Ask Me Help Desk - My invisible child

Yorgo, I may come from a different perspective of opinion than what you have originally received by this post. But I am wondering why you have let this wife rule over your emotions? You seem to care about your children and need to show all of them that you do care. You can replace another wife, but your children will always be your children no matter what. Sounds to me as if you found yourself a cold one, this time! She should respect your wishes and love ALL of your children because she loves you. And they are apart of a package deal.

Just remember, if you move out of the house without your child (the 2 yr. old), the courts sometimes see this as child abandonment and it could ruin your chances of getting custody of him! Just a thought! Good luck!

Can she legally kick me out of the house? I mean, if she is determined to keep me out and refuses for me to get in what can happen? If I'm calm and simply want to get into my home can I be arrested? The reason I ask is that it's coming to just that. I slept at home the last 2 nights, on the couch, but talking to her Im realizing just how serious and unwilling to compromise she is. I thought talking face to face would possibly make things better and I guess I was hoping she would just cry with me and hug me and just say 'its OK I'll learn to deal with it better because I love you' but that didn't happen. Instead I got an hours worth of comments and name calling. I don't want to leave the house and I made that clear to her but she insist she cannot live like this and does not want me to stay much longer. She's only letting me stay now until I can find an apartment. I just can't believe this is happening because of my decision to spend time with my kids. How ridiculous this is.

Well, I certainly have to agree that it is ridiculous. I'm not legally qualified, but I don't think there's any way she can kick you out short of getting a restraining order, and that requires a showing of threatening or abusive behavior on your part. If she's willing to lie about that, I suppose it's possible that she could convince a judge to issue an order, but I'd hope that wouldn't happen if there's no record of domestic disturbance calls to the police, etc. I guess if she's really serious, you need to hire a lawyer. If she locks you out, I think you could call the police and they could make her let you in. That might get you in the door, but of course the police or anybody else can't force her to be reasonable, so living there may not be worth the freight. I really feel for you having to go through all this just to have a relationship with your kids. That's about as basic as it gets and if she can't handle it, then she's got some serious issues. Keep us posted as the drama unfolds, (unless of course you start feeling like a character in somebody else's soap opera).

I suspect this is about control and as long as you go with her program, life will be great, but deviate from her plan, you will have hell to pay. You probably never noticed as the boat was never rocked, but as you see There is no negociating, no compromise, no listenng to anyone. How far she cares to take this, there is no telling. For sure you will catch it now, for going against her rules.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I suspect this is about control and as long as you go with her program, life will be great, but deviate from her plan, you will have hell to pay. You probably never noticed as the boat was never rocked, but as you see Their is no negociating, no compromise, no listenng to anyone. How far she cares to take this, there is no telling. For sure you will catch it now, for going against her rules.

Sounds like you've hit it right on the head. You must know my wife or you know exactly what is going on. Yes, she's always been a control freak and what you wrote above is almost exactly what I've told her many many times. Her philosophy has always been "My way or the highway" and she denies it every time I tell her.

Yorgo, I am so sorry that this is happening to you to begin with. Maybe in the long run, you'll be better off and be able to find someone that loves you for you as well as ALL of your children. Regardless, of the circumstances. It maybe safer to move out, if she cannot control you, she may become vicious. So please be careful. Don't do anything, or say anything negative for the time being. Just tell her that you love your kids and maybe she will have an epiphany or something? After all, it is the holidays. Miracles do happen.

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Originally Posted by jrussole

Yorgo, I am so sorry that this is happening to you to begin with. Maybe in the long run, you'll be better off and be able to find someone that loves you for you as well as ALL of your children. Irregardless, of the circumstances. It maybe safer to move out, if she cannot control you, she may become vicious. So please be careful. Don't do anything, or say anything negative for the time being. Just tell her that you love your kids and maybe she will have an epiphany or something? Afterall, it is the holidays. Miracles do happen.

Well the miracle here is that I never purchased a gun for the house. My bi-polar significantly crazy other told me flat out that she was so angry she would shoot me if we did have a gun. Given the few days that have passed since this started I'm coming to realize that it will be OK to be on my own. I was struggling with the thought of being without her or our little boy or even with her 11 year old which Ive become attached to also. But it happened to me once before with my first wife so I can survive another heart break. As for the future I'm really convinced that I should not have any kind of relationships with any women ever again. My heart is really aching and I can't do this again. I'm so disappointed in her behavior and lack consideration for me. I'll just keep quiet, go to work, see my family, go on rides, and visit my kids more often from now on. I don't think I'll ever want to be in another relationship.

Yes Yorgo, you definitely need to get out of the abusive situation that you have found yourself in. You may need to do some soul searching and find out what attracted you to someone such as this to begin with? Do you magnetise toward drama? Or controlling women? Were you raised by such a woman, I wonder? Either way, you need to find out what your part in this relationship caused such an outcome. And try and work on that first. It will be a difficult holiday for you this year, unless she comes around with some common sense? And you find forgiveness in your heart. But maybe next year, you will be in a better place? And please, don't let what a few bad choices in woman discourage you. You need to find out why you chose these sort of women to begin with and work from there. It sounds to me as if you are attracted to mean spirited, controlling women with thick skin. There are plenty of them out there. But it takes a kind gentle soul to find another one. Otherwise, you may keep on making the same mistake over and over again. There are plenty of good women out there. You just need to know where to look.

Don't relax yet as this is far from over. You are tied to this woman by children so don't run for the hills just yet. When the dust settles and cooler heads can see what needs to be done, then their will have to be a sit down. Till then hold your head up and fight for your children and do the right thing by them all. Don't worry about what others think right now as your job is in front of you. They can either help or get out of the way. Stay focused.

I realize I'm a little late to this post. And I'm sure the advice your getting from others is much better than mine, but I can think about is the 3 year old who didn't ask for any of this. What about him? You know what else strikes me, How many single mothers out there would love for the father to be part of the child's life. And you want too. Your wife's an evil .

I agree with chuff! Chuff, you are becoming my role model! You are very insightful. Anyway, your present wife is evil yorgo. And controlling. Which will only hurt you and ALL your children in the present and future. Unless she has an open heart to your feelings and loves you and all that came/comes with you, I doubt you will ever find happiness with that her.

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Originally Posted by jrussole

I agree with chuff! Chuff, you are becoming my role model! You are very insightful.

Thank you.

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Originally Posted by jrussole

Anyway, your present wife is evil yorgo.

I called her a but AMHD deleted it, like I'm sure they just did again. She's actually more C word kind of person and someone I'd love to meet and tell it to her face. Some people you will just never like and any mother that stops a willing, loving, father from seeing his children is about as low as you can get to me.

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Originally Posted by jrussole

And controlling. Which will only hurt you and ALL your children in the present and future.

Exactly, how bad is this going to get when their teenagers and they start rebeling. I'm all for strict, but controlling is a whole different problem. Strict gets results. Controlling gets backlash.

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Originally Posted by jrussole

Unless she has an open heart to your feelings and loves you and all that came/comes with you, I doubt you will ever find happiness with that her.

No he won't. He knows he can do better too, that's what really baffles me. He's much to good to be putting up with this. Actually every guy on the planet could do better. His child has done nothing to deserve this skank in his life, and of course that child is going to grow up bitter. When that child revolts against this guy or does't talk to the father, when the child is an adult I hope he'll be able to look at this evil skank and say it was all worth it.

Update!! Finally I got a chance to update everyone on what's been happening. You are/were all right on the money. Much has happened but things are "temporarily" normal. Yes, we had a huge fight and all my stuff was thrown out into the yard and I was asked to move out. It was like this for about 1 1/2 weeks.

The remaining few days before the kids arrived I spent at home with the devil. I slept on the couch until my back hurt. Then I thought "why should I be on the couch?" so I went to bed and she moved to the couch.

The day the kids arrived I packed my stuff and loaded the car. She (demon) had to work and didn't have any choice but to let me take our 2 year old with me and meet his brothers and sister. The oldest, her son, was with his father that weekend. So the baby and I drove to my sisters house and finally met up with the kids. They were so happy to see me! And finally I got to meet my little 3 year old boy. It was great and he took to me like he already knew who I was. Great kid and I'm sorry I ever neglected him. My daughter has always been close to me. We bonded from the time she was born in 1998 since I took care of her mostly. My work hours allowed me to spend a lot of quality time with her during the first 2 years of her life. My 2nd child has never been that close to me. He loves me but I can't tell if his distancing from me has to do with him being a boy or the fact that he loves his little brother so much that he hates me for not acknowledging his little brother. Not sure but this visit was excellent. He seemed to be happier with me and told me several times how much he loved me. My daughter, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th all got along great and were all over me. The 4th child, from my current nightmare marriage, was a bit jealous though but overall everybody got along.

The remaining 2 weeks were interesting. I took my 4th child back home to his mother and didn't see him for another 1 1/2 weeks. I spent day and night with my kids the rest of the time until the first 3 days of week 2. My sister wanted them to spend the night with her kids for a few days so that's what we did. During these days I went back home (to hell). Things were quieter, questions were asked, curiosity, etc.. But nothing was asked about the 3rd child. She did have rude comments to make but being as pissed as I was I put her in her place. Basically told her I didn't want to hear any more negative comments about ANY of my kids and to basically shut the F*** up.

The last 2 days, Thur and Fri, I took off from work again and spent them with the kids. Great time everybody is happy. Friday I drove them back and met up with my ex in Savannah where she took over with the kids. Drove home that same night and things are different now...

Since then my relationship with Satan has improved, believe it or not. Overall I think she's learned to never push me over the edge again. I think she knows now that she is in a bad situation and she has to let me do what I think is best. I'm not a bad guy, I think I make fairly intelligent decisions but I let things get out of hand for too long. She still tries to control things and I'll give her a little control but once it goes beyond a certain point she knows to back off. I'm really amazed how she's learned to stay the hell out of my way.

Thank you everyone for your advise with this. I don't think I would have had the balls to even attempt it if it was not for what you people wrote on this board. Life is too short and there are no guaranty's except that your kids will always be your kids and everyone dies eventually. There's no going back in time to correct terrible mistakes as much as we may want to.

Congrats Yorgo and glad to know that you have made so much progress with your kids and even the wife. Doing the right thing is the best thing to do.

It's stories like that, that make realize the time I spend here is really worth while. Thank you for the update.

A big HOORAY for you for standing up for your kids and yourself and saying "Get thee behind me, Satan." And thank you for coming back to let us know how things turned out. Like Chuff says, stories like this make it all worthwhile. So many times, we never know whether it does any good or not. Hang in there, bro, and keep in touch.

I am Really Confused :S

I was hoping for an update on all of this! I wonder how things are now that it's been a year!