Ask Me Help Desk - Relationship without a title.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I can understand people not wanting to marry because they have not seen good ones but why have kids. The problem is not in marriage but in the relationship.
Have a talk with him when he comes back about where the relationship is going. Don't have any more kids until you know where you stand in this relationship.

I have a feeling, and please correct me if I am wrong, that their daughter was unplanned but not unloved.

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Originally Posted by Billi3_

You're right. 4 months until he gets back!! Not very long. You're right maybe I should stop over thinking it and just wait until he gets back. From there I can work out everything. The moving away is for me. He can still see her but I need that. Things were really looking up before he left. I'll wait till he get backs. I won't over think it anymore. You make a lot of good points. His parents aren't happily married. So I can imagine.

This makes a bit more sense.

I believe that he's subconsciously putting together an exit plan in case things go sideways with you. The deeper he goes, the more complicated things get. He is probably believing that marriage is something that you don't back out of, so he doesn't want to get trapped in a situation similar to his parents. He wants to be happy and secure in a long term relationship, but he is afraid that if he does commit then if/when things start to go the way of his parents he's going to be stressed, unhappy, unloved, and miserable. I don't think that he doesn't want something long term and permanent with you but is leery of the long term implications and because of his parents he is tentative of his future with. He just wants something right, and you're it, but he has an irrational doubt of this.

A lot of what a person knows and applies to long term relationship comes from what they saw of their parents and how they act. Having his parents being unhappily wed will throw a huge monkey wrench in a lot of things. Take a moment to look at your parents and your love life. You'll see parallels.

Stay and wait for him to get back. You will be to assure him that you're not going anywhere and that you and him aren't your parents and you two will make it work. You need Patience, understanding, and most importantly communication. Talk with him, not AT him but with him.

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You need Patience, understanding, and most importantly communication. Talk with him, not AT him but with him.

You should have been honest with him about what your own plans are at this point in time. He should know what you want, and are planning to do with the school, and moving. Or does he know already? If he does will he at least support your schooling?

Or does he expect you to keep working and watch his baby?