Ask Me Help Desk - What's going on in her head?

Great! Good luck. I hope I was wrong when I thought the chemistry was not there. Prove me wrong and make it work! Keep us posted...

Excellent Tony! You handled yourself perfectly! Yep, the ball is in her court now! I am rooting for you! :)

If I do not hear from her this weekend should I get ahold of her at the beginning of next week? Not to ask her to go out but rather to keep me in her mind? Any suggestions would be helpful.

Well, you see her at class on Tuesdays right? If you don't hear from her by then, I would ask her if she is interested in going out that weekend. But, pick a definite thing to do that she would like. What are her interests? Did she mention any movies she wants to see? Does she like to rollerblade? Go bowling? Go antiquing? Choose something that will completely entice her so that she will give an enthusiastic yes to it.

That's just it. I do not know what all of her interests are as we have not spent enough time talking with each other. I am going on vacation next Thursday and will be gone the following two weekends. Spring Break in Florida. I'd like to go out with her before the 8th but I'M NOT GOING TO PUSH IT! I want to do something unique with her. Any suggestions?

The apology was good, the ball in her court great! You may however be getting ahead of yourself or it again. Please honor that you said you'll let her make the next date. Don't contact her, weekly class contact is enough. Be friendly there. If she asks you out, she should be the one who creates the details of that date (women know how to do this too). You can then use that time to explore her interests for clues as to the next date, which if this one goes well you can offer to her. See, ping... pong... ping, like that... at a nice slow pace! Love is different from sex, its takes far less effort, more patience and sincerity.

I am surprised that after 4 dates with her that you don't have an idea of what her interests are. I can't suggest anything unique because I don't know what she likes or her personality.?

I know you want to see her but I think you might be better off waiting until you come back from break. Unless, there is a way you can buy her a cup of coffee or a bite to eat on Tuesday after class.?

During your break, give a lot of thought to your conversations with her and what she has told you that she likes to do and things that you have grasped just from her personality. If you can do that in the next few days, and you want to post them here, I might have some suggestions. But, just a warning, if you insist on seeing her before spring break, you might ruin your future chances with her. You will come off desperate rather than a guy who is just kicking back and telling her that you will let her make the next move, as you said you would.

P.S. Sorry Val, I didn't see your post here before mine. My dial-up is rather slow today.

I'll let her take total control for the next date and see how she responds. I do know some things she likes just not enough to make a judgement on what she is into totally. Still in the getting to know her phase. I ruminate too much.

Ruby - Ah yes, slow dial up, how I suffer it as well.

Tony - Ruminating is good, and we'll try not to take too much of it too seriously too, if that's okay? You're doing fine, by the way. LOL

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tony J

I just started dating this girl recently. Were both in college but I am 5 years older than her. I am 26 and she's 21. We have been out 4 times now but she always has things to do so our dates always run short. Let me also add that I have not tried to get in her pants, as much as I have wanted to, I have not tried. So I invited her over for dinner last night. I did every romantic thing I could think of. For example,I had the table set very nicely, I gave her flowers, cooked her chicken cordon bleu, put on music that she likes (country, hate it!), lit the candles, had a great bottle of wine on hand. So anyway, she seemed like she really enjoyed herself with the way she complimented me on dinner and her body language and such. So after dinner we are sitting in the kitchen talking and I asked what she wanted to do, such as go rent a movie or go out for drinks. That is when she told me that she had made other plans for later that evening and she was leaving in a little while. I was kind of floored when she told me this. I told her that I didn't make other plans for later in the evening because I had plans to spen time with her. I was upset and I think my body language and attitude showed it. Also, she said that she wanted to hang out the next night after she was done doing the things she already had planned. I tried to get ahold of her and she has not responded.

Did I do something to scare her off? Is it possible that my lack of action in the physical area turned her off? I like this girl and I was really trying to show her that I was not just trying to have sex with her but rather build a bit of a relationship before sex is involved. Any suggestions?

The way you tried to show her a nice time you were showing her that you are a sweet and caring guy I'm not in collage but I know a lot of things about relationships.. Dont try and contact her a lot girls see that as desprate and oh he only wants to get in my pants leave it for a few days if she enjoyed the dinner then she will contact you give her time she seems like a very busy girl if she enjoyed and see's that you were just trying to get to know her then she will relize maybe I should call him but if you call her 100 times and then she isn't going to want to get into that kind of relationship she will think what's wrong with him a few dates and I already have him calling me like a stalker what a looser give her time to come to you I'm sure she will because what you tried to do that night would have made a great impression on her just let her come to you

This all sounds too complicated, but then compared to you, I'm older than dirt.

My suggestion is to not contact her more than once every week or two, but if she calls you, wait several hours and then call her back, for example, when your classes or shift at work are over. Don't email her at all except to respond to her emails. Do call her after a week or two and ask her on another date - a specific date, out in public where she won't feel any pressure that you will put the moves on her - like dinner and a movie. Make sure that you have plans after the movie - like meeting your roommate or friends in a bar. If the evening is going well, you can just say, " I'm having a great time and hate to cut it short - I'm supposed to meet my friends at the bar and you're welcome to join us. Otherwise, I'd be happy to drive you home". If she cuts out during the planned part of the date - like between dinner and the movie, I think that's rude and would stop seeing her if I were you.

I agree with Ruby Pitbull about backing off for a little while, but I think she's being really hard on you, and you don't need to be that hard on yourself. It seems to me like you have been listening to this girl and you have been sensitive, or you wouldn't have forgone the attempts at sex. It sounds like the reason why you're still contacting her is because you really like her, and I understand why it's hard to stop contacting her. I've been in similar situations and I worried, "What if I stop talking to her and she loses interest, or she finds someone new?" It's kind of paradoxical because you think that to keep a person, you should let them know you care, but it doesn't always work out that way, at least in the beginning; I think once a girl is yours you have to let her know what she means, but to start it helps to be a little aloof. I would say to go easy on yourself and try not to call her. Finally, it might be helpful to ask if she's worth your time. So far it seems that you've been unselfish and have worried only about what she wants. I think things should be two-sided; if she freaks about and thinks you are coming too strong, maybe she's not worth your time, you know?

Normally, for a woman,if a man just dates with her for a few times,and then invites her to his home for dinner,and after dinner,he said he has no plans for the rest time,but only stay with her,which definitely means he would like to have sex with her even he does not meant that! So if you really have interest for her, just give her a little space, and "find out" what kind of girl she is,and then take your romantic action! I think once you know her well you will know how to do and how to get her heart!