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Originally Posted by zippit

well you do know that a dis-agree should ONLY
be given when the FACTS are wrong and not opinion based?
keep it REAL

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The facts are wrong, not all guys look at porn, it's NOT a normal thing. Most of the guys that I've known or still know, as in like 95%, don't look at porn. It's fine to be curious about it a couple of times, but a habit is not healthy.

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Originally Posted by ohsohappy

The facts are wrong, not all guys look at porn, it's NOT a normal thing. Most of the guys that I've known or still know, as in like 95%, dont' look at porn. It's fine to be curious about it a couple of times, but a habit is not healthy.

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That may be a fact to you
Can you prove it.
Really don't give a disagree unless its factualy based or you will not make friends fast

I think I've only given like 2, this would be my 3rd. I don't usually.

I will put it to you this way the last reddie I got was from a expert and it came when I was telling someone new that had posted in introductions a family law question and I told them I THINK its this but I will request your post get moved and I got a reddie on it>>
Srious think twice before you do it
No-one wants to pull up a profile and see that red dot next to a reply

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ohsohappy

The facts are wrong, not all guys look at porn, it's NOT a normal thing. Most of the guys that I've known or still know, as in like 95%, dont' look at porn. It's fine to be curious about it a couple of times, but a habit is not healthy.

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Well that is your judgment based on your experience. First of all, there is nothing wrong watching at porn and I believe you are being way too uptight about it. It's a natural thing to watch porn and masturbate as all humans have natural needs. Besides there is difference between not telling you and the truth as they may be ashamed. I don't really understand your argument about why it is wrong to watch porn as long as it is not an addiction.

And thus the argument continues
I could say to you that looking at porn and masturbating is an addiction,and I could pull up material to prove it,but back to the op
This guy wasn't looking at porn and spanking it,he was chatting,he was exchanging info?
Do you still want to defend him?

If it's 'natural" then it would be nothing to be ashamed of, and there would be no reason to hide it.
If it was a "right" thing to do, then why would anyone get upset over it in the first place?
It's not Good and it shows little value in people and respect for the one you love, especially if you are with someone.
And just because it may be "natrual" does not mean it's right. I'm not talking about masturbating.
Lot's of people smoke, but it does't mean it's healthy and that it most definitely wont hurt their body.
It's just like that old saying, "if your friends jumped off a bridge. Would you do it?"

Hush.

Read these and THEN tell me it's "okay"

http://randazza.wordpress.com/2008/01/24/wow-an-intelligent-argument-against-porn/

Citizens Against Pornography

"Whether it is disclosed or discovered, learning of a spouse’s pornography consumption and/or online sexual activity is devastating. Many spouses report that finding out about this kind of activity is just as painful, if not more so, than learning of a real-life affair. Subsequently, it is common for an intense range of emotions to follow the disclosure or discovery of online sexual activity. For example, many spouses feel rage, embarrassment, shame, sadness, isolation, loss, confusion, intense hurt, and betrayal. These feelings are normal reactions to very hurtful events that have violated the trust and exclusivity of the relationship, as well as damaged the martial bond on many levels."

Wow, it really seems I have touched a cord into you. From what I read, it seems that one of the major problem that you are having porn is a lack of confidence. It could make sense, men would be looking at porn all the time, imagining what the perfect women should be, and most of the women out there wouldn't come close to that, which hence would create a sense of insecurity.

The truth couldn't be further than that. Male and female have fantasies and more and more women are looking at porn and being more open sexually. I don't see any moral problem with that. Most men understand that what they see in porn films isn't what they want in life, we are not simple animals.

What about concentrating on real cheating and the incredible rate of divorce in modern society? What about spouse abuse? I find there is more pressing problem than porn. The women in the porn industry are paid and most are enjoying themselves, and the men watching it are not hurting anyone. If women don't feel insecure then I would suggest opening up a bit.

This is a heated topic for me. I am a wife of a man who lied and did porn for seven years. Over and over I found out and he lied and I still found out. It was a cycle. I had no problem looking with him or doing whatever he wanted. I am very open minded. But he made the choice to keep a lie and secret. Bad choice. It has put this wedge between us that can never be closed.

I think its an individual choice, porn or not. If men are single well rock on and have a good time in your sites. But when your involved with someone else and there are real feelings involved you need to consider this and how she might feel. Some women may be OK with it while others are not. But it should never be a secret.

If your in a relationship and are visiting dating sites then your just looking and setting yourself up to cheat. That simple. If your happy and love the one your with there would be no "browsing" dating sites.

I think if this was the first offense give him he chance to try again. At least give him the chance. If he fails, well so be it and make the decision to move on.

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Originally Posted by paxe

more and more women are looking at porn and being more open sexually.
.

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Than WHEN?
Can you prove that

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Originally Posted by zippit

than WHEN?
can you prove that

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Its more socially acceptable now for women to do it then it was years back.

I don't think there needs to be an argument over the rights and wrongs of porn. The thread is for ibupenyu and how she feels and how she should deal with her situation. Maybe you should start a thread of your own on this because I am sure it would be very interesting.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by paxe

wow, it really seems I have touched a cord into you. From what I read, it seems that one of the major problem that you are having porn is a lack of confidence. It could make sense, men would be looking at porn all the time, imagining what the perfect women should be, and most of the women out there wouldn't come close to that, which hence would create a sense of insecurity.

The truth couldn't be further than that. Male and female have fantasies and more and more women are looking at porn and being more open sexually. I don't see any moral problem with that. Most men understand that what they see in porn films isn't what they want in life, we are not simple animals.

What about concentrating on real cheating and the incredible rate of divorce in modern society? What about spouse abuse? I find there is more pressing problem than porn. The women in the porn industry are paid and most are enjoying themselves, and the men watching it are not hurting anyone. If women don't feel insecure then I would suggest opening up a bit.

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You're just rationalizing it. Did you even read those links?

Sex is supposed to be between two people who love each other. It's a very intimate experience. Pornography devalues the intimacy of sex in general, turning it into a casual thing. Sex is special. You don't give it to someone randomly if you have good morals and self respect. Mistakes happen, but to turn it into something that means nothing, means that one can have sex with anyone, even while they're in a relationship, because it isn't special or intimate.
If sex didn't mean naything, no one would be upset when someone they loved had sex with someone else, because it doesn't matter.

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Originally Posted by ohsohappy

You're just rationalizing it. Did you even read those links?

Sex is supposed to be between two people who love eachother. It's a very intimate experience. Pornography devalues the intimacy of sex in general, turning it into a casual thing. Sex is special. You don't give it to someone randomly if you have good morals and self respect. Mistakes happen, but to turn it into something that means nothing, means that one can have sex with anyone, even while they're in a relationship, because it isn't special or intimate.
If sex didn't mean naything, no one would be upset when someone they loved had sex with someone else, because it doesn't matter.

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Tried to greenie you again.
Your so right. Porn just puts less value on love and sex. Trust me.
Good answer.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ohsohappy

You're just rationalizing it. Did you even read those links?

Sex is supposed to be between two people who love eachother. It's a very intimate experience. Pornography devalues the intimacy of sex in general, turning it into a casual thing. Sex is special. You don't give it to someone randomly if you have good morals and self respect. Mistakes happen, but to turn it into something that means nothing, means that one can have sex with anyone, even while they're in a relationship, because it isn't special or intimate.
If sex didn't mean naything, no one would be upset when someone they loved had sex with someone else, because it doesn't matter.

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Let us agree to disagree and put an end to it. I agree with you that sex is something special and it is intimate but I disagree with a wide range of things, such as saying that someone doesn't have morals when they give to someone "randomly" ( in that case you probably mean one nighter ). I also disagrees that porn devalues intimacy of sex. I have my own opinion and you have yours.

Mind you, I am very open minded but I have dated a girl for 3 years and it's the only girl I had sex with. I'm not into one night even though I know I can have them, I have good looks but I would respect the decision of people doing it and I would try not to judge them, because nowadays it is so easy to judge someone else.

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Originally Posted by 88sunflower

Tried to greenie you again.
Your so right. Porn just puts less value on love and sex. Trust me.
Good answer.

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Thank you. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 88sunflower

Tried to greenie you again.
Your so right. Porn just puts less value on love and sex. Trust me.
Good answer.

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And you tell me get back to the op.

Five things

1. Why was he seeking these internet dating sites? Perhaps lack of emotional connection w/ you? Ask

2. Are you tolerant of him viewing porn? If not why does he say both are just for fun? Not enough sexual activity going on in the bedroom?

3. How long have you been there? It takes some time to get situated but, thereafter its time you go out and let people know in the area who you are? Make a few loyal friends you can confide in and depend on if your worried about being alone.

4. Was you moving out there, you yielding to the need to be with him? The efoort has to be mutual; it seems as if you up and left everything. WHat has he done for you since then to prove you made the right choice?

5. He needs to be punished. Make sure after discussing what the cause of his behavior is and what not that you don't just forgive and forget. You let him off the hook too easy the first time, as those are serious crimes in a committed relationship.

M a guy and from what I believe I think you should 4give him.. da first question is did you trust him before you found out about his porn site affiliations? If yes den you know that he loves you n it's a part of his fun life to see how many women would love 2 go out with him.. I also m a member of these sites and well my girlfriend doesn't mind because she knows that id neva cheat on her or betray her... we like to test our temptations... if he didn't go out with anyone of them den you should be happy because he didn't cheat on u.. he just didn't tell you because he didn't want 2 hurt your feelings or create a gap in your relationship.. so 4give him.. life is too short and things like this shudnt be a reason to cause a breakup...

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Originally Posted by loverboy_RON

m a guy and from wat i believe i think u shud 4give him..da first question is did u trust him before u found out about his porn site affiliations? if yes den u know dat he loves u n its a part of his fun life to see how many women wud love 2 go out wid him..i also m a member of these sites n well my gf doesnt mind cos she knows dat id neva cheat on her or betray her...we like to test our temptations...if he didnt go out wid anyone of them den u shud be happy cos he didnt cheat on u..he just didnt tell u cos he didnt want 2 hurt ur feelings or create a gap in ur relationship..so 4give him..life is too short n things like this shudnt be a reason to cause a breakup...

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No Chat speak! It's against the rules of this site.

M = I'm
what = what
u = you
should = should
4give = forgive
da = the
den = then
that = that
n = and
would = would
2 = to
with = with
m again? But this time = am
cos = because
id= I'd
neva = never
anyone = anyone
your = your
shudnt = shouldn't

Your teacher wouldn't let you get away with this and neither will we.

There's no word limit so go crazy, use full words, correct grammar and complete sentences.

Thank you.