I think that you do love your husband, I really do. I do not doubt that, and I do not doubt that he also loves you.

But you must find a way to let go of the other man, and feel settled with the fact that you will never have all the answers as to why things happened the way they did.

It really is a good idea to let go, emotionally. Give yourself some closure to that entire part of your life, and free up your emotions from being in a knot. It is unhealthy as you are discovering to obsess over all the 'what if's'.

I urge you to seek counselling because this has reached a point where you are suicidal, and I suspect that other factors are contributing to this. Just a gut feeling, but it may be a good idea to talk this all out with a professional, on your own. There are definite stages a person goes through to release themselves from any relationship, and when you get stuck, it is not a fault, but rather a sign that you need help to finish emotionally.

That this has come to affect the quality of your life on a day to day basis, is also a very clear sign that you may need help to learn to overcome this.

Please make a phone call to your local mental health clinic, or go and see your GP for a referral. It could make all the difference in your life.

Good luck to you, I hope this is resolved sooner rather than later.

Jake2008, thanks for your words, you are very kind. I love my husband more than anything and that's why I can't understand why I care for this jerks feelings over me. I try and forget but its worse at night when I'm bed lying there wondering why. Im an educated person with a masters degree and so people think I've got it all.
I know that this other guy is a bit mentally unstable putting it nicely and hope he gets the help he needs.

I have a nice home, hubby, sports car etc etc so why do I care what a guy who lives with his mum thinks of me

Thanks for taking the time out to reply, it really is helping me xx

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Originally Posted by roobarbandcusta

no im not that kind of person hun, this is something i need to work out on my own. Some days i just want to kill myself to stop the pain hun

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I am not sure what type of person you associate with counseling, but it is a very healthy process to talk your problems out with someone outside of the situation. It doesn't make you a weak or sick person.

Suicidal thoughts are a great concern. You have not let go of your past relationship as it still effects you emotionally today. Until you learn to forgive and love yourself again he has the power to effect you. There is a lot of guilt that can last long after the aftermath of the affair is over. It is difficult to be forgiven and just as difficult to forgive oneself.

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

I am not sure what type of person you associate with counseling, but it is a very healthy process to talk your problems out with someone outside of the situation. It doesn't make you a weak or sick person.

Suicidal thoughts are a great concern. You have not let go of your past relationship as it still effects you emotionally today. Until you learn to forgive and love yourself again he has the power to effect you. There is alot of guilt that can last long after the aftermath of the affair is over. It is difficult to be forgiven and just as difficult to forgive oneself.

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Thanks for the reply, I don't want to label anyone that goes to counselling hun, some people find it helpful and that's good, I can't see how talking to a stranger will help.
I eat myself up with guilt every minute of everyday for how I have hurt my hubby, we are back together but I still feel so guilty even though he has forgiven me and says its in the past, him being so good about it makes me feel worse though, it's a bitter cycle xx

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Originally Posted by roobarbandcusta

thanks for the reply, i dont want to label anyone that goes to counselling hun, some people find it helpful and thats good, i can't see how talking to a stranger will help.I eat myself up with guilt every minute of everyday for how i have hurt my hubby, we are back together but i still feel so guilty even though he has forgiven me and says its inthe past, him being so good about it makes me feel worse though, its a bitter cycle xx

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That is exactly what you are doing here... only we don't have a degree in that particular field. You can let guilt eat you up, from the inside out, and I promise you that will eventually be the demise of your relationship.

It would be a monumental mistake to let this die because of shame...

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Originally Posted by kctiger

That is exactly what you are doing here...only we don't have a degree in that particular field. You can let guilt eat you up, from the inside out, and I promise you that will eventually be the demise of your relationship.

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Had to spread the rep, I was hoping someone would notice the comparison to counseling and AMHD.

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone. Its easier on here as you arnt face to face with someone which is the bit I would find hard, sorry if I offended anyone that wasn't my intention xx

You aren't offending. It is our duty as members of this board to offer the BEST advice we can give you. It is YOUR job, as a wife, and devoted wife now, to do whatever YOU can do to make this relationship work. People get paid to listen to problems such as yours. They DO NOT judge, and they DO NOT hold anything against you. They simply get paid to help you. That is what you need... help. You have to be "man" enough to realize that... don't let the fact that you have a Master's degree get in the way... if you let your pride kill this relationship, that would be pretty regretful in the end...

Being smart is one thing, but being smart when it counts the most... well that, is entirely different. We are talking about something that will impact the REST of your life. Swallow your pride, and get the help that could save this...

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Originally Posted by kctiger

You aren't offending. It is our duty as members of this board to offer the BEST advice we can give you. It is YOUR job, as a wife, and devoted wife now, to do whatever YOU can do to make this relationship work. People get paid to listen to problems such as yours. They DO NOT judge, and they DO NOT hold anything against you. They simply get paid to help you. That is what you need...help. You have to be "man" enough to realize that...don't let the fact that you have a Master's degree get in the way...if you let your pride kill this relationship, that would be pretty regretful in the end...

Being smart is one thing, but being smart when it counts the most...well that, is entirely different.

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Please don't think that I think I'm above counselling because I have a master, the only reason I mentioned the masters bit is that even us that people claim are educated can mess up big time!!
I would love to be able to see someone but I can't do it, I don't want this jerk to ruin my life with my hubby, he isn't worth it

I've just got to try and forget him, if it was only that simple, yes myself asteem is battered at the mo and I'm sure that what want is to know that he don't hate me, I'm so confused

The reason why you care about what your ex lover says is because your taking time to think about it so quit taking time that you can be using towards something else instead of trying to get reasons for what someone you don't care about is saying. Just go on with your life and work on your marriage like you stated.

I am pretty sure you've better things to worry about. So stop worring why your ex is saying such things especially when you don't care. Don't sweat the small things in life because life is too short and when you hear such things block them out or let them roll off you like water.

I just wanted to let you all know that I've ordered a new sim card so my number will be changed soon and I'm moving on and forgetting the past. I can't help what has happened in the past, all I can do I learn and be a better wife in the future. I have learnt my lesson and will never never do anything like that again.
I think that life is too short to look back, so I'm gong to put all my energy into making my relationship with my hubby work
Thanks all for your help and advice xx