Mom of 2, I have been out of pocket for awhile but have been catching up. I agree that you said what was on your heart and it is out there. His response was not negative.

You ask should you just leave it alone and "keep your mouth shut"... I would suggest definitely, just blow it off for now. Next conversation, just visit as usual. It will take pressure off him to respond. I believe he knows you meant it. He may need time to digest it even though I know he has known for sometime already. His actions seem to prove his feelings. It is as Tal said. My husband is one of those men who, if we are in a stressful time, he will do anything and everything around the house where as I want to "talk it out". He is not much of a talker and uncomfortable with that... Just relax as you have done so many times before and let this develop in its fullness. I would not mention this to him at this time... no. You and I are alike in many ways as we discussed early on in the posts. I just know a women (I am referring to me) can talk a subject to death!! LOL Too much talk sometmes takes the specialness (?) away from the subject at hand. (Not being critical of your thinking of what you might want to say to him, as I have that need to do the same! LOL Just trying to give best advice for now.)

Give it time. Best for you and for him right now. Any discussion would again, bring it up and probably make him feel he needs to respond. But you want it real when it happens. I think he will find a creative way of saying this to you very soon.

The fact that he has his children as much as he does, may make him a little less in a hurry to say the words, not knowing how fast that might lead in another direction.

Keep us posted. He seems considerate and loving. I think he will make it a special time when he does decide to say those words. You've come a long way Mom of 2 and I am so proud of you!! :)

The majority of the people who I have talked to about this have told me not to say another word about it unless he brings it up. So, as I originally planned, I am not going to say another word about it.

He called me last night around 9 p.m. which is a little bit early for him. I had just gotten home from dinner with a girlfriend of mine and then called my grandma. While I was talking to her (boy can she talk), he called. I normally would tell my grandma (or whoever I was talking to) that I had to go because another call was coming through. But, I decided to finish my conversation with her and then would call him back. I know, it is a little bit of game playing, but quite frankly, I did want to finish my conversation with my grandma. I also did want him to miss me/wonder a little bit, too!! I called him back within 30 minutes, so it really wasn't that bad. That's about the extent of my game playing.

Our conversation went very smoothly, talking about eachother's day, what we did, etc. It felt like the same pattern of speech before I made my proclamation. Near the end of our conversation, he asked if I had my kids this weekend - because of the Christmas holiday, he wasn't quite sure if this was my regular weekend or if it was next week. He sounded a little disappointed that it was my weekend with the kids, which leads me to believe that he is starting to miss me more and more. Hmmmmm!!

The conversation ended, and although he seemed to hesitate, I did not and I just said goodnight. Could it be that he was waiting for me to say it again? Only he will know for sure. All that I know and can promise is that I will not say those three little words again until I hear them from him or he brings up the subject. I don't want to make him any more uncomfortable than he might be at this point. He knows how I feel and that is what is important. Once he is able to say it, though, I am one who would say it all of the time. Until then, I'm keeping my mouth shut!!

I honestly believe with everything that you have told us about this that he was caught a bit off guard from your omission. He probably had a lot of things run through his head the minute he heard you say "I love you" and with everything that was running through his head he knew he had not responded in adequate time so he continued with his silence.

Now he has probably been reflecting on the situation just as much as you have if not more and he is now waiting for the appropriate way to assure you that the feelings are mutual.

Admissions of love are very difficult as the fear of rejection is always there whether you feel secure you will not be rejected. Not hearing "I love you" back is very difficult, but I think it was more of the element of surprise that got him.

Hold tight, he is looking for the way to tell you and you can probably expect a card or flowers if he still continues to be too scared to say it out loud at this point. Once this elephant is out of the bag then it won't be such an elephant anymore.

Don't make this a big deal.

Nope. I'm not going to make it a big deal. I have a feeling that it is going to take him a while to say those words. What kind of surprises me is that he has absolutely no problem with calling me Sweetie, Sweetheart, Honey, etc. which some men can never bring themselves to say. When he said this during the first week we were dating, I thought, "Wow, he's not afraid to express his feelings." HA! It's amazing that sometimes what we think we see at first is totally different than what actually is.

Don't get me wrong, I am so happy with the type of person he is and I don't want him to change one iota. I am the one who has to get used to how he communicates. I have control of myself and how I react to my surroundings.

Thanks again for all of the good advice. I feel that we are moving along in the right direction.

As soon as I walked into work today, my manager, who is one of the guys that I was consulting with about this, asked how things were going. When I told him that everything was fine, he had a look of relief on his face. He then told me that he was talking over my situation with his wife and she told him to tell me NOT to say anything and he was worried that I said something and that he was sorry that he gave me what he called bad advice. I told him that I had decided not to say anything and that I was just going to ride it out, etc.

Another male coworker overheard the conversation and kind of interjected something that I found enlightening. When I mentioned that I was still just a little bit sad about not hearing the words from him, he said, "Why is that?" He mentioned that he had a similar conversation with his 8 year old son about saying I love you. He then asked me if when I say "I love you" to my kids, do I want/demand them to say it back to me? I replied, "Well, no. I tell them that I love them to make them feel good about themselves and of course because I want to remind them that I do and that I mean it. But, it certainly does not hurt me when they don't repeat it back because I know that they love me." Then the light went on. The coworker turned to me and smiled and said, "Then why would it be any different with your boyfriend? If you want/demand a response, then that is not real unconditional love."

I just wanted to pass that on, as I thought it was a very enlightening perspective.

I still have not uttered those words again and he has not said them either.

I spoke with my friend today (the one who is dating my boyfriend's brother). I mentioned the fact that I had told him that I loved him and to get her feelings on it. She said that she is surprised that it took me so long to say those words and that it is quite evident to both her and her boyfriend that we both love each other. She promised me that she would not say anything to her boyfriend about this for obvious reasons. She mentioned to me that although she has been "a apart of their family" for awhile, she really does not know what makes my boyfriend tick and why he may be so nervous about saying it. In fact, she said, "What is there NOT to love about you? Don't worry, at least you KNOW that WE love you!!!" I had to laugh about that. I know that he does and that for his own reasons, he has not said anything. Oh well, I have not changed from my game plan of not saying anything until he says something. He called me tonight and we talked for a little bit without any sort of uneasiness.

Why would he be uneasy? He knows how you feel, and after a year, he knows how he feels. The next 6 months to a year, is getting to know if what you each feel is love, as you will be defining what you mean to each other and getting a deeper understanding of what you mean by your words.

His definition of love may be different than yours. This is where you pay close attention, as you learn each others language.

Its also where you really find out the things about each other that will cause you the most conflict, and needs the most honest communications, as the red flags start to appear after you get comfortable enough to relax, and be yourselves.

This is the part you slow down, and pay attention to each other, and do the real listening, and the plain talk, as if there is a plan to be made this is it.

Always remember, there is no hurry, and its important now more than ever to keep your life balanced, and not become dependent on each other, but learn each other on a deeper level.

I write this, not to discourage you, but to caution you not to get carried away, and stay alert.

Its important to see how well you work together through honest communications, to see what the long term effects, and goals are, and if he opens up to you. If he does not, there is no long term, and this is something he must do.

Why is it important? Because you CANNOT build anything on assuming things are going great in the direction you want, or presume he feels as you do, nice as he may act.

Your getting close to the people he loves, and cares about, but that doesn't mean your getting close to him, so make sure he has the room to make sure you know his feelings, that are deeper than his action, and are clear about what he wants from you. That means pay attention.

If in doubt, ASK never assume.

Just because your thrilled, don't assume he is. There is no hurry. Enjoy the process.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jrebel7

Mom of 2, I have been out of pocket for awhile but have been catching up. I agree that you said what was on your heart and it is out there. His response was not negative.

You ask should you just leave it alone and "keep your mouth shut"...I would suggest definitely, just blow it off for now. Next convo, just visit as usual. It will take pressure off of him to respond. I believe he knows you meant it. He may need time to digest it even though I know he has known for sometime already. His actions seem to prove his feelings. It is as Tal said. My husband is one of those men who, if we are in a stressful time, he will do anything and everything around the house where as I want to "talk it out". He is not much of a talker and uncomfortable with that...........Just relax as you have done so many times before and let this develop in its fullness. I would not mention this to him at this time...no. You and I are alike in many ways as we discussed early on in the posts. I just know a women (I am referring to me) can talk a subject to death!!!! LOL Too much talk sometmes takes the specialness (?) away from the subject at hand. (Not being critical of your thinking of what you might want to say to him, as I have that need to do the same! LOL Just trying to give best advice for now.)

Give it time. Best for you and for him right now. Any discussion would again, bring it up and probably make him feel he needs to respond. But you want it real when it happens. I think he will find a creative way of saying this to you very soon.

The fact that he has his children as much as he does, may make him a little less in a hurry to say the words, not knowing how fast that might lead in another direction.

Keep us posted. He seems considerate and loving. I think he will make it a special time when he does decide to say those words. You've come a long way Mom of 2 and I am so proud of you!!!!!!!! :)

---

Had to 'spread it' again.

Mom of 2 - I agree what Rebby said. Don't worry about it and just enjoy the quality time together. From what I gather, you are the only one feeling uneasy currently, so just relax honey...

http://www.postsmile.com/img/magic/14.gif

Enjoy having a good time. All the reasons you explained really speak for themselves when you described how he treats you.

I have to vent. Maybe I am blowing this out of proportion and worrying too much. Me worry? NEVER!! Ha!

The last time that we talked was on Monday. At the end of the conversation, he said, "Good night sweetie. I'll call you tomorrow night." The next night came and went without a phone call. I did not sweat it because I figured that he must have fallen asleep or something like that. The next night came and went and no phone call. However, I work on Wednesday nights and he normally does not call on the nights that I work because I cannot take phone calls and I usually don't get out of work until rather late. Again, I figured no big deal. The next night came and went without a phone call - and no phone call during the day either, which is something that he does if he did not call me the night before. This is when I started worrying that something was going on. I called him during the day the next day, but it went to voicemail. The night came and went and still no phone call. Again, this is a night that I work, so I figured that was the reason. Yesterday morning I decided to text him at 1 p.m. to see how he was, to let him know that I did not want to call him and disturb anything that he was in the middle of, etc. and that I missed him. No response. By the way, sometimes he responds to texts by texting back and sometimes he calls me in response, but nothing at all happened this time. I called him about an hour after I left the text that I just wanted to say hi before going to work, but it went to voicemail again (after ringing several times). There has still not been any response from him. We usually get together on Sundays, but we have not talked about it at all. I don't want to assume anything that we will be seeing each other, but I would very much like to see him. I am worried that maybe I freaked him out and that he no longer wants a relationship. Then my mind started wandering and thought, is there ANY way that he could have seen my posts on this site, put two and two together that I was posting things on the site about us, got ticked off and wants nothing to do with me? I know I'm reaching, but I have to put down what I am thinking. If that is the case, then I would have course stop with this thread because I do not want to make him uncomfortable, etc. Would that be possible for him to find this thread without being a member? I have not used our names, but the situations are specific enough that if he did read this, he would have to know.

I guess I will have to wait and see if I hear from him tomorrow. I don't want to chase him down, but I need to know what is going on. I am hoping that there is a very good reason for what is going on. I am just very surprised that it is going on 6 days without ANY communication with him. I think that he had to travel for work, but I can't remember what days that was for. It makes me sad, but I will go on. I just need to know WHAT is going on. I just hope that nothing seriously bad has happened to him or anyone else in his family.

I'm not looking for advice. However, if you have any advice to give, feel free to provide it. Has anyone else been in this situation? At this point, I don't know what to think. Does anyone think that I scared him off? I am just confused because he was just showing the signs of slowly moving forward and I thought that I was taking his lead. I was not looking for a relationship with anyone and then I met him. Even when I met him, I initially did not think of a relationship with him but was just going with the flow. I am going through so many emotions right now; a mixture of madness and sadness, while also at the same time I am missing him soooo much!!

Mom of 2, bless your heart! I was on my way to bed when I saw this pop up. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone at this moment, I am thinking about you and your situation. I would contact the sister-in-law just to make sure he was not in an accident or maybe has been ill this week. There have been some nasty virus's going around that really hang on. That would rule out one possibility.

I have no answers and like you many questions. I doubt very seriously he has knowledge of this site and thread, unless you shared with the sister-in-law that you mention at times? That would be the only connection I can think of but even so, I believe as well as he has communicated with you thus far, he would have taken time to discuss this with you. If he has found out, and is upset, he might need time to digest it. Even though names aren't mentioned, it could make one feel vulnerable but the things you have shared have been so precious, if he has read them, surely he could see the progression of your feelings and your reason for posting so I wouldn't worry about that.

Does he usually call when he goes out of town on business? If not, that is probably where he is.

At any rate, try not to panic. I know the tendency would be to do so with as much as you care for him. One thing to keep in mind is that IF he is leaving you alone because of your proclamation of love that one time, I would be a bit concerned, as far into this relationship as you are, of his communication skills in a relationship and could be a red flag.

If you find out he is healthy and just not in touch, give it a few more days. Other's will be on here later I'm sure. Tal will give better advice than I. I have been out of the dating arena a long time. LOL The guy really has not seemed like a game player. That is a good thing.

Expect the best, prepare for the worst but keep your spirits high, knowing you are worthy of being loved and of hearing it from a person who you have given so much time and energy and love to and have given he and his family much respect. Give yourself as much respect as you have given him. You are a special lady! I will be checking back. Try not to fret too much. When he does get in contact, give him time to say what he has to say... as it could have been a business trip... because once words are said, they can't be taken back so choose your path wisely as you have been doing throughout this whole relationship.

Believe and know this, you and your little ones will be okay with or without this person. You are an amazing lady!

Thanks, Rebbie!! I am embarrassed at how much I have allowed this to affect me. Sometimes I feel like crying, but I can't. I feel like crying out of frustration, as well as for missing him and not being able to contact him.

I will try and expect the best - you probably already know that I am preparing for the worst, as I always seem to do that. Sometimes I hate this because it can really make you a pessimistic person, which I don't want to be.

Yes, I am sure that Tal will be on here soon. I am sooo looking forward to what he has to say. One of the things he will probably say is for me to not make a big deal out of this. And ordinary guy, if he responds, will probably say that I am thinking way too much over this.

The one thing that I have to remember is the fact that the last words that we said to each other were sweet without any negativity. OHHHH, the power that his phone calls (or the lack thereof) have over me stinks!! I am so afraid of being hurt again - that is what is really going on. After my divorce, I did not want to date ANYONE because of this. I told myself that I would rather be alone than to be hurt again. I now know that I really don't want to be alone, that I love being with him and knowing that he cares about what happens to me, etc. I have my kids, but sometimes I need another adult to be there for/with me. Friends and family can only go so far. By the way, my coworkers have noticed that I have lacked my skippy step for the past few days and they asked me if anything was wrong. I just told them that I was tired and worried about how my job phone-interview went on Friday (I think it went well - they said that they would definitely be in contact with me next week, as they told me that the next steps would be to decide who would be coming in to have a formal interview at their company office).

Come on Tal, hurry with your response!! Ha ha!!

Mom, don't feel embarrassed that you feel so much passion for life, for your children, for this guy. Think what the world would be like if we all guarded ourselves so we would never get hurt... think of all the joys we would miss along the way. I do, however, understand your concern that you might get hurt again but look at it this way, if you can for just a minute... what if you don't get hurt! That's a positive approach and difficult to do with so many unknowns. I am not trying to be flippant, just hoping to help you see, there may be a positive outcome.

You didn't mention if you have checked with his sis-n-law yet!

Try to get some rest. Night time is always the hardest when our imaginations work overtime. Morning will come and with morning, possible answers. When a person is overtired, it is harder to be positive, at least, I find that to be true. Best to you!

Okay. Good night, Rebbie!!

By the way, I forgot to answer whether I talked to my friend. No I have not. I did not even think to do that until right before I left for work. Because I needed to get to work and did not have time for a long conversation, which is what would have resulted in my calling her, I decided to wait until Sunday - IF he does not call me.

I will definitely be posting tomorrow in order to give all of you status on what ends of happening tomorrow. It is my sincere wish that I AM blowing this out of proportion and that nothing is wrong. If I do talk to him tomorrow, I will tell him that I was worried about him because we did not talk for so many days, but I will definitely NOT reprimand him for it!! Most likely, there is a good reason for his not calling.

Thanks again for caring so much and responding so quickly. It's great to have such good friends out there, even if we have not officially met.

Stop calling, stop worrying. You have no choice but to wait. It will be interesting to see how you handle this glitch. Contrary to popular belief, its times like these that bring out the best, or worst in us. Now back off, and carry on with your life, as you have done enough, and you must be patient, and get the facts.

Yep, you were all right. He ended up calling me early this morning, apologized that he had a hectic week. I did a lot of unnecessary worrying. Called him back after his call, as I did not hear my phone ring when he called. Just said I was returning his call. So, at least I know/think that it had nothing to do with me. I feel stupid but a lot better. Thanks for the advice!! I have just had a stressful week and I found out that I was depending a little too much on his phone calls/contact to make me feel better. That is not a wise thing to do and I feel ashamed for it. That is bordering on codependency, which is something that I don't want to have to deal with. I think I was a little nervous because of my admission of love to him 2 weeks ago. That is what was on the back of my mind. Believe me, I learned my lesson.

Thanks!!

Good for you Mom of 2, you have done well. As someone with an overactive imagination, I could identify a little bit too much last night to give you too much input! Tal was here as I knew he would be. All is well with the world!!

Don't ever feel stupid Little One. The only thing I might suggest is not sharing with the friend how upset you got. Not because of her not being a good friend, I know she is, but she might tell your man's brother. He probably doesn't need to know you were feeling so upset... at least not now. (Just a thought)

As C.S. Lewis said to a son when asked, "But what do we do now?"... Mr. Lewis said, "We carry on, we just carry on." (Different scenario, the little boy's mother had passed but my sister and I when going through stressful situations, always remind each other that we are to just "carry on" with life, moving forward. Yea for you Little One. Proud of you.

Yes, we must carry on.

If there is any piece of advice/knowledge that I gleaned from this episode it is... Don't assume anything. Don't allow anything to upset you until you know ALL of the answers. Just because there is no news, it is does not mean that is a bad thing.

In regard to my friend, I know that there is a possibility that she would say something to her boyfriend about any situation that I tell her about. So, I will heed your advice and refrain from saying anything to her about this.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jrebel7

Good for you Mom of 2, you have done well. As someone with an overactive imagination, I could identify a little bit too much last night to give you too much input! Tal was here as I knew he would be. All is well with the world!!!

Don't ever feel stupid Little One. The only thing I might suggest is not sharing with the friend how upset you got. Not because of her not being a good friend, I know she is, but she might tell your man's brother. He probably doesn't need to know you were feeling so upset.....at least not now. (Just a thought)

As C.S. Lewis said to a son when asked, "But what do we do now?"........................Mr. Lewis said, "We carry on, we just carry on." (Different scenario, the little boy's mother had passed but my sister and I when going through stressful situations, always remind each other that we are to just "carry on" with life, moving forward. Yea for you Little One. Proud of you.

---

Got to spread it again, Rebby, but you did super here and Mom of 2 knows it, I'm sure. Same goes for you Tal..
http://www.postsmile.com/img/love/2552.gif

Mom... just relax and let things happen. Don't be so spontaneous in your thoughts of failure, stop the panic trip. This is new to him as well as it is to you, and you have to ride that wave. When you get panic attacks, just think of his sweet words, remember the fun you have and think positive. Give yourself and him the benefit of doubt. You can tell us all, as we have been following, but keep all others out of it (easier said than done) and just stay cool.

You are doing great, like Rebby said, so don't flip out on us now, OK... This is a good lesson in patience nothing more, nothing less.


http://www.postsmile.com/img/love/2620.gif

Have a great weekend.