Ask Me Help Desk - My Autistic Son

I see a child who is spoiled (in the words of the OP) and has a lot of "stuff." Wonder if that "stuff" is out of guilt and the child plays off that: "so my son is turning 6. for those who have read my other questions: -its very hard for me to bond with him. -just as hard for him to bond with others. hes just the most spoiled child, he has the iphone, the ipad, the 3D video games down to every train set at almost every toy store."

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/childr...ml#post3243573

I wonder if some sort of counsellor or therapist for the OP would make a difference?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I see a child who is spoiled (in the words of the OP) and has a lot of "stuff." Wonder if that "stuff" is out of guilt and the child plays off that:

I'm guessing no, he doesn't. That's not how an autistic child's brain works. He wouldn't be manipulative. He would just flat out ask for something at the store, figuring Mom would buy it for him (as usual). My autistic son used to watch TV toy commercials at Christmastime and say, one commercial after the other, "I want that."

I'm more worried about the mom giving him more and more "stuff" as she tries to bond with him, thinking giving "stuff" is the key to getting love from him. And I'm betting all four of my cats that the child couldn't care less about a birthday party with other children in attendance. Mom is wanting what she thinks of as "normal," child's birthday = birthday party. There are other ways to celebrate an autistic child's birthday that would work better for the child (not the mom).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'm guessing no, he doesn't. That's not how an autistic child's brain works. He wouldn't be manipulative. He would just flat out ask for something at the store, figuring Mom would buy it for him (as usual). My autistic son used to watch TV toy commercials at Christmastime and say, one commercial after the other, "I want that."

I'm more worried about the mom giving him more and more "stuff" as she tries to bond with him, thinking giving "stuff" is the key to getting love from him. And I'm betting all four of my cats that the child couldn't care less about a birthday party with other children in attendance. Mom is wanting what she thinks of as "normal," child's birthday = birthday party. There are other ways to celebrate an autistic child's birthday that would work better for the child (not the mom).

Okay, I understand.

And, yes, it appears that "stuff" can soothe all sorts of problems in the mind of the giver.

My friend's autistic daughter is much older (and severely autistic) so it's difficult to remember what/how she handled things.

I also - and I realize the posts aren't combined - have to wonder what role the boyfriend plays in this role. Mom is worried about that relationship plus concerns about her son - has to be more than stressful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by apsklx

and yeah i spoil my son.. didnt think it was about guilt more like i never had those things. and he will..

Why should he? You are creating a monster, you know.

Quote:

Originally Posted by apsklx

for someone who does this whole picture answering crap you sure as hell dont pay attention to what i say.

ive already said i got all that. so does he. now what.

and yeah i spoil my son.. didnt think it was about guilt more like i never had those things. and he will..

I have no idea why you keep asking questions when all you want to do is argue and be insulting.

You may think your life is divided into little compartments: one compartment is your autistic son; one compartment is your relationship with your son; one compartment is your boyfriend. I don't think life works that way. One aspect of life affects the other aspects of life.

If you only want to discuss your problems with people who agree with you talk to your friends. If you want advice from the people you are asking for advice, post here.

You have been defensive from the very first moment you posted. Why? "Hello, I know some of the people can be really mean and opinionated.. so here goes nothing.." You judged "us" before you even asked the question.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You have been defensive from the very first moment you posted. Why? "Hello, I know some of the people can be really mean and opinionated.. so here goes nothing.." You judged "us" before you even asked the question.

And she has received feedback from "mean and opinionated people" before this, so she knew where to set the bar when she posted on this site?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And she has received feedback from "mean and opinionated people" before this, so she knew where to set the bar when she posted on this site?

Yes, she prejudged, no question, so I knew going in that anything I said would be "mean and opinionated."