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Is 10 years old too young to find a playboy? His searches on the Internet get much more graphic that pb pictures? He stays with his mom, dad or his grandma at times. He knows what everything is. My boyfriend and I have been arguing for 2 weeks. Please let me know your opinion.
Your question is a bit hard to understand. What do you mean by a playboy? Who is searching the internet for graphic pb pictures, the 10 year old? What are you and your boyfriend arguing about? Is your boyfriend looking at graphic pictures of children?
I have to say, reading your post, I don't know whether you're asking for advice on how to molest a child, or if you're asking if it's okay for a 10 year old to look at porn, if it's okay for you boyfriend to look at child porn, or if this is your son and you're concerned. Only one of those scenarios, the last one, makes your question okay. The other two make me want to call the cops, and I would if I could. :(
A little clarification on what you're actually asking would be helpful. I won't judge until you come back and make clear what you're actually asking. I can tell you if this is as bad as it sounds based on what you wrote, you will not like the responses you get on this site. We do not condone child exploitation!
10 years old is about the average age when boys start to look at such pictures. It is a normal part of development. But his parents need to decide if they will allow him to continue looking at porn, or if they choose to make sure he does NOT look at porn. Is this child your boyfriends child? Or your child?
And I am not sure how Alty got molestation from the OP.
10 is a bit young but not unusual. What many parents do, is first have the "birds and bees' talk to the child so they understand.
Next put a content blocker on the computers so that no adult material can be downloaded.
@ alty: I am concerned of my stepson looking up the pictures. My boyfriend and I were arguing if he should buy a playboy and hide it. How in the heck does it sound as if I wanted to molest a child? Absolutely absurd. Highly offended. Please read questions before you respond to them. No one else accused me of such a thing. Please feel no need to respond. I was looking for an itteligent opinion about 10 yrs old and playboy, hence the topic.
@jenniepepsi: thanks for the comment about alty. Insane. Sounds like molestation is on their mind, not mine for gods sake. It is my boyfriends son.
@fr_chuck: we understand he is curious. We've had the talk. Somehow he already knew. We have blockers on the computer, but we recently saw the history on my BFs iPhone when we thought he was playing angry birds! He even had me download a game for him. 10 min later we saw the history...
Also we really don't know what's going on at his grandmas nor his moms. We told his mom last year and she scolded him in front of ( on the phone) his grandma! It was horrible and he was so embarrassed.
Actually I did NOT say that alty was wrong. I said I didn't understand where she got the idea.
And if you are going to be rude to her, how do you expect to get answers from one of the best and most intelligent mothers on this site?
You are his fathers girlfriend. Really you have no say in what is going on. So I'm not sure why you are even bothering. How old are you? You sound more concerned about him being embarrassed than about him getting what he NEEDS to hear. It sounds like his mother scolded him with good reason. He has already been told not to do this. He has been blocked, but he purposely goes around the blocks. And sneaks it into his fathers phone. That is not acceptable.
I apologize for offending anyone. I felt offended that someone would accuse me of such a thing. No she is not wrong.. I am 29, and my boyfriend is the one who wanted to do it.. His father did sit him down and talk with him, I suppose he should again. I just asked for an opinion. This is the first time I have ever posted anything on any discussion board. I was not looking to be accused of molesting a child. So I will try to delete this all tomorrow and my account.
I do appreciate your first comment though thanks. I did not know which age was "normal".
Its OK. Just don't jump to conclusions :P the people here are very nice, and I am sure alty wasn't implying that YOU were sexually assaulting the child. It just crossed her mind that he may have been by someone.
There is nothing wrong with a 10 year old boy masturbating. Having access to adult porn is the issue here. Some parents have no problem with it. I personally don't feel its acceptable.
But if his father is OK with his son watching porn or seeing dirty pictures to masturbate, that is between him and his son. I would even say the same thing if it was my own biological son, and his father wanted him to have pictures to masturbate to. It's a dad and son thing. Just like the period talk is a mom and daughter thing.
Masturbation is healthy. Don't think that there is something wrong with him.
10 year old kids are curious about the human body and this is about the age that boys get interested in looking at stolen copies of Playboy, etc. Now in the internet era, it's easy for curious looking around to net some very graphic/pornographic (versus merely naked) pictures - so parental locks or filters on your computer and communication with the child are important because he can see a lot of things that are well beyond naked ladies... and he may not understand what he sees.
I must disagree with Jenniepepsi, a father being OK with his 10 year old son "watching porn to masturbate" is NOT a father-son thing like the period-talk! A father-son talk usually involves changes happening a son's body, (erections, nocturnal emissions, etc.) and that it's normal to masturbate, and your general birds/bees talk... but a dad encouraging his son to watch porn when he's 10? That's absurd.
I don't think Child Protective Services would agree with you Jennie. That is grounds to remove the child from the home.Quote:
Originally Posted by jenniepepsi
That doesn't make sense. Every guy I grew up with had a porn stash under their bed. No one thought twice of it. Is it really illegal?Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
Illegal for a 10 year old to view porn with the father's consent?
I'd have a chat with every adult involved and discuss the situation so that everyone is on the same page. Most definitely blocks need to be on the computers, iPhone, and any other gadget he may use. If he happens to come across a hidden playboy, that is one thing, curiosity is normal. However, it is his dad's personal property, and he should be reminded of this. The graphic images he could come across online are entirely different.
Dad should have another chat as well regarding what is geared towards adults. Plain and simple, no lengthy lecture, matter of fact.
While I think Alty might have been extreme in suggesting you might be asking how to molest, I think the point she was making is that your initial post was very unclear and confusing . A little more time spent re-reading a post before submitting may help prevent such confusion.
While curiousity is natural at 10. Boundaries need to be set. And encouraging or just allowing a 10 yr old to use porn to masturbate goes beyond good parenting.
Your statement was not about being a dad with Playboys under the mattress. I and J-9 are responding to you saying it's OK for a father to encourage a CHILD to use pornography.Quote:
Originally Posted by jenniepepsi
And like I said, that is NOT a typical "Father-Son" chat in the way a mother discusses having periods with her daughter. I quote you:Quote:
but if his father is OK with his son watching porn or seeing dirty pictures to masturbate, that is between him and his son.
That is totally nuts and totally and completely inappropriate for a man to do with a TEN YEAR OLD BOY.Quote:
his father wanted him to have pictures to masturbate to. It's a dad and son thing. Just like the period talk is a mom and daughter thing.
Again - parental boundaries and communication is important. Peeping at Playboys is normal (which is FAR different from being *encouraged* to do so by a parent!) while watching internet porn may be over the line...
A child doesn't understand, at that age, all that he can see so it's important to have limits.
Bravo! Standing ovation!Quote:
Originally Posted by WisperWill70
And yes, a child CAN be removed from the household at the age of 10 if they are subjected to viewing pornographic material. My MIL is a retired 4th grade teacher (10 year olds), and is now retired and is a CASA. She has removed children from homes under similar circumstances. It is a form of abuse, sexual abuse to be exact.
Let me just add that I am a mother of a 10 year old son. If my husband encouraged and/or had a talk with my son about viewing porn as a norm the way a mother talks to her daughter (my daughter is 18) about periods, I would kick my husband out of the house and have him arrested.
What you suggested Jennie is just sick and perverted.
I don't know of a place that doesn't have a law on the books about disseminating explicitly adult materials to minors including a parent's own children.
Does your boyfriend understand that hiding the material for the boy to 'find' is teaching the child to disobey and go behind his back when he isn't getting his way? Today it may be the magazine. Tomorrow it may be alcohol or the car keys. Does your boyfriend really want his child rummaging through his and your belongings?
You say that his mother scolded him 'last year' about this. How old was the boy when this behavior began? Curiousity at 10 is one thing, curiousity to the point of searching for materials at nine or younger is another.
I think the bottom line here is that the OP is concerned about this situation. No. She may not be the parent. Yes. She does have a right to be concerned. After all she is with the father and who knows how serious her relationship may get...
Everyone made valid points here. I think that Jeenie needs to be more specific about her last comment. Yes. I read what she said, however, I am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that she is NOT encouraging that the father condone this.
It is normal for young ones to be curious about sexuality and masturbation.
As a parent, would I encourage a child to watch porn of any sort? No. Not at all.
Would I be upset if my partner encouraged it to my child? Yes.
...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enigma1999
To clarify its more along the lines of what was said before. Is it OK to just hand over and encourage porn in a 10 year old? No its not.
Is it OK for a 10 year old to unintentionally find a porn magazine, and masturbate to it? Yes that is NORMAL.
And I don't appreciate being called sick and perverted, for simply relaying what happened often in the 80s and 90s.
I'm interested in knowing what happened in the 80s and 90s. I was a parent in both decades and I don't recall my husband sharing his porn with my sons.Quote:
Originally Posted by jenniepepsi
For crying out loud.
Did I say ALL?
Did I say EVERY SINGLE PARENT DID?
NO I didn't.
Jeeze. Just drop it already. You don't believe what I said. That's your prerogative.
I may not have been clear. Neither my boyfriend nor I drink so there will not be a problem with alcohol in the future. There is no porn or playboy in the house. My question was : is it OK for my boyfriend to buy a playboy magazine and hide it in case he does go looking and then unintentionally find it. It is not teaching him to go behind anyone's back. It is normal for boys to be curious and we have the computer blocked.
I never said hand him a magazine, condone it, or look through it w him. The question clearly states is it too young for a 10 yr old to FIND a magazine. And no it wouldn't be laying out and NOT put under his bed and NO I am not asking how to molest a kid.
My question may have been unclear. And the terms of service say to respond politely and ask questions.
But that response of suggestive of child molestation and implying that I support it at the end. In my opinion that is the rudest comment ever made towards me and highly offensive, and slander to an extent.
I would have deleted all of this last night, if I could. I stayed up until 3am having to work at 7am. I've NEVER in my life felt that insulted. I wish I could delete all of this and I will keep trying to contact someone to do that.
Let me know if I understood the situation correctly:
In my opinion, yes, it would be wrong of your boyfriend to buy a playboy and hide it for the express reason for his 10 year old to just happen upon it. It would be different if it were your boyfriend's own playboy, that he purchased for himself, but he would be buying it basically for his son to find.
Is he thinking it would open the door for discussion about changes in men and women, and relationships? If so, there are more appropriate books available for that exact reason. There is material written that is age appropriate so that a 10 year old would be better able to grasp the information.
Or is he thinking better to find it in your own home, with something more mild like playboy, then to look for it elsewhere?
What is the reason he thinks this is a good idea?
@DoulaLC: he felt that it was better to find at home. Do you know a name of an age appropriate book? That's what I wanted to do.
I apologize for our digging and asking and surmising, but here's where we're coming from. I'm a mod for AMHD and ask you to please stick around on this site for at least three months and read all of the amazing and incredible and heartbreaking posts that we do. Your head will spin as you read horror stories written by parents who shouldn't be parents, by immature 12-year-old girls who think they are pregnant who are sure their mom will raise the baby for them or believe their boyfriend will stick around, by animals owners who are clueless on how to care for their pets and don't have the money for medical care in the second place (after buying a pet in the first place for hundreds or even thousands of dollars). Just like us, you too will want to ask all sorts of questions, some of which may cause the poster to feel insulted, but we have to know and understand the WHOLE picture in order to give the best advice we can -- and we are committed to doing that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky.charms
The Terms of Service (TOS) you agreed to when you registered says user names and threads will never be deleted. If you wish the thread to "go away," just stop posting on it.Quote:
I would have deleted all of this last night, if I could. I stayed up until 3am having to work at 7am. I've NEVER in my life felt that insulted. I wish I could delete all of this and I will keep trying to contact someone to do that.
Your best bet is to go to your local public library, children's department, and ask one of the librarians for help. He or she will show you a bunch of age-appropriate books, so then you read through them and decide which one(s) would be good in this situation.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky.charms
Thank you for explaining your question better. I certainly misread your question as whether it was OK for a child to find a gentleman's mag. But, you're seeking an age appropriate book for what purpose? To satisfy the boys sexual curiosity? And why on earth would an adult hide a Playboy 'accidentally on purpose' for the child to find it? I'm not sure why a parent or guardian would EVER involve him/herself in a child's sexual awakening like that.
There's a big difference between a child accidentally finding something that mom or dad have stashed under the bed and laying one out for the purpose of finding it, in my humble opinion.
Kids find out plenty on their own and with their friends without needing a parent to involve themselves in planting girlie mags. It's better to talk to him about what he's experienced or define the meaning of images he's seen. Sexually explicit or sensationalized images are not appropriate for young children!
There are plenty of age-appropriate books which deal with basic human physiology and there are also resources to help with age-appropriate child sex-education books. You can check with his school or online with the SIECUS (sexuality and information education counsel of the U.S.)
"It's Perfectly Normal" by Robie Harris and Michael Emberley is a good book on sexuality designed for kids 10 and older.
Unless we are further misunderstanding your question further...
When I read the post, it wasn't clear. I never said that you are molesting this child, I said that that's one of the ways I read your post, and asked for clarification. You came back guns blazing. Now that you've come back to clarify what you meant by your post, it's clearer. Sadly, the original post was not.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky.charms
I can only go by what is written, and everyone will read things differently as well. The written word is the worst form of communication, as it leaves way too much to the imagination, without the benefit of facial expression, tone of voice, etc. I do apologize that you felt I was rude. I simply misread your post, and the intention behind it, and sadly, we have had posts from people asking how to exploit a child. In fact, we get them every day. After a while you become a bit jaded, shoot first, ask questions later. But I didn't even do that. I still asked for clarification first.
I can only add that if your boyfriend does decide to bring porn into the house, it's best to keep it under lock and key when this child is in the house. Instead of worrying whether he could find it, prevent it from happening to begin with. It's a lot like having a firearm in the house. You don't put it in the nightstand hoping junior won't find it and accidentally shoot himself in the foot. You lock it up so that junior has no chance of finding it at all.
Good luck.
Just want to add this, so that maybe you can understand why I reacted the way I did. The part in your post that disturbed me was this "Is 10 years old too young to find a playboy?". I had no idea that you meant a playboy magazine. That's why I asked what you meant by a playboy. That's why I asked about child porn. To me it sounded like you were looking for a 10 year old "playboy". The magazine never even crossed my mind, and when I read the rest, with that first sentence in my head, it just sounded worse and worse.
Maybe now you can understand why I reacted the way I did. But, even then I still asked questions, and wanted clarification, even though to me it sounded ominous. Now that you clarified that you were talking about a Playboy magazine, it's clearer, and it makes the entire post a lot less ominous. But I urge you to read it the way I read it, not knowing you meant a magazine. How would you have reacted if you thought someone was asking about finding a 10 year old "playboy"?
No, it is not appropriate to stash a Playboy magazine (which I don't consider porn, but erotica, there is a difference, Playboy magazines do have much more entertainment value than the pictures) around the house. If the child stumbles upon it accidentally, better it wasn't there. If the child looks, deliberately, then he is going to look for other things as well.
The answer is education, frank and open. Talk to your local librarian, then can recommend books.
And please read what Wondergirl said about this site. I'm sorry you were offended by our trying to clarify what you were asking, but we take pride in the quality of the advice we give and to give high quality advice we need to understand the question.
Are you planning on putting it in a place where he will "unintentionally" find it?Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky.charms
It is if the above is correct.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky.charms
It is human nature to be curious. Not just boys, it goes for girls as well.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky.charms
It is too young for a 10 year old to "FIND" a magazine of this nature if you put it in a place that is easily accessible to him.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky.charms
As a SuperModerator of this site I will refer to back to the TOS. Once a question is posted it becomes property of the site and is not removed unless it violates the TOS.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky.charms
Thanks everyone. I'm glad most agree with me and my boyfriend and I had a long talk w his son... Im sorry my question was not specific, if I ever have another question I will be detailed.
I hope it all works out, and I do hope that you come back. There are many questions on this site, why not look around, see if you have some insight to offer. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucky.charms
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