Much of what she has done is not all that unusual for her age. Many 9 year olds won't fess up, even when you know full well that they did something. If you know for a fact that she did something, don't bother to ask her if she did, that only sets her up to want to lie about it in an attempt to avoid getting into trouble. If it is important enough to merit consequences, then deal with it matter of factly. Many will procrastinate with school work... set a time when it gets started, supervise the work, and let her know she does nothing else until it gets done. Many will shove stuff under the bed, in closets, in drawers, etc. to get it done so they can go play... thinking that you will somehow not notice. Give some incentives if you think it might help... be very specific... clean your room may not be enough, stating that you want her clean clothes put away neatly, dirty clothes in the hamper, and toys on the shelves may give you better results. Put the list on her door if it helps and have her check them off as each one is done. When finished, you can go out for a treat or do something fun.

Certainly talk to her and let her know you are there for her, but she also needs to understand that there will be consequences for her choices. Try not to catch her every time she makes a mistake... pick your battles as to what is really important. Praise the good choices that she makes.

Sit down with her and her father and the three of you discuss how you can all work together to make some changes... discuss expectations... and the importance of learning responsibility. As she sees that you take the time to work with her and guide her, she will understand that you are there for her and that you care about her and what she does.

Here's a way to entertain her:
This is a virtual worlkd for kids and is TOTALLY safe.
Www.virtualfamilykingdom.com

I don't care to explain but this post needs to be closed due to not being relevant any longer. Thanks.

You have a complex situation here that will be difficult for you to resolve without professional intervention.
First of all I have to advise you that being a step-parent is a difficult, thankless job; much harder than being a parent.
You have entered into a difficult and frustrating situation which will take up all your energies and reward you with heartache at best.
I can tell from reading this that you, and this child's father are not experienced, or skilled parents and you suffer from some misconceptions about parenting and child development. Soap in the child's mouth for example is strictly child abuse for any reason. You have a very troubled girl on your hands who needs professional help. She should be in ongoing individual and family therapy. The traumatic separation from and rejection by her mother have probably caused this child severe reactive- attachment disorder. Although many of the behaviors you describe such as lying are normal in children, they do seem fairly excessive in her case, possibly partly because she is above average intelligence. Get her some counseling and take some parenting classes. You will all be happier. But do realize that, as the step-mother/surrogate mother-figure to this child a lot of her underlying anger at her own mother, and her fear and jealousy at the threat you pose in her young mind to her security in her relationship with her father are going to be directed at you, and cause her to target you in her scheming and "trouble-making".
You've definitely got your work cut out for you. It's going to require tremendous patience , like that of a saint, for you to deal appropriately with this child who is likely to drive you crazy. And she's not even a teenager yet! Just wait! Are you sure you want to take all this on?
I warn you, it's a thankless job.
You'd better have a heart of gold!

Invicta, please refer to above post. This isn't a relevant thread any longer and needs no more response. Thanks.