How to tell and when a 9 yr old about real father
My granddaughter is 9 yrs old, her mother (my daughter) married another man when she was 3 months old, that is the only father she has ever known. My daughter and husband have a daughter of their own 4 yrs younger than the 9 yr old. Then 9 yr old has my daughters last name and the 4 yr old has their married last name. Now the 9 yr old is asking why her last name is different than everyone else's. Her mother told her that: Her and daddy had her before they were married, well she wants that last name before her sister comes to her school so everyone will know they are sisters. The real father has not been around for all these years (and pays 12.00 a week support) and he is making remarks that he wants to be in her life. My daughter asked him to sign papers to change the 9 yr olds last name, just a name change not a adoption and he said no and is talking about filing for visitation. I am so upset and so is she, we don't know when or how to tell her, we are afraid she is so young that it will mess her up. Her father that she lives with is a wonderful father to his girls and really doesn't want this either, although he supports my daughter in what ever she thinks is right. WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO? Try the name change, and wait to see what the biological father will do or just tell her and let her make the choise of the last name. HELP