Ask Me Help Desk - In love with a married man

You must have mistaken what I've said... I definitely take responsibility for my actions as does he, my point for being on here to see some suggestions as to what might work to move on Not just saying "move on and get over it".. I wanted some suggestions as to how to do this because just saying I'm moving on isn't working. We have kids together so I can't stop all contact neither do I want to.. . I just want to let go of the emotional feelings that I have towards him, not eliminate him as a friend or father to my kids... What's your suggestions on getting over my emotional attachment but keeping it strictly friendly and maintain him in our lives.

For now limit your contact and work on building a life that you enjoy without him, and balance your activities between kids and what you like to do, and get some fun people in your life. Not easy I know but give it time and plenty of effort.

I agree T-man. ragmuff, you pose a very good question and it might help brooklyn as well if some more of us give you constructive ideas. Your situation is a bit different and a bit more complicated than hers since you cannot just cut the ties with him as she can.

Do you have girlfriends that you can go out with? You need to start actively separating yourself emotionally from him, as talaniman has stated. Join some singles groups in your area. Get involved in volunteering, even if for only a couple of hours a week. If you are at all religious, get involved with groups that are affiliated with your house of worship. There is a group called Parents without Partners. See if you can locate a chapter in your area.

I am sure others will stop by with some additional ideas but it comes down to you actively searching out activities by yourself, and with your children, that will allow you to meet new people and build a new life for yourself. You need to do some leg work on your own to see what you have available to you in your area.

I appreciate your advice and I'm glad to see that there's lot of others out there in similar situations. I'm really enjoying this site this is my first time on here and I have been saying that maybe I need counseling but perhaps this site is all the counseling I need! Thanks everyone!

They say we choose our faith. We are in charge of our own situation. I don't know. One thing leads to another and you find yourself in a situation like the one you are in. To be honest with you nobody can give you the answer. There is no true answer I have noticed that some people only resopond to these type of questions. They basically say the same thing every time because that is how they feel about it. 85 to 90 percent of society will disagree with this type of behavior, but close to 80 percent of married couples have had an affair by one spouse. I advise you to pay close atttention to the red flags. Don't be a fool for anybody.

He has gotten bored with his wife, and he knows that if he left his wife for you, he'd get bored with you just like he is with her, Why bother? Like the old saying, "Familiarity breeds contempt" The "falling in love" feeling is like a drug that some people are addicted to and unlike most people who grow into am more mature and deeper love, this one can't get
That serious so it remains "fun". It's not real. It's pretend -Hollywood - fake happiness, please move on before it's too late.

I have read all the new posts and I think that I failed to mention one thing that I also work with this person. I mean its been 9 months of this crap and nothing has changed, it seems like he has changed but I guess he hasn't this is who he has been all along. A liar and a cheater, and I know that I could and can't trust him. I think that he sees that I see that and he also realizes that he can't control my every move like he controls her every move. The messed up thing is that he can't face any of this and I want answers but I know that I might not get them and if I get a few of them it's probably going to be a lie or a half truth. For the past 2 months (when he started to treat me bad) I have been very down, like there is a heavy weight on me. All I want to do is sleep, I don't want to talk to anyone, or see anyone or do anything, I've tried to work and keep my my mind off this and that just makes it worse. No one understands not my one friend that I have and I don't even trust her. I mean its almost like I'm in quicksand. I can't believe that the same person that told me all this "stuff" is doing this to me, like he doesn't have a care in the world. God what part am I not getting? And I want resolustion closure, don't I even deserve that? Like he is always playing mind games and I know that he is. I have asked him to be honest with me and just tell me what's going on but he won't and cant. He said he can't face it but he is just a coward. I always thought that things in my life were either black or white but now I see that there is always a gray area. And I had to learn the hard way. But as many people said on these posts we can't help who we love or who we fall in love with. I just don't know anymore I don't even know who I am anymore.

Brook

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But as many people said on these posts we can't help who we love or who we fall in love with. I just don't know anymore I don't even know who I am anymore.

While I agree that you can't help who you love, you can help what you do about it. Your choice.

Brooklyn, it sounds like you are suffering from a major depression. Talaniman is right. You might not be able to help who you fall in love with but you are allowing this obsession over that man to rule your life. What you are doing is very damaging to your emotional health. I suggest you take a look at your insurance coverage and find a mental health counselor. You need some outside, one on one, help with this. Please give careful consideration to what I am saying. You need to start being proactive with your life instead of sitting around on your duff feeling sorry for yourself.