"I think she's got it!"Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of 2
"By GEORGE, she's got it!!"
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"I think she's got it!"Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of 2
"By GEORGE, she's got it!!"
I also wanted to let everyone know that I was introduced to my guy's fishing buddy over the weekend. After shopping for a new car for him and after picking out new bedroom furniture for his son, we drove way out of our way (about 40 minutes) to this guy's house because "I want you to meet _____ and I want him to finally meet you." I take it as a really good sign and a step in the positive direction that he sees a future for our relationship. He has also made a statement that once his folks get in from Florida in May that I would be meeting them around that time. I believe that this is a precursor to us meeting each other's kids. Again, I am excited and scared at the same time. I am trying to take things one day at a time, but it is sometimes real hard not to try and think about the future and what it will hold. I think about the future with excitement and not fear. Whatever will happen will happen.
Thanks, ordinaryguy, for the compliment!! I think I always knew that I should be doing this, but it is so easy sometimes to fall into the "what ifs" because I so much want to know what the future holds. I am so excited about this relationship that I cannot wait to see what it holds for us. Last weekend was such a good weekend, even though it was rather short. It just seemed that we were doing REAL couple things and it really felt great. It is quite apparent that he is talking about me to all of his closest friends because of what his one buddy said to me, "You do exist after all. We have been thinking that you were a figment of his imagination and were wondering when we were going to meet you."
Now what I am finding is that I am doing an awful lot of is daydreaming. Hey, at least it is not worrying!! I just wonder what he is doing while I am doing the laundry, making the beds, grocery shopping, etc. People at work claim that I have recently gone to the planet Mars because I seem to drift off from time to time. I still get my work done, but sometimes when a co-worker is asking my opinion of something, I have to ask them to repeat something, which I never had to do before.
Guess what?? Tonight he did not call. And guess what?? I did not worry!! I know that he is off work because his kids are on spring break and something probably just came up, etc. Just 2 to 3 weeks ago (heck, even 1 week ago!! ), I would probably have felt that he had forgotten about me and that he did not like me anymore. And further guess what?? I did not text him or try calling him to see what was up. I know that I will hear from him tomorrow, and if not tomorrow, then the next day, etc. I think that because of what occurred this past weekend, it created a real "aha!!" moment for me. What a difference though!! Sometimes a girl just needs to be shown a certain sign, and I believe that I was shown one!!
I will continue to enjoy getting to know him and will eagerly anticipate me meeting his parents around the month of May. If it does not happen at that exact month, I will not worry (okay, maybe a little). I know that introducing someone you are dating to important family members is a stressful step for anyone to make, as I have yet to introduce him to any of my family members. One of the reasons for this is because I have not gone out on "dates" with my siblings, as the only times that I get together with them is during "family functions", which always involves all of the kids. However, I guess that I could talk to my brother and his wife who don't have kids yet about getting together with them for something. It is just weird because I have not done the "date" thing with my brother in a LOOOONNNGGG time (for about 12 years) because I usually have the kids when we get together. I have to start thinking that I need to start making steps in that direction as well. I only know his two brothers because I met them (and know one of them rather well) before I was ever introduced to him. So, to me, this does not really count because "he" did not "introduce me". However, we have done things together with them, which maybe could be considered the same thing as a form of introduction.
Well, this post ended up being A LOT longer than I anticipated. So, I will end it here. Any comments/suggestions, as always, are welcome.
Thanks!!
Thanks Mom, you have made my day start on a happy, hopeful note, and I appreciate it.
Talaniman, you are welcome. I am so happy that I am in a more positive spot about this and so many things in my life.
In addition to this, I just got back from the accountant and found out that I am getting a refund this year. Yippeee!! Last year I had to pay. I know, this is so off the subject! My guy called while I was in my accountant's office to make sure that I was feeling better, since I had the flu on Tuesday and Wednesday. I told him that I had to call him back. When I did, I was so excited to tell him about the refund because he knew that I had to pay last year. It is so great to be able to tell someone (other than my siblings and mom) good news, because my kids just don't understand some things. This is one of the things that I love being in a relationship for! He had me laughing all the way home with some of the things that he was telling me and the banter back and forth was just great. It really is the little things that make a relationship so worth while. I can't wait to see him again!! He is such a great guy.
Thanks again to all of you for your encouragement. I promise that I won't worry as much about the what ifs. I can't promise that I won't from time to time, but at least I won't allow it to paralyze me!!
I just got off the phone with "C" (I hate saying "my guy" or other phrases) for the second time today and things appear to be moving along quite nicely (he called me twice). He told me that he was hanging out today with the friend that he introduced me to last weekend, in addition to another one of his buddies, and they were talking about the fact that I really do exist. He said that I would be meeting this friend soon as well.
He then was talking about what vacation schedules (mine with my kids, etc.) and it sounds as though he is trying to line everything up during the summer to match up our schedules, etc. He kept saying that summer was going to be here before we knew it.
I am now more at ease and less worried about whether he likes me, because now I know that he does, otherwise he would not be calling me almost everyday (sometimes twice a day) and asking me about my schedule for this week as well as my plans for the summer, etc.
Now that I have gotten over that mole hill (although I thought it was a mountain for a period of time), any suggestions about how to introduce each other to eachother's family? Not just the kids, but I am saying about the adults first and then the children. Can anyone give me advice as to the things that I need to consider, things that have worked for you when it comes to blending families? No - I am not thinking or talking about marriage at this time, just introductions as it relates to bringing the kids together, and other adult family members together, etc. I am pretty confident that things will work out well, but I am always interested and open to any suggestions that anyone would like to make on this subject. Not only for me but for others who may be reading this thread.
You have been divorce for about one year and four months. Now, I do not have children, and nor will I ever know what you have been through in your past relationship with the father of you children. What I can do, is communicate with you from a daughter’s point of view. My father and mother split up when I was two; I do not know my mother only my father. Because my parents got divorce, things completely changed. Although my father remarried, life for my brother and I will never be the same. My father may not realize it, but their divorce has affected my brother and I more than it may have affected him. We may have a close family, but the truth is, their will always be a gap. To feel and know that someone missing in our lives or the woman that we call mom is not our mother and she who has brought our father happiness is not our mother are thoughts and hurts that will hunt my brother and I forever. It does not sound like you are trying to replace you children father (that is good) but even if they saw their father daily, something will always be miss. What I am getting from your words is that you are going through an emotional phase (which is normal) and need a little bit of adventure; you want to be love as if it is you first love. You want to be hold, comfort you, and told that all will be okay when you are scared. The fact that you both are divorce with children is a good thing, but three months into a relationship does not provide you with enough information to think “love”. You do not want to be hurt again, take your time in really get to know him and the type of person he really is. Remember, you did thought your X was the right one but turned out not to be, try not to make that mistake twice. Observe him carefully, and keep in mind that any decision you make now will affect you and your beautiful children afterward. After all, coming from a divorce marriage you can never be too curious about the next man in your life. You are able to tell that you are going through an emotional phase when you are thinking about speeding things up but have not thought about meeting or getting to know his children. It is the same thing oppositely. Take your time, you will definitely know when the time is right.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of 2
You have been divorce for about one year and four months. Now, I do not have children, and nor will I ever know what you have been through in your past relationship with the father of you children. What I can do, is communicate with you from a daughter’s point of view. My father and mother split up when I was two; I do not know my mother only my father. Because my parents got divorce, things completely changed. Although my father remarried, life for my brother and I will never be the same. My father may not realize it, but their divorce has affected my brother and I more than it may have affected him. We may have a close family, but the truth is, their will always be a gap. To feel and know that someone missing in our lives or the woman that we call mom is not our mother and she who has brought our father happiness is not our mother are thoughts and hurts that will hunt my brother and I forever. It does not sound like you are trying to replace you children father (that is good) but even if they saw their father daily, something will always be miss. What I am getting from your words is that you are going through an emotional phase (which is normal) and need a little bit of adventure; you want to be love as if it is you first love. You want to be hold, comfort you, and told that all will be okay when you are scared. The fact that you both are divorce with children is a good thing, but three months into a relationship does not provide you with enough information to think “love”. You do not want to be hurt again, take your time in really get to know him and the type of person he really is. Remember, you did thought your X was the right one but turned out not to be, try not to make that mistake twice. Observe him carefully, and keep in mind that any decision you make now will affect you and your beautiful children afterward. After all, coming from a divorce marriage you can never be too curious about the next man in your life. You are able to tell that you are going through an emotional phase when you are thinking about speeding things up but have not thought about meeting or getting to know his children. It is the same thing oppositely. Take your time, you will definitely know when the time is right.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of 2
P.S. sorry to my life into you answer. I am trying to make you think before any action can be taken. Thank and I hope every thing works out for you.
I have to agree somewhat, with the previous poster, as I think while the adults make plans, you have to always prepare the kids for any changes to their lives, and talking to them to get their feelings on some strangers intruding on their lives, is mandatory, given they went through a divorce, and had no say in it. I think talking and asking them how they feel about you dating, can be telling and help you decide how to proceed. I hope you can temper those intense emotions, and enthusiasm, with some pragmatic thoughts, that lead to some very thought out actions. Just a subject for you and him to discuss, with your kids.
I totally agree with the last two posts, as this is the very reason that I had posed the question to begin with. I like to hear what other people feel about this subject (and others). After re-reading my posts, it does sound like I want to speed things along and jump headlong into marriage again, but I really don't. I have a tendency to think a lot (sometimes over think) about what my next steps are before moving forward, as I don't like to make mistakes, especially where kids are concerned. It is great to hear from a young person who is actually a child of divorce (not that you are necessarily a child now) and how these relationships have an effect on the children. You provided a lot of food for thought, as I don't want to make a mistake with my children or with his children.
I like the pace that this relationship is now taking. However, from the discussions that "C" and I have had together, it sounds like introducing the children will be here before we know it. Maybe by the time it actually gets here, it will be a year, which I have heard is about the right time to introduce kids into a relationship. I just want to do it in the right way, at the right time, etc.
My kids know that I am dating someone and they (especially my son) have been asking me questions and want to meet him. I have told my kids that this person is very special and someone who I have fun with. My son is a little confused because I have a lot of friends through work, etc. that they know and interact with (both men and women) and he does not understand why he has not met this one particular person yet. I get together a lot, especially over the summer, with these people because we have a common link with our children and we have a lot of fun together, but they are just friends. I think this is what is making me think more and more about this, the fact that my kids want to meet the guy I am seeing. I want to be able to give my kids what they want by introducing them, but at the same time, I want to do it in the right way and at the right time. I AM excited about this new relationship. My son is not very close to his dad and I have a sense that he kind of wants to replace him, which is sad. He has told me out and out that if he had his way, he would not want to spend any time with his dad. I continue to try and foster his relationship with his dad by saying that he needs to know his dad and that when he is an adult, he can make his own decisions on what he wants to do and who he wants in his life. I also explained that even when I was a child, my parents made me do things that I did not understand as a child, but as I grew, I began to understand and appreciate the reasons and was thankful to my parents for making me do things that I did not want to do while I was younger. My son is VERY close to me and I know that he only wants to see me happy, as he has seen me go through hell with his dad.
Not that I am NOT concerned about MY kids, but I am more concerned about "C's" kids. I want them to like me and not be angry at me for the mere fact that I am dating their dad. From what I have learned from "C", he says that they are not particularly close to their mother due to some decisions that she has made and some things that she has said to them. In fact, his ex is seriously considering moving to a different state, which would mean that she would not be seeing the kids as much (he has residential custody of his kids and they live with him 90% of the time). I know that they are going through a lot because of this and I certainly don't want to add to this.
Anyway, any thoughts about this would be greatly appreciated.
Here is an update.
I had a great weekend with "C". The day before we got together this weekend, he asked me on the phone if I could help him in rearranging some furniture in his basement. I made a couple of suggestions on how to turn the furniture and that he might want to get a new couch, etc. He liked my ideas. Then he wanted me to look at the rest of the rooms and do those as well. We went to the store and picked out some things to add to his family room and made a few changes there. I am excited about this, as I feel that he really values my opinions and I view it as a REAL positive step in our relationship.
He called me on Sunday night a few hours after his kids got home to let me know that his kids really liked the changes that were made. That made me feel really good because I was nervous about how they would feel about that.
We also talked about our feelings for each other and how we both don't want to get hurt again, and that we don't want our kids to get hurt as well. Although we did not specifically set a date about introducing the kids, we briefly mentioned that this would happen sometime in the future.
Again, I like what is happening in the relationship and I am trying to take it as it comes.
Hi there! You both sound like you are thinking things through and being considerate of not only one another but of your children. It has been refreshing to read how much thought each of you are putting in to the relationship. I am assuming he told his children that you helped in the rearranging of furniture and by so doing, introduced the kids in a subtle way to the idea of you being in the home and a part of their dads life. Is this correct? You sound happy and settled down a bit from your first posts. I am so happy for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of 2
Jrebel7 - I don't know if he mentioned that anyone, me specifically, helped him or what. At this point, that is really not that important to me. I am just flattered that he values my opinions and wants me to have a lasting impact on his and his childrens' home. I mean, why would you ask someone to help you decorate if you did not have any serious thoughts about the relationship? Nothing is written in stone, but to ask someone to help in decorating kind of puts a stamp on the relationship, as you will constantly have reminders of that person while looking around the place. I am just viewing this as a positive step in our relationship - a stepping stone you might say. Their home is beautiful in its own right, but you can tell that a man lives there and not a woman. Maybe telling me that his kids liked the changes is his way of stroking my ego, by saying that what I am doing is working for him and ultimately his children.
I was just curious. I was not meaning to offend you. I apologize. I was just thinking if that is what he did, it was a very inventive way of slowly introducing the thought of having a new person in their lives. He sounds like someone who would think things through that thoroughly It is as you say, it was a compliment to you either way. I agree with you that he does value your opinion.
Jrebel7 - There is nothing to apologize for, as I did not take your statement as being offensive at all! All that I was saying is that he may have, but I don't know for sure. I am not quite sure what exactly he says to his kids, and I don't want to question him on everything that he does and says (although sometimes I REALLY want to know! ). I know that he has told them that he is starting to have his own life again, but again, I don't know what he has talked to them about exactly.
In a way, I DO think that this was his way of VERY SLOWLY introducing the thought of change and progression in all of their lives. He is definitely someone who thinks thoroughly about things. When it comes to the children, you can't think too much.
Sure make me the bad guy! I just caution you to not put a lot of stock, in the motivation of others. Take it for what it is, just giving a guy a helping hand. Darn, don't mean to rain on the parade, but we can make more of things just by assuming, and get very carried away. I am glad your doing little things together, now that's a positive. Shoot me I deserve it!Quote:
I mean, why would you ask someone to help you decorate if you did not have any serious thoughts about the relationship? Nothing is written in stone, but to ask someone to help in decorating kind of puts a stamp on the relationship, as you will constantly have reminders of that person while looking around the place. I am just viewing this as a positive step in our relationship - a stepping stone you might say.
I understand what you are saying and I have to agree with it to an extent. Maybe you're right in that he just simply wants help, but I don't think that this is his ONLY motivation. I am having fun with it anyway, as I love decorating.
When I went back and re-read what I wrote about "putting a stamp on the relationship", it sounds like I think this is a done deal and that we will be together forever. I didn't mean for it to come out that way. What I have found so far is that he is not necessarily a man of many words, but he is a man of actions. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I do think that our relationship is progressing in a very positive direction.
When we are together next weekend, I have decided that I want to tell him how I feel about him.
So far, this is what I have been thinking:
"C, I want to tell you something. You have become a very special person in my life and I am having a great time getting to know you. I love spending time with you, laughing with you, holding your hand, cuddling while watching a movie and just being with you. I feel like I can be myself around you and I don't have to pretend to be someone I am not. I don't know what the future holds, but I like what we have right now."
Any suggestions that you want to make are always welcome.
I just got home from work a couple of hours ago. I had a phone conversation with "C" while I was at work. He told me that his ex did it to him again. She was supposed to pick up the kids on Friday and then return them on Sunday. However, she has to work on Friday and Saturday. Instead, she wants to pick them up on Sunday and keep them through Monday night. She said that she could pick them up on Friday and have them until Sunday afternoon, but they would have to come to work with her, which would mean that they would miss their baseball and softball games that they had scheduled on Saturday. As I thought that he was trying to tell me that we would not be able to see each other this weekend, I told him that even though I was disappointed that we could not see each other this weekend, I understood. After I finished that sentence he said, "Hold on, we are not going to miss this weekend totally. I told (daughter's name) that she just has to stay home instead of going out with her friends on Friday because she had to babysit (her brother). We are going out on Friday." His daughter is old enough to babysit (she is 16), so I know that this would be okay. However, why do I feel bad about this? I really want to see him, I can't wait to see him. I DO feel flattered that he has a plan that will still allow us to do something on Friday, but I still feel bad for his kids in a way. Why am I feeling this way? This is a good plan because this will still allow us to see each other and still allow his kids to make it to their games on Saturday afternoon. Is he doing the right thing? Should I tell him that we should just cancel our plans? Part of me says that we should cancel our plans, while part of me says that his kids are old enough to do this and that he is showing that he is taking charge of his life and not allowing his ex to dictate what he can and cannot do because of her change in plans. Oh what to do??
Let him decide how to handle his ex and his kids and if he's able to work it out so you can still see each other, enjoy it. Lighten up, already.
Your disappointed for his kids. Seems to me he is very accommodating of you, that's good. But I understand your feelings. Honestly though, even if plans don't change, express that disappointment rather than not. Just me, I think its important for couple to be able to always have an opinion, and give it voice. But then again, my wife doesn't always want to hear it. But I still express it, just so she knows, and doesn't have to assume how I feel.
Yes, he is VERY accommodating. I just don't want it to come across to his kids that he is picking me over them. But, then again, he really is not because this is normally the weekend that he would not have the kids and we already had plans.
I am not trying to be difficult, it's just that I don't want them to hate me for taking their dad away from them before I actually meet them. I will "lighten up" and enjoy it. I have told him that even though his ex has done things that sometimes puts a change in our plans, we will work through it. The last thing that he needs is another person (let alone another woman) putting pressure on him for something that is beyond his control. I am actually excited about this turn of events because it is making him come out my way (this will be the first time that he will be at my apartment) and I am not the one who is driving the 40 minutes to his place. Things do happen for a reason sometimes.
I just got off the phone with my girlfriend who is engaged to "C's" brother and told her about the situation. She is not surprised that this has happened, but she assured me that his kids would be okay and that his kids are really easy going and for me not to worry about it.
Sooooo, I am not going to worry about it. I am letting him worry about it and make whatever changes that he feels are necessary for this situation and not stress over it.
Okay, it's been a while and I just wanted to update everyone. This past Saturday, C and I were supposed to get together and spend all Saturday evening together. I took the night off work and I was going to get to his place around 5 p.m. Everything was a go on the Thursday before. THEN his ex informed him on Friday afternoon that she had to work that weekend and that even though she would still be able to take the kids, the kids would not be able to attend their sporting events because she had to work, which means that they would have had to stay at her place all alone until she got off at 10 p.m. She wouldn't even be home to spend time with them! The kids did not want to miss their games (if his daughter missed her high school softball game, she would run the risk of having to sit out for a game or possibly being dropped from the team). Therefore, C and I had to cancel our plans entirely. We did not get to see each other this weekend at all, which means that it will be a complete month without us being able to see each other. Because I have been so busy with things around my place and with work, it has not been as bad as I thought it would be. I am trying not to dwell on it too much, as it is so totally out of my control.
THEN, I get an email from him this morning in which he forwarded the response that he received from his ex, stating that she will be working every single weekend and that on the weekends that she is supposed to have the kids, she will be able to take them, but they will have to miss all of their games and practices and that they would be home alone. She stated that they are not babies and they are responsible enough to stay home alone. Yeah, I could agree with that argument if she still lived in the same neighborhood that they have grown up in and they had friends to hang out with. She was the one who moved to a town about 40 minutes away, so the kids don't have any friends where she lives.
I responded to his email and told him that we would work through this situation and that this is just a slight inconvenience for us. I mentioned that I was not willing to give up on us just because of this little problem and that although I am disappointed that it might be yet another month before we are able to see each other, we can do it. I also mentioned that although it would be easier for us if we knew eachother's kids and that I would love for my kids to meet him and for me to meet his kids, it was still too early to do this AND that doing this next serious step just to make it easier for us would not necessarily be in the best interest of the kids. I also stated in the email that we can talk about this later and that I did not want to discuss it further in an email. He called tonight, but the exact subject of introducing the kids was not brought up. He did say that he would talk to his daughter and she would have to stay home one night a week every other week to watch her brother so that we can be together. I guess this is only going to be until mid June so that the kids will still be able to attend their baseball games. I AM frustrated over this situation, but I knew the possibilities of what I was getting into when I first met him. His first few statements about himself was that he was a father of two children and that it was all about the children. I appreciated that (both then and now) because that is the way that I feel about my kids. I know that it will not be like this forever. I am viewing this situation as a sort of test. If we find that we still want to be together, learn about each other and continue to move forward regardless of all of the obstacles that we encounter at the very start of our relationship, then it will only make our relationship that much stronger. What do you think?
I think that any couple that is willing to work together, to solve their issues to the benefit of both partners, have a great chance of surviving, and thriving. Kids are always first, as partners can be together anytime.
Because our phone conversation on Tuesday night was a little stilted, and because C did not call me on Wednesday night, I sent him an email Wednesday night around 11 p.m. that basically apologized about the email that I had sent him on Tuesday. In that apology email, I said that it was my intent to express my understanding of his situation and that we would get through this. I also stated that it was NOT my intent to pressure him in any way. I am hoping that this will open up the discussion that if now is not the time to introduce the kids, when will it be the time. If the discussion does not happen within the next couple of months, then I am sure that this email will bring it up sooner than if it was never brought up at all. I am getting a lot of advice from my well meaning friends that we "should introduce the kids now" and "what is he waiting for?", especially with the fact that his ex is starting to make it more difficult for us by not being able to take the kids on her designated days. I know I have to stop listening to these people and continue to focus on what is working for C's and my relationship and to talk to him about the issues that may not be working, which is only this issue at this time.
So, it is my hope that C and I will talk about this issue soon. My kids continue to ask when they will meet him and why they have not met him yet. I pretty much have my conversations with C after they have gone to bed, although there are times when he has called when they were around and they are aware of our relationship, although they certainly don't know the specifics.
Talaniman, tried to share the rep but too soon!
Loved where you wrote "great chance of surviving, and thriving"... too many times our minds are only on surviving! What a great positive post!
I wouldn't worry about meeting kids until around the 6 month mark, when the direction this relationship will take, is a lot more apparent. He must have the time, and space to deal with his ex, whom is becoming a problem on his own, with NO pressure from you. Support, but do not push, even gently. Remember there is much more to learn about each other, and there is NO HURRY.
Just an update. Thanks again to everyone for their advice. I have not been putting any pressure on him regarding meeting his kids and/or family (his mom, dad and brothers). Since the last time that I posted, he has been the one to mention wanting to go out with his three brothers and their significant others so that they can meet me. I just agreed that I was open to that and to let me know when it would be so that I could make sure that I got the night off, as I work when I don't have my kids or if C and I don't have plans to do something. Well, last night he stepped it up a notch by inviting me to his house this Sunday (yes, Father's day) so that I could meet EVERYONE!! His mom, dad, brothers and their wives as well as his kids and all of his nephews and nieces. I am excited but nervous beyond belief. I don't know if I am more nervous about meeting his Italian mother (who I have heard about from my friend that she is a typical Italian mother) or meeting his kids. His kids have been going through a lot of garbage with their mother this past week, which has got to hurt. Apparently, she refuses to take them on her designated weekends (funny how this refusal just started about the same time that the kids found out that their dad was seeing someone) because she has other commitments. Also, C found his daughter crying on the phone the other night while talking to her mom and overheard her tell her mom, "Why are you yelling at me, I did nothing wrong?" After she got off the phone, she told him that she was trying to ask her mom if she could come over sometime this week, but her mom told her that she did not have the time. I am just a little nervous that she will resent meeting me because of the fact that she cannot seem to be able to get her mom to be a part of her life. I know that I don't have any control over what she will think of me, that I need to just be myself and let her warm up to me. I know I will probably get advice from some of you to lighten up and not worry so much, but my heart really goes out to this girl. Like I said, I am both excited and nervous. No, my kids will not be with me because they will be with their dad on his special day. C and I will just have to discuss how he will meet my family. I am just so glad that this chance has finally arrived!!
That's terrific Mom of 2! Very glad to hear your wonderful news.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of 2
I was just thinking about you the other day wondering how things were progressing. :p WOW! Isn't it strange how things can seem to hit a bump and then get so exciting so quickly. We all would probably, as you say, advise you to "lighten up and not worry so much" but easier said than done. I would be nervous also but just keep in mind that the more open you are, the more receiving they will be. Just take a deep breath in before entering the door and smile and let your sweet self show through. Sometimes it is difficult for me to get out of my "box", "shell", "space", whatever you would call it but when I open up, all things seem to blossom. Keep us posted. I am excited to hear things are going so well for you. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of 2
I just got home from work a little while ago and felt the need to update everyone on how Sunday went. It could not have gone better. His family is soooo nice and welcoming. I felt totally at ease with everyone, including his kids. His mother actually turned out to be a sweetheart.
Basically, I could not sleep for the two days prior to meeting them. I kept on waking up on the hour every hour. I worked until 3:30 p.m. and got to his place at 5 p.m. after taking a shower at my place. They were waiting to eat until I got there, which I thought was totally uncalled for, as everyone had gotten there at 12 p.m. and had to have been starving at that time. After calling him to let him know that I was pulling into his subdivision, I parked my car down the street and walked slowly to his front door. I felt (just a little bit) like a sheep going to slaughter. I was excited and nervous at the same time. As I was walking up to the front door, C appeared from the backyard. I am sure that I had a look of panic on my face because he giggled a little bit and said that everything was going to be okay, that they were going to love me, etc. I followed him, holding his hand, and he introduced me to the one brother that I did not meet and this brother's wife. After that, he walked me over to his son, who was so sweet, and then he walked me over to his mom. It was at that point that my heart sunk and the rest of the girls giggled, as I am sure that they could remember this same feeling. His mom turned out to be an absolute sweetheart. I said hello, and on the advice of my friend, I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She said that she remembered me from an earlier party that my girlfriend had at her house and she welcomed me to the gathering. At that point, my girlfriend walked up to me, took my hand and said, "Come on, we're going in for a drink". While in the kitchen, she told that I did extremely well. C had followed us into the kitchen and it was at that point that he introduced me to his daughter, who was coming out of the house into the backyard. She just smiled and said hello. I cannot believe that I had spent two nights worrying about something that was over with in a matter of 5 minutes! I then went back outside and C's sister-in-law struck up the 20-question conversation. I was polite and answered all of her questions, knowing that I had nothing to hide. Apparently everything went well because I was told by his family members that I was to make sure that I got the day off for a graduation party and a birthday party in July. C simply said, "She will and we will be there." C and I both had a sort of silent agreement to stand by ourselves without glomming onto each other. I certainly did not want to make his kids uncomfortable, and I know that he was thinking the same thing. He just kept looking at me and smiled and I smiled back. His daughter actually sat next to me for quite a bit of the time and we talked about the fact that the high school that I went to was just down the street from the high school that she currently attends (she goes to the Catholic high school that is located just down the street from the high school that I went to) and how much it changed. She also talked about how she was excited to get her license in August.
At the end of the night, his kids retreated to their rooms, which apparently is typical for them. C and I stayed in the backyard and just talked. We refrained from holding hands, which was silently accepted by the both of us. I was scared that one of his kids was going to come out and "catch us". Again, I don't want to do anything that is going to cause his kids to resent me in anyway. This was a big step, but it certainly does not mean that I am totally in the free and clear. Although his kids have now been officially introduced to their father's girlfriend, it is still such a new idea for them and will take some time for them to feel totally comfortable with me. The next step for us is for him to meet my kids. That part will be so much easier for me.
Whew!! I completed a huge step, a step that I had anxiously waited for and was a lot less severe than I had originally thought it would be like. I am just so happy that it went so well.
That's the most beautiful thing I've read for a long time... :))))
That's so great to hear that things went so well.
Enjoy this getting to know everyone stage.
It has been a loooong time since I posted anything and so much has happened that I felt the need to update everyone.
1. I introduced my kids to C and they both liked him very much. My son actually gave me "permission" to continue dating him. My son was so cute in the way that he presented himself as a sort of man of the family - trying to be mature, but also acting like a typical goofy 12 year old. My daughter also did very well. She was a little more quiet, but she smiled and giggled a lot, which is a real good sign for her. I am so proud of both of them!!
2. I went to the graduation party with C for his niece and that went very well. His mom actually came directly up to me and gave me a big hug and kiss hello. After that party we went to his son's baseball team party and I was introduced to all of the parents of the players. After both parties, C told me that his family loves me and that his friends had nothing but good things to say about me.
3. My birthday was in July and we went out to dinner with his brother and sister-in-law. He gave me a beautiful Tiffany necklace (the simple Picasso heart pendant, not the one that looks like a dog collar). It is beautiful and was TOTALLY unexpected. To all of you guys out there, if there is any question as to what to give a woman/girl (and you can afford it), every female loves the little blue box!! If you can't afford it, any tasteful jewelry is great too.
4. C invited me AND my kids to his daughter's birthday party in 2 weeks. I told my kids about it and they are soooo excited. My daughter had me take her to get a new outfit for the occasion. She is sooo like me (and only 8 years old).
5. Had a small run-in with C's ex-wife. I did not actually see her. She dropped their son off early (about 4 hours early) at C's house and she saw my car in front of the house. She called the house and I heard her screaming in the phone "Who in the hell is in the house with my children!!" She wanted to know my name, etc. and apparently grilled the kids. The kids told C that they told her what my name was and that was about it. She asked if I stayed the night, which I do not when the kids are home. It was a little uncomfortable and very embarrassing for C, but we made it through. After she left, I asked him if he wanted me to leave so that he could spend time with the kids and kind of talk things through with his kids, but he convinced me to stick around for a little bit and that everything was okay, that it was the ex who made the children uncomfortable.
If there is one piece of advice that I could give to anyone dating someone with children (either yours or the other person's children) - be understanding and patient. Know up front that plans can and will change and that there will be unexpected surprises. The key is to stay calm and to try to be as understanding as possible. I just wish that I fully understood that in the beginning instead of second guessing myself all of the time and wondering if he was blowing me off because he was not interested. Now I know that is as far from the truth as possible. Even though we may not SEE a lot of each other, the times that we do see each other are so nice and special. I truly believe that I am falling in love (if I have not done so already! ).
Mom of 2, I have wondered how things have been going for you. I was delighted to see your post. Everything just sounds so great. Even the way he and you handled the ex situation on the phone call, which has to be difficult all the way around, seemed to just be wonderful.
You also gave some good advice learned from your experience! That is priceless!
Best to you and your family and your future!
Its so great to hear some good news, and you really deserve to be happy, so can I stop biting my nails now.
Just take your time, and go slow, and ENJOY each other.
Yes, talaniman, you can stop biting your nails. I am so happy with everything; my kids, my life, my man.
The day after I posted my last post, I slipped on some ice at work (I work in a restaurant - so don't think too hard about where I found ice to slip on in the middle of summer! ), fell and broke my knee cap. I have to have surgery in a couple of days. Therefore, C took care of me the entire weekend, which was really nice. He was so attentive, gentle and nice. Because of my incident, my ex has to take care of the kids for another week, which is also going to kill me but it is a necessary thing. My kids are upset about not being able to go to the party next weekend at C's house, but I explained to them that there will be more opportunities to do that in the future.
Overall, and under the circumstances, things are going well. I need to continue to go with the flow because just when you think you have everything figured out, life has a way of throwing a curve ball at you. It is our job to catch it and throw it back.
Here is another update. The surgery on my knee went well. I am now in physical therapy and it is progressing nicely.
My girlfriend (the one who is dating my boyfriend's brother) insisted that I stay at her house for the week after surgery. We ended up going to the party at C's house that Saturday. Since it was a birthday party for his daughter, I got her a card and a BP gift card, since she just got her license. I think it totally shocked her. C whispered to me that I did not have to do that, but I just looked at him and said, "I know I didn't have to, I wanted to." I mean, it is kind of crass being invited to a birthday party and not bringing at least a little something. His daughter got up and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. THAT totally shocked me, but it made me so happy. C told me the other day that his ex did not even give their daughter a birthday card, and she saw her on her birthday!
Things are going well, but I just wish that I could see him more often. We talk every night, which does make it more tolerable. We have plans to see each other on Saturday. I hope that with the fact that the school year is back in swing that the ex will start taking the kids on her designated weekends. Again, this is something that neither of us has control over and we will just have to deal with it. It would just be so nice not to have to worry about plans being changed/cancelled.
Hi Mom or 2, I am so sorry to hear about your accident! Good things come from bad and you did get a chance to see how this guy would be in a situation that required more of him and he came through with flying colors from the sounds of it.
I wish you a speedy recovery.
This is such a great love story. It continues on and I continue to wish you the best. The kids seem to really be adjusting. Just such a sweet story. Thanks for sharing.
Yes, I totally agree with you Jrebel7. You really have to try to see the good in any bad situation. Not that I was exactly testing him, but he did pass a very difficult test. Prior to the accident, we had made plans for us to get together that Saturday night. When the accident happened, I called him with the idea that we would have to cancel our plans. Instead he rose to the occasion by telling me that he was going to pick me up on that Friday night (the next day) and that I was going to stay with him until Sunday night so he could take care of me. So, I actually was able to be with him more than if I did not break my knee. Maybe I should break the other knee after this one heals... NOT!!
Thanks again for everyone's kind thoughts and words regarding my accident as well as my relationship story. I'm glad that I can share a positive story. There is a lot of negativity in the world. Hopefully people will realize that there really can be a rainbow at the end of a storm and that with faith we all can be happy again. I will continue to post updates, both good and bad.
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