationship doesn't work out. If this job is a long-term thing, you may seriously want to avoid dating any guy there; but if it's just something to get you through school then don't worry so much--there are other jobs out there.

3) The biggest thing, though, is the nature of his ex and their breakup. If it really was the sort of thing where the relationship was cooling off, then there's probably not a lot to worry about, since he knew it was going to end; he was probably just waiting for a replacement (maybe his ex was waiting for another guy to roll around, too). But if there are still feelings between he and the ex, you are going to have one royal mess on your hands... you may have to deal with his ex trying to win him back (which may still happen--jealousy works wonders for igniting attraction), or he may really see you as just a "rebound girl" and may wind up with someone else. He's 25, so hopefully he's mature enough to keep his head on straight, though these days mature people are hard to come by.

You're going to want to tread carefully. Don't let yourself get too involved right away until you can see what DaVinci's really thinking. If it's a relationship you want, then wait to see if he's really into you before you commit yourself.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck!

Huno,

Divinci has told me that he waited to break up with his ex because she was planning on leaving to go to school. So he didn't want there to be a rough period before that happened. Unfortunately, the break up couldn't wait any longer. I have been working there a month and a half and ever since the first day I saw them two (when I wasn't even a thought in Divinci's mind and neither him in mine) they were fighting, fighting, fighting.

He has told me all about what had happened between them and why she couldn't trust him (the reason for the fights).

And honestly, I have no idea what I want now. Divinci has always been "untouchable" in my mind since he did have a girlfriend at the time and now all that has changed. And what sucks is that he is of a different race than me and my parents are ultra-conservative and I can't bring him home to them. But, not all relationships have to exist with the intention of introducing him to my parents, right? I mean we talked for about two hours last night about things and I told him I couldn't bring him home to my parents and he completely understood. I mean, technically I can, but I would probably not be thought of the same by my parents (which is sad to say).

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Originally Posted by stargazer10

I have been working there a month and a half and ever since the first day I saw them two (when I wasn't even a thought in Divinci's mind and neither him in mine) they were fighting, fighting, fighting.

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Ah, yeah, definitely if the relationship was in that stage then it was as good as over, anyway. So there's probably no worry about that... but...

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Originally Posted by stargazer10

And what sucks is that he is of a different race than me and my parents are ultra-conservative and I can't bring him home to them. But, not all relationships have to exist with the intention of introducing him to my parents, right? I mean we talked for about two hours last night about things and I told him I couldn't bring him home to my parents and he completely understood. I mean, technically I can, but I would probably not be thought of the same by my parents (which is sad to say).

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I'm a little curious--you don't have to answer if you don't want, but it really is genuine curiosity--after knowing him for such a short time, the two of you were comfortable talking about introducing him to your parents? I remember one former GF of mine freaked out when I even mentioned the idea of her meeting my parents after dating her for a month. Now I make it a point not to even mention it... how'd Divinci take it?

Anyway, well, you are right: not all relationships need to include the parents. So long as you're not in a situation that requires that he meet them, I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe if you've dated for many months you can introduce him and perhaps they'll be more accepting of him, if your parents are as conservative as you say they are, but as the relationship's just getting going there's no need for them to meet, or even for your parents to know about him.

Actually, that kind of begs the following: do you live with your parents? Are they overbearing? Are they the type to know about every detail of your life?

I do live with my parents...

And the situation had more to do with the fact that we are totally different people and I said to him "usually you are not my type, but im drawn to you for some reason. and as sad as it is to say this, you aren't somebody i can bring home to my parents."

And he said "i figured that." and was absolutely okay with the whole discussion. I am not racist and it doesn't bother me except for the fact that I know my parents wouldn't like it

Hey Star Gazer,

Unexpected, isn't it? Most of the time, we don't know what our "type" is (although we think we do know) and then we fall for some "type" we never thought we could fall for but we can't help it. Yet, it's amazing and sometimes it MIGHT BE even better than when you fall for the same "type" again and again.

Concerning your parents and that "race" problem, I sincerely believe you shouldn't bother. You don't have to think about bringing him home yet, just not yet. It's too soon... maybe you too aren't even serious. I don't know, I'm just saying.

I know how it's like to have ultra-conservative parents, but trust me you shouldn't worry about it for now. It's not like you're going to get married and they'll have no choice but accept your dear Divinci in the family. If ever that's going to happen, then you'd have a reason to worry... but this is not the case for now, so BE HAPPY and have fun! :)

Why let your parents decide who you should be in a relationship with?

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Originally Posted by huno

I remember one former GF of mine freaked out when I even mentioned the idea of her meeting my parents after dating her for a month.

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huno,

I think she freaked out because she thought you were too serious, too soon. Perhaps, she wasn't that serious...
Is it?

I would definitely freak out, too :p

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Originally Posted by kristynn

huno,

I think she freaked out because she thought you were too serious, too soon. Perhaps, she wasn't that serious...
Is it?

I would definitely freak out, too :p

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I mentioned it casually... I wasn't grabbing her arm and thrusting her into the car to drive up and meet them, I simply talked about one day going. She probably took it more seriously than I did. In retrospect, probably wasn't a good idea to mention it at all. :)

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Originally Posted by stargazer10

and the situation had more to do with the fact that we are totally different people and I said to him "usually you are not my type, but im drawn to you for some reason. and as sad as it is to say this, you aren't somebody i can bring home to my parents."

And he said "i figured that." and was absolutely okay with the whole discussion. I am not racist and it doesn't bother me except for the fact that I know my parents wouldn't like it

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Oh, I see, I see... well then I guess he's not working on his handshake with Mr. stargazer, is he? :D

You said before that you don't know what you want now... and you also say he isn't normally your type. I have to ask: what about him isn't your type?

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Originally Posted by kristynn

Most of the time, we don't know what our "type" is (although we think we do know) and then we fall for some "type" we never thought we could fall for but we can't help it.

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Agreed...

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Yet, it's amazing and even better than when you fall for the same "type" again and again.

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... not agreed. :mad:

I know my type: quiet, mature, giggly but not to the point of being saccharine, of good morals and humble upbringing, and Spanish-speaking (I can't seduce in English). But what I can't stand is when I fall for some loud-mouthed, teenybopping girl who probably makes her dad worry she might come up in Girls Gone Wild. That to me just sucks. Logically, I know someone like me is best... but there's something about overly flirty girls that gets me every time. :(

I'd totally give you a "disagree" thingy but you give stellar advice and I don't want to ruin your rep. :p

Finding places to meet and talk is correct. Most men and women , if given enough time, will willingly let it out that they are involved or not. Perhaps he doesn't know about you either. In a subtle way let him know your situation and check his response. It's really not bad to ask if he's seeing someone. If he is he will be flattered you noticed him, if not an opening has been created. See if he crawls through. If not, go for it.

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Originally Posted by huno

...not agreed. :mad:

I know my type: quiet, mature, giggly but not to the point of being saccharine, of good morals and humble upbringing, and Spanish-speaking (I can't seduce in English). But what I can't stand is when I fall for some loud-mouthed, teenybopping girl who probably makes her dad worry she might come up in Girls Gone Wild. That to me just sucks. Logically, I know someone like me is best... but there's something about overly flirty girls that gets me every time. :(

I'd totally give you a "disagree" thingy but you give stellar advice and I don't want to ruin your rep. :p

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huno,

I totally agree with you on what you disagree. I edited my post and added "MIGHT BE" which was what I initially meant! *;) Couldn't rate your answer though...

Actually, what I mostly had in mind is... when some people (not me) guys or gals who think they're into the blond hair / blue eyes but then.. oops! They totally fall for the opposite "type" dark hair / brown eyes, if you see what I mean. But this is just looks and as much as we say it shouldn't matter that much, it still does.

By the way, I looooooooooooooove Spanish :p

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Originally Posted by huno

I mentioned it casually... I wasn't grabbing her arm and thrusting her into the car to drive up and meet them, I simply talked about one day going. She probably took it more seriously than I did. In retrospect, probably wasn't a good idea to mention it at all. :)

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Yup, I think that just mentioning that was enough to freak her out if she wasn't that serious about the whole thing.

On the other side, it could very well be a good sign. :)

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Originally Posted by kristynn

huno,

I totally agree with you on what you disagree. I edited my post and added "MIGHT BE" which was what I initially meant! *;) Couldn't rate your answer though...

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Oh, I get it. Make huno look stupid so you get all the credit for helping poor lil' stargazer.

Need I remind everyone that you were the one giving advice to other people on HER thread? And that she hates that and has sworn unholy revenge on your soul today and in the afterlife? :cool:

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By the way, I looooooooooooooove Spanish :p

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De veras? Good information to have, señorita. :)

Ha! Wow you guys have really taken this far. Just Kidding.

Anyway, I don't mind the conversation, it actually does pertain to my problem anyway.

I normally go for preppy guys from middle class families who listen to pop and rock and all that jazz... and they are usually white.

Divinci is a black guy, struggling financially a little bit, listens to rap (I hate rap)... is overly talkative (I like shy guys), dresses way different than most (that I didn't see until later though because I usually saw him in his work uniform)... BUT I ABSOLUTELY AM CRUSHING ON HIM!

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Originally Posted by stargazer10

Divinci is a black guy, struggling financially a little bit, listens to rap (i hate rap)... is overly talkative (i like shy guys), dresses way different than most (that i didn't see until later though because I usually saw him in his work uniform)... BUT I ABSOLUTELY AM CRUSHING ON HIM!

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Either way, WHAT makes you "crush" on him THAT much?? (Question to ask yourself)

Hmm... so what is it you like about him? Is it those things you mentioned?

I've always wondered about the "opposites attract" theory... I personally don't believe too much in it. Sometimes I do fall in that trap, though...

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Originally Posted by huno

I've always wondered about the "opposites attract" theory... I personally don't believe too much in it. Sometimes I do fall in that trap, though...

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Trap? Why call it a "trap"?

I believe opposites attract sometimes, but I think they rarely stick together.

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Originally Posted by kristynn

Trap? Why call it a "trap"?

I believe opposites attract sometimes, but I think they rarely stick together.

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Well that's kind of what I mean. Because there's usually a time when I look at some girl and say, "Why the hell did THAT turn me on?" Some traits start to grate on my nerves, I realize that, logistically, it just isn't going anywhere because a lot of things just get to me.

Take flirty girls, for example. It's the flirtiness that gets me going... until I see her flirty with lots of other guys. Therein, kristynn, lies the trap. :)

Now I'm not saying stargazer's doomed to experience disillusionment with her newfound man pet, but if he really is the opposite of what she's normally attracted to, it's kind of a trap.

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Originally Posted by stargazer10

I like this guy at work and I want to hang out with him outside of work (maybe even as a date), but I really don't want to wait around for him to ask me because he may never do it. Here's the thing though. I don't know if he is single or taken. How do I go about asking it without it looking like I'm trying to figure out if I can have him? And if he doesn't have a gf, how do I ask him out? I am not used to the whole girl asking guy out thing, I usually wait for the guy to ask me, but I feel like I lose so many opportunities by waiting and want to just come right out and ask a guy out. I'm really shy so this isn't easy for me and I have no idea what to do.

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You Should just try to become friends with him and ask him to tell you about his girlfriend so if he doesn't have one your free to ask him out don't be embarrassed.

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Originally Posted by kristynn

Either way, WHAT makes you "crush" on him THAT much??? (Question to ask yourself)

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Well... I thought about it and I do have reasons which are good reasons so I'm guessing that means that it's okay to be crushing on him.

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Originally Posted by stargazer10

well... i thought about it and i do have reasons which are good reasons so I'm guessing that means that it's okay to be crushing on him.

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Such as? :)

Hmm... well I'd like to keep them to myself because by listing them I feel like I'm trying to defend myself and that doesn't need to be done...

But since you asked I will say that he is just an amazing guy: nice, makes me laugh, has a sense of humour, is not afraid to apologize when he goes a little overboard with the risqué jokes, and is very understanding of pretty much everything.

PRETTY MUCH his personality is EXACTLY what I was looking for. The OUTWARD appearance is the only thing that isn't my type... but then again the guys that fit the outward appearance of "my type" never fit the personality aspect... so...

And of course the personality is the most important

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stargazer10

I like this guy at work and I want to hang out with him outside of work (maybe even as a date), but I really don't want to wait around for him to ask me because he may never do it. Here's the thing though. I don't know if he is single or taken. How do I go about asking it without it looking like I'm trying to figure out if I can have him? And if he doesn't have a gf, how do I ask him out? I am not used to the whole girl asking guy out thing, I usually wait for the guy to ask me, but I feel like I lose so many opportunities by waiting and want to just come right out and ask a guy out. I'm really shy so this isn't easy for me and I have no idea what to do.

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Just ask him if he has a girl friend, what do you have to loose? Nothing

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Originally Posted by stargazer10

hmm... well i'd like to keep them to myself because by listing them i feel like i'm trying to defend myself and that doesn't need to be done...

but since you asked i will say that he is just an amazing guy: nice, makes me laugh, has a sense of humour, is not afraid to apologize when he goes a little overboard with the risque jokes, and is very understanding of pretty much everything.

PRETTY MUCH his personality is EXACTLY what I was looking for. The OUTWARD appearance is the only thing that isn't my type.... but then again the guys that fit the outward appearance of "my type" never fit the personality aspect.... so ....

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Oh, well I totally didn't mean it like that. I know I said the "opposites attract" thing doesn't work, but I should qualify that by saying I believe it doesn't work. That doesn't make it fact (kind of like how mankind once thought the sun revolved around the Earth). :)

Anyway, it does make sense that a guy who makes you laugh is attractive. A lot of girls say that. That's why I try to crack a joke whenever I get a shot. Sometimes it flies, sometimes it crashes and burns. But I find it hits more than it misses.

Anyway, if he makes you happy and so long as he treats you right, there's nothing wrong with anything. Good luck!

Thanks huno!

How is it going, stargazer?

Hope everything's good. :)

Everything is going great, but it's really hard keeping the whole thing a secret. We told a select few about it (actually those few people figured it out). But, anyway, it is so difficult to see each other... it's ridiculous. We both are always at work (and usually not at the same time). And then there's the whole problem with my parents. I can't just tell them that I am going out with a 25 year old guy. They would freak out.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stargazer10

Everything is going great, but it's really hard keeping the whole thing a secret. We told a select few about it (actually those few people figured it out). But, anyway, it is so difficult to see each other... it's ridiculous. We both are always at work (and usually not at the same time). And then there's the whole problem with my parents. I can't just tell them that I am going out with a 25 year old guy. They would freak out.

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Yup, I guess they WILL freak out, but they'll also realize that their little girl is getting older now and they should at least try to understand. I'm not saying it's going to be easy for them to understand and accept it, but they will have to.
You'll find a way to make them understand...
Take care!

Ah, I see... stargazer finds a new slice of man heaven to romp in and she forgets all about us?



To hell with her, I'm not helping.

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What? I said I'm not helping her.

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Don't look at me like that, I'm not the one being mean--she is!

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Oh, crap, I can't stay mad at her. It's like trying to stay mad at your dog... you just know he's going to pout and then your heart melts and all is forgiven. I can already hear stargazer pouting... :D

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Originally Posted by stargazer10

I can't just tell them that I am going out with a 25 year old guy. They would freak out.

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This might be really against people's principles or whatever, but if this guy is really great and you like him so much, why even tell them? Can you just say you're going out with your friends or something?

If you don't feel comfortable outright lying to them, then don't.

Incidentally, does he ever go to see you at work when it's not his shift?

I am kind of confused as to the last post. What is with all of the drama, huno? I don't think that she was ignoring us.

I have to agree with you on one point. If this guy is really as great as you say he is, why hide him? I understand the work thing, as bosses can get very uptight if they think that any relationship issues will effect their business. I can also see your point with your parents. Even though you are an adult, there are still things that you have to do in order to avoid unnecessary drama. If you are trying to keep the peace, make sure that you are not shortchanging your own feelings (as long as they are your true feelings)

You made a statement earlier that this is the kind of guy that you normally would not select before. Why are you selecting it now? Are you going through a rebellious phase? Or do you REALLY like this guy? A lot to think about.