Ok so we call the wedding off now what ? I can't get his daughter to speak to me at all she walks out of the room when I walk in .This is really going to cause a problem I hate it .I don't know what to do for her or to say to her to make all this better for her. And plus he is pulling away from me too because he is so upset by everything .He like me wanted to get on with our life and now we are at a halt like I said before I am over an hour from him and it's not like I can work on a relationship often . I am so confussed and sad . I want to help them both .But it doesn't seem to me that my feelings or my children's feelings are even being thought of at this point . Just don't know what to do :confused:

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Originally Posted by stbmrsd

Ok so we call the wedding off now what ? I can't get his daughter to speak to me at all she walks out of the room when I walk in .This is really going to cause a problem I hate it .I dont know what to do for her or to say to her to make all this better for her. And plus he is pulling away from me too becouse he is so upset by everything .He like me wanted to get on with our life and now we are at a halt like I said before I am over an hour from him and it's not like I can work on a relationship often . I am so confussed and sad . I want to help them both .But it doesnt seem to me that my feelings or my children's feelings are even being thought of at this point . Just dont know what to do :confused:

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Walk away for awile. To keep your sanity walk away and have no contact what so ever! It will be hard, but it's the best thing. If he loves you and he is miserable.. then the daughter is going to see that .

If she does see that he is miserable without you... maybe she'll accept the fact that he will be happy with you. Don't sit around waiting for either one to make a move. Think of your children.

Take your kids on a vacation and it will give you time to do some thinking.
I do hope everything works out for all of you. Bless You... Kit

Take a step back from this. It was all progressing too fast any way.
Maybe what is needed is space, or maybe things were not going to work anyway, in which case it is better to know now than after the marriage.

He and I spent the weekend together anyway we went out of town we even talked about "the wedding in the futrue" He did give me my engament ring he hadn't before since we got all are rings on the same day and I had my rings saldered together so I now wear my wedding band and engament ring . But I could feel the stress in the relationship .We was with close friends of ours doing a charity event so lots of people was asking when is the big day was and at one point I even said when his daughter is OK with it lol the look we got .
So we set no future date and talked about me moving there but you know the more I think of it the more I am like I don't think so , Why buy the cow kind of thing . I think steping back is a great idea and had already thought of doing so . I was to take my boys down there the rest of the week but I told him we wasn't coming .His phone calls are shorter then before but he is still calling I still get my text goodnight and all that . Earlier this evening I imed his daughter on face book and just said hey lady what's up she signed off with no reply .
However when he called me tonight before he went to work I talked about the wedding like it was going to happen no matter what colors who would come where to have it stuff like that and he was seemed very OK talking about it . And then I said you know I would need a date at some point .He was like I haven't gave it any thought . So stepping back will do him a world of good and me , thanks for letting me vent I feel like I am just about to blow up :mad:

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Originally Posted by stbmrsd

He and I spent the weekend together anyway we went out of town we even talked about "the wedding in the futrue" He did give me my engament ring he hadnt before since we got all are rings on the same day and I had my rings saldered together so I now wear my wedding band and engament ring . But I could feel the stress in the relationship .We was with close friends of ours doing a charity event so lots of people was asking when is the big day was and at one point I even said when his daughter is ok with it lol the look we got .
So we set no future date and talked about me moving there but you know the more I think of it the more I am like I dont think so , Why buy the cow kind of thing . I think steping back is a great idea and had already thought of doing so . I was to take my boys down there the rest of the week but I told him we wasnt coming .His phone calls are shorter then before but he is still calling I still get my text goodnight and all that . Earlier this evening I imed his daughter on face book and just said hey lady whats up she signed off with no reply .
However when he called me tonight before he went to work I talked about the wedding like it was going to happen no matter what colors who would come where to have it stuff like that and he was seemed very ok talking about it . and then I said you know I would need a date at some point .He was like I havent gave it any thought . So stepping back will do him a world of good and me , thanks for letting me vent I feel like I am just about to blow up :mad:

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Don't blow up! Just let him know you aren't going to wait around. Don't talk to the daughter and unless she contacts you first. Tell him you need time and you don't want to see him anymore unless he can tell you there is going to be a future with him.

Don't uproot your kids and move to a place they are unfamiluar with. If it doesn't work out what aare you going to do. It's better to know now.
Sorry for the harsh words, but please realize it may never happen... Good luck

I don't think they are harsh words just facts. It's so upsetting to me because after 5 years I have built up these darn walls not allowing anyone in and then I meet this wonderful man who seemed so very right for me and my boys I got excited about the future and now I am let down . This is why I had the walls up in the first place . I guess I need to get out the bricks and starte rebuilding the wall and if he loves me he will climb over it and get me .

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Originally Posted by stbmrsd

I dont think they are harsh words just facts. It's so upsetting to me becouse after 5 years I have built up these darn walls not allowing anyone in and then I meet this wonderful man who seemed so very right for me and my boys I got excited about the future and now I am let down . This is why I had the walls up in the first place . I guess I need to get out the bricks and starte rebuilding the wall and if he loves me he will climb over it and get me .

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Good for you... Keep posting... let us know how things go.:)

I was thinking how does one go from getting married back to dating ? Had I of known what I know now I would have said No to the ring give it to me we alllllllllll of you are ready . Just thinking can't you tell lol to early for this already to be my focus of the day . I guess the whole dream crushed thing really bothers me . I did tell his this past weekend boy I wish things could back to the way they were much more simple and he was much more open . I think not only daughter doesn't want this but Daddy dearest got cold feet . Lets see how he likes the cold shoulder ;)

You let your walls down and then you jumped too quickly. Think about it. People don't marry that quickly after meeting especially if they have kids.
It's like you found this man and you just want to jump in to marriage. If he is the right one, he is not going to disappear.
Take your time, get to know him, allow the kids to get to know each other.
5 months and a ring and date is really a bit much.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You let your walls down and then you jumped too quickly. Think about it. People don't marry that quickly after meeting especially if they have kids.
It's like you found this man and you just want to jump in to marriage. If he is the right one, he is not going to disappear.
Take your time, get to know him, allow the kids to get to know each other.
5 months and a ring and date is really a bit much.

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Good for you!. NC with the daughter. NC with him. Maybe a little of the same treatment will help him make a decision. You'll know one way or the other.

It's better than sitting around waiting. Get on with your life. If he loves you then he will make a move. If not... you'll have to send back the ring and block him from Facebook and your phone. It will be horrible to have to do this but you will know for sure. Are you ready to make this decision?

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Originally Posted by stbmrsd

I was thinking how does one go from getting married back to dating ? Had I of known what I know now I would of said No to the ring give it to me we alllllllllll of you are ready . Just thinking can't you tell lol to early for this already to be my focus of the day . I guess the whole dream crushed thing really bothers me . I did tell his this past weekend boy I wish things could back to the way they was much more simple and he was much more open . I think not only daughter doesn't want this but Daddy dearest got cold feet . Lets see how he likes the cold shoulder ;)

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Well it's no wonder he got cold feet, you two don't really know each other and his daughter didn't know her father was going to get married and bring two kids into the house.
It was rather foolish to think you two could just blend two families after knowing each other 5 months and everything would be hunky-dory. This is real life.
Don't get mad at him, you both were rushing into things, you both needed to take a step back.
What if it had been one of your kids who did not want you two to marry?

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Well it's no wonder he got cold feet, you two don't really know each other and his daughter didn't know her father was going to get married and bring two kids into the house.
It was rather foolish to think you two could just blend two families after knowing each other 5 months and everything would be hunky-dory. This is real life.
Don't get mad at him, you both were rushing into things, you both needed to take a step back.
What if it had been one of your kids who did not want you two to marry?

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Maybe with this time apart... you and he will both do a lot of thinking. Your children and his are caught in the middle. I think you're doing the right thing by leaving him alone. If you do get back together... give the kids enough time to get to know each other and take it slow... Good Luck

Lmao hell no he isn't getting the ring back lol But stepping back yes I have to for me ! I love him and I know he loves me he just needs to miss me!! ;)

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Originally Posted by stbmrsd

lmao hell no he isnt getting the ring back lol But stepping back yes I have to for me ! I love him and I know he loves me he just needs to miss me !!! ;)

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Exactly! You can do it it! Keep the ring:D

:p

After reading all your posts, I think its obvious to you now why so many of us encouraged you to wait to get married.

It'll do you a lot of good to take a step back and see what happens. Like someone else said, if its meant to be, it will be.

Good things come to those who wait. :)

Let us know how it's going!

Day 2 of me pulling back so far so OK lol. He has been really busy with work and I have been busy (making myself that way) He calls in the morning when he gets home phone convo's last 10 min or so . He called last night when I was leaving kickboxing class and ask me what I was doing so for the hell of it I told him exactly what I was doing I told him my maid of honor to be wanted me to drive by 2 places that she wants to have our shower and get the # and see what place I like best. He said oh really did you decided? I said No I had never been in the one place but had been to a wedding at the other . He didn't change the subject I did.
Ask him reg stuff how did you sleep and what was for dinner that sort of thing. He said Friday he was taking his daughter to see toy story.. I said Oh really My boys would LOVE to see it too . But no invite . He said it had been 2 months since they went to the movies I was like well that will be a good to spend some time with her . I did tell him I tried to speck to her online but she signed off without a reply and he started making excuses about Im'ing and how it is messed up sometimes I was like no worries Not a big deal . He needs to know when I reach out to her and she refuses to talk to me . But like someone said above not to contact her anymore your right that will be the last personal contact I will be making . He ask me if I had my boys this weekend and I said I do not but never tried to make plans with me I was going to turn him down letting him know I do have a friend coming in to visit and I would be busy . He called tonight and I couldn't help myself I ask him.. Are we OK? He said well yeah I guess ,Why? I said I just feel you pulling away but hey maybe it's just me I am a girl you know lol . Tried to play it off as no big deal but as you know it is . Well so far that's about as far as I got . No I never called or text him at all since Monday :)

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Originally Posted by stbmrsd

Day 2 of me pulling back so far so ok lol. He has been really busy with work and I have been busy (making myself that way) He calls in the morning when he gets home phone convo's last 10 min or so . He called last night when I was leaving kickboxing class and ask me what I was doing so for the hell of it I told him exactly what I was doing I told him my maid of honor to be wanted me to drive by 2 places that she wants to have our shower and get the # and see what place I like best. He said oh really did you decided? I said No I had never been in the one place but had been to a wedding at the other . He didnt change the subject I did.
Ask him reg stuff how did you sleep and what was for dinner that sort of thing. He said Friday he was taking his daughter to see toy story ..I said Oh really My boys would LOVE to see it too . But no invite . He said it had been 2 months since they went to the movies I was like well that will be a good to spend some time with her . I did tell him I tried to speck to her online but she signed off without a reply and he started makeing excuses about Im'ing and how it is messed up sometimes I was like no worries Not a big deal . He needs to know when I reach out to her and she refuses to talk to me . But like someone said above not to contact her anymore your right that will be the last personal contact I will be making . He ask me if I had my boys this weekend and I said I do not but never tried to make plans with me I was going to turn him down letting him know I do have a friend coming in to visit and I would be busy . He called tonight and I couldnt help myself I ask him ..Are we ok? He said well yeah I guess ,Why? I said I just feel you pulling away but hey maybe it's just me I am a girl you know lol . Tried to play it off as no big deal but as you know it is . Well so far thats about as far as I got . No I never called or text him at all since Monday :)

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Stick to it girl! It's time to go NC at all. Try it and see what happens.

You think ? NC at all ? Isn't that just playing a game? And does that ever really work for anyone ? I myself have never done it or if I had it's been when I knew it was over and done with I do not want this relationship over and done with in the least : /