Originally Posted by ChristinaSuzann
Please for those of you who have young adult children I need some advice. This is a long complicated story but the short version is this.....
My daughter at 16 had to deal with the death of her biological father. She met a boy (criminal) completely disrespected me and her step father, lived on the streets for months, did crime, drugs you name it.... She got caught a year ago and after I made her stay in jail for four days I bailed her out under very strict conditions.
For the past year she has been doing okay the first few months where very rough as she adjusted to her new rules etc... but she sucessfully completed a year of school with great markes etc.... She was in counselling for almost the entire year, she has seen her family dr who put her on an anti depressant for anxiety. We moved to a new home in May she started to find God and we as a family also did ... for a month we've not been going to the church we started to go to because we do not believe in that docteran however we are going to be attending on about 45 minutes away that my husband is familar with we have just had to adjust our schedules in order to be able to go.
For the past month my daughter now 18 has been very disrespectful. She mouths off constantly, does not hesitate to swear brutally infront of us, has demanded even more of our time (we have given her tones and tones over the past few years) she smokes pot and at times it seems if she does not have any "she can not handle it" She does not respect any one in the houses space/privacy. If she does not get her way she freaks out and says things to us that are very hurtful. Always she apologizes but "im sorry" wears thin after awhile. I love my daughter more than anything but at 18 I feel she should certainly carry herself with some respect for this house. My husband (her step father) loves her and she loves him too but she does not want to follow the rules and she thinks we should do everything for her. Rides, money etc etc etc
She asked last week if we would take her to her bfs (40 minutes away) we live rural and we told we would see how our week went. We run two business, our other son works, (who we drive into town as we only have one car right now) she asked us almost every day this week and put the pressure on tonight. She was saying things like "well he has to know so his family can plan" etc etc I do not like to be put on the spot. So I told her leave us be and let us talk about it and we will let you know and on her way up the stairs she mouths off "then it's going to be a no!" ...
Well that was it .. it quickly became a no. She has no right to demand as she did. (and this is constant I thinks she forgets how we've helped her) She freaked out!!! Claimed she broke up with her bf because what is the point etc etc..yelling screaming swearing telling us we are nuts, on and on and on and on and finally her step father lost it told her to get out! We have told her before if you don't like the rules you are 18 you can go and get a place etc etc... we he had it and me too.....
We decided to give her a month to prepare herself, find a place close to her school (she goes to an adult learning center half days mon to fri) and she could find a job, do it properly and not have to live by our rules etc. But NO she decided that she had to go right then called a bunch of people until she found someone to come and get her. She claimed she could not sit here for another month just waiting to move. I tried to explain no you will find work and find a place and we will get you set up etc. etc....... but she was having non of that even proclaimed that if she does not go now and get weed she is going to "kill someone"
I am a mess
Question to all of you mature individuals who have adult children ..... Did we do the right thing? Should I have stopped her for fear of her going right back down that bad road again? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.