Ask Me Help Desk - I didn't deserve this.

I didn't deserve this.

8 threads merged

Ok so I started dating this guy named kyle. He's the most amazing boyfriend I have ever had. I don't mean to sound so explicit but his sex was by far the best I have ever had. I think that's the only reason I really fell for him. But I don't get why it's so hard to get over him if all I wanted him for is sex.

This guy is known for being a big time player (which is why his sex was so good). While we were dating I used to go through his phone and find messages he had sent to other girls promising to have sex with them. It drove me absolutely crazy finding messages on his phone like that. It happened lots of times which is why I doubt that he has never cheated on me. But I no matter what I stayed completely faithful to him and forgave him each time he screwed up. I felt like I haven't done anything wrong to him. He got kicked out of his house and I let him live with me. He was 18 and didn't have a job or anything and I'm still in high school so I don't have a job either. Anyway he couldn't really support himself. So my mom felt bad for him and I convinced my mom to help him out a little bit. And when I say a little bit I mean A LOT. My mom treated him like he was her own son. She paid for his car insurance, cell phone bill, food, clothes and anything that he ever wanted. He even got an allowance from her. And as for myself I treated him like a king. I cooked. Cleaned. Did his laundry while he sat on his butt playing video games all day. And on top of that this guy was still so disrespectful to me. He still flirted with other girls and asked sex from them and he was very controlling. He never let me see any of my friends because he didn't like any of them and I wasn't allowed to talk to any guys at all. And I did everything he asked.

One day he popped the question and got me this 14k gold ring. He also got my initials tattooed on his ankle(which really didn't mean a lot because his best friend is a tattoo artist so if we broke up he could get the tattoo cover for free). But it still meant a lot to me because no guy as ever done anything like that for me before... EVER.

Well eventually I guess he got sick of living with me and moved back to his parent's house. His parents live in a different town that's about an hour from where I live so it was hard to see him. I only got to see him on the weekends. It was so hard because I couldn't trust him after all that he did to me. And every time I would call him during the week days he would be out getting drunk with a bunch of his "friends" who were girls. So we fought and fought and fought everyday since he had moved back with his parents which was about two weeks. One day he got sick of it and said it was over but he said that one day we might get back together. He even gave me his dead uncle's necklace as a reminder that one day he would come back. At first I tried so hard to act like everything was OK. We stayed friends for a few days and still talked to each other like we were dating. Then five days later I lost it and practically got down on my knees and begged for him back. But he wouldn't take me back. He said that he didn't want to be with me if he couldn't live with me but at the same time he refused to move back in with me which really didn't make any sense to me at first until I found out the worst thing ever. He already found a new girlfriend. It had only been like five days since we broke up and he already found somebody else!

It's been driving me crazy! And on top of that I had the password to his email and I read all of the emails him and his girlfriend sent to each other and it was horrible! He told her all of these lies like I couldn't take a hint that he didn't want me (even though he kept promising me he would come back). He made it seem like I was constantly bugging him and was obsessed with him (which I was but I never showed it). Which was completely untrue. I made myself as scarce as possible. They even called me a baby and said I was being immature and how I can't handle anything because I'm so much younger then both of them. But just the fact that he made me seem so desperate was so embarrassing! I was furious so I cut all ties that I had with him. I completely got rid of my phone so that I wouldn't ever be tempted to text or call him.

But now it feels so wrong. I feel so empty and sad. I feel so betrayed and I can't seem to get over him. I was just trying to do what's right and lose all contact with him and let him move on with his life. And to think one day I did message him to let him know that he left some stuff at my house he responded "you know if you wouldn't have ignored me, we would have been back together by now". It made me feel horrible. I want him back but I can't get over what he's done! I just want to forget about him I wish I didn't even care about him! But for some reason I miss him so much even after all he put me through! I never saw this coming. I treated him so well. I don't believe I deserve this. I just don't get why he gets to have the time of his life and I'm sitting at home crying my eyes out every night. What do I do?

He cheated on you, lied to you, disrespected you and your family, they kill people for less in some countries and your willing to take him back? Do you like the punishment?

Ignore him! Get your own life and rebuild from the ground up. Don't make someone your priority when you are just an option(Sorry Tal, it's great advice)

Nobody deserves that... and, guess what, he doesn't deserve you, SO MOVE ON!

You dated a "player" and all you "wanted him for is sex". You read his emails and snoop on his phone messages. Yes, there's something wrong here.

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I just don't get why he gets to have the time of his life and I'm sitting at home crying my eyes out every night. What do I do?

Fact- you cared a lot more than he did.

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Well eventually I guess he got sick of living with me and moved back to his parent's house

Fact- You ignored every red flag you should have seen

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This guy is known for being a big time player

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I never saw this coming. I treated him so well. I don't believe I deserve this.

Fact- Your heart broken, and need to heal
Have no contact with him ever again.

A good break up song

So I'm still trying to get over my ex and I'm turning to music as sort of a therapy. So does anybody know any really good songs to listen to that are about break ups? But the only thing is that I'm kind of into rock and I don't want to listen to anything about how the person misses their ex and wants them back I want to listen to one of those songs that just empower you and make you feel great. Kind of like "Gone Forever" by three days grace. So please help if you have any suggestions!

Apocalyptica- I don't care?? Maybe?? I don't know. Good song though!

Yea, Apocoliptica - "I don't care!" is awesome. I also like Metallica "The Day that Never Comes"

I just want to get him off my mind

So I'm currently trying to survive a break up and I'm having lots of trouble getting this guy out of my head. I don't talk to him anymore and really I don't even know if he's still alive. But everything I do seems to remind me of him constantly. It's hard because the second I start to think about him it seems to ruin the rest of my day. I keep wondering what he's doing and if he still thinks about me too. How do I get him off my mind?

Take up something new that's a group or social activity, a new skill, new people and something you can't possibly associate with him!

The breakup is still fresh in your mind, and it will be for some time. The only thing you can do is refocus your energy to other things. Try and jam your schedule so much that you don't even have time to think about him. It is also a good thing, for awhile, to grieve and cry and let all of the other emotions out in the beginning. Surpressing them won't do any good. It is normal to go through what you are going through. Just don't call or contact him in any way, shape, or form. Get rid of everything that reminds you of him as well. You will be fine. Healing is a process... and a long one at that. The more proactive you are, the better results you will see.

1. Delete the messages in your mobile
2.Delete all the photos that you have with him
I know that is very very difficult but you have to do it to forget him
3.Avoid the places where you went freqeuntly with him.
4.When you start to think of him start to think of something else
5.Go out with another boy
6.Think of him in a negative way

Going out with another boy is not the answer. You can't just replace your ex (with whom you had a deep emoitional connection with). People are too fast in trying to find someone else when they break up. You don't need to have a boyfriend. Learn to be happy with yourself and start to love yourself again. No rush in finding someone else.

It isn't rock but go away by casely is a great song

I don't understand myself

So I'm still struggling to get over an ex. I'm doing everything that I should. As hard as it really is I force myself to ignore his texts and emails. I even blocked him (that was probably the hardest thing ever). For some reason I want to hear from him. I don't know why. One half of me is ready to get rid of him and knows that I'll never be happy with him but the other half just can't stand being without him. It's a tricky question to answer but if anyone can help please do...

OHH how I can relate.
You want to feel he loves you, but you know his love will only hurt you more.
From experience.. for a while I won't talk to the guy... I won't hear from him, ill occupy my thoughts with something else... I will be happy. Then comes the damned day he signs on, or calls, and all of a sudden he's in my thoughts again... and as much as he woo's me with his romantic phrases and such... it only leaves me lonlier. My advice is occupy yor time with other things and put him away for a while because it will only hurt you further.
Date other people, hang with friends.
Be open to something new

How long were you together? You may feel this way because being with him is mostly "habit". If you know he is no good for you, try writing down a few of those reasons on sticky notes and put them by the phone, fridge, etc. The places you are at mostly. This helped me when I divorced. I thought it was stupid at first, but keeping those things in the front of your mind when the phone rang was helpful so I wouldn't want to talk to him. Be strong, keep supportive people around you, and stay busy. Good luck!

Oh god thank you I really thought that nobody would post anything on this.

Well? How's it going? Day by day...

A little better I can't help but feel like this is the saddest thing ever though.

It will get easier, I promise. And as the saying goes, if it is true love, it will find a way. Sounds like he would have to do some changing and growing up. Meanwhile, more than likely, you will become much more wise. It could just be the wrong time, right person. I will be keeping you in my prayers for your strength. :D Okay, I will pray for him, too.:rolleyes:

Awwww thank you so much!!

I totally know how you feel! Ugh my boyfriend dumped me in July and I still think of him... more than I should. I think its because we want so bad to keep holding on to those happy memories but your logic side is saying "no! he broke your heart! move on!" but your heart tells you otherwise. I know its hard but you'll find your own way out of this. For me it was trying to focos on my friends and keeping them close to me. I also got really into music and it kept my mind off him really well. I'm also getting into skating which needs lots of concentration and since I kind of suck its working really well lol. I know its hard. Trust me. Its great that your canceling him out of your life. A fresh broken heart is the worst. But you got to keep your head up and throw yourself back in the water. Sounds like your doing just fine so far.

How come you guys don't talk? Usually, in some cases, talking to them again and being friends with them can make it better so your not always wondering "what if" you know. Its just better to get things off your chest then to think about them everyday. It will always be hard to get over an ex. Just remember, there's so many other people out there.

Stay away from selfish men, they would only break your heart many times

I can't take it anymore!

Me and my ex broke almost two months ago and I refuse to talk to him. Before he would text me and ignored it and he would message me on myspace and I ended blocking him. Then he ended up making a whole new myspace and asking me why I wouldn't talk to him. That's all he asks every time he tries getting a hold of me "why won't you talk to me?" and the thing is the second that I feel like I'm getting better he has to ruin it by texting me or emailing me. And I'll admit I love hearing from him and shutting him down because it makes me feel so good but every time he does talk to me it feels like he kills all of the improvement that I make on forgetting about him. And one day I finally told him to just leave me alone flat out and now that I know that he won't ever try to get a hold of me for some reason it makes me sad and I don't know why...

It seems to me like you just enjoyed making him suffer (he must've really pissed you off). And now that he's not bugging you, you can't tell if he's suffering or moving on which seems to bug you. Another theory is you felt like keeping him in that sitution until you felt like going back, never expecting him to actually stop. Now that he has, you no longer have that option. Mind you if I'm wrong I apologize.

You can't have it both ways
You say you enjoy shutting him down but it is killing the second that I feel like I'm getting better he has to ruin it by texting me or emailing me.
The game is over now and you feel the let down that was inevitable.

In the movie Dennis the Menace. George Wilson always acted like here comes trouble every time he would see Dennis headed his way but in the scene where George is sick you can see he enjoyed the game of Dennis torturing him. Sort of like a love/hate thing.

No actually your right kagamiD

Haha maybe this guy was lucky to get out of this relationship with you. You actually enjoyed torturing this guy? Well I can understand what your getting at but you can't always take the cake and eat it to. Just be glad things are over and he is living his life and you yours. There is no point to string this along anyway.

How long did you expect he put up with your crap, and feel like a fool?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

How long did you expect he put up with your crap, and feel like a fool??

He screwed me over horribly and broke my heart therefore he deserves to feel like a fool.

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Your only prolonging your own agony, and that's no good. Disappear from his life.
You'll never be happy unless you let this go, and ignore him completely.

The universe is spherical in nature.
If you make to suffer someone, one day will come when you will suffer the same.
I beg you don't hurt any boy's emotions!
I know this... cause I have experienced it... "how it hurts!"
It is beyond all the poisons beyond all the pains... there is no escape from this once you get it.
Better way don't put this pain on anybody's heart

You definitely need to stop playing hard to get. It's only hurting you. You need to hear him out and maybe introduce him back into your life as your friend. I don't think it would be a good idea to keep turning him down. Eventually he'll stop chasing and you'll end up chasing him. Trust me you don't the table to turn.

I don't know if I agree with the friend thing. Some people are just best left to their own plans. This to me sounds like one of those cases.

Making someone suffer can feel really good sometimes I know what you mean. But since he has stopped don't let it bring you down girl.

If that's what you truly wanted then move on if not.

Then don't make him suffer because remember.

KARMAS a .

And just because he did something wrong doesn't mean your not.

It kind of sounds like you really do love him a lot and maybe you guys just need time apart.

Correct me if I'm wrong and I do not mean to sound rude at all.

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Originally Posted by chrissymarie

you definitely need to stop playing hard to get. It's only hurting you. You need to hear him out and maybe introduce him back into your life as your friend. I don't think it would be a good idea to keep turning him down. eventually he'll stop chasing and you'll end up chasing him. trust me you dont the table to turn.

I can't do that, it hurts way too much. He really hurt me and I can't stand having him in my life anymore

I'm not doing anything wrong though. It's not like I'm leading him on or begging him to talk to me, I'm just ignoring him. So I'll admit that I do like seeing that he's breaking down now but he really hurt me. He cheated on me, lied to me and by far disrespected me. I can't handle talking to him anymore. I don't think that karma has anything to do with this. What am I supposed to do? Keep in contact with him and hurt myself even more? Or ignore him like I am right now?

Did I do the right thing?

My ex broke up with me a couple months ago and he really broke my heart. I've been struggling to get over it. He's been texting me and emailing me and trying to get a hold of me but I always ended up ignoring him. I felt that it was better if we stopped talking to each other. But today something happened. He texted me out of the blue and told me he was sorry for ever hurting me and he asked for me to forgive him. This was just mind blowing to me. My ex is sort of player and never did I think that he would ever apologize for hurting me because I never thought that he really cared how he treated me. Even when we were dating when he messed he never apologized for anything. Anyway, I replied to his text(the first time that I have done this) and I told him that I forgave but we couldn't be friends or anything else. He asked me if we both could start talking to each other again. And I said no, because I wasn't ready. Which is true I'm really not, but the thing is that even when I am ready to talk to him, I'm not planing on having contact with him again. Is this right? Am I being too mean to him?