Ask Me Help Desk - How to get her phone number?

Thank you j9. I'm just feeling so demotivated right now. Literally I think the issue is much deeper than just a crush. I might not even see her again and even knowing that I choked and couldn't approach her. But if I had to approach any other bartender or waitress I could have at least talked to any of them. And another thing is every time I think about a situation like this I think to myself it's because I'm not in shape enough so I go workout. Even though I'm not as in shape as I was in high school I think my mind is trying to blame my health rather than my mind and personality.I know how crazy and weird that may sound to some of you all but that's how my mind acts at times. Then when I would go back to my room I wonder how come every time I crush on a girl I put them on a pedestal and can't even think, act normal.. . which is probably another reason I end up choking, I don't want to come off weird or creepy to someone I find attractive, interesting.. . maybe I need to practice talking to girls I find somewhat attractive but don't want to pursue. Or being more outgoing in general.. . ahhh I'm so frustrated right now, I don't even know what to do!!

You learn to let it go. Its just you battling yourself over the conflicting feelings triggered by attraction. We all go through those challenges, what to do about those feelings, but we deal with them by being cool, calm, collected in in control of ourselves. That way we separate the feelings from our actions and recognize the practical from the impractical.

Attractions and crushes that do no bear fruit haunt us with what ifs, and should have, would have, could have, but in the end we let go of them by doing what we can do, and not swelling on what we couldn't do, as we grow and learn from our experiences. Some good, some not so good.

So don't be frustrated you cannot realize an opening with this bartender you are so attracted to, just deal in reality, and move forward to the next adventure or crush in your life. Trust me there will be more crushes, and more opportunities, more attractions if you don't get stuck on the last one that doesn't seem to work. To be ready for the next adventure, let the last one go. Its like catching a bus, when you miss the first on, catch the next one and never trip on the one you missed.

The answer is simple. If you see her again just ask her. Life is too short stressing over the little things.

So what happened; decided to semi man the f up and go with the card idea. Couldn't find her so I got another waitress promise to hand it to her.I was general saying thanks for the help and put my fb. Info... just waiting now to see if anything comes out of this. Besides being nervous af I'm leaving tomorrow and this was my last chance.. . I hate waiting :0

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I think the issue is much deeper than just a crush

The issue is not deeper than a crush, you don't even know the girl. What's her name? What's her favorite color? What's her middle name?

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just waiting now to see if anything comes out of this

My young, young friend. Don't expect anything to happen from this. If it does, fabulous! But if it doesn't you haven't lost anything. Just don't set your expectations so high so that you won't be let down if nothing comes to fruition.

I think this is more about him wanting to get her in the sack before he goes home than anything... obviously there is zero chance of having a relationship not living nearby each other... and long distance relationships rarely work and they tend to be the bastions of the desperate... sorry if that came across as being harsh... but seriously... you can't date each other because you don't live nearby... you don't go looking in the windows of the most expensive restaurant in town to see what everyone is eating if you can't afford to eat there yourself... so why torture yourself over something you can't have.

And its not just me that thinks that way... I know few women that would go out on a date with a guy that doesn't live nearby and won't be around for a second date. I know a lot of guys that think like that too... if I was single I'd take someone out I'd never see again if I thought we would go to bed... but I wouldn't put the time into it knowing I wouldn't and she wouldn't be around to even have a future shot at it... or a relationship.

And I certainly wouldn't be dwelling over it... I'm sure however you already know this in the back of your mind... you found someone that catches your eye... and are in the poor circumstances of not having the chance of a normal relationship even if you do get a first date (and likely only date). It's a frustrating position to find yourself in. I know because I've found myself in it more than once in the past.

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Originally Posted by rackcity

just waiting now to see if anything comes out of this. Besides being nervous af I'm leaving tomorrow and this was my last chance.. . I hate waiting :0

After shooting your best shot, get back to the reality of your life. We often get carried away by those long shot impulsive reactions to strong feelings of attraction to attractive STRANGERS, because we want what we can't have and it makes those strangers even more desirable. Fantasies of the mind we elevate so high, simply because we have no clue what the truth is. Just feelings of attraction, and very high hopes.

Who waits for that to happen? How long will you wait?

Thank you all for your suggestions! You all are right! Never hurts to try. I guess I'll just keep trying!

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Originally Posted by rackcity

Thank you all for your suggestions! You all are right! Never hurts to try. I guess I'll just keep trying!

I know this thread is bordering on two weeks old, but I get all fired up when I read something like this. It is just ridiculous how out of touch we become with our own self confidence. We blow things completely out of proportion and it turned into a three page diatribe about how you should or shouldn't ask for her number, and the method from which to do it.

Coming from a guy that has probably had more luck with women working at bars than any other women I fraternize with, next time just sit at the bar and ask for her number. I am not sure how many people who responded to this thread actually hang out at bars, but it is practically my part time job on the weekend. You cannot practice the adage "You have nothing to lose" enough. First of all, and I say this with all due respect to the suggestions you have received, I would never under any circumstance leave a bartender a card. That, more than anything, would come off as utterly creepy, especially in a city like Vegas where bartenders there get hit on more than strippers.

Now I know it may be unpopular of me to say, but don't be that nice guy that everyone just hopes will "win." This isn't a movie. I have seen women do some absolutely insane things when a guy shows enough confidence to talk to them like it is their lucky day. Not in some crude, pretentious manner, but in a way that makes the women feel like she isn't being bs'd.

The next time you are out at a bar, or anywhere, and you see a girl that you find attractive, talk to her. Within 5 minutes you should be able to get her number. If she says no and turns you down, so what? We are guys, and it is natural to get hot and bothered when we take a shot to the ego (believe me, I still get upset), but it is a learning experience and we move on. If you look a women in her eyes, and talk to her, they will pay attention 9 times out of 10. Eye contact, and a smile go a long way. Fake it for awhile if you have to, and soon you find yourself doing this automatically. Honestly man, I have had to learn to laugh at myself from some of the utter failures I've accomplished when talking to women... but if you don't try, you don't learn.

There is too much overthinking and too much puffery of circumstance. Who cares if you were just visiting? It doesn't matter! This is about chance and opportunity. Anyone who has been to Vegas has been in your shoes. Just because I got a phone number does not mean I am looking for a "hook up." This is the game, and you have to go all in sometimes to play it. I'm glad you at least did something! Brush it off, and move on to the next, as there will be plenty of chances to refine those skills. You're only 22 as well. I'm almost 10 years older than you and I still get nervous.