Originally Posted by BEEN THERE
Dear Turnera!
I am so sorry that you have had to go through this and then be attacked by all of these people when you were just looking for a sounding board. My ex husband molested his niece and my daughter. (5 times his niece, twice with my daughter) When his niece found out that he was going after my daughter she told me. I did all the right things, called social services and the police, divorced him after he went to jail. Supported my children in everyway I could. But what they don't realize is how much pain is caused to everyone. Not just the children. I was in court more than he was as I was question over and over to see if I had any knowledge of the events. I lost my husband, my income, and for a while my sanity. I can remember crying hysterically because I missed garbage day two weeks in a row, because that was something he always did. As devastated as I was upon hearing what he had done, sickened, I remember feeling relief because he was finally talking to me again and I knew what had been bothering him for so long. You are in a very vulnerable state right now and you need support too! Not attacks. But please listen to reason. 1) They don't help him in prison and he is still hiding from the truth and depth of his actions 2) When in rehab after his release is when he will finally be surrounded by others like him and truly see what he has done and hopefully start being honest about what led up to this. ( It's so hard to be truly honest when every one thinks you should just Die!) 3.) Most cases will not allow him to see his victim until they are 18 unless it is his own child She is a step child and this will not happen.
So you have to move on. Let the pain and anger out don't block it. (Years later I still hate my ex on some days) Go on with your life. Use the love you have for him to be his friend help him get through this, but not as his wife as a friend an honest one. Let him know when you are angry or sad so he can understand his actions. Tell the kids he is sick and needs help and he can't be around them for many many years. Don't get there hopes up falsely. As awful as this is it does get easier in time. My ex and I are still the best of friends, my daughter and his niece are grown and although both have emotional scars they are doing just fine. If I had given in to my desires ( and yes I did have some) to stay together I truly believe my daughter would have felt as thou I loved him more than her she would have had no respect for me and I would have had none for myself. Even now I am battling myself. Because I greatly desire to get back together with him after everything. The love has never died. But the children come first, they have too. And I desperately want to see my grandkids ,when I have some at my house, without risking them getting hurt or my daughter feeling uncomfortable. We can't always choose our path but we can make the best of it. You and your children are stronger than you think. Grow closer to them and God and the situation with your husband will turn out in it's own time if it was meant to be.
