Help me please. I have 2 sons, 1 is 2 years old and the other is 5. The 5 year old just started school this fall. We had our 1st parent teacher meeting. At this meeting the teacher told me some stuff that really has me upset. 1st she says that he is not talking in school, my husband and I got the impression that his teacher has not heard him say more than maybe a hand full of words and trying to get him to answer questions for school related issues is very difficult for her. I told her awhile back that he is very shy but once you get pass that shiness usually you can't get him to stop. She also said that he is not interacting with the other kids. This really bothered me cause I have had my son in daycare and he has been around other kids that are not in our family and every single time in the pass we have never had a problem with him getting right in there and playing with them. Now I will say again it usually takes him a little while to start talking to the other kids but usually within a couple of hours and he's ready to start asking for things and talks with them with no holding back. But to hear her say that he is not playing with other kids and that she thinks that its cause he won't talk to them, she says at this age or stage the kids will talk to another kid but if they do not respond back then they are ready to move on. She made it sound like none of the kids play with him and what I find really upsetting is my son has came home talking about things that the other kids have told him. There seem to be 3 other kids he talks about, I just find it odd that if none of the kids are playing with him then why does he look at these other kids as being friends? She also told us that he is a lot further behind then the other kids. "Most of the kids that come into K already know their letters and numbers and are ready to start writing sentences and adding and subtracting their numbers". My son on the other hand supposivly didn't know any letters or numbers. But when he is at home he knows most of the letters, in other words he can say his ABCs with maybe only 1 or 2 letter left out. And as far as his numbers he can count to 20 except he usually forgets number 13 for some reason. Now what I am wondering is the following she tried to tell me about this new term (well new to me) selective mute. I've been looking up information about it and I just don't know what to think. What I want to know is could me son be a selcetive mute when this school setting is actually the only time I have ever heard of my son having any problems. Like I said before he has always interacted with kids (espically kids, sometimes not so much with adults but always kids). What can I do? I also am wondering if it is simply the teacher herself, what I mean by that is if everything she is telling me is true, I'm wondering if he is uncomfortable around her and that is causing a problem for him to warm up. I have to say my 1st meeting with her and all the way up to now I don't get the best feelings from her. She feels a little cold, and I find this different cause most of the K teachers I have ever known there are usually this very bubbly and happy people but she is much more serious and like I said I get the feeling of cold. I really don't want to point my finger and said it her as to why he can't warm up to you but I have to wonder.

Your son sounds exactly like mine. My son is now 12 years old, and we finally have him on a schedule, and have found the help he needs to succeed not only at school but with other children.

At home he knew his ABC's could count to 50, write his name and other small words (in Kindergarten) but to hear his teacher talk he didn't know anything, not even his own name. He didn't interact with the other kids very much. Most of the time he'd sit by himself, or talk to himself.

My son was in speech therapy from kindergarten to well past 3rd grade. He is still in special ed for English, but in every other subject he has excelled. It wasn't until 2 years ago that we got the diagnosis of ADHD.

I'm not saying that your son has ADHD, but I will say this. Do not let your teacher label him. If he is selective mute that's not up to her to decide, but a professional counselor or doctor. I find that nowadays teachers are too quick to diagnose and at age 5 he's way to young to be given a diagnosis.

Take him to a professional. I'd start with your family doctor, ask for speech and hearing assessments, go from there. In the meantime work with him at home on his reading and writing. Sadly parents cannot leave teaching to the teachers, if they do their children quickly fall behind.

I wish you the best of luck. Please keep us posted.

Thank you for your help this really helps. I do have to say that a possible ADHD is VERY possible. See my husband has/had ADHD and now we just found out that he might be still dealing with adult ADHD. He thought he had it under control but new

Things with being a semi new parent. But he stated that he never had a problem is school that he was beyond in school but this teacher is talking like my son knows nothing. Now I will say this she said that it might be that he won't talk to her but

Even with his writing he's not with the other kids. Now I know every kids devolops at different stages but to have him as the only kid that doesn't know these yet, that upsets me. And my husband and I are both graduates of college and we try to

Hello,

I have had a similar situation when I was that age. It wasn't because I couldn't speak or do arithmetic. For me it was the school setting and the teacher I got. Sometimes, it's not your kid. It's the grown up that puts the impression on the kid. After reading what you have written I am pretty sure that this fits the scenario. If your son was a mute he would not be able to tell you about his 3 friends. Just because he and yourself encounter a diverse interaction that has not happened yet does not mean that he is a mute. Sometimes things and people affect us differently no matter whether we are 5 or 40. Normally, for kids it's how they feel in the environment and the people around and based on this they try to somehow fit into the environment.

Hope this helps !

Work with him all the time. And for awhile we have been trying to expose him to educational toys and games. I actually have an appoint to go see someone at my husbands employment. My husband is in the US Air Force and we are currently in UK.

Another thing we tried to ecplain to her is that his daddy due to work has been out of the picture for the last year and we are also wondering if that might be some of the problem. But like I said before we have never had this problem with him before

Did does help cause honestly I had a bad pre-K teacher and did some of the samethings but I still had friends and the teacher knew that. This teacher however makes it sound like no 1 like him and makes it sound like he is that kid that always

Sitting by himself in the corner

Shelley, if you use the Answer field instead of the Comment field, you will have enough room to type the whole thing.

Thank you. I was looking for something like that.

Please use the Answer box to respond, do not use the comments feature. It makes the thread flow better.

You're on a new skin that we're testing out. All the older members are afraid to try it, so no worries, we'd have problems using it too. ;)

Shelly, your son sounds exactly like mine. Please don't feel that he's not as good, or be concerned that he's a bit behind. Like I said, my son is 12 now and the only thing he's behind in is English, and then only a little bit. He's excelling at everything else.

For a long time he had difficulty making friends, but now he's doing fine in that area too. We've learned how to deal with his ADHD, he's not even on medication anymore and he's doing very well.

Give it time. Your son is only 5, he's way too young for any sort of diagnosis at this point. See your doctor, get him in to see specialists in hearing and speech, and go from there. :)

Maybe do some role-playing with your son, for fun. Play school with him. Have paper and pencils and construction paper and crayons available to do schoolwork on -- letter and numbers, for instance. Use blocks to teach him that one plus one is two and so on. Let him take a turn being the teacher and you be the student. Maybe ask the teacher for ideas to work on at home. Play the Concentration game with a limited number of matching playing cards (turn them upside down on a table or on the floor, then turn two at a time face up to find a match). And always spend time reading to him -- and let him read to you, even if he makes up his own stories based on the pictures in the books.

I would see about having some time to volunteer in the class room and see how he interacts for yourself. If that is not possible, perhaps see about meeting with him for lunch and see how he interacts at that time.

It may be a combination of things going on. How long have you been into the new term? How long have you been in the UK? Was his earlier preschool experiences in the US? Are you at an American school there or a UK school?

Some children can be a selective mute, but this doesn't sound the situation for your son.

I actually already thought about doing that. So I think I will set up a time to get that done. Also we just got here to the UK and he did have daycare back in US and never had this problem before.

We always had good statements from the adults at the daycare about how helpful and sweet he is. And all of them have said that his is a flirt with the girls. So I really am confused but we are trying to clear some misunderstandings up.

I have to say seeing all these post really helped. I don't feel so isolated anymore, my family has never had and issues like this in any of our children. My husband does have ADHD but I was not around him while he was figuring out how to deal with this condition. I want to let all the people that have helped me through this hard time, that my husband and I have appointments scheduled and ready to go. Hopefully I will have some answers here soon. I thank all of you for your support and caring hearts. Thank you.

From what you have described, given his past experiences and interactions, it sounds like it may just be more of his getting used to the new environment. You have new school, new teacher, new friends, new country, the language sounds different, etc..

Personally, I would not suspect ADHD given what you have described. I would not suspect selective mute. If his speech is fine with you, and has been with others in the past, there is no speech concern either.

How far into the term is he?

I've had quieter kids in class, who when you saw them outside of school, they are bebopping around like you would never expect... :) Their parents often share how they are nonstop at home as well.

Good that you are covering all the bases and having things checked to rule out or confirm any concerns, but definitely try to go in and see the interaction for yourself.

He just started school in September. I figured I would talk to the children psychologist & see what he has to say from there. I'm also looking to "shadowing" him at school. I know that he may act a little different but overall I can at least see.

I don't know exactly what is going on with your son, but I can't say stongly enough, do not go on the word of one, or even more teachers, if it is against your gut feeling, and do not be afraid to keep banging away until you understand the situation fully and have the right support for him, whatever that is.

I spent four years being told by my sons teachers that he wasn't very talkative and was a slow learner and would struggle throughout school. I absolutely knew that they were misreading him but I could not get them to listen to my perspective. Eventually I insisted on him sitting certain tests at the age of 8, where he outperformed the 11 year olds, at the top of the school, for whom the tests were designed. The school eventually acknowleged he was in fact a gifted child who was simply switching off due to boredom. Even then, actually getting any appropriate work or help for him was an uphill struggle. Because he was not mentally engaged he was also not very sociable at school at that time.

At secondary school, we had our first parents evening after he had been there 2 weeks and I was greeted by his maths teacher telling me my son was.' the best mathematician this school has ever seen.' This man gave my son all the challenges and enouragement he needed. This one teacher will always have my gratitude. My son finally started enjoying school more and making more friends.

He went on to college and university and now has a very nice job and is one of the most outgoing people with lots of friends.

It saddens me that despite my best attempts it took forever to get the schools on track, but once that happened he flourished.

I don't know exactly what your son needs but whatever it is keep at it until he gets it. You really have my best wishes for this.