Ask Me Help Desk - Confused!

Confused!

Okay so my question is going to be long so please bear with me. Here it goes. I am 19 years old and I'm one child of nine. We Have been raised as a very strong non denominational christian family. My dad is the leader of our family is tells us he is a prophet sent of God. Every Sunday we are to be at "church" which my dad teaches at my house. However.. I don't learn really Anything. I can never focus because my dad creeps me out, as bad as that sounds. I want to be in a real church so I can learn and really take in what is being taught but I'm too afraid to ask because I know he will be Furious. Also my dad is very big in speaking in tongues and is constantly putting it in out faces.. I absolutely do believe in speaking in tongues but I believe it should be between you and the lord. Not between you and man. My dad is usually very rude to us and getting on us abou everything. My sisters and I do so much for my family.. and I love it but I don't have time for myself. It's almost like I'm a part time mom. I guess I just wish he would show a little appreciation? On the other hand.. my dad Is so kind to us sometimes.. it just confuses me. I guess what I'm asking is.. is my dad right for acting this way? He is constantly turning us away from him... I need help. I feel as if I am screaming for someone to save me but nobody understands.

You are 19, I think it would be in your best interest to leave... as would any other children of legal age.

If only for the belief he has that he is some sort of prophet.

I'm a lifelong Christian and we don't believe in that... any denomination I am aware of, that to me has all the makings of a Cult.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

You are 19, I think it would be in your best interest to leave.......as would any other children of legal age.
If only for the belief he has that he is some sort of prophet.

I'm a lifelong Christian and we don't believe in that.....any denomination I am aware of, that to me has all the makings of a Cult.

*I did leave. I graduated and went to college. I was in an accident and had to move home to recover. Unfortunately I still don't have a car, I work abouy 30 hours a week but it Is impossible to save money because I pay for everything the kids need and help out some at home. I want to leave so bad but feel like I can't leave the kids! Because he Would not allow me to see them anymore. Also my sister and I have read A lot about cults and we feel the same way. As embarrassing as that is. Thank you for your response.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anna01

*I did leave. I graduated and went to college. I was in an accident and had to move home to recover. Unfortunately I still don't have a car, I work abouy 30 hours a week but it Is impossible to save money because I pay for everything the kids need and help out some at home. I want to leave so bad but feel like I can't leave the kids! Because he Would not allow me to see them anymore. Also my sister and I have read A lot about cults and we feel the same way. As embarrassing as that is. Thank you for your response.

I am certain there is help out there for people in a situation such as yours... unfortunately I am not aware of where to direct you, however if you remain patient perhaps someone else who reads this will.

Ok, it is first very biblical for there to be home churches, and in tradition often the elder male of the family did hold services of some sort on a daily basis and the family as a whole only went to other organised activities once in a while.

Many ,and in my opinion too many Pentecostals do make speaking in tongues far too important, many of the organised churches will even go as far as to say if you don't speak in tongues you are not really saved. So depending on the church you go into, expect the speaking in tongues to be pushed into your face even at many of the other churches.

It will be a matter of finding one that fits your more moderate view points.

Also learning, if you will not sit and listen to what your dad is preaching, why should I believe you will sit and listen to what a preacher is saying ?

Next little learning is done while being preached at, it is done as you read and study the bible and other writings yourself, So do you ever read and study the bible yourself.

Do you question you dad on items, if he is prophet then he would hold a 5 fold purpose and one of them is that of teacher.

If he uses all the gifts, but the hardest gift if that of prophecy, and it is rare you find it.
He may be a preacher, he may be a teacher, but I may challenge the fact he is a true prophet. If so when does he go out and tell others the word of God.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Ok, it is first very biblical for there to be home churches, and in tradition often the elder male of the family did hold services of some sort on a daily basis and the family as a whole only went t. o other organised activities oncwhile.
Many ,and in my opinion too many Pentecostals do make speaking in tongues far too important, many of the organised churches will even go as far
as to say if you don't speak in tongues you are not really saved. So depending on the church you go into, expect the speaking in tongues to be
pushed into your face even at many
of the other churches.
It will be a matter of finding one that fits your more moderate view points.
Also learning, if you will not sit and listen to what your dad is preaching, why should I beleive you will sit and listen to what a preacher is saying?
Next little learning is done while being preached at, it is done as you read and study the bible and other writingsOkay so my question is going to be long so please bare with me. Here it goes. I am 19 years old and im one child of nine. We Have been raised as a very strong non denominational christian family. My dad is the leader of our family is tells us he is a prophet sent of God. Every sunday we are to be at "church" which my dad teaches at my house. However..I don't learn really Anything. I can never focus because my dad creeps me out, as bad as that sounds. I want to be ..... yourself, So do you ever read and study the bible your self
Do you question you dad on items, if he is prophet then he would hold a 5 fold purpose and one of them is that of teacher.
If he uses all the gifts, but the hardest gift if that of prophecy, and it is rare you find it.
He may be a preacher, he may be a
teacher, but I may challegefact he is

Okay so my question is going to be long so please bare with me. Here it goes. I am 19 years old and im one child of nine. We Have been raised as a very strong non denominational christian family. My dad is the leader of our family is tells us he is a prophet sent of God. Every sunday we are to be at "church" which my dad teaches at my house. However..I don't learn really Anything. I can never focus because my dad creeps me out, as bad as that sounds. I want to be in a real church so I can learn and really take in what is being taught but I'm too afraid to ask because I know he will be Furious. Also my dad is very big in speaking in tongues and is constantly putting it in out faces..I absolutely do believe in speaking in tongues but I believe it should be between you and the lord. Not between you and man. My dad is usually very rude to us and getting on us abou everything. My sisters and I do so much for my family..and I love it but I don't have time for myself. It's almost like I'm a part time mom. I guess I just wish he would show a little appreciation? On the other hand..my dad Is so kind to us sometimes..it just confuses me.

a true prophet. If so when does he go out and tell others the word of
God.

... this is exactly my point. People don't understand my situation. I could never explain it fully in text. You would have to live it to understand. I do listen to what my dad teaches but it is rarely from the bible.. he pretty much just yells at us the whole service. Now When I've been at church before I can listen and drink up all that is being taught. I just do not trust my dad. I don't think he is right in the head. On the other hand I feel bad I feel this way because he Is my dad.

Where is your mother? Other relatives?

Fr_chuck sorry I didn't mean to send the last one so early. Anyway.. yes I am in the word but need to be more. I love the lord with all of my heart and will follow him for the rest of my life... im not going to lie though. How my dad teaches us and things he will say almost makes me want to not have a relationship with god. Now I would never throw away all I've been taught and received but I guess my dad just confuses me sometimes.. . yes my dad does go out here and there and tell others about the l

What are some specific things your father says during his church services?

Fr_chuck. About the lord but when has he ever even helped with winning someone to the lord? Never.. not that I know of. Maybe before I was born. He has pushed all of his family away and has no friends.. in a way I can understand because his family won't except Jesus the way he does but he doesn't go at it the right way. They are all "good people" but don't want as much god as we do. If that makes sense. Anyway.. I do love my dad. I really do but I can't stand feeling this way. I know things aren't right.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Where is your mother? other relatives?

My mom lives with us. She works everyday though. She's almOst always dead tired.. my relatives well they all live about 2 hours away and my dad won't speak to them. My grandma lives in my same town but my dad won't speak to her either. I think I will get in trouble if I go see her. It's hard to explain anything specific that my dad will say because it is Always different. We never stay on topic! We will end up talking about for example my brother that is in Afghanistan.. how he will die if he does not come home Right now, or how my sister is dating a baptist and he will never accept her if she marries him. I wish I could just videotape it and put it on here honestly.

It doesn't sound very Christian (and my dad was a pastor, so I know how home life can go living with a religious father). He sounds very controlling.

Does your mother have anything to say about your father or this situation?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It doesn't sound very Christian (and my dad was a pastor, so I know how home life can go living with a religious father). He sounds very controlling.

. He is Very controlling. My mom is a very Godly woman and I look up to her very much. However she gives into his control. It almost seems in a way he brainwashes her? He treats her very rudely.. she is the one that works and pays for EVERYTHING! Her birthday was yesterday and I guess he was getting on her and for once she stood up to him and said I can't take your stress. He got mad and left. Then came back in the middle of night. They still have not spoken and I just heard him say to my sister that my mom is acting up? No. He just does not let her be her own person. He had major control issues.

A Christian husband doesn't treat his wife that way.

Did your father used to belong to a church and got turned off somehow, and then started this thing with home services that he considers a godly alternative?

Anna - I fully understand your situation. Sometimes it is helpful for you to ask yourself "what would I like to change about my situation?" and then go from there.

If it were in your power to change your situation right now, what would you do?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

A Christian husband doesn't treat his wife that way.
Did your father used to belong to a church and got turned off somehow, and then started this thing with home services that he considers a godlyalternative?

Sort of. We have been in other churches before and a couple my dad had preached at. After a while they kindly ask us to leave or for him to water down his preaching. We always leave. My dad does not answer to anyone and does not have a covering.. I don't think it is healthy at all.

He IS an ordained minister? Or how did he get into a pulpit? Which denomination? Pentecostal?

Water down his preaching--from what? Hellfire and damnation?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jakester

Anna - I fully understand your situation. Sometimes it is helpful for you to ask yourself "what would I like to change about my situation?" and then go from there.
If it were in your power to change your situation right now, what would you do?

if I could change the situation I would pack up all my brothers and sisters and my mom and move away from here.. away from my dad. I would get into church and begin to pursue my own dreams which I cannot do here. I don't think he is holding me back intentionally but I can't grow here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

He IS an ordained minister? Or how did he get into a pulpit? Which denomination? Pentecostal?

I guess he is. Most of the churches hd preached at were just little country churches. Nothing major. And we are non denominational Christians he says. My sister is dating a Baptist and my dad is so angry about it.. actually my boyfriend is Baptist too.. but my dad doesn't know yet because he is stationed in California. But oh my when he come home in a c

But oh my when he comes home in a couple months my dad will be furious. He knows I have a boyfriend.. he doesn't like it but doesn't say anything because he is not here right now. Whether it be baptist lutheran Methodist.. doesn't matter. They are all wrong to my dad. I don't understand.

Could you list some of the beliefs he has?

Are you in a rural area in the US?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Could you list some of the beliefs he has?
Are you in a rural area in the US?

I'm in Indiana. He Is a big believer in the man being the head of the house.. which so am I but not to the extent he does. He is constantly putting my mom down. He also is a BIG believer in speaking in tongues and actually he believes if you don't speak in tongues you are not truly saved. Which I 100% do not believe,

My sister speaks in tongues (she says), but it's a private language between her and God--not to be done publicly.

Is there a family doctor?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

My sister speaks in tongues (she says), but it's a private language between her and God--not to be done publicly.
Is there a family doctor?

That is how I believe it should be. Yes we have a family doctor but we don't get shots or anything like that. How come?

No shots? Your father is against that too? Do the children go to school?

I thought a doctor might have some input as to what is going on with your father mentally and emotionally and some clout to help the family.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

No shots? Your father is against that too? Do the children go to school?
I thought a doctor might have some input as to what is going on with your father mentally and emotionally andsome clout to help the family.

No shots. And yes we used to be homeschooled but with having nine kids it was just too much so they put us in public school. My dad does not really care for out doctor too much. I'm not too sure why. My sister and I have researched cults and religious fanatics many many times and a lot points to my dad. I believe you can have a healthy relationship with god.. which is what I have but my dad does not. All he can think about is God. He has pushed Everyone away in his life. Literally everyone.

I'm guessing your dad doesn't care for the doctor because the doctor is the voice of reason.

So the kids have all gotten their shots for school?

Yes, I agree about the cult. And it's not even Bible-based and Gospel-based, sounds like.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'm guessing your dad doesn't care for the doctor because the doctor is the voice of reason
So the kids have all gotten their shots for school?
Yes, I agree about the cult. And it's not even Bible-based and Gospel-
based, sounds like.

No ma'am. No shots. I think they sign a paper and say it's for religious reasons? My dad does also Preach the word to us a lot but he kind of only uses and follows what He wants to from bible.

Wow! Indiana schools must be pretty loose with their rules. More and more we are seeing long-since-defeated diseases like whooping cough and German measles popping up and killing kids who never had their shots.

So, you have lived with this for a long time and sound very smart and on top of what is going on. What do you think can happen to improve this situation?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Wow! Indiana schools must be pretty loose with their rules. More and more we are seeing long-since-defeated diseases like whooping cough and German measles popping up and
killing kids who never had their shots.
So, you have lived with this for a long time and sound very smart and on top
of what is going on. What do you
think can happen to improve this
situation?

honestly I don't think there is anything that could help the situation. Unless my dad just LEFT. But I'm pretty sure he would not do that. I feel like it would be so wrong of me to leave because they need my help around here and I am so close with my Brothers and sisters.. I just don't think I could leave them. But everyday I feel like I'm growing more and more depressed. The only thing that keeps me sane is having my siblings here and feeling the same way I do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anna01

honestly I don't think there is anything that could help the situation. Unless my dad just LEFT. but I'm pretty sure he would not do that. I feel like it would be so wrong of me to leave because they need my help around here and I am so close with my Brothers and sisters..I just don't think I could leave them. But everyday I feel like I'm growing more and more depressed. The only thing that keeps me sane is having my siblings here and feeling the same way I do.

I hesitate to use this word, but your dad is abusive. If any of the kids are under 18, an anonymous call to your local version of child protective services might be in order. I would also start looking into local services and organizations that assist with domestic abuse. One of those might be able to get all of you, including your mother, out of the house. While that sounds extreme, I know, domestic abuse is essentially what you're describing. It doesn't have to be physical abuse; mental and emotional abuse is very real, and your family is right in the thick of it.

Not really defending the dad,

But believign that the man is the head of the household.

Believing that one certain things ( in their case speaking in tongues) is a requirement of salvation

Controlling the dating of the children.

If we make that religion Islam, it would not be considered a cult but a major religion, where mom and dad decides who the child married, are allowed to beat the daughter for not obeying ( inside many muslim nations) And often carried on in the US.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dwashbur

I hesitate to use this word, but your dad is abusive. If any of the kids are under 18, an anonymous call to your local version of child protective services might be in order. I would also start
looking into local services and
organizations that assist with domestic
abuse. One of those might be able to get all of you, including your mother,
out of the house. While that sounds
extreme, I know, domestic abuse is
essentially what you're describing. It
doesn't have to be physical abuse;
mental and emotional abuse is very
real, and your family is right in the
thick of it.

CPS has been here before. For physical abuse. And it was because my school counselor saw my bruised up face. Now he doesn't really physically abuse us anymore but it is mental. For example... he and my mom have no talked for two days because she just had enough of him. They have been fighting all night and for once she is standing up to him, I want to take all the kids and go. I'm going to see how everything is in the morning. I just hope my mom doesn't give into his control again... thank you for your response