If you are not a serious Christian please do not answer this question. If this turns into a religious debate it does not help me with my problem so please don't corrupt this thread.

I was raised in a Christian home and gave my heart to the Lord at a young age. I was raised knowing the dos and don'ts. I used to be super on fire for God. I mean I did everything I could with my church, youth group, even organized events and outreach outside of church. Then I got burnt out. I had a lot of people take advantage of me and my unwillingness to say no to a good cause and I just worked myself too hard. About 5 years after the burn out and I still haven't recovered. Not to mention the fact that I finally had a real relationship in that mix somewhere with a guy I thought loved me and he dropped me flat with no explanation as to why. It took me years to get over that relationship and I'm still dealing with "side effects" from it. As for what's going on now, I don't really know who I am anymore. I believe in God, I love Jesus and I know what he did for me, but I find myself loving him, but not being close to him like I used to be. I want to be a good servant, but I just don't know how anymore. I have a hard time motivating myself to read the Bible and I even find myself questioning my faith at times. I've been fighting this battle for years now. Everyone always looked to me for advice and encouragement and I just kind find it anymore but I don't want them to know how far I've backslidin'.

I've also found myself changing my stance on some things here and there. I was raised ultra conservative. I have decided that some of the things that I was taught I shouldn't do aren't as bad as I originally thought. For example. I was raised not to drink AT ALL. Now I'm thinkin' a glass of wine at dinner or a fruitly little drink on vacation isn't all that bad. Am I compromising or just finding my own way?

Last part of my delimma I promise! My boyfriend is not a Christian. Its not that he's an atheist or anything he just doesn't understand faith in Christ. He was not raised in a Christian home and these things just don't make sense to him. I'm not pushing him , but I do invite him to church and church functions and I don't hide the fact that I am a Christian. I do however believe that I'm not the best example for him to learn from. But I love him (although I haven't been able to tell him yet) I believe that God brought the two of us together because the circumstances around us even meeting were so awesome. More to this situation though. The bad relationship from earlier, I keep letting that effect the way I think. Its like my brain won't stop thinking. I analyze everything he does and assume that it's a sign that he's losing interest or fear that he's going to dump me. I can't stop no matter how hard I try. He hasn't done anything that a normal person would see as a sign of a break up, but I'm so scarred from this last guy, that I worry constantly about him leaving me. I worry so much that I can't enjoy the relationship.

As you can see I seem to be totally screwed up. So please give me some advice!!

We all lose our way sometimes because we are human. It is important to take care of yourself so that you can be strong in your faith. Overextending yourself doesn't do anyone any good - as you have found out.
You do not have to believe everything you were taught as a child. You need to take this information and make educated decisions about your personal relationship with God. Your teachers are also human.
Now might be a good time for you visit other churches in your community. Perhaps you will find one that feels like a better fit for you. Be open with your boyfriend about your confusion with your faith and your desire to renew it. Invite him to search with you. Perhaps he will be more interested if he sees it as something you are building together - not him joining you in your church with your family and friends.
As for your past relationship effecting your relationship with him... Do not punish him for what someone else did to you. Let your past be a lesson of caution, but do not let it keep you from living your life.

One of the worst mistakes too many christians do is not just living their faith and allowing them to use the talents God gave them, but they feel they have to do everything and take care of everybody, it can not happen.

Next I am not saying this is the case but every blessing or what we feel is a blessing is not always from God, it sometimes is a distraction. For example a pastor may get a offer for a large church, he takes it since God is giving it to him, while in fact God had wanted him to take the small church that could not pay a full time salary since that was where he was needed.

But the other is forgivenss, we have to learn to forgive others and not try to drag the past with us,

I think we all feel insecure in our walk with god sometimes. I believe god leads us even when we don't expect it. God's knowledge is complete, and the things he wants to teach us may span years. I would say give it some time, and keep repenting of anything you feel is a sin. Also, remember,
Mar 7:15 there is nothing from without the man, that going into him can defile him; but the things which proceed out of the man are those that defile the man.
Mar 7:16 [If any man hath ears to hear, let him hear.]
Mar 7:17 And when he was entered into the house from the multitude, his disciples asked of him the parable.
Mar 7:18 And he saith unto them, Are ye so without understanding also? Perceive ye not, that whatsoever from without goeth into the man, [it] cannot defile him;
Mar 7:19 because it goeth not into his heart, but into his belly, and goeth out into the draught? [This he said], making all meats clean.
Mar 7:20 And he said, That which proceedeth out of the man, that defileth the man.
Mar 7:21 For from within, out of the heart of men, evil thoughts proceed, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries,
Mar 7:22 covetings, wickednesses, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, railing, pride, foolishness:
Mar 7:23 all these evil things proceed from within, and defile the man.

So you can see that it's really about your inner life with god that's important.

To really draw close to God we need to be genuine when we pray and ask for guidance and direction. This brings true intimacy with you and your grand creator, who loves you and wants to be close to you. But we have to make the effort.
To not really want to read deeply into his word is telling God that you can't really be bothered getting to know him properly. Just appearing to be christian on the outside is a far cry from truly following Jesus footsteps. It's certainly not easy being a true christian, but with the effort comes rich blessings and a wonderful reward at the end.

Ask yourself first how serious you really are about walking down that right path.
Then if you still think you're prepared to make necessary adjustments in your life, pray about it and ask for God's holy spirit to guide you and help walk the true path.
Don't just leave it at that. You need to take action in order to exercise faith in God (John 3:16), so start reading and taking in knowledge of him (John 17:3) and try to apply fully what you learn.

Drinking is not an offense to christians but it's the becoming intoxicated that is a sin (1 Cor 9:10; Gal 5:19-24; Prov 20:1).

2 Cor 6:14 warns us that becoming involved with someone who doesn't share our beliefs can lead to disaster. It is your life but God wants you to enjoy it and be safe not only from harming ourselves but also from what Satan can do to harm us. The only way we can keep Satan at bay is by drawing close to God and keeping ourselves in his love.

I love this scripture Tadita in 2 Tim 3:16 - "ALL scripture is inspired of God and beneficial for teaching and reproving and setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness."

May the path you take from now on truly set things straight for you. :)

You need to understand that every child of God will be tested, no one is exempt. Let me share a few scriptures with you that I have found helpful through many years. You WILL be tempted but:
1 Cor 10:13
13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
(KJV)

Jesus is faithful to us. Listen to what the Apostle Paul said here:
2 Tim 1:12
12 For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.
(KJV)

Paul had committed himself, body and soul to Jesus and he was confident that Jesus would never let him down, and Jesus will not let you down either. This scripture is the first one I committed to memory and it has helped me many times in time of stress.

Jesus forgives all kinds of sin, and believers sometimes need thaf forgiveness. When we do sin, Jesus is our lawyer at the bar of Heaven.
I Jn 2:1
1 My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:
(KJV)

Jesus died for you and me nearly 2,000 years ago, but what has He done for us lately? He is praying for us! Rejoice in knowing that He knows how to get His prayers answered.
Rom 8:34
34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
(KJV)

No one, not even Satan has any right to condemn us. What wonderful news!

Do you have a friend who is a strong Christian? If so, ask them to pray with you. You don't need to tell any details, just say that you are going throug a difficult time.

And finally, remember that the "secret" of living a successful Christian life is to get up just one more time than you get knocked down.

You have my prayers.

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Originally Posted by tadita83

If you are not a serious Christian please do not answer this question. If this turns into a religious debate it does not help me with my problem so please don't corrupt this thread.

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Ok.

Quote:

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I was raised in a Christian home and gave my heart to the Lord at a young age. I was raised knowing the dos and don'ts. I used to be super on fire for God. I mean I did everything I could with my church, youth group, even organized events and outreach outside of church. Then I got burnt out. I had a lot of people take advantage of me and my unwillingness to say no to a good cause and I just worked myself too hard. About 5 years after the burn out and I still haven't recovered. Not to mention the fact that I finally had a real relationship in that mix somewhere with a guy I thought loved me and he dropped me flat with no explanation as to why. It took me years to get over that relationship and I'm still dealing with "side effects" from it. As for what's going on now, I don't really know who I am anymore. I believe in God, I love Jesus and I know what he did for me, but I find myself loving him, but not being close to him like I used to be. I want to be a good servant, but I just don't know how anymore. I have a hard time motivating myself to read the Bible and I even find myself questioning my faith at times. I've been fighting this battle for years now. Everyone always looked to me for advice and encouragement and I just kind find it anymore but I don't want them to know how far I've backslidin'.

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You might want to read about the Purgative way.
CATHOLIC ENCYCLOPEDIA: State Or Way (Purgative, Illuminative, Unitive)

Essentially, what a study of the Saints has revealed is that when we are converted to God, we seem to go through a honeymoon stage which many call being "on fire".

At that time, loving God and doing His will is easy. But there comes a time when God seems to hide from us. At that time, doing His will becomes a chore. But this is when we obtain more graces. Its easy to roll down hill. But when we have to struggle to remain united to God, that is when we reveal our true love for Him.

You are perhaps going through this stage in your life, when it doesn't come easy to love God. But, if you hang in there, God will reward you:
Hebrews 11 6 But without faith it is impossible to please God. For he that cometh to God, must believe that he is, and is a rewarder to them that seek him.

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I've also found myself changing my stance on some things here and there. I was raised ultra conservative. I have decided that some of the things that I was taught I shouldn't do aren't as bad as I originally thought. For example. I was raised not to drink AT ALL. Now I'm thinkin' a glass of wine at dinner or a fruitly little drink on vacation isn't all that bad. Am I compromising or just finding my own way?

Last part of my delimma I promise! My boyfriend is not a Christian. Its not that he's an atheist or anything he just doesn't understand faith in Christ. He was not raised in a Christian home and these things just don't make sense to him. I'm not pushing him , but I do invite him to church and church functions and I don't hide the fact that I am a Christian. I do however believe that I'm not the best example for him to learn from. But I love him (although I haven't been able to tell him yet) I believe that God brought the two of us together because the circumstances around us even meeting were so awesome. More to this situation though. The bad relationship from earlier, I keep letting that effect the way I think. Its like my brain won't stop thinking. I analyze everything he does and assume that it's a sign that he's losing interest or fear that he's going to dump me. I can't stop no matter how hard I try. He hasn't done anything that a normal person would see as a sign of a break up, but I'm so scarred from this last guy, that I worry constantly about him leaving me. I worry so much that I can't enjoy the relationship.

As you can see I seem to be totally screwed up. So please give me some advice!!

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As St. Paul said:

Ephesians 5 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be two in one flesh 32 This is a great sacrament; but I speak in Christ and in the church.

Although he is still your boyfriend and as yet not your husband, a relationship of love with a man has the same dynamics as a relationship of love with Jesus Christ.

At first, it is easy to love. But then, after many dates and the familiar becomes, shall we say it, boring. It then becomes an act of will to continue to love. It is at this point that faith kicks in. Faith in each other. Not blind faith. But faith which is earned. Is he there when he says he'll be there? Does he provide what he says he'll provide? Is he caring? Etc. These are questions you must answer for yourself. Because you need evidence to build faith that he will be as loving after the marriage as he is before. Because no matter what anyone says, faith alone is dead. No one wants empty words and promises.

And these are questions that he must answer for himself about you as well. He also needs evidence of your love and faith. Do you keep your promises? Can he have faith that you will be as loving after the marriage as you are before?

In the end, each of you must WILL to love each other the way that you love the Lord. Better, if you can love each other the way that the Lord loves the Church. He died on the Cross to save Her.

Sincerely,

De Maria

Don't label yourself as "all screwed up" that is a total exaggeration! You are a woman of character with needs who is in a situation that has her emotions up! A normal experience in the life of a woman. :) You want to have a man/husband; the problem is that he is not your idea of a good Christian man... in fact he has no faith. Secondly, and really most important to you, you worry about what might happen if you love him and he leaves you like your first boyfriend. That is very, very painful.

I am reminded of a famous quote from, I forget who!.
"Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".

I had to answer because I'm happy for you. :) Don't plan too far ahead in your imagination. LIve one day at a time if you decide to continue with this man. :)

Let me just introduce myself as a Roman Catholic. I was raised in a Christian home too but the avatars of life sort of quenched my initial devotion. I was very busy trying to succeed in life to pay much attention to my eventual success (much more important) in my other life. Gradually, I became what I would define as one of the many indifferent Catholics that can be found in those countries where allegedly everyone is supposed to be a born Catholic. I'm Spanish. That may clarify what I'm saying.
When I retired, though, I think Jesus sort of enlighten me again and ever since, I am intently trying to make up for all these past years with the hope I will be able to square my accounts –which are in the red- with GOD.
This is just to explain that Faith is a very delicate flower, that is exposed to all kinds of weather harshness and, consequently, needs constant attention to avoid its withering.

Backsliding is very common, unfortunately, when we lose sight of the truly important facts of life, which is not difficult bearing in mind the materialist world we are all living in.

I do not know what Christian denomination were you raised into. But I do not think you are compromising by having a glass of wine or a fruitly little drink every now and then. At least, not from my Catholic point of view.

I must say that some tool that has helped me a lot into redirect my life is to read everyday's Gospel with a short commentary included. I have found this web: Contemplating today's Gospel - Gospel catholic homilies where you can subscribe for free, and receive it by e-mail, every day, in English.
I do not think it matters whether you are not Catholic for, after all, the Gospels are the same for ALL denominations, aren't they?

As for the last part of your dilemma just remember that Jesus died in the Cross for ALL mankind. And please stop worrying that he may eventually drop you. It does not necessarily follow that what happened once has to happen again. Show him that you love him and, more often than not, this may work out extremely well.

You are not “totally screwed up”. Just a little confused, perhaps. But who is not these days?

tadita83 -

I'm not sure if there is any interest left in this thread but I did want to try to encourage you with some thoughts.

It seems like your experience in your walk is really not uncommon at all. All serious-minded believers go through a "honey-moon stage" as another has put it... we love our new found joy at the thought of God forgiving us of our sins and experiencing a true transformation of our minds and hearts. But as time goes on, something happens.

Over the past few years, I have personally come face to face with something in the bible that was not immediately clear to me when I became a believer. That is, that God intends to try our faith... to test it, not because He needs proof that it's authentic but because we need proof that it's authentic in a subjective way. Let me explain.

James says in Ch 1 of his letter, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." What I understand James to be saying here is that we will face trials in our lives and when we do, we are to count it all joy when we face them. What is he saying?

The idea of all New Testament writers on this subject is that when a person believes that Jesus Christ is Lord, that initial faith, although real and authentic, is a very immature faith. God's desire is to mature our faith so that when we are tested, we see that our commitment to God is real and lasting, not a fleeting thing that happened at a point in time and that was it. The idea of "lacking in nothing" as James puts it means not lacking in faith. It is a faith that has been tested and after being tested that faith has been found to be the real deal.

Here's an example from Scripture. When Abraham was promised a son, he waited on that promise for almost his whole life. God had said he would give him a son through whom all the nations of the world would be blessed. Then God gave him Isaac. Years later God asked Abraham to take his son, whom he loved, and kill him. What we fail to appreciate is the anguish in Abraham's soul at this request. He might have thought "anything God, but this; please not my son." But you see, Abraham pushed through that anguish and as Hebrews says, "he reckoned that God was able to raise Isaac from the dead." It was when Abraham decided in this that his faith in God became really mature and was perfected... or made complete. Abraham's faith had become a faith full of the kind of commitment that resonates with a soul-stirring strength. For Abraham, there was no turning back.

What does this mean for you, tadita? I don't know the ways in which God chooses to work in all of our lives but if the bible is any indication, God is very active is this process. Perhaps what you needed most was a scenario in which who you are and what you really want in this life was forced out into the open. God uses all of the things in our lives to bring about good, according to His purposes, to those who He has called. If you love God, keep pursuing Him and if you find in your life that you keep coming back to the truth and you cannot escape Him and your heartfelt commitment to Him, then reckon yourself to be one of His. We ought to take heart in the fact that "He who has begun a good work in you will finish it upon the day of Jesus Christ." You may not always know what you should do but trying your best to obey God and walk in what you know and understand is where it's at. Don't despair but trust that God is bringing us through this process of life and shaping us for the life that is to come.

tadita83
All I can think about is just one word. ''RESET''!!
You wrote ''I worry so much that I can't enjoy the relationship.'' meaning the relationship with your boyfriend but I think that is also the problem about your relationship with Jesus.
Keep it simple!

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Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": November 2nd.


The Lord does not give me rules, He makes His standard very clear, and if my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without any hesitation. If I hesitate, it is because I love some one else in competition with Him...

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Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": October 31st.

God wants you to understand that it is a life of faith, not a life of sentimental enjoyment of His blessings. Your earlier life of faith was narrow and intense, settled around a little sun-spot of experience that had as much of sense as of faith in it, full of light and sweetness; then God withdrew His conscious blessings in order to teach you to walk by faith. You are worth far more to Him now than you were in your days of conscious delight and thrilling testimony.

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Know this - God is the father waiting to celebrate the prodigal - Never will He leave or forsake you.

In your 4th paragraph, you seem overly concerned with your boyfriend - I think if you concentrate on your relationship with Christ first, things will work out.

Hi. I did notice that you made much mention of the trials and tribulations in your life, but no mention of your current relationship with Jesus. May I suggest getting on your knees and finding Him again? When we get to the end of ourselves, that's where He is waiting to catch us. As long as we "try" to be christians without allowing His Holy Spirit access to our daily lives, we will fail. We cannot, for we were not made to, live the Christian life without the help of the Helper. We were made to breathe Him in, live in Him and love in Him. We cannot be complete without this vital relationship in place. Christianity any other way is religion--man's attempt at getting to God. True religion--Christianity as Jesus taught--is through His Holy Spirit, by God's grace.

Tadita82,
So far you have received some excellent advice from several folks here.
I just have one thing to add. It is a question.
Have you forgiven that guy who dumped you?
I suspect not.
It is important that you do so.
To forgive others is a blessing for it dumps the burden and regrets from you mind and soul.
Remember that God forgives us AS WE forgive others.
Peace and kindness,
Fred (arcura)

Tadita82,
As stated previously you've received some great Biblical and loving advice. There is something that I would like to address that hasn't really been tackled in depth. There's a reason why the Bible says we are not to be "unequally yoked together" with unbelievers.

I, too, was raised in an ultra-conservative denomination, was saved at 5, served the Lord, but when I was in my early 20's I drifted away (because of associating with unbelievers). During that time I married a man who "got saved" after I told him I wouldn't marry a non-believer. His "salvation" lasted no longer than it took the ink to dry on the marriage certificate. The marriage ended after 4 years when he "fell in love" with a married co-worker.

The only good thing about the marriage is that I cam back fully to the Lord. However what followed was a number of years where I didn't "feel" close to the Lord. Times I would stumble, ask forgiveness and then go on.

Eventually I remarried, again to a man who claimed to be a Christian. I quickly learned otherwise. It was a rough 7 years.

Believe me, the only way to avoid marrying a non-believer is to stand your ground and determine not to waste time even dating a non-believer. For one thing, when it comes to spiritual things you have nothing to discuss. Even if he gets saved, without some time to concentrate on the Lord and the Word, he'll have a tough time being the spiritual leader of the relationship.

At 51 and slightly overweight, some men think I should be grateful for any attention. I very quickly (but gently) let them know that unless they are 100% sold out to Jesus Christ and a mature believer, then we really have nothing in common.

Just some words from a "been there done that" and don't want to repeat it.

clhend,
Thanks for sharing your story with us.
I hope we learn from it.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

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Originally Posted by clhend

tadita82,
As stated previously you've received some great Biblical and loving advice. There is something that I would like to address that hasn't really been tackled in depth. There's a reason why the Bible says we are not to be "unequally yoked together" with unbelievers.

I, too, was raised in an ultra-conservative denomination, was saved at 5, served the Lord, but when I was in my early 20's I drifted away (because of associating with unbelievers). During that time I married a man who "got saved" after I told him I wouldn't marry a non-believer. His "salvation" lasted no longer than it took the ink to dry on the marriage certificate. The marriage ended after 4 years when he "fell in love" with a married co-worker.

The only good thing about the marriage is that I cam back fully to the Lord. However what followed was a number of years where I didn't "feel" close to the Lord. Times I would stumble, ask forgiveness and then go on.

Eventually I remarried, again to a man who claimed to be a Christian. I quickly learned otherwise. It was a rough 7 years.

Believe me, the only way to avoid marrying a non-believer is to stand your ground and determine not to waste time even dating a non-believer. For one thing, when it comes to spiritual things you have nothing to discuss. Even if he gets saved, without some time to concentrate on the Lord and the Word, he'll have a tough time being the spiritual leader of the relationship.

At 51 and slightly overweight, some men think I should be grateful for any attention. I very quickly (but gently) let them know that unless they are 100% sold out to Jesus Christ and a mature believer, then we really have nothing in common.

Just some words from a "been there done that" and don't want to repeat it.

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Thanks for a very sobering and instructing story and my personal congratulations (whatever that may mean to you) for knowing quite clearly the way to follow to get "There", where we ALL want to get...

If even one person learns from what I've gone through, then it was worth it. If one young woman realizes that this life here is less than a blip on the radar of time, yet eternity will be... just that: forever.

If she realizes that only by being absolutely focused on Jesus Christ will she ever have true happiness, then sharing my story is worth it.

Then when the Lord brings a mate into her life, that that union will be blessed of God. That doesn't mean they won't have problems, we live in a sinful world. But if they make the Lord the center of their relationship, then it won't end in divorce. There won't be mistreatment. Each will fulfill his or her role in the relationship.

clhend,
I really like your attitude.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

I too have often felt less on fire then I have been at times. I would say that you need to take a less demanding role in your church. Take yourself out of any administrative position and out of the "office" part of church events. You should try to just be one of the participants for awhile again so you can focus on the meaning instead of the amount of seating, etc. Maybe you should go to a convention or camp (depending on your age) Or like a retreat or something to help you get away from everyday life and refocus. Maybe you need to find a new church that worships in a way that you find more exciting with a pastor who speaks more "your language" Also try speaking to your current pastor or other church person about your concerns and get the support of the clergy behind you. I too find it hard to sit and read the bible or pray or do other Christian activities. Set aside a specific time frame for you to read every day or once a week or whatever you feel comfortable with. Then make yourself sit and read or pray for that time every time. Even if it is just five minutes on your way to work on Monday mornings that you have a conversation with God. Or the ten minutes after you get home on Thursdays before your favorite show comes on. Just to dedicate yourself and committ yourself to getting back on track. After awhile it will become fun again.
The bible teaches that we shouldn't be with a non-believer. That is for you to decide what to do with. You know what the bible teaches but you can decide how strictly to "abide" by that. It does bring about compications not only in your faith but also in the relationship because there are things you simply won't ever agree on based on religious views. No one can tell you what you should do about that. As long as he doesn't stop you from worshiping and doesn't condemn you for doing so then I think it is OK but be aware of the compications that will inevitably arise.
AS far as the drinking and what not... I think you are just finding your own way. The bible does not tell you not to drink... it does say not to get drunk but I feel that when you are reading the entire context of that part it is not saying that getting drunk one Friday night is sinful but rather giving into alcoholism is sinful. Again that is for you to interpret as well as to discuss with a trusted church advisor from your place of worship. Again... I feel you are just finding your own way. I had a friend whose famiy very strictly did not visit any business on Sundays as they felt it was not right to make someone else work on the day of rest. Now as a young adult she carried that tradition for awhile but has since made up her own mind about that situation and will occasionally do those things on Sundays. This does not make her a sinner... just makes her an educated adult who doesn't feel as though there is anything wrong with this in today's culture. I hope you find your fire again cause it is awesome when your soul burns for God. Don't wait too long to talk to someone from your church. The ember taken out of the fire will soon burn out but place it back in the fireplace and it will soon ignite and erupt back into flames!

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Originally Posted by kraussnumber2

The bible teaches that we shouldn't be with a non-believer. That is for you to decide what to do with. You know what the bible teaches but you can decide how strictly to "abide" by that...

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The only response I can make to this is: this is the same argument that the serpent used with Eve in the Garden. "Sure God said that you'll die if you eat of the Tree, but He didn't really mean that."

If the Bible is God's Word, then we either live by it or we don't. And if we choose NOT to live by the Word, then why be followers of Jesus Christ?

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Originally Posted by kraussnumber2

No one can tell you what you should do about that. As long as he doesn't stop you from worshiping and doesn't condemn you for doing so then I think it is ok but be aware of the compications that will inevitably arise.

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When you get married you just naturally want to please your mate. An unbelieving spouse may not stop you from worshipping, but all too often, plans will be made or arguments initiated that ultimately interfer with the believing spouses freedom to attend church or to concentrate on the service.

There are just too many situations that arise in a marriage that require a commitment of faith to believing that God has everything under control. The Bible says "where two agree as touching any one thing...". An unbelieving spouse will never be able to "agree" when it comes to a matter of faith. Thus when problems arise such as a sick child, financial difficulty, major decisions there is no agreement in prayer.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kraussnumber2

The bible does not tell you not to drink...it does say not to get drunk but I feel that when you are reading the entire context of that part it is not saying that getting drunk one friday night is sinful but rather giving into alcoholism is sinful.

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The problem with getting drunk on Friday night is that when inhibitions are loosened by liquor bad, BAD decisions often result. Very seldom does a young adult stay at home and guietly get drunk. Instead they go to places where drinking and drunkenness is promoted.

A Christian who is serious about her relationship with Jesus Christ should NEVER find herself in bars. I speak from experience. I can tell you that the "friends" that you make in a bar, are only your friends as long as you are going to the bar. When you stop going to the bar and getting drunk on Friday nights you are no longer friends.

Getting drunk in that atmosphere too often results in sexual sin. Those places are really just watering holes where the predator and prey gather to drink. The unwitting "good Christian girl" is seen as a challenge. She will be pursued, flattered and deceived all in an attempt to seduce her. Getting drunk on Friday night will result in decisions that, in this day and age, could result in the loss of her life.

The Bible says we have to be either hot or cold. If we're going to be lukewarm, God Himself will SPIT us out! Compromise is a deceptive trick promoted by the Father of Lies, Satan himself. God is a Holy God and will not accept compromise. Sadly that's one of the problems with the Church today. We've compromised with the World to the point that there's really no difference between the sinner and the "saint".

kraussnumber2,
That is some good well thot out advice.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

Thanks Fred!

In response to clhend I definitely do not disagree with your "challenges" on my points. I feel your points are also ultra conservative. There is nothing wrong with that but I feel she already knows all this as this is how she was raised. The bible also teaches that we shouldn't have tattoos or eat certain animals that almost all of us eat. It also teaches that women are unclean while on their cycle and that certain measure are to be taken to cleanse themselves afterwards and their husbands shouldn't even touch their wife while she is on her cycle. I wonder if you adhere to these rules clhend? Im not trying to start a debate or anger anyone... Im just trying to prove the point that no one lives strictly within the laws of the bible and that does not make them bad. Truth is we are all sinners, we all fall short, and we all deserve to die but through the grace of God we are forgiven. This is the way I was taught. It is not fair to expect some to be perfect.
On the issue of drinking... you do not have to go to a bar... by yourself and get trashed to drink on a Friday night. You can go over to a friends house that is having a party. Or you can go to a bar with friends... you don't have to go alone and make friends. You should go with trusted friends and your boyfriend and that way you will be safe. And probably more like a club where you can dance and just have fun... I personnally don't see a point in going and sitting at a bar drinking by yourself to make friends. I would agree that most people that you make friends with at a bar aren't going to be the best friends... that is why you should go with your current friends who you trust to stay safe. And that way they will still be your friends even if you aren't going to bars anymore.
I agree with clhend that it will cause problems in the long run with having a partner who doesn't share your views on religion. I stated that in my first post. I however feel that even with couples who do believe the same things still have these issues. One partner will always be a stronger Christian then the other and one will always want to fix things themselves as opposed to looking to God for help. But I would definitely encourage your boyfriend to go with you to church and other activities so that he can hopefully find his faith. Don't make him an ultimatum... it can never be "become a Christian or lose me" this won't work. Even if he says OK I believe in God and I am a Christian it doesn't change anything unless he really means it. You need to make a decision to yourself that if you feel you can't be with a nonbeliever that you will "secretly" give him a set amount of time to figure it all out or you will break it off. And then in the time express to him how important it is to you and continueally invite him to come along. Hopefully he will find his faith. And seeing you be "on fire" will really encourage him to want to feel the same way.
I guess my take on religion is a little less conservative. I feel you should read the bible and decide what you think it is saying. Not to the extent of thinking the bible is saying to go out and kill all americans as some people "read" it but just in the sense that you know what is right and wrong and you know that you are to ultimately do good as opposed to wrong. Read it and listen to what God is telling you. God will put it on your heart that something is good or bad. If you feel a guilt about certain things then you can assume that God is telling you that it is wrong. Or is you are apprehensive about doing something you probably shouldn't be doing it. And again it would be a good idea to talk to someone at your church that can help you decipher what your church teaches and how they feel about all the issues you have spoken about. And if all else fails just pray about it. God will lead you right!

Just to settle this so neither of you will feel likeyou are leading me astray. I wouldn't go out and get drunk, I'm saying having a drink that you enjoy not for getting drunk from it, but you enjoy drinking it, it tastes good.

I think both of you (clhend and kraussnumber2) have given me wonderful advice and I can tell that you feel very strongly about it. I don't want this to end in an argument or bad feelings.

I do want to give you an update:

I have started slowly getting back into reading my Bible and enjoying it. Mostly because of the issues with my boyfriend. I feel like I need to cling to the only steady thing in my life and my boyfriend is not it. I feel like we've been drifting away for some unexplained reason. All those fears about him leaving me, I don't think they were unwarranted, except now its leaning more towards me leaving him. He rarely calls me, we rarely hang out and when I confront him about it he gets mad (although he says he's not mad he is) and basically says that I am asking too much. Where it stands now. I haven't talked to him in 4 days straight and I have decided that I'm going to see just how much he does care about me. If he cares then he'll miss me, if he misses me, he'll call. If not then I guess we aren't supposed to be together.

Anyway because of this trial, I have HAD to lean on God to get me through it. Every time I feel the urge to give in and call him, or when I start feeling down. I turn up my music and start singing. I used to sing all the time in church, and nothing filled me with the spirit more than when I would sing. I've finally found that spirit again and I'm loving it. I'm still sad and a bit depressed about what's going on with my boyfriend. I love him, and I miss him, but because of God I can survive. It's not going to be easy or fun, but I will survive. And this time (unlike the last break up) I'm not going to blame God and run and hide. I realize now that I need to do the opposite. I need to cling to Him because he will get me through it unharmed.

Glad to hear that you are finding your way! There is a saying that I like that I think you will appreciate...
A woman should be so lost in God that a man will have to seek Him to find her!
Hope things work out for you in whatever way they need to work out.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kraussnumber2

...A woman should be so lost in God that a man will have to seek Him to find her!

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Love that answer!

No fight, no upset. I'm glad you are seeking the Lord.

I'm sure I came across as uncompromising, but that's only because I compromised. How different my life would have been if I'd done like you are doing and cling to the Lord in the midst of heartbreak.

Remember: Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and ALL these things (including love) will be added to your life.

God bless

tadita83,
Thanks much for the update.
I think you are on the right track.
O understand about your singing.
St. John of the Cross (I think it was) said, "When one sings in worship one prays twice." or words to the effect.
Peace and kindness,
Fred

Quote:

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Originally Posted by clhend

If even one person learns from what I've gone through, then it was worth it. If one young woman realizes that this life here is less than a blip on the radar of time, yet eternity will be...just that: forever.

If she realizes that only by being absolutely focused on Jesus Christ will she ever have true happiness, then sharing my story is worth it.

Then when the Lord brings a mate into her life, that that union will be blessed of God. That doesn't mean they won't have problems, we live in a sinful world. But if they make the Lord the center of their relationship, then it won't end in divorce. There won't be mistreatment. Each will fulfill his or her role in the relationship.

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You have just hit the basic condition. To make the Good Lord the Center of our life, the center of any relationship of any married couple. My wife and I have survived throughout 58 years of marriage and 5 of courtship (the old way) "through fair and stormy weather", as the song goes. We have been through Hurricanes and Tsunamis of all types, mostly fault of mine! But we are still in love and we hope to reach in 2010 our diamond wedding, if we are still here.
And every day I'm more convinced that, somehow, this has been possible because from the very beginning we tried to put God in the center of our lives.
So it was God who gave her the necessary strength to overcome my many failures and impertinences and it was God we also gave me strength to resolve my faulty behaviour when needed!
And with God's help we have managed to grow a wonderful family, which right now, already numbers 20!!

gromitt82,
Good for you!
Peace and kindness,
Fred

Quote:

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Originally Posted by arcura

gromitt82,
Good for you!
Peace and kindness,
Fred

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Thanks a lot!

gromitt82,
My pleasure.
God bless you much.
Fred

The main problem I see with being with someone that is not a Christian is are they holding you back from what you feel God wants you to do? Are they dragging you down in your faith?
Are they doing things that in your spirit you have a negative feeling about?
God forgives and God sees and knows your heart. Actually I believe that the Christian that 'screws up' has valuable lessons and an understanding that many more pious Church goers have.
Really read the story of the prodigal son.

N0help4u,
That is good advice,
Fred

Speaking as a child who was also raised in the church...
I, too was raised in the church. At my late teens, I stopped going. I was gung ho for christ much the same way you were. But I stopped. I backslid for quite some time. In the process, I got married. Different story. Anyway. I know that if you were raised in the church, that the seed of God remains in you. That was planted at an early age. Now, at this age, it's no longer what you do, but why you do it. One good example.
I had a friend who received Jesus as her Lord and Savior. She had piercings everywhere and the church told her to take them all out; that she did not look moderate like a woman of God should. She asked me what I thought. I told her not to take them out. BECAUSE the same God who saved her could teach her how to dress. If the piercings did not offend her, then neither could I! I advised her to pray and seek God for his will for her life. And listen when he speaks to her spirit.

No one has room to judge you. In fact no one knows why you are going through what you're going through. I do know that this experience will be a testimony one day to someone who will need to hear of God redeeming power. Maybe you should evaluate your life. Not what you're doing, but why. Why do we love God? Because he first loved us. That's scripture. If you want to return to Jesus and renew the relationship, he's certainly not going to turn you away. Just have the right reason for serving him, so that when all else fails, your relationship with Jesus won't.

splittin
Good advice.
Fred

I was raised the same way, very strict Christian upbringing and I struggled for many years leaving the church, coming back to the church, trying new churches, new demoniations. Over time I've come understand the different church beliefs but have tried to narrow down the important ones into my life and drinking is not one of them. We are here on this earth to love, share and experience God's wonderful unconditional love.

I was in your shoes in terms of relationships with someone who was not a believer. What I think got me through all those relationships and eventually lead to finding my husand (who is Christian) is that I always prayed to God that His Will Be Done in my Life. Sometimes, especially with relationships we don't want to hear what God might be telling us whether it's our conscious telling us, circumstances changine, etc... but I believe deep down inside you have an idea of what you should do.

There is a reason why you are questioning your relationship. I personally believe that you should not be with someone who is not a believer. It's hard enough being in a marriage and having a man that has your same faith makes the world of difference. You want a man that looks to God for his guidance and not the world. He will also understand God's grace and unconditional love in a way that non-believers are unable to understand and share.

The bible does talk about being unevenly yoke. Maybe there are some books out there of women's relationships with non-believers and that they went through.

So what I say is pray and make the tough choices when you feel at peace about where God is guiding you. I try to never make decisions until I have the peace of God.

Pray for God's Will in your Life and He will open and close the doors that need to be. He will also not give us anything that we can't handle, so if you do end up breaking up He will be there through the pain and through the healing. Remember, God wants to give us our hearts desire and many times we are the ones blocking it. His heart is to give you the man of your dreams, for you to be loved and cherished until your last day.

I hope this helps.

First of all: when we first become born again christians, it is so new to us. We feel so good and strive to do all we can for the Lord. This isn't unusual. We are baby christians feeding on the milk. After we mature, we have to get to the meat and potatoes so to speak. This takes diligence. We never walk everyday without making mistakes and we cannot settle up any accounts. The key is to ask God/Jesus to forgive us and when we do His word says He remembers it no more, it is cast into the deepest sea and put as far away as the east is to the west. His mercies are new every morning. If we keep going back and asking forgiveness for the same thing, He doesn't remember it. Jesus completed our salvation on the cross, but don't leave Him there. He now sits on the right hand of God making intersession for us. Sometimes, churches make man made laws to live by, I don't believe this is Gods intention. Live by His laws under grace. Try to do your best that is all He asks. As far as your boyfriend, only you can make that decision. Remember, first and foremost, God will send to you the right person to create two perfect halves. Sometimes, totally and complete opposites. Each to complete the other. My husband and I started pretty rocky. Neither of us were saved. His family did attend church, mine did not. He insisted that we would go to church. I got saved first and then he did. Looking back I can see the hand of God at work. That is what it will be like when you find the right person. You will look back and see what God has done.

uvware,
Wonderful advice you gave.
Thanks for sharing your story.
I'm happy that things worked out well for you.
Peace and kindness,
Fred (arcura)

Thank you all for your advice! I just wanted to update you on the situation. I have since broken up with this guy. He did not treat me the way I felt I should be treated and I think a lot of that has to do with him not being a Christian. The bible says that husbands (although he was not my husband, but even still the guy in the relationship) should love their wives as Christ loves the church. So I guess it was insane of me to expect him to love me in that way when he did not understand the love of God.

I'm still a little heart broken about the whole thing for several reasons. ONe the obvious, I loved this man, and still do even though I'm the one who did the dumping. Two, I feel like I have failed him. I didn't do enough to share the love of God with him. Now I feel like his soul is on my conscience. I had the opportunity and I didn't take it. So all of you out there that have been giving advice and praying for me, please pray for him because he needs to know Christ. I just wish that he could know what real love is. I tried to show him unconditional love, but my love pales in comparison to the love of God of which he has never known. So please everyone, pray for him. Only God can reach him!

tadita83,
I THINK that you did the right thing.
I can understand that you still love him, but it is not your fault that he is not a Christian.
You still can put the Holy Spirit to work to help him eve tually see the ligh of Christianity via praying for him a lot.
If fact that is a great way for you to express that love of the guy, though God's love.
Much good luck and a prayer for a full loving life in the near future,
Peace and kindness,
Fred