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Originally Posted by zooropa1985

She comes from a church family, she is a "christian" and so if people found out she had sex let alone a one nite stand then that would ruin her life, at least in terms of her family and church life.

Now im begin a hypocrite because i did sleep with with her but not while she was a minor and im 21, plus i was her boyfriend.

It seems i can't win in this situation, look at the other posts tellin me to mind my own business, when i do i get told to tell people, im trully comfused.

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The truth will set her free... then she can get reconnected with her spiritual side... or does her church condone sex before marriage. OK I'm in church watching chester the child molester leer at all the little girls! How ridicluous. In a church there is supposed to be forgiveness and understanding esp. for the child that is a victim of crime. Her church will stand by her and so will her family and his A$$ will go to jail. Where he needs to be. p.s. Tell her to stop being a willing victim and enabler . And good luck to the both of you

I say leave it alone. I'm sure you have something better to do.

Send the anonymous letter to the church and police and him too. And keep your mouth shut about it. And don't mention names except his. You will feel better without hurting anyone, except him and keep your confidence with your g/f, and still report the bastard. What's so hard about that?

Tal that is a good solution, everybody wins. Sometimes I am to hard on situations, because this is such a sore spot with me. Glad to see we have people like you on here

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Send the anonymous letter to the church and police and him too. And keep your mouth shut about it. And don't mention names except his. You will feel better without hurting anyone, except him and keep your confidence with your g/f, and still report the bastard. Whats so hard about that??

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Hmmm that's a good idea, maybe I will but weren't you one of the ones telling me not to do anything at the start?

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Originally Posted by zooropa1985

Hmmm thats a good idea, maybe i will but werent you one of the ones telling me not to do anything at the start?

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I still say you are just pissed because you didn't get a virgin and your just concerned about yourself and this post proves it.

If you reread, you'll see I said don't break your g/f trust and put her in a very bad position. I tried to drop hints, and lead you, but since you didn't get it..?

I've cleaned up neighborhoods by dropping an anonymous dime. Just keep your mouth shut.

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Originally Posted by bushg

I still say you are just pissed because you didn't get a virgin and your just concerned about your self and this post proves it.

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Why you giving me such a hard time?

I never said I wanted a virgin, I only mentioned that to show peeps that it wasn't him having sex with her!

If she was a virgin I wouldn't sleep with her, I don't want that kind of responsibility, I resepct her too much.

Tal what he wants is for someone that will come up with an idea that will mke him look like a hero to her and her parents so he can get her back. That is the real point to his post. Me, Me, Me, me what I have said all along

We can only be patient and hope we get an update. I can understand why this topic can fuel some high emotions, so everyone just breathe for a minute, slowly.

No I come on here for advice and make a decision only to be bullied into changing my mind.

I got enuff problems in my life rite now, I don't need to add this as well.

Ill do anything to get my ex back and if that means biting the bullet then so be it.

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Originally Posted by zooropa1985

no i come on here for advice and make a decision only to be bullied into changing my mind.

I got enuff problems in my life rite now, i dont need to add this as well.

Ill do anything to get my ex back and if that means biting the bullet then so be it.

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If you can't feel the emotion in others, and understand, then look in the mirror and see those same emotions. Get over the defensive posture, and use the advice given to solve your problems. The beauty of this forum is you can take what you need and discard the rest.

Ok here's what will happen if I do what you said.

I send letters to police, church and him, police will probably ignore it, church will again ignore it (trust me on this).

As for him, he will know its me, he knows I know already, I've already confronted him about it, that's how I know she wasn't lying. Anyhoo he gets the letter and puts two and two together, rings my ex and she finds out what I have done, never to forgive me and ill only have a little bit of pride and a whole lot of regret over it.

Like I said before, I regret making this thread in the first place and only came back to try and defend myself.

Okay, you want your girl back right? Well, spend your time working on that. If this is a situation that is haunting her - then you support her. If she feels she needs to come forward - then support her.
Through this all - this isn't your story to tell. It is hers.
Now, I get what every one is saying about letting people know that there is a molester on the loose - I would want to know if there was one in my church. But, that really needs to come from her. Or with her permission. If you don't get back together and manage to remain friends - you could ask her if it would be all right to send a letter - leaving out names. (or hers) Just to get, if nothing else, the Church's attention. - Then he CAN'T call and give her crap that would surprise her. She would know and not be hurt by it.

Since she is slap in the middle of it - then her feelings need to be acknowledged. If you go and break her trust - she will have been victimized once again. And I don't get that you want to do that to her.

Good Luck.

To everybody, I guess you can have fun tearing me apart because I'm pretty much in complete disagreement with all the posts. I can't believe some of these answers here. I'm seeing this guy called a pedo and a molestor. She wasn't 5 years old. She was 16, two years shy of a human made laws in some countries that decrys you of legal age to have sex with anyone of any age. Yes that is a large age difference and no it is not legal but I think the term molestor is not exactly appropriate either.

I'm hearing the argument what if she was your daughter or sister. Well if she was my daughter at 5 years old and this happened, someone would be dying at my hands, no question. But at 16 after my daughter I'd be pissed but I wouldn't be killing anybody because puberty has happened and she knows what sex is. I say that knowing full well that a 16 year old doesn't know the overall reprocussions of getting involved in sexual activity and knowing full well that a 16 year old can't handle the responsibility of a sexual life and can get talked into a situation that he or she doesn't want to be in.

But all that being said why wasn't this an issue before? Why is it an issue only when the woman at the center of this story disrespects and dumps someone. Why then does this come up.

Zooropa, I'm not trying to start an argument with you or pick at you but I have to ask why are you doing this? What does any of this do for you?

Correct me if I'm wrong in all this but the women in question here dumped you. The woman in question here didn't respect you enough to tell you to your face... or even on the phone in her voice. Correct me if I'm wrong but the women in question here dumped you via text. Correct me if I'm wrong her but the women in question then would NOT give you a response when you deserved an explanation for why you got dumped. Correct me if I'm wrong here but the woman in question lied her way out of difficult situations with you. And that's just what you've told us, who knows how much your holding back.

Why does it appear this is all a way to ride in like the knight in shining armor. She has told you to leave it alone. She dumped you, cold heartedly at that, and now your mad at her but you can't take it out on her, so you try to take it out on a guy that may or may not have had sex with her before you. All the while she tells you to drop it and you don't. Exactly what am I missing here that says this woman is a catch or for that matter even wants you in her life if it's not to run her own personal drama club?

Furthermore, you said you talked to this guy. While I congradulate you on actually giving him the floor to say his side it just doesn't make sense that he would say he engaged in illegal sexual activities with a 16 year old and then tell her ex boyfriend when he came up and asked him about it after having NEVER met him before. What did he really say? Again, if we are to believe he's some sort of molestor I just can't believe he would come out and say that he did. Am I not seeing the whole picture here?

Again, Zooropa, I'm not trying to attack you but something isn't adding up, and the reality is this isn't about about her family, her religion, her first, or even her... this is about you. Your absolutely going insane over her and the worst part is your doing it to yourself. I think the one thing in this post most would agree with me on is this. You need to be away from her, she is not good for you or your emotional or mental health. She has you doing all sorts of things for her and you do them, at you own expense, at you're the cost of your own soul, and she doesn't even care about you. Punishing yourself like this will not bring her back and in fact will only drive her further away, and in fact it appears to be working.

Chuff, I don't disagree with you on a lot of your points. Having said that - I have a question.
I got the impression that this encounter was not 100% consentual (sp?). That a 27 year old man FORCED himself on a 16 year old. I know she isn't calling it rape - but it said somewhere that he would not take her home until she gave him oral - things like that.
If that is the case - would reporting it to someone be appropriate?

Some people give in rather than being violently raped, consenual or not the courts look at it as rape anyway... because he raped her mind first, and then her body... that is how most molesters work it... they just don't come up and grab their victims they slowly do it by becoming their friends. And any child can have this happen to them... he will do it again he is a pig that needs to be removed from society and rehabilitated if possible. Or lethal injections if he is caught doing it again.

Bushg, NowWhat, I can only say we only have his version, and as emotional an issue as this is his credibility is shot as far as I'm concerned because if it was as serious as he says he would be putting action behind his words and not excuses. He has ulterior motives here I feel. Not enough to hang someone on. Just my opinion after 6 pages and 10 comments on each page. For context

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=1407147

I know - the water is pretty muddy. That is why I advised that if any reporting goes on - it should come from her. Then you take the jilted ex out of the picture.
I guess my question could have been more hypothetical.
And you are right - we only have one side of this story. My thing is - what if this is a molester we are talking about and what if he is going to do it again - and the next time it could be one of our kids? If she feels like she was abused - should her ex try to convince her to come forward - in hopes that this never happens again?

I agree tal.. his story does not concern me nor his motives. My concern is that people think that as long as a 16 year old consents to sex with an adult male it is OK... I want people to understand that it does not matter the age it is still rape! That is the point in my corresponding with this self serving person. :)peace