I think the method of discipine depends o the child as much as the parents views. Before I had kids I vowed I would never smack them, but you know what, it changed once I had the little darlings (now four and five) My daughter is a godsend, never needed any intervention in her behaviour, you tel her off and that is fine. My son is a horror, a walking monster. He consistently behaved in ways that were dangerous to him and others, and is very unpredictable. On the walk to pre school, after several weeks of no problems I allowed himto walk without holding hands, he ran off and ran straight across the road, depsite me yelling at him to stop. Needless to say he got a smack for that one and hasn't done it since. But he is a handful. I have always given my kids three chances, I ask them to do something, I tell them to do something, then I make them do it. If that fails I smack them. To be honest though for my daughter we never got past two. My son is in another league. I have never smacked through anger, it has been tempting trust me, but that would be lashing out and that is never good in my own opinion. He has finally now got to a point where the threat is enough to put him off misbehaving, though I am hoping soon I will not even have to go that far. He has never been a child to listen, and when a child doesn't listen you have to find alternative ways to make them behave. We have done the whole rewards chart, naughty step, time out thing, it makes no difference to him whatsoever. I have always been consistent in my expectations and my punishments of the kids, they know what is and isn't acceptable. Punishment is control, but I don't think that is such a bad thing, it is my job to control my kids, make sure they grow up to be able to have self control and know what is right and what is wrong. Kids who are not controlled end up with asbo's. My kids are happy and intelligent and do well at school already, they are not scared of me and we have a wonderful relationship.

I think spanking is OK if used correctly. People who lose their tempers easily shouldn't spank. But as a loving mom of two, I have resorted to it in times of need. For example, my oldest ran across the street without me while I was getting my youngest from the car, after being told to stay next to me on the sidewalk. I was scared to death. When I got over there, I spanked her. When she pushed a small child into the swimming pool, I spanked her. These are serious issues and I dealt with them in a serious manner. Now when she is mouthy or fights with her brother or friends I begin with time outs, demand apologies, and ground her from the TV or computer or playing outside.

Now that she is older I have started making her write what she did wrong, why she did it, and what she could have done instead that would have been a better solution. I just want her to really think about her actions and realize there is always more than one way to handle a situation. So spanking has become even more rare in my home.

It's sad if parents spank for every offense. Over use is abuse, and it only shows your child that the biggest bully gets his way. So in summation, I say spank, but only when truly warranted.

I am not opposed to spanking. I hate to do it - it breaks my heart. I now know what my mom meant when she told me that "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you." I can't stand to see that look in her eyes - like I just crushed her.
So, I try to avoid that if possible. We have a time out corner in our house and she has to stand with her nose in the corner. We take away privileges - like TV.
But, actually what has worked best for us is when she is doing something - we get right in her face - eye to eye and hold her face so she can't turn away and tell her to straighten up or whatever fits for the situation.
She has gotten out of control before and lost her temper and hit me - which was a huge NO NO! I stayed calm and calmed her down. She then got a spanking. We actually use a wooden spoon. And she will get 3 smacks - not hard. The actual THOUGHT of the spanking is enough for her. And like I said, it doesn't happen often.

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Originally Posted by Anayden

I know that there is ALOT of controversy over this subject but I want to hear from you. Do you think that kids should be spanked? If not then what kind of punishment would you use on your child. If you have a child does it work for you? I, personally, do spank my daughter. But only after I have given her fair warning. She doesn't seem to listen to talking to or taking toys away, and that is the only way she actually listens. After you tell her 5-6 times.... Also I wanted to know what you all thought about kids that "fall out" in stores. We've all seen them, and if you say you haven't, then you are the one with that kid....;) :p

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Personally, I believe in spanking children. But, with mine, I take something away from them that means a WHOLE lot to them. Trust me, that's a lot worse punishment than spanking. Cause if you think about it, spanking them is a "temporary" fix to the kids. Take for instance my 9 year old. She has a Buld-A-Bear baby that she just adores. When she does wrong, I take 'Kasey' away from her for however long I want. I would suggest trying that approach. Trust me, it works! Good luck!

Hello again:

Ever wonder why the world is so violent? I don't. We learn at an early age that hitting is the way to solve our problems. It isn't.

excon

Oh, I forgot to mention... my daughter responds much better to rewards than to punishment... so we began a reward chart. She chooses an item she wants from the store. We tell her how many points she needs to "buy" that item. She gets a point for everything she completes each day, including things like solving problems through talking instead of hitting. The chart ranges from behavior to chores. Each point is worth so much in cents, and when she has accumulated enough points we buy her whatever she was working toward. It's a great way to reward achievement, and it saves us from hearing "can I get this?" when we are out shopping. Her behavior improved because she wanted to get the toy. It actually cut down on the amount of yelling and punishing. Now she makes her bed and puts toys away for points without fussing.

I think positive re-enforcement works well also. We do that with our daughter when it comes to her school work. It definitely makes a difference.
I hate to spank - but I won't sit here and say I have never done it. She is 6 years old and I can count on one hand how many times she has been spanked.
But, when I grew up - we got spanked with a either a thick leather strap or we had to go in the back yard and get a "switch" (way worse than the leather).
We didn't get spanked all the time - but we knew enough to know we didn't want it to happen and we kept our noses clean (we = me and my 3 siblings)

I don't think spnking leads to a violent world, from my own experience that just isn't the case. I was smacked as a child, I can vivdly remember it (or at least the threat of it!) and I am not a violent person, far from it, I have never been in trouble with the law or ever gone out and beaten someone up for the sheer joy of it! However my brothers kids have never been smacked, their mother is a strong believer gainst it, and they are the most thuggish little sods I have ever met, they smack their parents and other kids around (one aged 9 punched me in the stomach when I was heavily pregnant so he could 'hurt the baby') That is a violent child, all three of them are. And why? Because they have never been in a situation where it is done to them! They don't know how it feels! Of course it may be different from some, but that is my experience of these things. My son, despite being smacked, has never hit another child or a grown up, he wouldn't dare! Maybe one day he will, who knows,but I honestly doubt it!

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Originally Posted by Anayden

I know that there is ALOT of controversy over this subject but I want to hear from you. Do you think that kids should be spanked? If not then what kind of punishment would you use on your child. If you have a child does it work for you? I, personally, do spank my daughter. But only after I have given her fair warning. She doesn't seem to listen to talking to or taking toys away, and that is the only way she actually listens. After you tell her 5-6 times.... Also I wanted to know what you all thought about kids that "fall out" in stores. We've all seen them, and if you say you haven't, then you are the one with that kid....;) :p

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My daughter is 2 and boy oh boy is she in her terrible 2's. I used to spank her after numerous warnings but that started not to phase her. Now I am trying time-outs. They seem to work better because she loves playing with her sister and when I separate them it freaks her out. She throws a tantrum after I put her in her room by herself but a few minutes later she calms down and then I go talk to her and tell her what she did wrong. I think this is better too because when you just hit them most of the time they don't even know why you hit them and will do the same thing again 2 minutes later. After a few time out all I have to do is ask her if she wants a time out and for the most part she'll stop whatever she's doing.
As far as those children that throw themselves on the floor at stores I believe they are spoiled. They think that if they have a tantrum that mommy or daddy will give them whatever it is they are crying for to shut them up and that is usually the case. My 6 year old tried that once and I dragged her out the store and when we got home I locked up all her toys for the day as her punishment. Believe me that never happened again.

Not all kids who have those sorts of tantrums are spoiled. I know it is maybe going a little off subject here, but just wanted to say this! My partners 7 year old son has Aspergers Autism, and he throws terrible tantrums, thrashing around on the floor kicking and screaming in the middle of shops (or wherever else he may be) When he is doing it people stare at you like you are terrible parents letting your child behave in such a way, but really you just don't have any control over it. He looks perfectly normal so people don't realise he has a problem, just thinks he is a brat!

Just wanted to throw that in!

My apologies, I didn't mean to offend anyone. I didn't think outside of the box on this one and now that you brought this to my attention I will be more understanding and sympathetic to parents. In cases like this it is out of your hands.