Well here's the final update for this thread... Eric has just been diagnosed with mild autism. So his tantrums did have a cause outside of the norm. He's going into some treatment, and hopefully there will be some improvements. Thanks to everyone who participated in this thread... I appreciate it!

Orange,
I am so glad that you have an answer. I hope all is well. Have you had your baby? I just found out I am expecting!
Heather

Oh wow that's great Heather, congratulations!

Nope I haven't had the baby yet, but I'm due in June (on Father's Day actually!) and I found out recently that the child is a boy. :)

And in case you haven't followed my other threads, I now have 2 more little ones, my 4 year old nephew and 6 year old niece. Their parents died in a tragic accident not so long ago, and my husband and I have adopted them. So when my baby is born we will be quite a large family already!

Wow adoption and a new baby. Congrats,furthermore thanks for accepting g responsibility of your nieces and nephews. I hate days at work where we get parental fatalities and no one wants the children. If you need anything let me know. How old are the children you adopted.

Heather

We were very happy to take them. I've always wanted a large family, 4-5 kids at least, and we are blessed with enough money to raise that many kids comfortably. Actually we had agreed to be named as guardians in the parents' will. We just never thought the parents were going to die so soon. They were only 28 and 29 years old! The children are 4 and 6 years old. So far they seem to be adjusting fairly well, of course they are very sad about their parents and have nightmares and crying spells. I've enrolled them in a grief support group for children, and I recently started taking them to the synagogue every morning to say the mourner's kaddish for their parents (it's a Jewish tradition, and we're Jewish). We're not religious at all, but synagogue is only 3 blocks away and they are enjoying going. I think it's a good support for them and for me, too. Plus they are continuing with their karate and swimming lessons, which helps to keep them occupied. I am a stay at home mom, so I can give them lots of my time.

Thanks so much for your offer of help. When some trouble arises, which I'm sure it will, I will definitely think of you! Good luck again with your new baby!

This is not as hard a fix as it might seem.

Tell the child what to expect before you enter a situation in very clear words.
"After lunch, first you will need to put your shoes on. Then we can go to the playground."

Use "First and then". We cannot leave for the playground yet. Remember, first put your shoes on, then we can go to the playground.

If he refuses, set a timer. "David, if you want to go to the playground, you must put your shoes on before this timer dings. If it dings before you have your shoes on, we are not going today." He will not put his shoes on, and you will not go to the playground. He will live. He will have a tantrum, and you will put him in time out. It will be a marathon and you will remain calm and focused on the goal. You must win the battle without losing your composure or letting him get the best of you.

Tomorrow, you will say, "David, after lunch, first you need to put your shoes on, then we can go to the playground. If you misbehave as you did yesterday, we are not going."

Follow through.

If you are consistent, the child will learn to act nicely to get what he wants.

Well this 3 yr old seem to have everytink on a plate when he was little if this is the way his carrying on now. My little brother use to be like it. But his would last for hours so what my mom use to do was put him in his room till he use to stop crying then when he had enough off crying my mom would put the telly on for him in the living room then he would calm down but tell your friend not to scream or shout at the little boy because he will get louder an louder. Just tell her to be calm an put him in his room to have 5minutes out then let him down stairs an put him on the sette then hopfully he would have calmed down. Then when his done as his told give him sumat at the end off the day for being a good little boy. Hope it works

My daughter use to thow tantrums too. This may sound horrible, but it did work on her... take a small glass of water, and toss the water into the child's face. It scares them of course, but it is effective. After 2-3 times of getting water in the face, my daughter quit throwing those little fits. I am a believer in spanking, but when a child is throwing one of those little fits... a parent's wits can only last so long before they themselves are ready to "go off", which then they could in turn hurt the child by spanking, cause they are so frustrated. Suggest to your friend the water treatment and see how that works. If that doesn't work, suggest taking the little tike to his doctor and have him tested for A.D.D.

Best of luck to your friend!