 |
Her friends are hers to choose. You have absolutely no say in who she chooses to be friends with. When you are in a relationship you accept them for who they are and who their friends are. Never ever expect someone to change to fit into a mold you have created. If you can't accept this, it's time to move on.
Well, they tell her compliments, tell her that she's awesome, that they are sad they can't find any girl like her, are lonely and sad, she's the only one they can call a "real friend" (few days after meeting lol and talking for mostly 10 minutes 1 on 1) send her personal pictures, half naked, 6pack, stuff like that, they have common good friends, go out, joke around, joking around is OK of course. I've never met them. But they want to take her to see a movie, go out with her.
Well, they tell her compliments, tell her that she's awesome, that they are sad they can't find any girl like her, are lonely and sad, she's the only one they can call a "real friend" (few days after meeting lol and talking for mostly 10 minutes 1 on 1) send her personal pictures, half naked, 6pack, stuff like that, they have common good friends, go out, joke around, joking around is OK of course. I've never met them. But they want to take her to see a movie, go out with her.
And she tells them what?
J_9 thank you, you are right, I shouldn't try to change her, I know this , knew it for a long time(forgot?) It only happens that the only male friends she has at the moment, are the strangers who hit on her, don't have friendly personalities, are rich and body builders, that's odd I'd rather say, no simple male friends, only players, but I may be only assuming
She makes the ugliest face she can and send it to them when they send 6 packs, she tells them she's occupied and to lose all hope when they hit on her. She's loyal :) BTW should've mentioned, I got her Facebook from her, accidentally , and before she knew I saw it, she was replying with :* <3 hot pictures, calling them hot, telling that they are godlike , etc... This was the weird part I mentioned earlier, seeing no bounds, but being sincerely loyal. This combined with her past, gives me trust issues
You do know what happens when you assume, don't you?
You may have had psychology, but you are a master manipulator and a control freak. Have you ever considered counseling for your issues?
She was cheated on, after this she did some f... around, and when she found me, she told me she would never let me go, I'm the nicest guy she knows, she confessed her love 1 month after we got together, I only replied after 3 months. She was lost, so was I , we found each other, we have our scars, I was also cheated on, I've learned, moved on, but she's still naïve, and this bugs me, I want her to prove her loyalty, she wants me to stop asking for it.
Yes I did, but I have no money, I do sound like a control freak don't I lol, it's not like this, she asked me to repair her laptop, when I turned it on, at that moment a guy was hitting on her "do you think we could be in a relationship" I've did some digging, and my pants after what I saw, so for now I do control her, but I don't want it to be this way... If she only could cut off ties with those losers, I could be normal, I may be asking too much, maybe it's lost hope, but I want to try it
You need to move on. She will never live up to you extraordinary expectations. She's 17 years old, she's allowed to be naïve. You can't expect her to be worldly at her tender age.
No matter how often she proves her loyalty, you will always demand it again. Like J_9 suggested, get some counseling. I'm betting you can find affordable counseling through your school or church.
Our relationship is damaged, I'm not perfect, I reacted poorly, but I am young , so is she. We're both at fault for getting into this situation, and we both need to do something about it, I can't turn a blind eye, you must realize why is that by now
You have no right whatsoever to make her choose who she can and cannot be friends with. I see this turning into a very abusive relationship. It is already borderline.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyouka
I will not ask again to prove the loyalty, heck, before I saw her chats, I let her go to see a movie with the guy, though he suddenly couldn't :) . I will stop being freaky when I'm feeling secure, I'm already feeling calm, and past month we had no problems, and she rejected her childhood best friend few days ago who hit on her, so there's no more problems. Truthfully, I didn't want to talk about me, I wanted to know your opinion, how would you react in my shoes, when guys are hitting on her, I'm not that kind of guy who can do nothing
You turn a blind eye because she is not your daughter. She is not your property.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyouka
Son, you are in dire need of some serious therapy. Get it before you ruin her. He'll, just look at the title of your thread.
You made me feel bad, thank you, seriously, this helped a lot :D, I noticed what I'm doing wrong, from now on, I will trust her blindly, if she cheats, then be it so, but I'm confident it won't happen. No happy relationship should need proof of loyalty, I knew this before I jumped into one with her, I simply overreacted because of what happened, I'm not as smart and cool headed as I've thought of myself to be. Could I still ask you for your opinion, about how should react in the future, when some guy hits on her, and she acts as if he's only making small talk?
This tittle came from her words, she told me those words, actually, there was a picture to indicate a joke :D Do not mind our twisted sense of humor , it's all right. Luckily, most of what I've said, I've kept inside, thinking whether I'm overreacting, I didn't cross the line , and I'm not controlling her, all she knows is that I'm unhappy with the guys, I called her a kid and naïve, that got her upset , also, she knew my Facebook and looks around my phone all the time. I have no secrets, I don't mind, she also doesn't mind.
Act like he's your best friend, meaning be part of the conversation. If you act upset and jealous, well, kiss her goodbye.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyouka
I did say that I have inflexible mind, what I think of I believe to be the one and only truth, I came here, looking for a solution, but you've provided me with more than I have hoped for, I have a lot to learn. For now, I only have one more question, how to deal with those guys, all the guys, ALL the guys I know, find them and threaten them, I'm not that crazy lol, but If I tell them to stop hitting on my girl kindly, they'll only reply "I'm just a friend, who asks her out 1on1, sends half naked photos , tells her she's beautiful and amazing. Whats wrong with that?" Well, everything, but I can't argue
Haha wondergirl, the problem is , they hit on her on messages, I said, I've never met them, they write to her on the Facebook, when it happens in real life, I do just as you've mentioned, A girl told me to act like this way back, and It does work, but I cant do it when they're online
It's glaringly apparent she is not as vested in this relationship as you are.
I will fix that, it's my fault for finding problems where there aren't any, that led her to become colder, and I'm nearing the line, which if I cross I can't come back. Before she was more vested in to our relationship, she told me she loves me way before me, she was extremely lovely, telling me that she will do whatever it takes to keep me etc... Any tips on how to make up? Besides buying 101 rose, taking her for a trip etc... I've no money, can't even counsel, I get 100 euros per month to survive, for an european country
At 19 you should have a job to earn money. It will also occupy your mind and your time.
I'm studying at a business school, no time for a job. So I take you don't know how to make up without spending a lot of money :P well, I do :) Thank you, you probably saved my life here, You made the world a brighter place, even if only a little. I will make sure to make up, and become a great manager, helpful, kind, fair, sincere, loyal , loving boyfriend.
You've got issues. Leave the girl alone and work on yourself.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:40 AM. |