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Would still like to know what type of "good" job he is getting, reminds me when I lived in a small town in Tennessee, my good friend, got a job at a local drug store, it paid 12 bucks a hour and funished health insurance, they were so happy to have the "best job in town"
But yes, I see a pattern now, they are 17 and think they know everything, have life all planned. Parents believe that they are children and do not have a clue about real life.
You respect his parents how? Your other thread clearly states that you think you might be pregnant. How is that respecting his parents? Heck, how is that respecting anyone?Quote:
Originally Posted by amandajeanday
You stated that they found out you're having sex from his 14 year old brother. How did he know? Did he walk in on you two when you were in the act? In other words, you were having sex in his parents home, and his young brother caught you? Yup, that wouldn't endear me to you at all.
You seem to think that you've done nothing to solicit this hatred they have of you. From what you've written, you've done nothing but give them reasons to hate you.
I'm a very open minded parent, I don't expect my kids to be virgins when they marry, but they better be old enough to raise a child on their own. I won't control their relationships, even if I hate the people they're dating. But, once you expose my younger children to sex in my home, under my roof, and then get pregnant because you're not smart enough to keep your pants on and your legs crossed when there's no way you're ready to raise a child, no way I'm going to be all warm and fuzzy with you.
The way I see it, I would be shocked if they didn't hate you.
I understand you are smart. Book smart possibly, but too young to be worldly smart.Quote:
Originally Posted by amandajeanday
In this economy many cosmetologists aren't making too much money, or even getting hired unless you are in a major cosmopolitan area and are very good at your craft.
You don't understand the cost of having a baby. With an uncomplicated pregnancy, in many areas, your OB will charge you around $2,000 just to monitor your pregnancy and deliver your baby. Then you have the hospital bill. Again, and uncomplicated delivery, in the least expensive of hospitals, will cost you about $3,500. If there are complications such as having to be on magnesium sulfate for at least 24 hours, for example, the cost is going to increase another $2,000. There is also an increase if there is a cesarean section. At this point we are up to about $10,000 including the cost of a cesarean section, if it should come to that.
Now, you have to take into account the cost of the baby. The costs above are ONLY for you. Once baby is born the hospital will charge about $2,000 for well baby care in the nursery and there will be a pediatrician's charge for taking care of baby while in hospital.
We are up to possibly $15,000 by now.
Now, I can't promise that your bill will be that high, but that is actually a low ball range if there are any complications whatsoever.
Now that you and baby have been discharged from the hospital comes the actual real costs. Formula is about $300 per month if you can't breast feed. Diapers around $200-300 per month. Clothes... toys, they all add up. Baby will need regular visits with the pediatrician, figure in about $100 per visit, not including vaccinations that will be required.
I didn't even figure in the costs of daycare if you want to continue your education. In some parts of the world that can be $500 per week or more.
Now, I'm going to go into some things that can go wrong for a pregnant girl your age.
1) Pregnancy Induced Hypertension - high blood pressure caused by pregnancy. If this happens the only way to cure it is delivery. If the blood pressure is too high, it can cause you to have seizures. This is not only dangerous to mother, but to baby as well as the only cure for these seizures is immediate delivery, typically by cesarean section (surgery to remove the baby by cutting your stomach open to get baby out). Many times this happens before the 37th week of pregnancy which means the baby is premature. Premature babies go to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). This cost could very well be close to a half a million dollars depending on how early the baby is and the level of care it needs.
2) Gestational Diabetes - Diabetes (when your body does not break down the sugar in the blood the way it is supposed to), can cause extremely large babies posing you at risk for a cesarean section because your undeveloped pelvis is too small to deliver a baby vaginally. This is also a risk to the baby as the baby's immature endocrine system will be unable to process the blood glucose properly once baby is outside of mother. Thus, the baby may be placed in the NICU costing you up to, or more than, a half a million dollars.
These are only 2 of the risk categories for your age group, there are several more, but I think I got my point across.
You may use protection, but there is no form of protection that is 100% effective. While I am a nurse, and I deliver babies for a living, I am also a mother. I used two forms of protection, birth control pills AND the condom, exactly as directed, and I had 2 sons. They are both married with children now. I was also told that I could no longer have children at the age of 28, I found out I was pregnant at 5 months along. My daughter is 20. I also had cancer and had to undergo a rigorous regimen of chemotherapy and was told it would make me sterile. My youngest son is almost 12.
You may have support from your family as far as your relationship, but I wonder how your parents would feel if you became pregnant without a proper education. It is apparent you don't have proper support from his family right now. Think about how his family will try to persuade him that this is not his baby and cause disruption in your life that will cause stress on your pregnancy and increase your already high risk pregnancy.
I agree with his parents as your sexual encounters have involved his 14 year old brother. It doesn't matter that he has a shady past, he should never have known about your sexual escapades.
I also agree that in your first post you appeared to be looking down on his family because they are farmers and made yourself appear to be better than them. Personally, if you were the girlfriend of one of my sons I would do everything in my power to keep the two of you apart.
As I said in the beginning, the two of you may be book smart, but you are definitely not smart in the ways of the world.
I would like to add one more thing. My daughter, 20 and still lives at home, has a boyfriend. I have found out some issues in their relationship (not going to get into it here), and my husband and I don't approve. We tolerate him, but we don't approve of the relationship, but they are adults, and you aren't an adult yet.
The bottom line is that his parents don't approve of your relationship. There is virtually nothing you can do to make them like you. Either they like you or they don't.
Sorry J, I have no tokens left.Quote:
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Thanks Alty. I just had an issue with something similar this past week at work. Baby is now at Home - Le Bonheur Children's Hospital and Mom is looking at over a million dollars in hospital costs for the baby alone.
I can't relate because of where I live, but I've learned a lot about the US health care system, and how much it costs just to be pregnant, and then give birth, to a child, even when there aren't any issues. It's astounding.
I don't know many adults that can afford the kind of care you just mentioned. I don't know any children (teens) that can, even if both are working full time.
The OP may think she's smart, and she claims to do well in school (even though a lot of her posts and the spelling make me question that claim), but that doesn't mean she's ready to be a mom. She says she's in cosmetology school. I don't know how it is in the US, but if you go to cosmetology school where I live, you're making just slightly above minimum wage, plus tips (if you're good at what you do). That's not enough to raise a child. But, having said that, if she's pregnant she will need time off from any job she gets. Most employers don't hire pregnant women. Yes, that's against the law, but in today's job market, when you have hundreds of people applying, why would you choose someone that's going to be on maternity leave soon, leaving you short staffed?
Even if she gets a job, she'll have to take time off to have the baby, then she'll have to find a daycare that accepts newborns, and pay probably more than what she's making just for daycare. Cheaper to stay at home. So that means they're relying on one income. He better be the only teen doctor or lawyer in the country, because otherwise you're screwed!
Really? You are smart, yet you have alienated his parents! You are smart, yet you let his 14 yr old brother find out you were sexually active! You are smart, but you might be pregnant at 17! You think you have everything planned, but you are risking having a child that will throw all those plans out the window!Quote:
And we also have everything planned and I no we are young... but we are smart...
And you wonder why I think you are self centered? You have several adults with much more knowledge and experience than you, trying to tell you that you haven't got everything planned and you are not that smart, yet you argue about everything and disbelieve or ignore the advice you are being given.
A good job is one that will last for a lifetime. One that pays enough to live comfortably, raise a family and provide for retirement. I don't think you have a concept of what a good job is.
I know you probably think I'm being harsh, but you need a wake up call. You really have very little clue about the realities of life.
And Yes I really do think we are smart... most teens are sexually active. And we shouldn't looked down upon for that. And yes, I no things don't always go according to plan but itsnt it a good thing that we at least have a plan? And we are trying to do the best for are future? Also, his brother is a lot more active in some not so good things, a lot more actually than my boyfriend is, and my boyfriend tells him things when he asks for advice, not to tell him its okay or whatever. And I wasn't saying them being farmers is nessisarly a bad thing. I was just saying maybe that I'm not a coutry girl, and I don't really no much about it; maybe that's a reason they dislike me. I wasn't being self centered or trying ot argue?
You guys don't have a plan that makes sense. There is no way you can afford to take care of a child, thinking his two part time jobs is great is really having your head in the clouds. What you need to be thinking about is what you are going to do after High School and not be doing things that will interfere in that. Not all teens have sex. There are quite a few who have goals and sex and possibly pregnancy will interferer with them. His parents are thinking, "this girl is going to get pregnant and the future our son had is going to go down the drain" You two are in a 7 month relationship, you're having sex, you think you might be pregnant; this is not smart thinking.
Okay so your telling me we should just saying if I am pregnant, we should just forget making a plan and just hope for the best?? At least we are trying! And yeah for now his 2 part time jobs are bring in some money to be saved! And we are still both going to school and already make arrangements for me to go back after the baby's here! And his parents should understand me getting pregnant! Wasn't only my fault! There's 2 of us! And I didn't push him into or anything!
I 'm not saying forget about making plans, I'm saying the plans you made are useless. Did you make plans for a pregnancy? His part time jobs will bring in some money to be saved but who is going to support this baby? Who will take care of this baby when you go back to school? How is he going to go to school and support a baby? Do his parents know about his possible pregnancy? This could also be why they are so upset.
And yes it takes two to make a baby but unless you were raped, you give consent. You both were being foolish.
If I am, he will take any entra hours he can in the summer, and I NO babies r expensive! and Hes paying for everything along with my mothers help. When I go back to school my aunt has kindly offered to watch the baby for $10 a day. and he is in early placement so he gos to school for a week and works for 2 weeks. And not yet his parents are not aware yet. We don't plan to tell then unless we are 110% sure.
So you have made these plans with your family, given them a heads up but not his parents. You still don't get that you guys cannot afford a baby. The thing is your post was deceiving to begin with. You did not tell us that they found out you guys are having sex from his 14 year old brother. Then we find out you think you are pregnant, you have discussed this with your family but not with his. You guys are both being deceiving.
I hope you are not pregnant and I hope you two leave sex alone until you are at least out of your parents home and can afford one.
And yes we have talked to my family because my family is a lot more understanding! And if we don't know yet! Its really no ones business other than who we tell! And I get they cost a lot a lot a lot of money! I understand that! But what the hell do you want us to do?? At least we are trying! And giving it 110%! At least he's not a dead beat!
Just another example of your lack of maturity. So lets say his parents had high hopes for his future. Going to college, becoming a professional, etc. Now some girl allows herself to get pregnant ruining all their hopes for his future. And you think they will be understanding about this? You have NO clue!!Quote:
Originally Posted by amandajeanday
Sex is not recreation. And this is part of the reason. No form of birth control is 100% effective, so anytime you have intercourse, you risk pregnancy. I sincerely hope you are not pregnant, because I would have pity on a child with you two as its parents. If you aren't you BOTH need to keep your pants on.
Okay.. wow that was really hurtful... :'( I understand the whole money aspect... but like it said it takes two... and he had just as big as part in it as I do and yes I 110% think his parents should understand that it was also on him... and you know what! I asked for advice! Good advice! For for rude people just looking to put others down.. :'( if I am pregnant! That baby will have two amazing parents, who go to school, have plans for our future, work, and have lots of love! And I'm sorry you guys have no hope or faith for young moms... :/
I have hope for young mothers but teen parents have a long hard road and when one set of parents don't like the mom it is doubly hard.
You are getting mad at the wrong people. Up until now I have kept out of this but have been following along. I see people here who are trying to point things out to you...you asked why his parents don't like you....well, you're being told and you're taking it out on the wrong people simply because you don't want to hear it.
Welcome to the real world. Not everything in life is a wonderful, peaceful, and easy dream. Plans go to hell quickly. He will work as much as he needs to support you and the baby....well, that is until reality sets in for him and he sees how much he has given up...how much he has to do...how much responsibility he has on him. Many men crack under this. Of course, he won't because he is special and perfect and you have known him for 7 months after all! But yeah...that is just one example of how things can go bad.
Anyway, this is all under the assumption that you're pregnant which we don't know yet one way or the other.
So you wanted to know why his parents hate you...you have been told some really valid reasons here and you might want to reflect on them a bit and stop getting mad at everyone here who are just trying to give you reality and pull you out of the fantasy world. Life is not a fantasy and as you get older, you will understand that. Hopefully you don't need to learn it the hard way.
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