Originally Posted by huno
All right, man... I didn't read any of the advice above, because I didn't need to. I'm a (recovering) geek. Master's in Computer Science, I work in IT, used to be all into video games, computers, all that. Today, though, when people meet me, no one believes I'm a computer programmer, because I'm just generally a cool guy (well, as cool as a programmer can be, but it's enough :)). So I've gone through the change. Still a few corners to iron out but I'm pretty much recovered: I'm into sports, I attract hot girls, dress well--all that stuff.
Admittedly, I didn't have it as bad as you, but I did wear terrible clothes. I'll tell you what I did.
CLOTHES: this is the first thing you should change, because it's the easiest. A friend of mine once told me "clothes are 50% of it." He's right. Absolutely right. More than half your body is covered in clothes so that's the first thing people notice. Get yourself to some nice clothing stores and get nice clothes. Clothes that fit. Color-coordinated. Have a female friend help you out, as they were practically put on the earth to help men look like civilized members of society.
You don't necessarily have to buy $100 shirts, but be prepared to spend some money. Start with a nice shirt. If you can get a pair of jeans, great. Then get a decent pair of shoes. Thankfully, you're a dude, so shoes shouldn't cost you more than $50.
Before I move on, if you're already wondering how you're going to pay for all this stuff...
MONEY: Get it. Lots of it. As much as you can. Quit spending on computers and start saving for trips to the mall, and then on your dates. If you're not making enough money right now, you need to get a better job. Being a computer nerd helps here--I made a decent chunk of change doing websites. HTML, CSS and PHP are all you need for 90% of the web pages you'll ever do. You might need some JavaScript but there are so many tutorials for all the neat tricks you'll want to do. A web page can take you a week if you take your time and you can make $2K, easy. That right there should tide you over for some time.
(EDIT: I'm assuming you're still in school, right? If not, then hopefully you have a better job than doing websites... this is what I did in college and it worked very well. Obviously, I make much more now.)
Moving on to...
GYM: Join one. Notice how all the guys girls want look good? Well it's high time to join them. If you're too fat, lose weight. Too skinny? Lift. Now, this is more a long-term goal, as you can't achieve these results instantly, or even within a short time. We're talking a years-long project. But, let me tell you: this is the SINGLE GREATEST THING I've ever done. Being the first in the family to get my Bachelor's and my Master's, the first to be college educated, graduating with honors--none of that compares to looking as good as I do now. Re-read that last sentence over and over until you get it and do not stop until you do.
Make sure the gym you join has an excellent weight training section (you can always lose weight by jogging, like I did). Your goal is not to be a supermodel, but to simply look decent. In fact, many girls have said that a swimmer's body is the most universally appealing, and thankfully that's the easiest body type to achieve (as opposed to super-skinny [if you're coming from the fat side] or ultra-muscular--neither of these body types are really all that attractive to most girls).
Study nutrition and make sure you're not eating garbage. This is also a difficult obstacle, but remember--you're doing it for the nookie. It is worth it.
BTW, at this point every girl on this forum is probably about to hit the reply button, saying "huno, you're really wrong, girls only like good guys, it's what's inside that counts"--that's a load of crap. That is the largest, hottest steaming pile of stank bullsh!t you'll ever be handed by women--and women know how to sling crap better than anyone.
YES--what's inside counts. But it's not everything... in fact it's not even the first thing. First impressions are EVERYTHING, and these are composed of what girls first see. Besides, we'll work on the inside stuff in a sec. So ladies, untwist your panties, I'll get to that.
So while you're working on your physique, you'll want to work on...
SOCIALIZATION: now, most people (guys and girls alike) don't care to talk much about computers. Yes, they can be interesting to you or I but most people just don't give a crap. You need to start studying pop culture--first thing to know is that it's called "pop culture" because it's popular--notice the announcement of the newest Intel processor isn't on MTV, while Britney Spears yelling at photographers is. You don't need to totally transform yourself into an MTV-watching drone, but do know what's going on beyond your PC's case.
You also need to learn to talk to people in general. Buy books on socialization--"How to make friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie is a good start--written long ago, but many of the ideas hold up well today. I have tons of these books and have read them over and over again. At first, you may read them and not implement any of their theories, leading you to believe you wasted your money. But as you keep re-reading them you'll slowly start to incorporate their ideas and you'll see that it wasn't a waste. If you're into studying, this will be an easy one--reading a book with detailed instructions is what we scholars do best.
But more importantly than the above, though: you need to work on your sense of humor. Notice comedians these days make jokes about what they see, what happens to them, real-life observations. Harness this talent of theirs. Buy books on being funny and read them. Girls love guys who can make them laugh--this is (almost) as important as looking good. Cracking good jokes can produce 90% of your conversation Note: avoid computer jokes, unless they're about very ubiquitous subjects, like email or Myspace... and even then there really are better jokes to be made.
Just an example of one I said tonight: I was at a reception for a conference by the harbor, and we're all sitting out there when the cops show up. Being Mexican, I said, "Oh, crap--immigration. I gotta go, guys."
That got a few laughs. One of my buddies is from the UK so the others look at him and say, "Hey, he doesn't have his visa! Come get him!"
I looked at him and said, "Dude, he's lily-white--first thing they'll do is beat the hell outta me and haul me off to Tijuana!"
"Hey, if I don't have my visa I'm illegal too, it's no different!"
"Well maybe... thing is they're not shipping you all the way across the sea to the UK, they'll dump you in Mexico just like me, which is too bad because I know people to get me across the border, I don't know what you're gonna do!"
It's funny 'cause it's true. :) Another easy one: if you're in a store and you need help, find the nearest female employee who's not busy, smile and say, "You look bored. Come help me find something." All but the most frigid b!tches will at least chuckle.
As you begin to learn to make people happy, you need to look happy yourself.
SELF-ESTEEM: this is, next to working out, the hardest thing to change, if this is a problem for you. You need to look like you like yourself. People like confident people, or at least people who appear strong and capable. This isn't about always smiling, grinning like an idiot--but just look like you're calm, collected and in control of yourself. As people notice that you're generally happy, they'll want to be around you. Girls like happy guys. Be happy.
This is one thing Urkel got right--he was generally happy and pleasant. Overly so, yes, but he was happy. That one geeky girl wouldn't have gone for him if he'd been complaining all the time.
Finally, once the gym thing and the inner comedian start to take shape, one last detail:
CONNECTIONS: you will need a healthy network of friends to start meeting girls that you can date. You won't be able to date every girl you meet, but if you roll the dice enough times eventually you'll get a good roll and go out on a date. The more friends, male or female, you have, the better your odds. Make sure they're real friends before you ask, though--minor acquaintances won't really help here.
Girls are especially eager to play matchmaker, so solicit their help when and where appropriate.
I hope this helps, and I hope it's as much fun to read as it was to write. I went through the change and I'm much happier for it. I could describe all the details of my past but I'll leave that for another day, in case you want to know.
Good luck!
--huno
P.S.: you may be wondering why I didn't mention specifically how to flirt or ask girls out or whatever... well, that part actually comes naturally when you learn to socialize with them. A lot of girls, in a subtle way, will ask you to ask them out. They'll start saying things like, "Oh, I want to get a coffee but I don't want to go alone," or "I'd love to go see that movie," or "I can't seem to unhook my bra; will you help me?"
P.P.S.: some girls may still think my advice is very centered around looks. All I'll say is when I was fat and dressed by my mom I couldn't get anyone to even come close to me. Just by changing my clothes I got a few girls to start looking. Then I became very athletic and girls were grabbing my @ss every so often. Now that I know how to make a girl smile, I really do get a lot of attention and a few dates... I'm not batting 1.000, but I'm WAY better off than I was before.