Glinda I am so happy now... I feel blessed to have someone NOT beat me down over this... you are a really good person and your encouragement makes me really feel like standing my ground... thank you so much
|
Glinda I am so happy now... I feel blessed to have someone NOT beat me down over this... you are a really good person and your encouragement makes me really feel like standing my ground... thank you so much
I'm going to cry. That is so sweet. I'm so happy that you have found a way out of this. Nothing in this world makes me angrier then a man thinking he can control a woman. Sometimes its hard to get out but once yo found your way out you will experience so much more joy in your life.
You are in my thoughts sweetie. I know this is tough, but it is an investment in your new future that only you control. Good luck sweetie. Hold your head high!!
Grow a set and tell him to get lost, for good. Change your phone number if you have to.
Glinda help!! He called 14 times... he's really upset... crying on my voice mail... he said if I didn't call him by noon tomorrow, he's coming by to make sure everything is all right... I can't see him right now... what am I going to do?
I know you didn't ask me, but can you text him telling him to stay away?
I don't want to make any contact with him right now... not that strong yet... he will say something... do something... then I am back in his tramp... he's calling right now!
Well don't answer. You be strong. We're pulling for you.
Did you conact that hotline?
Turn your phone off.
He's calling my moms house looking for me... she said he's called three times until she answered... and he's crying to her now... bunch of bull! I am going to call the hotline tomorrow morning... I want him to leave me alone... I want to go on with my life
K,
You were a victim. But by not doing anything, you are an enabler. You are part of the problem. You have a choice:
Think about it: Which is the un-selfish decision for you??
- You can continue to have the affair.
- You can try to break things off secretly and sweep your affair under the rug.
- You can tell him to break things off with his wife if he wants to be with you.
- You can come clean by confessing everything to his wife so everybody can move on.
BTW: You are not married to this guy, or to his wife. They are married to each other. The quality of their marriage, and their ability to reconcile is their issue. They said vows to each other sealing that deal. Do not allow yourself to feel any guilt if you choose to tell her everything.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
Rusty
Yeah you do that. Leve him alone. Don't let him drag you down anymore. Hang in there.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
This guy is a creep!! If he is crying now to your mother as well he will stoop to anything to keep his play thing. When he finally gets to see you DON'T believe a word he says , he will undoubtly make outragous promises etc. to try to persuade you to change your mind . Don't LISTEN TO HIM!! Be strong sweety and get yourself out of this mess NOW!!Quote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
We are all here for you. Good Luck!
Thank you guys soooooo much... I am tired of falling for his lies, for him period... I turned the phone off for the night... I blocked him from sending IM'S... I want nothing to do with... but what about tomorrow when he comes by? He has a key to my place... my brother said he will change my locks this weekend?
Good girl , Don't FALL FOR THE LIES! Because that's what he'll have coming at you now. He will go to all the desperate measures available believe me. I suggest you don't be there tomorrow , is that a possibility? And yes definitely get those locks changed.
Yes, get your locks changed. O you have a friend you can stay with until your locks are changed?
Friend... I am running like heck in the morning... thank you... and homegirl I am going to pay my granny a visit for a few days... thanks for the advice guys
Well done Kaharie , flee for hills. I wish you luck. Keep us posted.
I saw him guys!! I was picking my daughter up from school... he ran right up to me and grabbed my arm... I was thrown off at first and after my heart stopped racing I told him OFF! Big time... he said he would leave me alone if I had dinner with him tonight... yeah right! He used that one before... he pays my rent every month and helps with my car note every other month... so he said he would still pay up my rent for this year, no strings attached... altho I want to believe him I know I cant... he has a relationship with my daughter and she really loves him... she asked him was he going to take her to see Dora this weekend... he put it on me... now I look like the bad guy... and he knows she is going to bug me until I give in... what should I do?.
DO NOT GIVE IN. He is trying to emotionally blackmail you. Tell your daughter that you know how much she likes John but that he isn't going to be around anymore and that it doesn't mean he doesn't care about her its just something that happened between mommy and him. End of story.
Good for you in telling him off. I have to say that you will get rid of this man if you don't start taking over the things that he has power over. What's next? See me or I stop paying your rent and you're out on the street? Take over your bills and eliminate his power in this relationship. If you can't afford your place move. If you can't afford the car trade it in for one you can afford.
I don't think you should accept his gift of rent and a car payment. It's just one more excuse for you to go back to him! If need be, seek government assistance until you get back on your feet. You need to cut ALL ties with him if you truly want him out of your life.
Don't you dare fall for that. You tell him thanks but no thanks. Your daughter does not need to grow up seeing this as an acceptable way of life for women. If she gets mad tough. You're the mom and you have every right to say No! You both need to be away from this creep.
He's bad news guys... what a jerk! He just had my cell phone turned off... now the old me would call and try to make up with him to get my phone back on... but I am still hanging in there though... I am pissed that he went there but I guess I should have suspected it... I tried talking with my kid, but she doesn't understand... this is going to be harder than I thought! I am feeling worn out from all of this... I called the help line for some support but I still feel a little off track... he's telling me that he BETTER NOT see me with another man, or else he's going to 'f' both of us up! So many men are killing their girlfriends/wives and ex's today... and to be honest I am scared...
I know this is going to be hard, but you can do this, you must do this. You don't want your daughter growing up in this atmosphere. Document everything he says to you. You can get an oder of protection against him.
Does his wife know about you?
AGB disagreed with an earlier post of mine. He said it isn't fair to hurt the wife to make yourself feel better. In principle, I agree.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
But, if you go to the police and file for a personal protection order, the wife will eventually find out the truth. The point of my previous post is to confess, tell the truth to anybody who needs to hear it, and don't worry about any fallout it may create. Any damage that has been done is the responsibility of the husband and the wife to fix.
But that's just my opinion. There's a lot of good ones on this site!
At this point, I think she should concentrate on saving herself. The possibility of telling the wife could either keep her safe or get her in harms way. Right now I would concentrate on packing up if you can't afford the apt by yourself. Perhaps they have a smaller apt in same building? Also, take him off the lease. If you can't afford the car by yourself, trade it in. If he is on bank accounts, take him off. Same with credit cards, etc. It is nice to have people take care of you, but when they do there are always strings attached. Cut his strings. He is an A$$.
Yes we saw one another a year ago... she pleaded with me to stop seeing him then... but I was being selfish at the time... I don't want to open any old wounds for her by going to the cops... their going to go to his home and she will know he never stopped messing with me...
But do you think its fair to give him a cop out on threatening you multiple times? He needs to know that you aren't messing around now. Believe me. The wife would be thankful to know that you are done with him AND that he is acting in this manner. Who knows maybe she will become a friend after this whole ordeal.
The stones on this guy. I can't believe to threaten you in that manner. He shut your phone off to get your attention so you would call him begging to turn it back on.
Like everyone said document everything. Write down dates & times and what happened. If you have a record of him acting like a nutjob it can only help you.
Well said Glinda. Good advice.
One more thing, if he calls you... tape record it and don't let him know. Get one of those little ones. That way if you need proof for the protection order that he threatened you, you have it. Also it could serve as proof that he is still contacting you even after you told him to buzz off... good proof for the wife. Good luck sweetie. Stay strong.
Thanks you guys... great advice and I am going to take it... he's left 18 messages on my home phone with in the last 24 hrs... he keeps telling me he's going to 'f' me up... he said he was going to park down the street and watch my place for any men coming in or out... then tats when he's going to make his move and 'f" us up... he said he will turn the cell phone on if I answer his calls... I am good... dont need him... or his cell phone... but I am still going to stay with my grandmother for a few days... just until the locks are changed
Don't delete those messages! Definitely keep them. You are building a case here.
I'm glad you have somewhere to go for a few days. It will help you feel safe to be around family.
You are doing so well! The first steps are usually the hardest and you seem to be doing so good!!
Rusty: I said not to run to the wife because telling her about the affair will do nothing but hurt her. Now it has become apparent that this guy could be dangerous, and I have NOTHING against going to the police for protection. Yes, if a suit is filed, she will find out, but personally telling his wife is not an acceptable way to deal with this problem. If anything, it will exacerbate the problem.
Kaharie: I agree with rusty that you should tell people who need to know, but only those who need to know... at this point I'd say that's the local police department, your family and a handful of close friends. You and your daughter have the right to live normal lives, without fear of being beaten or killed by an a-hole like this guy.
Guys I did it... I called the cops on him... yesterday I went to my house to get me and my kid some clothes and he came over... I really believe he's been following me... well anyway he started taking the clothes he bought for me and my kid, throwing them all over outside... telling me if I didn't take him back that we would be naked as the day we were born... we got into a huge fight, I mean a fist fight!. if it wasn't for my neighbor he was going to run me over with his truck... he called me everything under the sun... b's, whores... u name it, he called it... he told me he was going to KILL ME! My neighbor witnessed his threats... I called the cops and they put a warrant out for his arrest... I won't lie he beat me up, but I WILL press charges on his you know what... I am really out done right now... and I filed for a protecting order too...
Oh my goodness. I'm sorry you went through this, but now you really have evidence, you know what king of person he is and you are now away from him. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
Good for you girl!
Ty homegirl... I am just sorry I had to learn this way... but it could have been worst... my kid asked what happen to my face and I told her I was in an accident... was I wrong for lying? Should I tell her the truth?
You weren't wrong for lying to your daughter. Some things kids don't need to know. The truth probably would've scared her.
I think it all depends on her age. And she needs to know not to trust this man and when people do things like that , it is very wrong. How old is she?
Thanks AGB... she really likes him and he's good to her... we just can't get along... he's been calling... begging me not press charges against him... yeah right... he told me if we get a male judge he will understand why he put a foot up my azz... he has pictures of me going out to clubs dress "like a whore" and f****** every tom and hank, so he puts it... he said he kept all the rent receipt and receipts for things he bought for me and my child... I am spending his money while f****** another man... will this hold up in court? Although it's not true?
She just turned 5 homegirl
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:59 AM. |