Ask Me Help Desk - To spαnk or not to spαnk?

To spαnk or not to spαnk?

i'm α new pαrent, my bαby is only 5 months old, αnd i wαs thinking one dαy αbout spαnking.. i don't wαnt to hit shαylα but then αgαin i know sometimes i will wαnt to...like every other pαrent hαs wαnted to do so αt some point or other..

**i know not everybody αgrees on it αnd it's α constαnt bαttle whether to do it or not-- but when is it okαy? --when your child steαls? when she throws α temper tαntrum αt the store?..**

i know it's the pαrent's decision αnd well to eαch thier own...

my situαtion:
-my husbαnd sαys he couldn't spαnk shαylα but "you'll be the one doing it not me"--therefore no support
-i think it's αlright sometimes
-my fαmily believes in spαnking ; i on the other hαnd only been spαnked once αnd well it pissed me off αnd mαde me αct out more-- so i don't know if spαnking is good.. but..ugh... mind boggling!!!

help! express your opinion freely αnd whαt situαtions you've fαced with your child(ren)

Personally I believe the punishment should fit the crime. Such as... it is okay to spank if your child endangers herself or someone else i.e. running out in the street. But for a temper tantrum? No. A temper tantrum in the store gets dealt with by leaving the store. End of story.

I have raised 4 kids and have only spanked 4 times. All 4 times were under the age of six. After that I used reasoning to deal with the behavior.

Hello Sarai:

It's never OK to hit anybody.

excon

When it is done in love:

A 5 month old can't be talked to , so a quick judicious spanking, sends an important message.

For example
-running out into the street
-putting fingers in dangerous places like a wall outlet or a hot stove.

There is nothing to feel guilty about in these type of situations.

Never in anger or frustration.

Grace and Peace

At 5 months old I think a spank is too much. Rather a little pop on the hand if putting fingers into sockets etc.

Lol I'm not gonnα hit my 5 month old guys-- I meαnt in the lαter future :)

I'm not a parent but I have young nieces and nephews, as well as friends with small children. A friend of mine gave her son a good swat when he was about to stick his finger in an outlet (it was at my house, no child-proofing here!) after she yelled at him to stop and he didn't. To me, that's appropriate. Someone else I know gave a kid a swat on the butt because the kid peed his pants (potty training) after she "told him not to". To me, NOT appropriate.

I think that given certain ages, such as when children are too young to reason, a smack on the butt or slap of the hand can send the message you want. But to me, (again, not a parent, so forgive me if I'm idealistic!) once the child is old enough to reason and understand what he/she has done wrong, I think talking and time outs are effective. My mom was a teacher so she had that "teacher tone" down pat - it works wonders! I have a friend who STILL (20 years later) remembers the "talking to" she got from my mom after she bit my brother. Yeah, that's another story!

I hope you and your husband can get on the same page about proper ways to discipline. So many people fight about kids, it would be a shame if something like this caused you guys trouble in the future.

I was only spanked once... when I tried to put barbie's toe in a light socket. That was when I was four. It never happened again. That being said- I agree with J-9; if the child endangers themselves then I think a tap on the rump and a time out is fine. Other then that I don't think spanking is an effective form of punishment. If the child respects the parents and the rules of the house are consistent, then things should run smooth... the majority of the time.

I was never spanked and turned out fine. (Of course, there were rules and consequences.) I have two sons, and spanked the first once when he ran out into the street. After that, during a rare tantrum (he wanted to play with the fake food at Sears), we left the store. I too established rules and there were consequences. Both boys are well-behaved adults who never got into trouble as teens.

Spanking is hitting. I don't care how someone tries to justify it, it is still hitting. Only the surprise element is why I would allow it in an emergency, like when the child runs into the street.

Better that the parents first get on the same page as each other, make rules, and consistently enforce them, then follow up with consequences appropriate to the crime. Consistency is the important word.

Spank? No.

My son is going through his terrible twos. He is doing things like getting knives out of the drawer, stuffing things down the toilet (every toilet in my house is clogged as we speak), sticking things in light sockets, putting things in the fish tank... I mean the list goes on.

I spank him for it. I am not ashamed to say so. It is the only way I can get through to him. I tell him to stop, he says no. I put him in the corner, he thinks that's a joke. I put him in his room, he is right back out in 5 seconds. What else is there left to do?

Quote:

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

My son is going through his terrible twos. He is doing things like getting knives out of the drawer, stuffing things down the toilet (every toilet in my house is clogged as we speak), sticking things in light sockets, putting things in the fish tank...i mean the list goes on.

I spank him for it. I am not ashamed to say so. It is the only way I can get through to him. I tell him to stop, he says no. I put him in the corner, he thinks thats a joke. I put him in his room, he is right back out in 5 seconds. What else is there left to do?

This is exactly why I childproof everything in my home. No knives can be reached or gotten into, bathroom doors are closed with childproof handles on the doorknobs.

There are things you actually can do to prevent these sorts of things.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

This is exactly why I childproof everything in my home. No knives can be reached or gotten into, bathroom doors are closed with childproof handles on the doorknobs.

There are things you actually can do to prevent these sorts of things.

What the heck is a childproof handle? Apparently nothing that they have at walmart or I would have seen it.. lol. And everything is childproofed. The plastic things in the light sockets (he knows how to take them out), toilet seat locks (he knows how to take them off), cabinet locks (yep, you guessed it, he knows how to get around those too). He is like super toddler or something.. lol. :)

Oh jeeze I hope shαylα doesn't turn out like thαt -teehee... hαve you tried closing the door to the bαthroom αnd putting one of thoes door things thαt go on the knob?.

Quote:

Originally Posted by saraispiel19

oh jeeze i hope shαylα doesn't turn out like thαt -teehee... hαve you tried closing the door to the bαthroom αnd putting one of thoes door things thαt go on the knob?...

I don't understand what thing you mean. If they have something to keep him out of the bathroom, please tell me! Lol.

I hope your little girl doesn't turn out this way too, and if she does, I feel sorry for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

I dont understand what thing you mean...

They look like this : http://www.dreamtimekids.com/cjimages/doknlo2byki.jpg http://thumbs.ebaystatic.com/pict/30...12634040_1.jpg http://www.pet-gates-direct.com/images/S410.jpg

Quote:

Originally Posted by saraispiel19

they look like this : http://www.dreamtimekids.com/cjimages/doknlo2byki.jpg http://thumbs.ebaystatic.com/pict/30...12634040_1.jpg

Wow, thanks for the pic! I have never seen or heard of anything like that before. If I did I would probably have a couple of them.. lol. Do you by any chance know where I can get a hold of something like that?

You cαn order them online or you cαn order them from your locαl wαlmαrt (if they don't αlreαdy hαve them), they cαn be found αt your locαl hαrdwαre store αnd toys R us
Here's α perfect site you cαn buy brαnd new ones: KidSafe Storefront, Baby Gates, Child Safety, Baby Proof Supplies

Yup that's exactly what I was talking about. Thanks Sarai!!

Thanks guys you're awesome!

But to get back on the subject, I do not see anything wrong with spanking if there is no other way of getting through to the child. When I say something to him when he's doing something wrong, he'll either look at me with a blank stare, or start laughing at me. And after that, he'll go right back to doing what he was getting in trouble for in the first place. It is so aggravating!

No problem-o :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

Thanks guys you're awesome!

But to get back on the subject, I do not see anything wrong with spanking if there is no other way of getting through to the child. When I say something to him when he's doing something wrong, he'll either look at me with a blank stare, or start laughing at me. And after that, he'll go right back to doing what he was getting in trouble for in the first place. It is so aggravating!

It's called redirection rather than spanking.

Spanking should be reserved for very serious offenses.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

It's called redirection rather than spanking.

Spanking should be reserved for very serious offenses.

What do you mean? Like when he's doing something bad, give him something good to do? If so, this doesn't work. He is hell bent on being a bad boy sometimes. Earlier today he tried to smother his three month old brother with a pillow when I stepped out to use the bathroom.

Your mistake there. You shouldn't leave him alone with the 3 month old.

Trust me, I've raised 4, the oldest is 21 and the youngest is 5.

Redirection is a awesome tool to use.

Ever think its for αttention? mαybe he feels left out becαuse of the new bαby...

Well I didn't figure he would try and kill his brother in the 5 seconds it takes me to pee.

I know he loves his brother, I just think sometimes he doesn't comprehend the fact that he could hurt him. I don't know. He gives him hugs and kisses all the time and says "i want bubby", but yet he does that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by saraispiel19

ever think its for αttention? mαybe he feels left out becαuse of the new bαby....

I have thought of that as a possibility, and I think you're right. If I give the little one just a little more attention than my 2 year old, he goes nuts!

Quote:

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

Earlier today he tried to smother his three month old brother with a pillow when i stepped out to use the bathroom.

Hello nauticalstar:

If you're trying to say that he's really, really bad so, of course, he needs a spanking or to be hit in some manner or other. I disagree. Children should NEVER be hit.

I'm amazed that adults think children should be tried as adults when they commit "adult" crimes. How dumb is that?? Actually, you could classify trying to smother your brother an "adult" crime, couldn't you?

Don't hit them.

excon

Redirection is ALWAYS better than spanking. You see, children get used to spanking if you are a spanker. Eventually there is no shock value. It should be reserved for serious situations only. Such as smothering a brother. But, that really was your mistake.

He doesn't know what he is doing, he doesn't know how dangerous this is, he doesn't understand that it is potentially deadly. Hell, he's 2!!

Spanking should be used for shock value only.

Shock value, let me give you an example.

My only daughter was 7, her and the girl down the street (she was 9) decided to run away. After looking for them for 4 hours we found them, in the house of a stranger 2 miles away.

SPANKED!!

She has been a very respectable young adult ever since.

Quote:

Originally Posted by excon

Hello nauticalstar:

If you're trying to say that he's really, really bad so, of course, he needs a spanking or to be hit in some manner or other. I disagree. Children should NEVER be hit.

I'm amazed that adults think children should be tried as adults when they commit "adult" crimes. How dumb is that??? Actually, you could classify trying to smother your brother an "adult" crime, couldn't you?

Don't hit them.

excon

I feel that these are my children, and I will discipline them how I see fit. I was raised being spanked, and I remember very clearly that it got through to me.

Besides the fact that he gets spanked on his butt through a pull up, and doesn't even feel it half of the time, or doesn't act like it.

For future reference, please don't tell me what to do or not do with my children.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Shock value, let me give you an example.

My only daughter was 7, her and the girl down the street (she was 9) decided to run away. After looking for them for 4 hours we found them, in the house of a stranger 2 miles away.

SPANKED!!!!

She has been a very respectable young adult ever since.

Holy crap I would have been so scared! Okay yes, I see the difference. Just out of curiosity, what did the stranger who's house you found her in have to say about that?

NS, the point he is trying to make, correct me if I am wrong Excon, is that...

Would you want to be hit for making a mistake at work if you worked? Nah

Spanking should be saved for extreme cases only.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

NS, the point he is trying to make, correct me if I am wrong Excon, is that....

would you want to be hit for making a mistake at work if you worked? Nah

Spanking should be saved for extreme cases only.

There would be no reason to spank me. I am old enough to know the difference between right and wrong, he is not. That is what I'm trying to instill in his brain.

I feel that telling me what to do with my children is wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

Holy crap I would have been so scared! Okay yes, I see the difference. Just out of curiosity, what did the stranger who's house you found her in have to say about that?

Luckily, I live in the Bible Belt and the stranger was a minister. But still, it could have been a sex offender.

Rae got spanked once and only once, she learned her lesson. Spanking, in my opinion, should be reserved for extreme circumstances only.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

Luckily, I live in the Bible Belt and the stranger was a minister. But still, it could have been a sex offender.

Rae got spanked once and only once, she learned her lesson. Spanking, in my opinion, should be reserved for extreme circumstances only.

I don't full out spank him hard or anything like that unless he does something really bad, usually he will get a couple of swats to the butt just so the point gets across. I guess I should have specified better, I don't spank him hard enough to make him cry every time.

I think it depends on what works for you and your child. I have spanked my child. It is rare - but it has happened. For us, time outs and "attention getters" work the best. Our attention getter is to take her face in our hand and get to her level - eye to eye - have her focus on directly what we are telling her. Making her STOP and focus. That actually worked the best for us.

If I feel it necessary - I will spank her - but as the old saying goes - it hurts me more than it hurts her. So I try not to do it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

For future reference, please dont tell me what to do or not do with my children.

Hello again, nauticalstar:

I'm sorry you don't like my advice. However, if you post on a public board, you're going to hear it.

excon

Quote:

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

There would be no reason to spank me. I am old enough to know the difference between right and wrong, he is not. That is what i'm trying to instill in his brain.

I feel that telling me what to do with my children is wrong.

So hitting is instilling right and wrong? Isn't hitting you wrong?

How about this. Is it okay for your husband to hit you? Then why is it okay for you to hit your kid?

Quote:

Hello again, nauticalstar:

I'm sorry you don't like my advice. However, if you post on a public board, you're going to hear it.

Excon

I apologize, I was a bit rude. But like the OP said at the very beginning, everyone has a different opinion about this topic. You say spanking is wrong, I say it is not. And I also must correct myself for my words, he gets more of a "swat" than a "spank". He only gets a real "spank" when he does stuff like hurt his brother, clog the toilets (because that really sucks), stuff like that. I do not always spank him hard enough to make him cry.

Quote:

So hitting is instilling right and wrong? Isn't hitting you wrong?

How about this. Is it okay for your husband to hit you? Then why is it okay for you to hit your kid?

I was spanked as a child and never hit my parents, or anyone else for that matter. He has never hit anyone (although he did bite someone at daycare, I have no idea where he learned to bite).

And you people are making it sound like I full out hit him like I'm trying to kick his a$$. The OP asked for an opinion, and I gave it to her. Go ahead, attack me because I believe in spanking.

First of all, this is an age old dilemma, many people do believe in it, many people do not.

Biting... normal for a 2 year old, well some of them. I was a preschool teacher in a past life over 22 years ago.

It is my personal belief that your hand should not lay on your child unless there are extreme circumstances.

As I said before, and will say again... SHOCK VALUE.

If it is more often then the kid gets used to it, so what they think. But if you reserve it for something serious then it works.

I have an education in early childhood development, going for nursing now, and have 4 kids.

I was spanked up until the age of 6 when reasoning took over. My parents reasoned right and wrong with me. So, I tried it with my kids, younger than 6, and guess what, it worked.