Ask Me Help Desk - Want to take unusual online dating to the next level.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

If you have all of these assets I don't know what the quandry is. You want to be with her. She wants to be with you. You have the means to support and shelter her and her children. She leaves "him" and comes to live with you. Very few 16 year olds are in College and have their own home, vehicle and insurance so you definitely can take care of her (and her children).

The Court decides whether she's fit or not fit and that's how custody of the children is awarded.

Maybe she's a predator; maybe she's not. I don't see that as the issue.

You want to be together, you have the means - I don't think I understand the problem, why you can't move the relationship to the next level.

I agree with you, I think the problem is that, she is still married, and that she is 14 hours away with two kids. The financials are not an issue, I just don't know how to tell or show her that I'm ready to be with her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sleight

What are your opinions regarding dating her face to face to ensure that we truly want to be bound?

Frequency of in-person contact so you get to know each other in real time and in real space.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sleight

Thank you, sir, for posting a reasonable, calm, and somewhat amicable response to my original post. I do agree with you on all accounts, including telling my parents (even though I am emancipated) and not having a relationship that is "in the dark." However, I'm sure you are aware as am I, that online relationships do not connotate directly into a perfect face to face relationship. What are your opinions regarding dating her face to face to ensure that we truly want to be bound?

I work in the legal field. I'm extremely up front and to the point by nature, education and experience.

So here goes - I would consider dating her (and that includes a face to face meeting) when she is married to be cheating on her husband. For that matter I consider any type of emotional or physical relationship when it is unknown to a partner to be cheating - but that's not the question.

If you want to date her face to face instead of needing to sneak around, then she tells her husband and you date. My concern is that if the person you are interested in is going behind the back of her husband, there's a good possibility at some point she'll do the same thing to you. If a man is honorable with his wife, I assume he will behave in an honorable fashion with me. It's a conscious choice a person makes concerning how he/she will live his/her life.

I conduct matrimonial investigations on a fairly regular basis - I have found that there are what I call serial cheaters. There are also people who cheat once, cause serious harm to their marriage or relationship, learn a lesson and never cheat again. Only you know the woman, her behavior and mindset.

I know nothing of on line relationships, unfortunately.

My other concern is that she is 32 and you are 16. If - and only you know this - for whatever reason she wants/needs a young man, what will happen when you are 25 and she is 41? Does she go behind your back, looking for a younger man? Or is she interested in you because she's simply interested in you.

And for the record concerning relationships - I was divorced and single for quite a while. I met my husband on a set up. Neither one of us wanted to meet. Neither one of us could think of a viable excuse not to meet. So we met. And he opened the door to the restaurant. My heart stopped. Neither one of us dated anyone else starting at that moment. We were married within weeks. So, yes, I do believe in lightning striking, whatever you want to call it.

What if he had been married and I had known it and we had met and my heart had stopped when I saw him? I could see that lives could be destroyed, that there would have been a lot of pain in all directions.

I think you can't begin a good relationship with a lie, which is what is going on if her husband doesn't know about you. If she is ready to move on - and she apparently is - she has to do the honorable thing, everything else aside.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sleight

I agree with you, I think the problem is that, she is still married, and that she is 14 hours away with two kids. The financials are not an issue, I just don't know how to tell or show her that I'm ready to be with her.

You say, "I want to be with you." She says "Yes" or she says "No."

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You say, "I want to be with you." She says "Yes" or she says "No."

Thank you so much.

Sleight. I'd really like to know how a 16 year old has a home, an income, is in college and all the other stuff you mentioned.

I mean wow, this is so far out, it's unbelieveable. Do you actually think we're that stupid? Really?

Do you know what an internet troll is? Look it up, perhaps you'll see your picture beside the definition.

I'm 34, and I don't have a home! I'm online, and I like to meet new friends. Can you be my boyfriend? Do you have a corvette?

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Sleight. I'd really like to know how a 16 year old has a home, an income, is in college and all the other stuff you mentioned.

I mean wow, this is so far out, it's unbelieveable. Do you actually think we're that stupid? Really?

Do you know what an internet troll is? Look it up, perhaps you'll see your picture beside the definition.

And he needed our permission to ask "her" an obvious question?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Sleight. I'd really like to know how a 16 year old has a home, an income, is in college and all the other stuff you mentioned.

I mean wow, this is so far out, it's unbelieveable. Do you actually think we're that stupid? Really?

Do you know what an internet troll is? Look it up, perhaps you'll see your picture beside the definition.

My grandfather is very successful in what he does, gaining liquidity and/or capitol isn't an issue. I'll leave it at that. Whether you believe it or not isn't any of my cocern to be perfectly honest, just don't put others down because they decided to get ahed in life, or have helping hands.

Comment on starbuck8's post

I could understand this coming from a normie like me, but from a "relationship expert?" Come on.

Are you not concerned that she is only after your money?

Is your mother involved in your life? Why are you emancipated?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sleight

My grandfather is very successful in what he does, gaining liquidity and/or capitol isn't an issue. I'll leave it at that. Whether you believe it or not isn't any of my cocern to be perfectly honest, just don't put others down because they decided to get ahed in life, or have helping hands.

That's not what you said. You said you worked, that you're in college, not that you're a poor little rich boy.

Wait, if this is true, well, now I see why the 32 year old is so interested. Maybe she's not a pedophile after all, maybe she's just a gold digger.

Sorry kid, not buying any of this. I've been around long enough to recognize bull when I hear it!

Try again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sleight

My grandfather is very successful in what he does, gaining liquidity and/or capitol isn't an issue. I'll leave it at that. Whether you believe it or not isn't any of my cocern to be perfectly honest, just don't put others down because they decided to get ahed in life, or have helping hands.

Capitol s/b capital and he's going to support you financially in this endeavor?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sleight

My grandfather is very successful in what he does, gaining liquidity and/or capitol isn't an issue. I'll leave it at that. Whether you believe it or not isn't any of my cocern to be perfectly honest, just don't put others down because they decided to get ahed in life, or have helping hands.

Grandpa's not going to like you so much when you lose all of his money to a cougar!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sleight

My grandfather is very successful in what he does, gaining liquidity and/or capitol isn't an issue. I'll leave it at that. Whether you believe it or not isn't any of my cocern to be perfectly honest, just don't put others down because they decided to get ahed in life, or have helping hands.

Now this would be a concern to me - if you're in an adult relationship you have to be able to stand on your own two feet, not lean on your grandfather (although I'm not sure this is what you're planning to do).

I didn't say that my grandfather was my benefactor by any means, I surely can't rely on him to fund everything. Once again, I don't expect you to believe it, since the situation is on the high end of the bell curve. She is wealthy as well, so that's not a concern, or I would have mentioned it in my OP. I am in college, pursuing an MMA.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sleight

I didn't say that my grandfather was my benefactor by any means, I surely can't rely on him to fund everything. Once again, I don't expect you to believe it, since the situation is on the high end of the bell curve. She is wealthy as well, so that's not a concern, or I would have mentioned it in my OP. I am in college, persuing an MMA.

Well, I've been on your side up until now but 16, pursuing an MMA (Masters/Music or Master/Marine).

I don't think it's possible. Working on your bachelors, sure.

Enrolled in the Masters program? I don't think so.

Sorry - I concur with the others at this point.

I fail to see how the money (in any event), yours or hers, has anything to do with not continuing to live a lie.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sleight

I didn't say that my grandfather was my benefactor by any means, I surely can't rely on him to fund everything. Once again, I don't expect you to believe it, since the situation is on the high end of the bell curve. She is wealthy as well, so that's not a concern, or I would have mentioned it in my OP. I am in college, persuing an MMA.

Pursuing a what?

Maybe you could enlighten me as to what an MMA is, because when I hear that I think Mixed Martial Arts.

Second, you say you work hard for everything, yet have had a silver spoon in your mouth for how long? I'm not buying what you're selling

I was hoping he wasn't implying a master's degree, that's why I asked(not for lack of education)

Dude, no way are you 16 going for a master's