Ask Me Help Desk - 14 yr old son will not go to school

This is how I would handle this situation. I am a mother of 3 a 13 yr old girl and 2 boys 15 and 17. I have faced rebellion in many ways from clothes to grades, to drinking etc. st when he thought he would stay up late I would walk in his room remove any forms of entertainment phone,TV, etc... get them back when you desrve them... I would also take out the light bulbs. He would be given a small night light for safety. If he rebelled against this and raised hell I would call the police. 2nd If jhe would not get up in the morning I would pull off his covers open the shades, the cover would go down with me he would have 1minute to start getting ready. If he refused then I would call the school inform them what he was doing and ask if they would like to visit him in his room at home. If this failed I would call the police . As far as older friends he could tell tem good bye, He apparently can't handle it. He would go out if I allowed and he deserved.. also I would have to know where and with whom and he would have to check in... I would also make surprise visits to make sure he was where he was supposed to be. Money would be given and lifts on a by how you handle yourself. Drug testing would be given if needed and I would let him know that this is a possibility. He would not have a part time job... If he didn't have the grades. I'm sure that an adult has to have your permission to allow him to work for them... use your judgement on this. You are the parent make sure he knows it. It won't be easy but you can do it. When you let him know that you are in charge, he will accept it.Later he will thank you. Good Luck . Peace be with you.

Quote:

When you let him know that you are in charge, he will accept it.Later he will thank you. Good Luck . Peace be with you.

I had to spread the love, but this is a great post from an experienced no nonsense mom.

I have to say that you have a lot of good advice here. I am just going to add my 2 cents in.

Schools have truency officers whose job it is to come and get student's who are truent. Make sure that the school knows that you are having a hard time getting your child up for school. Ask for the truency officer to come and help you get him up. If you don't and he continues to be truent, you could have charges pressed against you (because he is under 16).

I think Fr. Chuck's cold water suggestion is a great one. As is making him earn his things in his room. Having a TV, a stereo, a computer, a cell phone and a door and blinds in your room is a privlidge. One that can be taken away if he is not following the rules of the home. Let me tell you it took only one time for my dad to take my door off the hinges for me to realize that when he said no slamming doors, he was serious.

Also, Dad needs to step up and be a dad. Parenting is a team sport. And it seems to me that you are doing this on your own. Get him involved. But make sure you are both on the same page when it comes to discipline and punishment.

Furthermore, if this is a drastic change in his behavior, looking into the possibility of drugs is not a bad thing. Especially if he is hanging with a new group of friends and gave up his sport. Those to me are all signs that something has changed in his life. I am not saying he is on drugs, but those are often warning signs.

I can relate strategies that 2 of my friends used to some success. They echo what you have been told by previous posters.

Friend had a teenager that went to school, but cut after first class and came back home. After several warnings and restrictions the parents decided to make the home very teen unfriendly. Everything was locked down including the kitchen the television and communications. The pantry and refrigerator were equipped with padlocks and the only thing accessible was a freshly stocked fruit bowl. The TV, stereo, DVDs and computer were secured. They disconnected the house telephone and went to cell phones for each parent.

Another friend had a beligerent teen. After a nasty incident at school, their unremorseful teen came home to find their room had been completely remodeled. The door had been removed. All electronic equipment in the whole house had been removed. TVs, phone, stereo (they only had the one child). The teen's room had been completely stripped of goodies. The bed had been made up with the old white sheets and gray woolen blanket the dad had been issued in the Navy. The closet only held the plainest clothes needed for school and church, mainly khakis and button down shirts.

The big point here is that in both cases the parents were united and were taking a proactive stance. You can't have one parent acting passive because they don't want to be the bad guy or giving in to the petulant behavior.

JulesG: Get your son into counseling. It's hard to say what's going on with your teen; but having to put everything on lock down because your son is having issues isn't a way for the rest of the family to live. By seeking professional help now you can save yourself the grief and added stress.