Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sunflower811

Maybe he did regret his decision, but at the same my friend still has feelings for him. She has no clue on what to do, and I have no clue on what to tell her

---

I would tell her the best indication of future behavior is past behavior.
He disrespected her and broke up,going back to him will most likely produce more of the same.
They are casual friends and since they are not bickering,it would be acceptable to say hi if they meet on the street.
He gave her no encouragement after the fathers day greeting and that indicates that he has moved on,she needs to do the same.
You can't make someone want to be with you.

Justwantfair... typically when people want to know what their "friend" should do or not do they are the friend. I'm surprised at the amount of energy this OP is putting into this question and answer session. I really believe that she is the "friend". I also want to apologize for calling our sunflower out in my previous posting on here. I would truly hate to think that it was her and that she contacted the ex that she had on the side when she was asking us before if she should or shouldn't? Too coincidently I guess.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MsMewiththat

Justwantfair....typically when people want to know what their "friend" should do or not do they are the friend. I'm surprised at the amount of energy this OP is putting into this question and answer session. I really believe that she is the "friend". I also want to apologize for calling our sunflower out in my previous posting on here. I would truly hate to think that it was her and that she went ahead and contacted the ex that she had on the side when she was asking us before if she should or shouldn't? too coincidently I guess.

---

No It's two different situation here, yes my friend and I are in similar situations, but it's completely different. This guy dumped through a text message, when my guy just stopped calling me after a hit and run, I am putting a lot of energy into my friend question because she's like family to me and I don't want to guide her the wrong way, it's bad enough I am unable to solve my own situation let alone hers.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sunflower811

No It's two diffrent situation here, yes my friend and I are in similar situations, but it's completly different. This guy dumped through a text message, when my guy just stoped calling me after a hit and run, I am putting alot of energy into my friend question because she's like family to me and I don't want to guide her the wrong way, it's bad enough I am unable to solve my own situation let alone hers.

---

I feel that you have received ample guidance. I just haven't perceived that you are willing to hear adequate guidance because you only want to hear that she should be trying to facilitate a friendship, possible relationship in the future, with this man. That is typical for the emotionally involved, not the unbiased bystander in the situation.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

I feel that you have received ample guidance. I just haven't perceived that you are willing to hear adequate guidance because you only want to hear that she should be trying to facilitate a friendship, possible relationship in the future, with this man. That is typical for the emotionally involved, not the unbiased bystander in the situation.

---

Don't get me wrong, I understand what you are saying, I just like to put myself in other people's shoes sometimes, and I kind of know what she's feeling. I've told her numerous time to get let it go. All of a sudden this guy is calling around to get updates on her after dumping her, Im just getting a since that she would forgive him even after the fact, That's why I'm trying to find the perfect solution for her.

He is calling around checking up because he thought she was too attached.
When she didn't cling to him when he dumped her, he thought well shoot... why isn't she?
She has/had the upper hand because he thought she didn't care.
You confirmed it by telling him that she is moved on and fine.
He only wants the upper hand back, that she be groveling at his feet for him.
That will just make her feel lower about herself.
It won't make the relationship work out.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sunflower811

Don't get me wrong, I understand what you are saying, I just like to put my self in other people's shoes sometimes, and i kinda know what she's feeling. I've told her numerous time to get let it go. All of a sudden this guy is calling around to get updates on her after dumping her, Im just getting a since that she would forgive him even after the fact, Thats why I'm trying to find the perfect solution for her.

---

I would suggest since you have a problem that you feel is unresolved, in your hit it and quit it guy, I would really recommend that you concentrate on your own soul searching. Allow your friend to come to her own resolution regardless of what that might be. I say that because you don't seem to understand that you are unable to "find the perfect solution for her". She has to find it herself, even if it means that she will end up back with this guy and he hurts her again. It's her path, her journey. She will have to learn and bounce back on her own. You're a good friend to want to help, but be a better friend and just be there for her. NO MATTER WHAT!;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

He is calling around checking up because he thought she was too attached.
When she didn't cling to him when he dumped her, he thought well shoot... why isn't she?
She has/had the upper hand because he thought she didn't care.
You confirmed it by telling him that she is moved on and fine.
He only wants the upper hand back, that she be groveling at his feet for him.
That will just make her feel lower about herself.
It won't make the relationship work out.

---

That makes a lot of since, I never thought of it that way. Since he thought she was to attach, it's shocking to him that she's not even trying to sweat him, do you think by her sending that happy father's day text, that gave him the upper hand?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MsMewiththat

I would suggest since you have a problem that you feel is unresolved, in your hit it and quit it guy, I would really recommend that you concentrate on your own soul searching. Allow your friend to come to her own resolution regardless of what that might be. I say that because you don't seem to understand that you are unable to "find the perfect solution for her". She has to find it herself, even if it means that she will end up back with this guy and he hurts her again. It's her path, her journey. She will have to learn and bounce back on her own. Your a good friend to want to help, but be a better friend and just be there for her. NO MATTER WHAT!;)

---

Yeah you are right, but she tries to help me to, I'm just trying to return the favor

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sunflower811

That makes alot of since, I never thought of it that way. Since he thought she was to attach, it's shocking to him that she's not even trying to sweat him, do you think by her sending that happy father's day text, that gave him the upper hand?

---

Most definitely, he has the ball back.
He knows she isn't moved on like you portrayed to him.
If she keeps up NC, hopefully she will clear her head to see him as the loser he is and then she won't be groveling for him to think she is weak and needy.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Most definately, he has the ball back.
He knows she isn't moved on like you protrayed to him.
If she keeps up NC, hopefully she will clear her head to see him as the loser he is and then she won't be groveling for him to think she is weak and needy.

---

What does NC mean? I mean I didn't see any harm in her sending a father's day text to him, saying that was just a general thing you can say to anyone, now if she had told me she kept going on with asking him questions, like opening up a conversation, I would have probably say OK, he definitely has the upper hand, but from what she told me, she simply sent a happy fathers day text, then he replied "what a surprise darling, thanks" then she replied "Your Welcome" That was the end of that, can you still honestly say he has the upper hand?

Depends on how he takes it.
Yes it was a simple text, but it also means that he is still on her mind, not moved on the way you projected.
Or it could be taken by him to be a simple gesture.

NC is no contact.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Depends on how he takes it.
Yes it was a simple text, but it also means that he is still on her mind, not moved on the the way you projected.
Or it could be taken by him to be a simple gesture.

NC is no contact.

---

I really hopes so, I did tell her, if this guy really want her, he will call, and if he doesn't, then he doesn't, but for her not to call him, no matter how tempted she may feel, and believe me I know what it feels like to be tempted. She did say "ok" she won't call

I´d advise..
To just let it go.