Ask Me Help Desk - My girlfriends 12 year old son.

Quote:

Originally Posted by scott72

as for her son, she is going to bring him over this evening and let him read his journal to and discuss his punishment over with me. Lol I think having to read the journal will be enough punishment alone.

That is a terrible, terrible idea! Great way to make the kid hate you even more!

Quote:

Originally Posted by scott72

saying things like her daughter didn't need no one in her life to interfere with the up bringing of het kids.

And the grandmother is right. Your GF doesn't need anyone, especially you, interfering with the upbringing of her kids. These are NOT your children and you have no say so in how they are raised.

Quote:

Originally Posted by scott72

Second reason is because he thinks we may get married and move out his school district.

More likely this poor child is afraid of you, not moving out of the school district, but you will get married and you will have more control over him than you already do.

While I believe this child is quite immature for his age, I feel that he is acting out because he is afraid of you. You seem to be a very controlling and manipulative person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by scott72

My girlfriend said she will get to the bottom of this with her mom, as for her son, she is going to bring him over this evening and let him read his journal to and discuss his punishment over with me. Lol I think having to read the journal will be enough punishment alone.

I'm a family counselor and agree with J_9 that this is a terrible idea. Your girlfriend had no business telling you about his journal in the first place, and yes, the boy's being forced to read it out loud will certainly make him hate you more. Your chances at having a wonderful life with this woman are ending.

The adults in this drama are being very shortsighted and are dealing with this situation very badly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'm a family counselor and agree with J_9 that this is a terrible idea. Your girlfriend had no business telling you about his journal in the first place, and yes, the boy's being forced to read it out loud will certainly make him hate you more. Your chances at having a wonderful life with this woman are ending.

The adults in this drama are being very shortsighted and are dealing with this situation very badly.

Bravo!

A journal is very personal and should never be made public. Especially to the person whom the child is feeling such animosity. You are only compounding the problem by making this child read it out loud.

I feel so sorry for this child who wants nothing more than love, attention and compassion from his mother. It's so sad that he has to act out to get it. Now you are making the problem worse by forcing your parenting on this child.

Don't you realize that you are only pushing this child further into acting out? Most of this is your fault because you are forcing your parenting skills on this woman.

This poor boy has been ripped away from his father and a family he has known and is now living with his grandmother. Whether you believe it, that's hard on a kid this age.

As I said before, you are a very controlling and manipulative man. You are only forcing this child down a road he should not have to travel.

ANd again... I say. THIS IS NORMAL BEHAVIOR for a 12 year old. (yes, even the information in the journal, of him trying to break you up)

This is NOT normal behavior for a grown man.

I think you need to talk to the mother about this but in a respectful way, asking what you can do to help the child feel more secure that you are not going to take mom away from him. You could certainly talk to her about how the two of you can work together to establish some balance both of reassuring him, and also setting some boundaries for the unacceptable behaviors. It's important not to compare him to the other kids, or talk in a critical way about him.

The reality is that your kids aren't perfect and neither are hers, and if you set things up that your kids are better than hers, there's no chance for the relationship. I would recommend you find a lot of things about this child that are great and talk about them for some time before you say anything critical - people are very sensitive about their kids.