Ask Me Help Desk - Out of control six year old

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just_Another_Lemming

I figured this was a babysitting job for the summer. I know a few families that are struggling, can't afford babysitters, and hire their older teens since they can't find jobs. I didn't realize you had all this other stuff going on until people started posting about it. I am truly sorry you have had such a heavy burden at such a young age. I had only gone back a few days with your posts and I had noticed that you were online here during the day a few times. That is why I wrote what I did. If you spend a lot of time here during the day, he is going to act out.

I understand everyone's concern and the desire to help you by suggesting you call a child welfare agency. However, I know most teens & children will not or are afraid to narc on their family. You are between a rock and a hard place and need some constructive advice on how to deal with this spoiled little boy. So, I am really trying to come up with some constructive solutions. Maybe someone else here has better ideas. It does sound like you are doing a lot with him. I am sorry you can't really count on any other families in your area to help share babysitting time.

Just some food for thought, a 6 year old boy with a much older sister usually has been babied by everyone in the household at least the first few years of his life, especially the older sister. It is wonderful having a baby brother you can take care of and play with when he is so willing to listen to you, learn from you, & shows you such unconditional love. But, he is now a little man. You have a boyfriend. Holy moly. That is a threat in his relationship with you. Those here with child pych backgrounds and who have been mothers & fathers, know that little boys want to "marry" Mommy and get jealous of Daddy at some point in their development. You have been very much a "Mommy" figure to him. So, in his mind, your brother is not getting the attention he used to get from you when he was younger, quite often he is being told "no" by you, you are attempting to place additional boundaries on him when his parents have only set a few, AND, you have that pesky boyfriend who he just LOVES to hit. Your brother is being forced to grow up and be a big boy now and he is letting everyone know he isn't happy about it.

As long as your parents allow him to hit or strike out without consequences or enforcing whatever the house rules are, he is going to continue the bad behavior.

At this point, all that is coming to my mind is to help you get some mental relief. You might want to call your local Chamber of Commerce, churches, or family services groups, and see if they can steer you toward any programs in your area that are geared for low income families/free stuff to do with children. Sometimes towns/cities/church groups will sponsor a day camp for kids. They will give a free week to a needy child. That would at least give you a break. As I stated, maybe some others here have more constructive or helpful advice than I can give at the moment. I do feel for you. At your age, you should be out with your friends and this definitely is not a great way to spend your summer.

I'm only on here when he goes to his friend's house for a few hours or is sleeping in the morning.

I would love to take my brother to one of those programs, but my dad would not even hear it. He considers everyone a creep and everything a scam.

As for the boyfriend thing.. it's more of a fight over the boyfriend. He tries to kiss him and get him to play. He kept calling him daddy and boyfriend. But that's no longer a problem since he's moved away.

As for the mommy figure, you are very right. Although I've really taken more of the place of the father because Dad never has stepped up to take that position. I've had a huge hand in raising him.

Even being home all day beforee, when it was with my dad, he was ignored and left alone for extensive hours. Could this be a reason why he is acting out now that a more structured and involved person is with him all day?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just_Another_Lemming

I just answered a question in a different category and realized that I should have mentioned this to you. Find your local yellow pages. Look under Community Services. There should be a subheadings entitled "Child Care/Parenting Programs" and "Family Support Services." Call one of those places and ask them if they know of any groups that offer free programs during the summer for low or limited income families. If the place you call doesn't have one, they more than likely do know of a group that offers something or they may have some other suggestions for you to keep your brother occupied OR teach him how to properly use his words and not his hands to get his point across.

I wish I could take him to one of the programs offered, but my dad will take it as me trying to be the parent. I wish I could use this advice, because it is very good, but my dad would be upset.

I know you are still a teen. Even though I feel it isn't quite fair for you to be put in a position to give parental discipline to your own brother. Parental logic, and principles, can be used as to make him respect you, and your wishes.

Dr Kevin Leman has a book called " Have A New Kid By Friday". It basically teaches children that "B" isn't going to happen until"A" happens first.

The next time that he wants to do something fun, tell him "no, we aren't going to do that because you haven't been obeying my wishes." He can't have it HIS way all the time.

He should respect you if you are his caregiver. He should also be doing chores, and take responsibility for his actions, good and bad.

Your parents should be on board with you, and they should stop making excuses for his bad behavior.

If this book, and it's practices are something that you would be interested in, then let me know and I'll post some of it's helpful tips.

Here is the author's site: DrLeman.com - Official site of Dr. Kevin Leman

All of this that you are going through right now is going to make you an even better person and parent.

You impress me with your maturity and insight. My wish for you is for you to be a happy, healthy, teenager.

God bless you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

I know you are still a teen. Even though I feel it isn't quite fair for you to be put in a position to give parental discipline to your own brother. Parental logic, and principles, can be used as to make him respect you, and your wishes.

Dr Kevin Leman has a book called " Have A New Kid By Friday". It basically teaches children that "B" isn't going to happen until"A" happens first.

The next time that he wants to do something fun, tell him "no, we aren't going to do that because you haven't been obeying my wishes." He can't have it HIS way all the time.

He should respect you if you are his caregiver. He should also be doing chores, and take responsibility for his actions, good and bad.

Your parents should be on board with you, and they should stop making excuses for his bad behavior.

If this book, and it's practices are something that you would be interested in, then let me know and I'll post some of it's helpful tips.

Here is the author's site: DrLeman.com - Official site of Dr. Kevin Leman

All of this that you are going through right now is going to make you an even better person and parent.

You impress me with your maturity and insight. My wish for you is for you to be a happy, healthy, teenager.

God bless you.

Thank you very, very much
I'll see if our library has the book

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

I'm only on here when he goes to his friend's house for a few hours or is sleeping in the morning.

I would love to take my brother to one of those programs, but my dad would not even hear it. He considers everyone a creep and everything a scam.

As for the boyfriend thing.. it's more of a fight over the boyfriend. He tries to kiss him and get him to play. He kept calling him daddy and boyfriend. But that's no longer a problem since he's moved away.

As for the mommy figure, you are very right. Although I've really taken more of the place of the father because Dad never has stepped up to take that position. I've had a huge hand in raising him.

Even being home all day beforee, when it was with my dad, he was ignored and left alone for extensive hours. Could this be a reason why he is acting out now that a more structured and involved person is with him all day?

I don't think so if it is just try to lock him in his room and tell your mom about all the things he has done to you on your date . That's what I do all the time

Quote:

Originally Posted by nifhy16278

i dont think so if it is just try to lock him in his room and tell your mom about all the things he has done to you on your date . thats what i do all the time

I believe locking him in his room would be neglectful... unless you mean time outs. I've tried time outs. I've also tried telling my Mum about these things, and she uses the excuse "He's just being 6" or says "we'll talk to him"

At the moment, it's not even time for me to watch him, yet he is throwing things at my head. My point, this doesn't stop at any point.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

I believe locking him in his room would be neglectful... unless you mean time outs. I've tried time outs. I've also tried telling my Mum about these things, and she uses the excuse "He's just being 6" or says "we'll talk to him"

At the moment, it's not even time for me to watch him, yet he is throwing things at my head. My point, this doesn't stop at any point.

I know how you feel my mum always says that my sister is just being 6. but I hate when she says theat and I tell on my sister and my mom says to stop tattling on my sister my mom always believes everything my sister says I don't know why it is annoying

Quote:

Originally Posted by nifhy16278

i know how you feel my mum always says that my sister is just being 6. but i hate when she says theat and i tell on my sister and my mom says to stop tattling on my sister my mom always believes everything my sister says i dont know why it is annoying

My parents believe everything I tell them, but they also just use the "he's being 6" as an excuse.

I forgot to mention this earlier, my brother also has been diagnosed early with ADHD

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

I forgot to mention this earlier, my brother also has been diagnosed early with ADHD

Who diagnosed him? Meds?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Who diagnosed him? Meds?

My old psychiatrist, his pediatrition, and my old conselor also said they believe he has ADHD, no meds though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

My old psychiatrist, his pediatrition, and my old conselor also said they believe he has ADHD, no meds though.

Believing he has ADHD isn't a diagnosis. So no one offered any intervention or treatment at all?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Believing he has ADHD isn't a diagnosis. So no one offered any intervention or treatment at all?

No, and sorry for the mix up. I thought if a doctor said, it made it a diagnosis.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

No, and sorry for the mix up. I thought if a doctor said, it made it a diagnosis.

Did the doctor test him, question him, observe him, have others (your parents, etc.) answer questions about his behavior? Or did the doctor just comment in passing that he might be ADHD? A lot depends on how, when, where, and why this was all done and said.

My doctor has said a lot to me, but what he says is not necessarily a diagnosis. Usually there have to be tests and measurements of some sort to support what he says.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Did the doctor test him, question him, observe him, have others (your parents, etc.) answer questions about his behavior? Or did the doctor just comment in passing that he might be ADHD? A lot depends on how, when, where, and why this was all done and said.

My doctor has said a lot to me, but what he says is not necessarily a diagnosis. Usually there have to be tests and measurements of some sort to support what he says.

He had my mom take a survey, that's about it

I'm sorry for the misinformation WG, I didn't know

So neither the doctor nor the pediatrician nor the counselor suggested any interventions or treatment? There's no plan to help him (and everyone else) deal with whatever is going on with him? Were allergies considered? (I'm guessing you don't know.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So neither the doctor nor the pediatrician nor the counselor suggested any interventions or treatment? There's no plan to help him (and everyone else) deal with whatever is going on with him? Were allergies considered? (I'm guessing you don't know.)

It was a year ago. Nothing was suggested, no. The plan to deal with it was just to deal with his extra energy and try not to get upset I guess?

So there's no plan to deal with his extra energy. "He might be ADHD. Deal with it."

(Sorry to be so nosy and ask so many questions. I was the counselor for kids with ADD and ADHD when I was at Catholic Charities.)

Actually, he might not have ADHD. Medical people are finding out that boys especially are just being boys, and, if they act out, it's because the parenting was/is lacking.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So there's no plan to deal with his extra energy. "He might be ADHD. Deal with it."

(Sorry to be so nosy and ask so many questions. I was the counselor for kids with ADD and ADHD when I was at Catholic Charities.)

Actually, he might not have ADHD. Medical people are finding out that boys especially are just being boys, and, if they act out, it's because the parenting was/is lacking.

Thank you WG

Is there any ways to deal with it if he does have ADHD? I know I have it, I went through tests and surveys and medicine

As did my dad

I'm not a big believer in meds if other interventions can prove to be useful. The ADHD child definitely needs structure. Caregivers must set parameters and stick to them, be consistent. The ideas you've been given here in this thread will help, but you are not his parent, so I'm not sure how much you can do on your own, especially if he gets different signals from his parents.