Ask Me Help Desk - Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

Quote:

Originally Posted by tibis07

lol Like I said I have known him for a long time. He has never been married, and he has no children. The house is beautiful, the neighbors know who I am. He has a “surf board room” (yes he is a surfer), he has a computer room, and a “spare bedroom” which he calls it “Gabi’s vacation room” (Gabi is my daughter’s nickname).

I really don’t understand why he’s so “protective” over the house. It bothers me to even think about it.

Wow we have a surf board room too.

How did the talk go (if you don't mind.. )?

Busy weekend! Ok, to the point. I did get a key to his place (about time!) He also suggested that we have a "two month trial". Cancel my cable TV, and all the stuff that I won't be using to save money and "temporarily" move in with him for two months to see how we adapt to the transition. If it works out we would move in with him permanently. If not we would have to have another talk. It was not really what I was expecting but I see it as a big step!

Quote:

Originally Posted by tibis07

It was not really what I was expecting but I see it as a big step!

How do you see it as a big step? The cow is now moving over to his house and still giving away milk for free.

He's been living with you already, but it's temporary in his house? If it was just you it would not matter, but you have a child.
Your business I suppose

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

How do you see it as a big step? The cow is now moving over to his house and still giving away milk for free.

Exactly!

The barn is a bit nicer and bigger.

I don't know how to see it. I think it was a big step he gave me a key and invited us to try it out. I said I had to think about it. Would it be wise to just say, never mind we either live together or we don't? I don't know how to see this

No, we aren't going to live together. We are going to get to know each other better apart from and without sex.

You see this as a small step and instead of moving in for 2 months, just visit, and have fun when your daughter is away. She shouldn't be part of this experiment, or trial. But you can cut back on the unnecessary expenses at your place.

I think you both started this thing too fast to begin with, but this seems a great course correction. A good adjustment from where things were.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You see this as a small step and instead of moving in for 2 months, just visit, and have fun when your daughter is away. She shouldn't be part of this experiment, or trial. But you can cut back on the unneccessary expenses at your place.

I think you both started this thing too fast to begin with, but this seems a great course correction. A good adjustment from where things were.

I agree talaniman. Sounds like a deal that makes sense.

I really think it's a bad idea to move in with him. Stick to the deal that he can be with your daughter and you occasionally, if you do restart a sexual relationship (which I expect you will) it has to be limited to when your daughter is not home. Stay at his house as often as your own. Some times, your nights without your daughter need to be for just yourself, or you and your family or friends - he shouldn't "own" rights to your time.

When you are married, move in together. A trial period of living together when you have a child is just not a good idea. It's entirely too confusing. You should live together when you have a serious commitment and a knowledge that it will work because you're both going to make darned sure it works.

He's just not ready for marriage, and if you've just dated for 8 months, he probably shouldn't be yet. I'd say if a man isn't ready for marriage in his thirties within two years, I'd move on from the relationship. Neither of you really need a key to the other's apartments or houses, you shoudn't live together, there should be no sleep overs when your daughter is present - that's the stuff of marriage. Let it be a dating relationship and make sure you both have some time to yourselves so you have a chance to figure out how you feel about the relationship's future potential.

Good luck to you.