Ask Me Help Desk - How long should I keep this going on for? When to stop?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lola01

I wanted opinions and a bit of support to help me deal with the memory of him cheating. I can't get over the fact that he let women do that to him. Saying I am worse is not doing any good. But I saw some appropriate answers thank you to those who didn'tspecify the bad asaspects but the good aspects.

I don't have to face that I am worse because I ain't. The person who said so is in favour for men doing whatever they want.

I conclude that touching someone naked is much more intimate that just giving oral. If you don't believe me then go and see yourself.

Lola, I am sorry, but there is a huge difference between a person preforming a job and someone getting revenge. Until you open your eyes and take full responsibility for your own actions and deal with the emotions and negative thoughts, you are going to continue to dig a deeper hole for yourself.

This isn't to make you feel bad about yourself, but to get you to see the damage you are doing to yourself. He paid a person to provide a service. He did not go out to bars or where ever and pick women up. He went to an establishment that sounds like it cares about health and they only touched him with their hands. Less likely of transmitting diseases. You went out and found men to use as weapons against your boyfriend. You have no idea where these men have been and what their health is like.

What you have done may be 'less intimate' to you because the males didn't take their clothes off, but you put your mouth on a man's penis with the intention of getting him off and then kissed your boyfriend with that same mouth. Be honest with yourself about what you have been doing and walk away from this relationship before you are going farther with other body parts that you deem 'less intimate' than a hand-job from a professional.

You are 18 and can choose whether you want to continue down the path you have taken or to choose a new path where you are not acting like a masturbatory aid. You have to be willing to give yourself support before anyone else can. That means giving yourself permission to walk away from a toxic relationship and starting over.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lola01

I conclude that touching someone naked is much more intimate that just giving oral. If you don't believe me then go and see yourself.

You can't get an STD from touching someone, but you can get an STD from oral. Therefore, oral is more intimate.

You are handling this event in your life very badly in a very unhealthy way, since the best revenge would be to remove yourself from his life and find happiness and accomplishment without him. Not sink to his level and destroy your dignity and self respect.

You can do better for yourself if you want to than servicing men out of revenge and lowering yourself in the process. That's not revenge at all, its self destruction. Had you talked to a trusted mature female they would have told you the same thing that you have heard here already, and saved you the misery and pain and shown you how to heal from your trauma the correct proper way.

It's not too late.

I am sorry Smootie but you are a very bad person. You are being unfair and putting all the blame on me while pretending my BF did nothing wrong. Those massages were NUDE, have you ever seen a message therapist that touches their clients prostate, testicles and penis? NO, why? Because they are prostitutes, nothing more nothing less, there is no reason to justify that, he could have got legitimate massages that COVER YOU WITH A TOWEL.

Please I will skip that part about mental issues because it's really unnecessary and making you sound comic.

Do you understand what I felt? Why am I like this? Its because of HIM and only HIM, no one else has caused me this grief.

NO I would NOT recommend this to my daughter, I discovered this too late and now I am here, unhappy and suffering. Stay away from men? HE cheated, nothing would have happened if he would just keep his penis in his pants.

You are disgusting me please don't reply because your answers are very biased.

The only thing different between you and the prostitutes your boyfriend is seeing is that they are getting paid and you aren't. For the love of all things holy, don't you see that?

Cat-care for health? From when do erotic massage parlors care for men's health? And so what if they touched him with just hands? Does that make it any less worse? He let a prostitute touch him all over and wash him, for me that is something I will struggle really hard to get over, for me it means a lot.

These establishments are called Brothels and yes you can have sex in there, you are making them sound very friendly and legitimate cat and I don't like the sound of it.

I appreciate your response, but you are wrong when you say he is not to blame. I don't know anyone who would say these establishments are legit , this shocks me.

He is just as to blame as me. I am refusing to take the whole responsibility on my shoulders because he is responsible for just the same amount of wrongness as me.

Please does it really matter if he went to bars or prostitutes? that's absurd, the definition of monogamy is to be faithful to your partner both emotionally and SEXUALLY, a person who visits these places is braking this rule.

J-9 True! I do see that, but as I see many people on this site think of them as massage therapists! I don't take the possibility of STD into the account when considering what's intimate or not, I am judging by the actions.

You are also exposing yourself to herpes and god knows what else, putting your mouth on anybody's penis. That is nasty.
He may have betrayed your trust in getting a massage but your choosing to give blowjobs to random men is tacky. You need to talk to someone about what you are doing. It is destructive behavior. At what point are you going to stop? At what point were you going to tell him?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lola01

J-9 True! I do see that, but as I see many people on this site think of them as massage therapists! I don't take the possibility of STD into the account when considering what's intimate or not, I am judging by the actions.

You can't judge by the actions. He cannot get a life threatening STD from a massage, intimate or not. You, on the other hand, can contract gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes and, don't freak out... HIV/AIDS by giving oral sex to men of which you don't know their health.

While he is getting his rocks off, you are playing Russian Roulette. He may be getting fondled, yet you are putting your life in your hands.

Have some self respect for crying out loud!

Wow. What a great relationship you two have. I guess you two were meant for each other. I recommend you two stay together so that nobody else has to deal with you two.

"I felt the need to get revenge. It destroyed my academic life" I got to call bull crappies on that one. Regardless of what happened in your life, destroying your academic life was a choice, a bad choice, but a choice nonetheless.

Homegirl-very good point there you have made although calling it a massage is too nice in my opinion, he could have easily gotten more, I know in fact that woman reached his prostate, can you get STD from that?

I will tell him everything when I feel that what I have done equates his betrayal. So far I am still stuck in a fog but its getting better and better with each encounter, but say what else is there to lose?

He is very nice to me and he cares for me but it's not enough, he can't turn back time and I can't either, I believe he will find out when the time comes. Right now it's too early.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lola01

Homegirl-very good point there you have made although calling it a massage is too nice in my opinion, he could have easily gotten more, I know in fact that woman reached his prostate, can you get STD from that?

No, you can't get an STD from a massage.

Child, you have a death wish. Make out your Will now. Dying of HIV/AIDS is a very slow and painful death.

At least you recognize you are stuck in your own fog, and hopefully you will make a healthier choice what to do about it. Sooner, rather than later.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lola01

I am sorry Smootie but you are a very bad person. You are being unfair and putting all the blame on me while pretending my BF did nothing wrong. Those massages were NUDE, have you ever seen a message therapist that touches their clients prostate, testicles and penis? NO, why? Because they are prostitutes, nothing more nothing less, there is no reason to justify that, he could have got legitimate massages that COVER YOU WITH A TOWEL.

Please I will skip that part about mental issues because it's really unnecessary and making you sound comic.

Do you understand what I felt? Why am I like this? Its because of HIM and only HIM, no one else has caused me this grief.

NO I would NOT recommend this to my daughter, I discovered this too late and now I am here, unhappy and suffering. Stay away from men? HE cheated, nothing would have happened if he would just keep his penis in his pants.

You are disgusting me please don't reply because your answers are very biased.

Really... you don't like hearing the truth... do you...

NORMAL people walk away from a failing relationship... you however feel this pathological NEED to do all this other stuff that NORMAL people don't do... in fact most mornal people never even have those thoughts cross their minds.

I can see why he cheated on you... you've been actting like a crazy person. If you react like this its absolutely certain you've been doing other irrational stuff all along.

Seriously, get help from a mental health professional... because at the rate you are heading... you are going to end up locked up or hurting yourself.

I find YOUR behaviour disgusting... and I find you to be an exceptionally RUDE individual who is the only one biased here.

OH, and you don't get to tell me or anyone else if they can or can't post. Understand.

If you had the maturity of an adult... you would listen to what people are telling you... and we are ALL telling you basically the same thing.

So your relationship when bad... boo hoo... there isn't one single person here who hasen't had a relationship go sour more than once. YOu act like this is the ONLY guy you have ever had a relationship with, EVER. Again... this is how a 14 year old responds when a relationship breaks up... not how an adult behaves.

Adults walk away... what exactly do you think you are proving to anyone? Seriously. He cheated so I've going to have sex with a bunch of random guys. Any or all of which could have given you STD's. You still might find out you caught HPV, Herpes or AIDS none of which have a cure because its still way too soon for them to have caused any sysmptoms.

But no... you rant and rave like someone that's deranged... you only PROVE everything everyone here has said about you is correct.

Know what... I'm a wonderful person... and everyone else posting here knows me...

I'm also a very direct person... I don't believe in sugarcoating a problem because some people (like you) want to believe what they want to believe and expect everyone to agree with them no matter how wrong they are. We don't do that and I don't do that.

You screwed up big time... if you are lucky you will not have gotten an incurable disease, If you are lucky you will wake up and understand everything we told you was true and it was for your own good.

If you decide to ignore all of it and tale a long walk off a short pier... then that's also your choice and I won't lose any sleep over it.

All you are doing is hurting yourself, if you actually have any friends and they were agreeing with you, then they aren't very good friends... because you are being extremely self destructive right now.

I hope your next boyfriend goes around and gets oral sex off your best friends... because you still believe its not sex so you should be fine with it. YOU would probibly be the one to teach your daughters to give blowjobs to any boy that wants because its not sex and doing it to random people isn't showing you have no self respect.

YOU are like this because YOU have serious anger issues and can't cope with difficulty at all. That's a mental disorder. A NORMAL woman would get upset the boyfriend cheated and leave him... you however can't seem to do what a normal person would.

YOU are only hurting yourself... rant away... I don't have thin skin. And you are only proving me and everyone else right.

Get help... and you will see what we have ALL been telling you. Or is it going to take you escalating this until you end up under arrest and in jail? You are well on the way to doing just that. I suppose you going to jail is really going to "stick it to him".

You are a sad, vindictive person... get help ( I hope you do, you need it)... life is short... and you will never get the time back you wasted while being this way.

And nlike you... I don't have hatred oozing out of every pore, not even towards you after your tirade. I honestly hope you listen to us and get the help you need.

Lola, can you tell me who Pattiroxxi is?

J-9 AIDS!! I use condom so I think I will be all right, hopefully that threw me off a little! But I can't think of anything else but to get revenge, sorry but I really can't, I believe nothing would stop me from doing what I am doing at the moment.

I don't need psychiatric help as that strange sir said but I need time, I believe time will heal, and during that time I will recover, that's my last hope.

I have been with 15 boys so far, and had sex on 4 occasions, but the guilt is missing. I can't help it, I believe its just a phase.

No, I can not, I have visited this site a few times and I haven't seen much of her threads.

In the end, you are trying to get revenge, but you are the one risking the death sentence. Not him.

The best revenge is breaking up and moving on with your life in a healthy way, not playing foolish childish games.

Enough feeding this troll. All that can be said has already.

And he does not even know it. You could have just lied to him, that you were doing it, if you wanted revenge.

You need deep and serious mental health counseling. No one, that is sane, behaves this way..

I have posted on here before, and after all the advice I received, I decided to stop with my revenge, and end the relationship. I just don't know how I should say it to him. He is so nice while I am emotionless and eager to leave him.

For people who don't know about my situation, my BF was engaging in erotic massages with prostitutes, and so I returned the favour.

I ralized we did both wrong, and we need to split. I am fully OK with that. He is going through a hard time at the moment but I think he will understand. Please help me how to get the message through to him. Any advice?

You break up, and stop all contact with each other.