Ask Me Help Desk - Like this girl but she has a boyfriend

Ya Friend4u178, when I say I'm going to wait it out until I feel like giving up, implies that I am leaving her alone until I am ready to rid her from my life entirely. And its easy to sit there and spew theories but when its you in the situation it's a lot easier said than done.

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnay

Thanks i wish for the advice. The general consensus from most of the posts is to leave her alone but i don't think people understand where I'm coming from. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that doesn't go away and i have trouble concentrating; i can't get her out of my head. I've known her through a friend for about 3 years but we never really talked much because i was so shy until this year. All's i can say is I've never felt this way about a girl before, and things just feel so right when I'm around her. I know that a girl with a boyfriend is off limits but how can I just let go of something that i feel so strongly about. I let a previous girl get away because i didn't open up, and it feels like i will regret it for the rest of my life if i don't do something. And its bizarre how she gets along with her boyfriend, they seem more like friends than lovers, and she never talks about him in my company. So maybe shes waiting for someone to break her out of her current rut, i dunno. I guess what I'm trying to say is what should i do to give myself the best possible chance of being with her, without crossing any boundaries?. Is alright to ask her to go for a run, just the 2 of us? or go for a coffee? aaah! I just need a plan of action....

I believe in Karma, what goes around comes around. It's a vicious circle. Some one stole my girl so I did the same. She ended up leaving me for someone else. Do what you have to do but be prepared to accept the consequence that she can do the same to you. Or her boyfriend may do something to you.

I am not saying it won't workout because the dude that took my girl he ended up marrying her and have kids. Taking someone's girl is a lot of risk (get beat up by the boyfriend, killed, extreme case) and time consuming especially when they have 8 years together, it's a strong bond to break. Anyway if you have that kind of time and got no other option then I wish you luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnay

Ya Friend4u178, And its easy to sit there and spew theories but when its you in the situation its a lot easier said than done.

Of course it is , but the course of action you choose to take on this defines the sort of morals you possess , and the kind of MAN you are , and the way people will view you in the future.

Hey Dude , there are many available women around , and for all you know this one may just like you as a friend and nothing else.

It's easy for us to tell you to leave her alone and that she's off limits.

But no one can expect you to wash away your feelings over night. It's going to take some time to get over her. Seems pretty clear that these feelings are fairly deep, so you're going to need to be patient with yourself.

However, when you're ready to move on, I strongly suggest that you follow the no contact rules (see the links in my signature). It really helps to block them out of our lives, pretending as if they don't exist. The reason is, every time we do talk to them, we generate more false hope and we tend to dissect every word and twist it into thinknig that they might have feelings for us. That would be unhealthy for any one.

In an ideal situation, she breaks up with her boyfriend and gives herself enough time to fully recover--we're talking like a year or more of single-life--and then she will be safe to date again. I learned my lesson enough times to leave freshly single and involved girls alone.

If she left him for you, she'd be jumping from one relationship to another. You'd end up being a rebound, and we all know the success rate of those relationships. It's your call, but know that there's a high probability you'll get hurt in the end.

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnay
Ya Friend4u178, And its easy to sit there and spew theories but when its you in the situation it's a lot easier said than done.

These are not theories, since many of us have experienced what you're going through, and healed. We all know how VERY HARD IT IS TO GET OVER A FAILED RELATIONSHIP.

You I have accepted that life sucks...

Life is hard young man and you will be faced with other obstacles in your life.
One thing you can do to make things easier is to not walk into certain situations to begin with. It will save you a lot of heartache. Make a rule for yourself -"girls who have boyfriends are off-limits"
This is not a fairy tale, nor is pursuing what does not belong to you and trying to justify it, a good habit to start.
This is not theory it is a commonsense principle.

But I didn't knowingly walk into the situation, she never once told me that she has a boyfriend, when I told a friend about how I felt, he told me.

If that was the case, she was not very honest with you at the start, wonder why? How did she justify that Big omission to you? Don't you feel she was trying to hook you first? If you haven't gotten answers to these questions from her, then you should have and been cautious with even proceeding down this path. It's a really big red flag when you are deceived from the start.

Now you know she has one, so leave her alone.
When you get in the water and find out it's deeper than you thought, you don't stay in there hoping some of it will just disappear. You get out of it.

She broke up with her boyfriend, is she fair game?

You need to give her time to heal. She was in a long term relationship. You don't want to be a rebound and it would be selfish of you to just jump right in there.

How much time?

At least 6 months.
How old are you two?

22, so don't speak to her for 6 months?

She has been with the same guy since her early teens. It is going to take a while for her to get past that.
I'm not saying don't speak to her, but don't be trying to hook up with her. She does not need another boyfriend right away. She may think she wants one, but you read enough of these topics, you will see they don't work out.

You sound like you don't care how she feels, or what she needs, just what you want. Even if she goes for that type of thing, you will only be a friend, or a rebound anyway, and still will not get what you want.

What if all she wants is to be single for a while, and then just wants to date around? Where does that leave you now? I highly suggest you do your thing, and be happy. She will.