Ask Me Help Desk - Is my 25 year old daughter headed for Jail?

Is my 25 year old daughter headed for Jail?

My daughter is not like she used to be at all!! She gets very angry at a moments notice. We have verbal fights a lot more than we used to. What concerns me is her behavior. I will no longer go anywhere with her when she drives... she will go anywhere from 15 to 25 miles (from what I have seen while in the car) over the limit, while weaving between cars without using a turn signal. She is frequently going shopping and coming home with items that I know that she can not afford. I am 99% sure that she has stolen many items. I have had people come up to me and told me that they have seen her commit acts of vandalizim. One time when she fell asleep with her laptop next to her, when I went to put it away, I noticed that she was looking up where and how to purchase illegal drugs. I have seen her drink to excess (her friends told me that she drove a few times while drunk). What scares me the most are conversations that she told me, about how her life would be better off without me. She even went as far as to describe how she would kill me. I don't know what to do for her. I am worried about her, I think she is on a road that will head for jail. What should I do?

Well she won't go to jail until she is caught but the odds will be against her the more she keeps going the direction she is going.

If she lives with you and is threatening you in your own home maybe you should tell her that if you are such a horrible person why doesn't she do herself a favor and leave.
I can't imagine what you have to live with.
She definitely needs some tough love but how to go about that is a different story.

Do you have rules that she should follow and probably doesn't? If she is living with you does she pay toward her keep or anything?

Do you pay for any thing for her like cell phone, internet, insurance, car payment,.

Hello water dreamer
Very sorry for what you are going through
She's headed for a wake-up call for sure
It may come as a speeding ticket or a misdemeanor theft or a felony manslaughter
How long has this been going on with her?

And how much control do you have over the situation?
She is 25 and an adult she's making her own choices,if I was paying for any of those LUXERIES maybe I would consider taking some away?

The early 20s is sometimes when an individual becomes plagued by a mental illness. It sounds like your daughter is acting out and pushing the envelope above and beyond what someone her age should be doing. If she were my daughter, I would report her to the police for her own sake, if not for someone else's who may get badly hurt or die because of her careless attitude.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

. If she were my daughter, I would report her to the police
.

Wrong thing to do

With all do respect

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippit

wrong thing to do

with all do respect

What would you do, "with all due respect"? She has to be stopped.

The police can't do anything unless she stole something with serial numbers. They are not going to follow her around to catch her in the act either.
She could possibly get a Protection From Abuse order on her that's about it

Here's why
First of all so much can go wrong with that .she can report it to police /the police do nothing .then she has to live with a even MORE out of control daughter
Or.
She reports it .the police catch her . And she gets mixed up in a HUGE case and ends up with 10- 15 yrs in the penitentray and YOU get to live with that for the rest of your life

It WRONG advise on many levels

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippit

heres why
first of all so much can go wrong with that she can report it to police the police do nothing then she has to live with a even MORE out of control daughter
or.
she reports it the police catch her and she gets mixed up in a HUGE case and ends up with 10- 15 yrs in the penitentray and YOU get to live with that for the rest of your life

it WRONG advise on many levels

Yep if they can't lock her up and she knows mom reported her she will really go ballistic

**sorry had to spread the rep

waterdreamer your post will obviously solicite
A wide band of deferent viewpoints I would invite you
To read some of the other posts concerning out of control
Youngsters,it seems to be a epidemic for our tough times
And I can tell you
The more you answer back and give us more info.
The better the advise gets

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What would you do, "with all due respect"? She has to be stopped.

Can't you think of anything else to do except

Call the police on her

Is that really ALL you got

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippit

cant you think of anything else to do except

call the police on her

is that really ALL you got

So far, I'm not reading anything helpful anyone else has to suggest. Bashing me is more fun?

Me and zippit DID suggest tough love and asked if she is contributing money for her daughters expenses and zippit also asked her for more info. I am waiting to hear back from the OP and I hope some come along with some other tough love suggestions

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Me and zippit DID suggest tough love and asked if she is contributing money for her daughters expenses and zippit also asked her for more info. I am waiting to hear back from the OP and I hope some come along with some other tough love suggestions

And the tough love would consist of what? I went back over all the responses and didn't see any tough love suggested.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippit

cant you think of anything else to do except

call the police on her

is that really ALL you got

And I'm outm in the middle of no-where on a real slow wireless

And I thought I had edited this comment out

Didn't mean for it to go through I apologize

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And the tough love would consist of what? I went back over all the responses and didn't see any tough love suggested.

For starters NOT paying for car insurance, cell phone, internet, etc if OP is paying
If daughter is living there then setting rules and charging her
If you don't think this is a start then I don't know what to tell you.
Not much we can tell the OP at this point without more information though.
Anyway what does what we have suggested or not suggested so far have to do with anything??

I also suggested a PFA if necessary
So that is 4 things between me and zippit that has been suggested so far

Often times a parent get the bits and pieces of a child's life from what they hear,or see or what they think they hear and see its perception.
What if the daughter just drives fast when mom is in the car because mom makes her nervous or she really doesn't want mom to like her driving
And what if the NEW stuff she's getting is coming from a older boyfriend the daughter doesn't want mom to know about
There was WAY too many what if in the op for the advise to be call the police on her
That is a knee jerk reaction that often times doesn't go the way you thought it would

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

for starters NOT paying for car insurance, cell phone, internet, etc if OP is paying
if daughter is living there then setting rules and charging her
If you don't think this is a start then I don't know what to tell you.
Not much we can tell the OP at this point without more information though.
Anyway what does what we have suggested or not suggested so far have to do with anything???

The daughter is 25. It's a little late to "set rules." The daughter will laugh in her face. We don't even know if the two live in the same house.

Yes exactly way too many what ifs
And nothing that can be legally done at this point other than a PFA and setting rules and keeping money separate from daughter.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippit

that is a knee jerk reaction that often times doesnt go the way you thought it would

It can be done very well with excellent results.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

The daughter is 25. It's a little late to "set rules." The daughter will laugh in her face. We don't even know if the two live in the same house.

It is still her house and if she laughs in her face then she does need a PFA put on her

We don't even know they live in the same house ----that is what I have been saying I am waiting to hear!

I just feel that if something legally is to come of this than at this point and knowing what I know I would say let it happen on its own
Now given more info I could be wrong
Which is why I worded it
"a wake up call"
A 16 yr old girl I wouldn't say that
A 25 yr old woman well it is what it is
We all get wake up calls in some variety
And hers will come or maybe she will just get lucky not get caught at anything, change her ways ON HER OWN and become a decent woman its happen before

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It can be done very well with excellent results.

What can be done very well with excellent results?

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippit

i just feel that if something legally is to come of this than at this point and knowing what i know i would say let it happen on its own
now given more info i could be wrong
which is why i worded it
"a wake up call"
a 16 yr old girl i wouldnt say that
a 25 yr old woman well it is what it is
we all get wake up calls in some variety
and hers will come or maybe she will just get lucky not get caught at anything, change her ways ON HER OWN and become a decent woman its happen before

... without killing or badly injuring herself and others along the way... Sounds like she is well on her way to disaster.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It can be done very well with excellent results.

It could also go way way bad

With results you as a parent would have to live with

And personally I don't think a lot of officers would recommend it

Its not like your calling them over to talk to your child which I have done

Your trying to get her arrested "for her own good" is that true?

I think we covered enough on why it is not a good idea to call the police at this point.
Too many what ifs and not enough solid evidence and things could backfire and have serious bad results

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippit

with results you as a parent would have to live with

And I do nothing and live with her killing or maiming herself and a few others along the way? Remember, she's not a cute little teenager any longer. She's old enough to know better. Why doesn't she know better is the musical question.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

...without killing or badly injuring herself and others along the way......... Sounds like she is well on her way to disaster.

Your assuming this woman will not stop

Until something disaterous happens to her

I just look at it in a more positive light

I have seen WAY worse than this pull out of it

Its not like she caught her shooting heroin in her neck in the bathroom

c'mon

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And I do nothing and live with her killing or maiming herself and a few others along the way? Remember, she's not a cute little teenager any longer. She's old enough to know better. Why doesn't she know better is the musical question.

So what do you suggest she does??
The police will not get involved at this point

Quote:

Originally Posted by zippit

your assuming this woman will not stop

until something disaterous happens to her

i just look at it in a more positive light

I have seen WAY worse than this pull out of it

its not like she caught her shooting heroin in her neck in the bathroom

c'mon

I have seen them die and take others with them. We'll hope for the best on this one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I have seen them die and take others with them. We'll hope for the best on this one.

Yep and often police HAD been called several times and nothing could be done ''because a crime had not been commited'' OR there was no solid evidence.

Thanks for the advice thus far. My daughters actions have been going on since she was in high school. Things have gradually gotten worse. She has tried to kill her self a few times by overdosing on pain meds a few times. She has been in and out of the psych hospital due to this. The doctors that she has seen could never agree on what is going on with her. One would say she has depression, the other would say no, that she has something completely different. This went on and on for years. She now refuses to go see anyone. She went through at least 2 years of pure hell, where she would cut herself. She has been told by several of the doctors that she has OCD. She will not listen to me, and states that she is in the process of saving up money to move out.

Here are some answers to your "what ifs"
-she still lives at home
-she pays me rent
-she pays for her own car insurance
-she pays for her own cell phone
When she is at home, she stays away from the rest of the family. She shuts herself up in her room the entire time she is home.

Okay You need to tell her your house your rules or you will have to resort to evicting her.

Since she stays in her room I would just leave her there and try to ignore her as much as possible for now.

waterdreamer I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Check into a psych hospital hold for your daughter. It is clear that she is living on the edge for whatever reason. She lacks value of her own life let alone life in general.
I believe that calling the police for no reason right now is by far the worst possible scenario.
Help is the answer... not additional trouble.
As a parent wouldn't we do anything for our children? Plead with her for her sake... keep track and document with proof all that she is doing that you observe for fact to be illegal. When and if your daughter finds herself behind bars if that should happen, only agree to help her get out if she agrees to certain conditions. At that time you get her the physciatric help that she needs.
Does your daughter have medical coverage? Has a Dr. ever perscribed medication and if so is she taking it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsMewiththat

Check into a psych hospital hold for your daughter.

She lacks value of her own life let alone life in general.
At that time you get her the physciatric help that she needs.

She can not get her psychiatric help against her will and I am sure she would never consent.
At best she MIGHT be able to get her to agree to family counseling

I have suggested to her that she get help. That just added fuel to the fire. She stormed out of the house and didn't come home for several hours (arrived about 3am). She has been perscribed some meds for OCD. The meds are disapearing. I am not sure if she is taking them or not. When she was in high school, I caught her washing some of her meds down the drain. I don't know if she is actually taking them or not.

You need to tell her a list of
MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY rules
Like lose the attitude
No coming in after midnight

No help for you... dependent on where the OP lives there is a type of psychiatric hold that can happen when you involuntarily admit someone that meets certain criteria... BRITNEY SPEARS... 5150 hold.
I suggested that she research it for the next outburst. Sometimes depending on what they discover there can be a court ordered remedy or actionable item to help set this person on the right path