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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

You are shopping for a mansion in a trailer park. If you want a solid, reliable man who's going to be good for you and also take an interest in your children, viewing you as a package deal; a guy who will not be intimidated by your children's father, you need to raise the bar on your own behavior and the things you do for fun.

First, if you drink to the point that you're ready to pass out and are taking your shirt off, you have a drinking problem that needs to be addressed. You can have a lot of fun, even in bars and at parties, without presenting yourself as the town slut with this type of behavior. I'm not saying you are a slut - I'm sure not. But people believe what they see, and if they see a sloppy drunk girl taking her top off in a bar, who has small children - that's pretty sleezy behavior and it speaks to your character and self-esteem. Don't do that to yourself, you're better than that. I'm sure of it because EVERYONE is better than that.

Also, I really hope that you don't view meeting men at a tatoo party as a step up from meeting them at a bar. Seriously? I know some perfectly wonderful and classy men and women have tatoos and piercings, but you are excluding a huge percentage of the best men out there if you are going for this look and crowd. Many people find tattoos on women to be particularly trashy. And doing tatoos at a party sounds like a big mistake - it should be done in a professional studio, by a professional person, with no alcohol present.

There are plenty of good men who also have children, who have the same problem you do - finding a partner who will accept their children. You can find some of them in more family oriented interests and places. For example, there is a national organization called "parents without partners". There are also support groups for single parents at churches, community centers, etc. You can go on sites like Meetup and see if there are organizations that cater to singles with children in your area.

College is a perfect place to meet people. Community colleges and night programs often have somewhat older students, many of whom are going to community or night school programs because they have to work to support their children.

There aren't too many single fathers who care about their own children (if they don't care about theirs, they sure won't care about yours) who are looking for a woman who's at the bar taking her top off and passing out, or at a tattoo party. What a nightmare. They want a more serious, sober partner to work with toward a stable life for themselves and their kids. Try it out, it might just suit you to be out of this adolescent mess you are creating.

And incidentally, information like your bust size, height and weight is irrelevant on this site - this is not a dating site. And finding a guy based on what you look like or what he looks like is a beginner's mistake in dating as well. Being attracted to a person is important, but physical attraction doesn't make a relationship work. As my mother once told me, "if all you look for is a cute A**, that's exactly what you're going to get. A cute A**!"

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Where I come from everyone gets naked at parties often. Like everyone. I have seen everyone naked. We live up north in the woods. And the guy I met at the tattoo party was the artist he owns his own shop. He was probably the best guy I have dated.

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

When you don't find yourself valuable, worthwhile, classy, and a total catch, men won't either. Work on yourself. Work on building your education, advancing in a real career with long-term promise for growth. Work on your character - stop drinking and see how your life changes. Work on the quality of people you spend time with. Maybe going to play groups and parenting classes and hanging out with the kids at McDonald's playland would put you in a position to meet more mothers with small kids, who could be a new, more mature and positive peer group for you.

I don't know if you're religous but sometimes, going back to church can help a lot in rebuilding your life. I wish I had done so long before I did after I got divorced. I got great support and advice that really hit home from my parish priest, and it got me started on making some really positive changes in rebuilding my life.

Get involved in your children's activities - another great place to meet stable people - other adults with children.

And when you meet people who have relationships you admire, such as women you relate to who are in great marriages, let them know, "I want what you have - the kind of family you have. If you or your husband know solid guys who might be a good fit for me, feel free to meddle and set me up."

Again, you are not going to find premium merchandise at the dollar store - focus on meeting quality women friends - other moms, whether married or not. This will provide you a lot of support, and the right women will help you rebuild your self-esteem as well. I think right now, you probably have friends who are still stuck in acting like juvenile single fools, partying all the time. They are behind you in their stage in life. You don't have to kick them to the curb, but you need more friendds who share your stage in life as parents. Eventually your old friends will settle down and catch up to you, but until they do, maybe you limit your time out with them. Or meet them for lunch instead of heading to the bar.

Also be mindful that if your town has nothing to offer you, you can move. it takes money and planning, but having a goal can sometimes be the catalyst for making really good, responsible decisions. I wouldn't move too far from your support system, but perhaps there's a larger town nearby with a bit more to offer you. Why not?

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The nearest macdonalds is a half hour drive:(
I am very religious by the way. I practice witchcraft lol. Don't think christian churches are really the place for me to go. And I have a degree already. I went to college had a 3.7 gpa while raising kids. Didn't do me much good. It was theatre lol. My long term career goal is to own my own tattoo shop.

Not sure why someone would be drawn to the negativity of witchcraft. I don't think there's much to it but it does place you on the fringe of society, and in a very negative world. That might be part of your problem.

If you love tatooing - hey, it's not for me but it's popular and is an art form. Go for the goal then. Maybe the tattoo party is a better place for you than I thought.

As for the naked thing, I'm reminded of my parents when I used to want to do dumb things because my friends did... "if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?" I stand by the advice that as someone's mother, this is a trashy thing to do. It also puts you in considerable danger, setting yourself up for potential rape, to both be taking your clothing off and also being drunk beyond control.

Given your interest in tatooing, maybe you should go to school for that, get a job in a tattoo parlor that's really doing quality work - maybe a larger community, out of the redneck back woods where "all" there is to do is get naked in bars.

You are defensive of your decisions but you are also unhappy with the results. If you want a better life, you have to be willing to change your behavior. If you keep doing the same, expect to experience the same. And I think you understood, the McDonald's thing was an example. Young moms get together with their children in every community in the world - I'm sure you could find how and where and when it happens where you live. I really don't believe that "All" anyone does is get drunk and naked in bars, particularly when they have kids. If that's all that goes on in your town, it's really time to move - what a bore!

'Where I come from everyone gets naked at parties often. Like everyone. I have seen everyone naked.'

Wow, a small town where everyone has seen everyone naked. Where? (Not going there, I'm about 50 years past my prime.)

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

Not sure why someone would be drawn to the negativity of witchcraft. I don't think there's much to it but it does place you on the fringe of society, and in a very negative world. That might be part of your problem.

If you love tatooing - hey, it's not for me but it's popular and is an art form. Go for the goal then. Maybe the tatoo party is a better place for you than I thought.

As for the naked thing, I'm reminded of my parents when I used to want to do dumb things because my friends did..."if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?" I stand by the advice that as someone's mother, this is a trashy thing to do. It also puts you in considerable danger, setting yourself up for potential rape, to both be taking your clothing off and also being drunk beyond control.

Given your interest in tatooing, maybe you should go to school for that, get a job in a tatoo parlor that's really doing quality work - maybe a larger community, out of the redneck back woods where "all" there is to do is get naked in bar."

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My religion is the most positive aspect in my life, it is a very positive religion? And your argument is that I don't fit in with society because of my religion? You don't choose a religion to fit in?

Also it is clear that you are completley unnfamiliar with my community. Our county has the highest drug use in the area. Its all woods and farms but everyone has something. We all know each other already mostly. The moms my age I don't hang out with for a reason. Because they drug their kids with nyquill so they will sleep while they party and look at me like I am speaking a foreign language when I inform them that is wrong. They also throw parties and blow lines while their kids are in the next room. This is the norm. White trash druggie tramps. I am a little stricter with what and who I allow around my kids.
This one guy I went to school with tucks his daughter in the back seat of his car while he drinks in the bar then drives her home drunk. And this is considered acceptable and normal. I get accused of being stuck up often because I won't party around my kids or allow pot or hardcore drugs around them.
I have crazy high morals and though I have gotten naked my nickname is prude because I have only slept with a couple of guys and I don't bring my kids to parties like everyone else.
Also we get naked at the parties not the bars. All of our parents are at the bars so we kind of have to behave there. Yes everyone's parents go to the bars. Where in the world do all of you live that this isn't going on?
I live in Oswego county ny? Is the rest of the country not like this?

My sister just moved to rantoul Illinois and she says the people and young parents are exactly the same there.

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Originally Posted by guiltybeautie

I live in Oswego county ny? Is the rest of the country not like this?

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I'm from that area, and no, that is not what I experienced when I lived there.

Why does FL show as your location?

Kids I can deal with but drunk witches who get naked, oh hell NO!! Are you crazy??

Get a life that you enjoy, and stop looking for love. You let love find you. That's the problem. That and a small circle of options you have. And all that baggage you carry around including the baby daddy.

You are just 21, so use that degree to get to a better class of guys in a better place than the backwoods.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'm from that area, and no, that is not what I experienced when I lived there.

Why does FL show as your location?

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No clue I never told this website my location and yeah there is a lot of criminal activity up here? How could you not have experienced that. At one point I lived down the road from a bar with the amash on one side of my house and a dealer on the other.

The rest of the country is NOT like this. I strongly urge you to move. It sounds like your community has little productive to do, so people escape their reality with drinking and partying. I presently live in the suburbs of Chicago but have also lived in St. Paul, Minneapolis, suburbs of both of those communities, Birmingham, Alabama, Iowa City, Iowa and Houston, Texas. What you are describing was not the reality ANY of the places I have lived and I am 48 years old!

I think you need to make it your business to move. In most places around the country, people stop hanging out in bars after they have kids, except for occasionally going out for a cocktail and dinner with their date or spouse, or an occasional "moms' night out" or things of that nature. Usually, like you clearly do, people grow to care what they exemplify to their children. I am concerned that all the parents in your town are in the bars - that's really a sad reality. It sounds like what I've observed on some reservations, where poverty got the best of people and they escaped into alcoholism and drug abuse.

In a town like you are describing, there is no future for you or for your children. As you are young, it's a perfect time to find a school where you can go to learn tatooing and whatever other allied skills such as piercing that might be of interest to you. It doesn't have to be a major city like New York, but do some research on where the best places are to live and learn your craft. One town that comes to mind is Austin, Texas. Their slogan is "Keep Austin Weird" because it's a very artsy town, very young and hip. I think there would be a lot of tatooing business there, and they have good schools, a reasonable cost of living, and beautiful weather all year 'round. You could find a creative community, but among people who are laid back like you're used to while still having some ambition, some decency, dreams for themselves and their children, and some core intelligence and maturity as a community.

Seattle and Portland, WA are two more options. Just go for it - pick up the kids, and get out of that do-nothing town. Maybe when you have been away for a while, you can go back and start a business of your own, give someone else a hand-up to a good career. That would be pretty cool.

But I don't know how a person can possibly improve their life and find a partner of quality in the atmosphere you are describing. It sounds like the whole region you live in is depressed, and you need to go where there is light and opportunity and excitement. You're young - don't settle into this boring, depressive life.

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

The rest of the country is NOT like this. I strongly urge you to move. It sounds like your community has little productive to do, so people escape their reality with drinking and partying. I presently live in the suburbs of Chicago but have also lived in St. Paul, Minneapolis, suburbs of both of those communities, Birmingham, Alabama, Iowa City, Iowa and Houston, Texas. What you are describing was not the reality ANY of the places I have lived and I am 48 years old!

I think you need to make it your business to move. In most places around the country, people stop hanging out in bars after they have kids, except for occassionally going out for a cocktail and dinner with their date or spouse, or an occassional "moms' night out" or things of that nature. Usually, like you clearly do, people grow to care what they exemplify to their children. I am concerned that all the parents in your town are in the bars - that's really a sad reality. It sounds like what I've observed on some reservations, where poverty got the best of people and they escaped into alcoholism and drug abuse.

In a town like you are describing, there is no future for you or for your children. As you are young, it's a perfect time to find a school where you can go to learn tatooing and whatever other allied skills such as piercing that might be of interest to you. It doesn't have to be a major city like New York, but do some research on where the best places are to live and learn your craft. One town that comes to mind is Austin, Texas. Their slogan is "Keep Austin Weird" because it's a very artsy town, very young and hip. I think there would be a lot of tatooing business there, and they have good schools, a reasonable cost of living, and beautiful weather all year 'round. You could find a creative community, but among people who are laid back like you're used to while still having some ambition, some decency, dreams for themselves and their children, and some core intelligence and maturity as a community.

Seattle and Portland, WA are two more options. Just go for it - pick up the kids, and get out of that do-nothing town. Maybe when you have been away for a while, you can go back and start a business of your own, give someone else a hand-up to a good career. That would be pretty cool.

But I don't know how a person can possibly improve their life and find a partner of quality in the atmosphere you are describing. it sounds like the whole region you live in is depressed, and you need to go where there is light and opportunity and excitement. You're young - don't settle into this boring, depressive life.

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Definitely everyone around here is pretty poor but they are like this from camden to pulaski. It's a pretty wide area. I would have to go over an hour away to be out of this area but It'll probably just be the same there. But u hit the nail on the head with the poverty part.

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Originally Posted by guiltybeautie

definately everyone around here is pretty poor but they are like this from camden to pulaski. Its a pretty wide area. I would have to go over an hour away to be out of this area but Itll probably just be the same there. But u hit the nail on the head with the poverty part.

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Go west around the curve of the lake to Rochester. I'll give you info about all the great areas to live in, cultural opportunities, and inexpensive amusements and educational possibilities in that area.

I see nothing but excuses - a "that won't work because ..." at every turn. More than one person on AMHD has a background of poverty and/or abuse.

No one owns that territory.

What you need is a best friend, a girl friend. Someone you can talk to. Maybe get a female roommate. This way you have some help with household expenses, a friend to talk to.
You don't need a man in your life until you are over your ex. You are carrying too much baggage.
Take some classes, put yourself in places where you meet different people.