Reading between the lines, I see where the problem lies. Example: Your son flies home for 9 days, great! But poor you has to drive for 4 hrs to meet him & by golly, it's you birthday on top of that, how dare he put you out on such a special day for you! The rest of your story doesn't jive as you being the greatest Mom either. How much resentment did you show your kids when they grew up fatherless & more to the valid point, YOU husbandless? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
You reap what you sow & then it comes back to bite you in the behind. You all need counseling & you, the mother, need to stop your own personal pity party & grow up too. There's a 7 yr old grandson at stake here learning all of the bad behaviors. Oh, by the way, sorry you got stuck with babysitting your grandson too while your son was home. Poor you. Lots of resentment there that is misplaced. I fear the damage has been done.

There has been no activity on this thread since January

The OP hasn't been back since January, this is an old thread.

It sounds like you felt like a prisoner in your own home. There is probably a pattern here. How is your relationship with your parents? Did you feel guilty about their dad leaving? If you allow people, even your own children to mistreat you, you might have some self-esteem issues; letting someone smoke in the car, being physically attacked. This isn't all immaturity on their part. It's bad habits, a feeling of entitlement, and some screwed up values. I like the idea that you are planning to move away. Be somewhere you have always wanted to go, make new friends, get involved in things you care about.There is a person inside that is waiting to be discovered. You can tell them what they are doing is wrong and you won't put up with it, but actions speak louder than words. Start thinking about you! Get some counseling. Keep in touch with your Grandson. You can set a good example for him by showing him how to have self-respect, and letting him know how much you love him. Grandparents can be a very positive influence. Good luck with your health.

Old thread!

Wow. I thought I had ungrateful kids! I have an adult daughter that texted her brother that she wished she could push me in the firery lake of hell for all eternity so she could stand on the shore and laugh.
She appears sweet and wonderful on the outside to her friends, but to even have a thought like that she is so full of poison.

As to your dilemma, I agree with the other comments, but people have to understand that this situation didn't get this way overnite - it has been years in the making. Your personal energy is at an all time low, and you probably don't have the strength to do the severing. I think a written letter to both is the best way to go. You have to not ever expect anything good from them or you will just be disappointed. I am so sorry. I hope you don't have any physical support need from them. The hard thing would be severing from your grandson.

Venting on this blog is a good thing because we don't know you so there is no embarrassment that there is if you talk to friends. When you type in a search hurtful children, 10 times more websites come up for children being hurt by parents - not the other way around.

Hon, get away from these 2. You have always had the responsibility of making them good adults. Allowing them to continue to abuse you mentally and physically is not helping them do that. If you are not strong enough to stop this treatment, then distance yourself. THey will find, or have found that the rest of the world will not tolerate this. Good luck!

Did you read the thread before you answered?

It's OLD and the person who asked the question hasn't been back.

I don't get any hint that your son was behaving badly (other than not telling his sister to knock it the heck off) but you need to kick your dauhter to the curb. She doesn't need to be around you if she is going to behave that way, and I absolutely feel you should file charges against her.

Your son sounds like he may be abrupt but that could be from his service in the military. He probably scolded you for coming because he saw you were sick and didn't want you to be sicker.

Your daughter however, she needs to leave and stay away. Get a restraining order if nessisary until she is able to grow up and stop being so abusive. And yes she is being ABUSIVE

Narishkas, you need to let go and get those narcissistic people out of your house. You are much too dependent on them for companionship. Perhaps it is time to let them go and get on with your life. Make new friends who will be kind and loving. Make excuses why you can not do things with those who will mistreat you. Personally, I would rather be all alone, than with people who verbally and physically abuse me. IF my children ever slapped me, that would be the last time they would see me. Can you imagine how you will be treated when you are too old and frail to get away? Sometimes we hang on to things and people that only make our lives miserable to keep from being lonely. Reach out to people who are living kind loving lives and be a part of that group. If your children ever change and it has been proven for a number of years, then perhaps you could let them back in your life. Right now, I can not see the purpose of your relationship with them.

Whatever you do, don't listen to any more negativity from the PEANUT GALLERY! I have a very disrespectful ingrate of a son as well. He had the best of everything & when that wasn't enough... he took what he wanted, when he wanted, however he got away with it! When they are adults, it is up to them how they want to be! Take no blame for their idiotic actions as adults! They were/are damn lucky to have you for a mother period! Now for whatever selfish demeaning reason your daughter took to slap you across the face is enough for you to have her arrested for assault & by God she's lucky you weren't well enough to get it done! Let there not be a next time! As for your son, he should've "manned up" & stepped up to the plate not allowing anyone, not even his sister harm his mother ever, ever, ever! They need to respect you & especially when your IlLL!! Especially when you are the only parent they have that stepped up to the plate and cared for them all those years! You don't owe them anything anymore! Your job is done as the responsible parent! You no longer have to be responsible for their actions anymore, you no longer have to be involved, let your daughter get her own home to rent & next time your son comes home... make sure you have a talk with him about protecting you like he would our country & if he can't... then tell him you need to feel safe and well when he's around & that needs to be understood period! Next time, if your ILL, have him catch a bus for the 4 hour trip, let him be responsible for his trip home if he's going to allow his sister to slap you around! That's "WRONG" period! My son only needs to raise his hand in the air before I dial 911!! Don't let them take your backbone from you, kick their ASSESS! They're both up to something & you need to get to the bottom of it! Good Luck

I also have a son that mistreats me but can also be very kind. I am a recovering alcoholic and my adult daughter wants nothing to do with me. I drank through her teen age years and married a man that despised her and beat me. I am disabled and my heart has a hole in it. Also, she has a daughter, my grandaughter who also does not want to see me. At one time, we were very close. I had a baby by this man and he was always put first, he now lives with me (adult) Perhaps those of us that are reading between the lines and just trying to help you see, what you don't see. There must be underlying reasons for your children's behavior. It is very hard to look at yourself, it was for me. I know that I am the reason my girls are not around me, but now it is too late.
I wish you well. Jeanne

I did not know where to write this, but I need advise. I have been estranged from my Oldest son ( he is 34 ) and my youngest daughter ( 30 ) for almost 5 years. I have grieved as if they had died, I have begged, pleaded for their love. I went through counseling for 2 years. I thought I would die from the heartbreak. They ripped my 3 beautiful grandbabies from my life whom I had a very special bond with. My middle daughter ( 33 ) was on and off with me. Sometimes she would tell me there was no reason why her brother and sister were so hateful towards me, but when I did not agree with something , she would also turn on me and keep my four grandchildren from me. My son called me a "Wasted piece of flesh" and said he did not love me. My youngest daughter took my grandson from me that I raised for 5 years that she would not take the responsibility to be the mother she should have been. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. Now , my middle daughter used me for 4 months to babysit while she worked, used my car and never put gas in it. I had to ask her to bring food for the kids when I watched them because I was broke. Her husband ( my son and law is a bully to me. He tells me to F' off, and threatens me with taking the children elsewhere. I told my daughter I was no longer going to tolerate anymore abuse and she looked at me as If I was making a big deal over nothing. Now, she will not talk to me and had my 13 year old granddaughter send me a text telling me to leave her mother alone?? I am crushed, Its been 5 long years of being treated like I am nothing by my children . Now 4 of my grandchildren are trying to bully me. I am fed up ! I am so tired of sitting back and taking it. I am shocked that My children are so ungrateful for the love and support emotionally and finacially that I have given them. Thousands of $$ so they woulod not go hungry, or homeless only to be kicked in the gut and have my heart ripped out over and over. Even my children's husbands and wives bully me and malliciously say things to hurt me. I don't know what to do because I am worried for my grandchildren. I want to go far away from my children, but I don't want my grandchilren to be told lies about me, I love them so very much. Please help me with some advice.

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Originally Posted by jeanne723

I also, have a son that mistreats me but can also be very kind. I am a recovering alcoholic and my adult daughter wants nothing to do with me. I drank through her teen age years and married a man that despised her and beat me. I am disabled and my heart has a hole in it. Also, she has a daughter, my grandaughter who also does not want to see me. At one time, we were very close. I had a baby by this man and he was always put first, he now lives with me (adult) Perhaps those of us that are reading between the lines and just trying to help you see, what you don't see. There must be underlying reasons for your childrens behavior. It is very hard to look at yourself, it was for me. I know that I am the reason my girls are not around me, but now it is too late.
I wish you well. Jeanne

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That's not true in every case. Sometimes we spoil our children too much instead of holding them accountable for their own responsbilties while growing up. There are many many reasons for adult children to kick parents to the curb... Lots of them are because they just need to grow up!!

Also... I have never been on drugs, never drank, never hit my children. Their father left them for 27 years, I had to be there and cried with them because they wondered where their dad was. They had a stepfather, but most of all they had me. I was probably over protective because I lost my other son to SIDS. They all attended private schools and we were always on vacation. My gut tells me that my son may blame me for his father leaving him at the age of 6 and not coming back into his life until 27 years later. Now he is the hero and I am the "wasted piece of Flesh" I believe my youngest daughter was jealous because my grandson would come to me for everything, even though they lived with me, I had to take care of his every need while she stayed on the computer all night long. When she saw that he came to me, she was angry and she left with him and I have not seen them for almost 5 years.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Debbie Hayes

I did not know where to write this, but I need advise. I have been estranged from my Oldest son ( he is 34 ) and my youngest daughter ( 30 ) for almost 5 years. I have grieved as if they had died, I have begged, pleaded for their love. I went thru counseling for 2 years. I thought I would die from the heartbreak. They ripped my 3 beautiful grandbabies from my life whom I had a very special bond with. My middle daughter ( 33 ) was on and off with me. Sometimes she would tell me there was no reason why her brother and sister were so hateful towards me, but when I did not agree with something , she would also turn on me and keep my four grandchildren from me. My son called me a "Wasted piece of flesh" and said he did not love me. My youngest daughter took my grandson from me that I raised for 5 years that she would not take the responsibility to be the mother she should have been. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. Now , my middle daughter used me for 4 months to babysit while she worked, used my car and never put gas in it. I had to ask her to bring food for the kids when I watched them because I was broke. Her husband ( my son n law is a bully to me. He tells me to F' off, and threatens me with taking the children elsewhere. I told my daughter I was no longer going to tolerate anymore abuse and she looked at me as If I was making a big deal over nothing. Now, she will not talk to me and had my 13 year old granddaughter send me a text telling me to leave her mother alone?!?. I am crushed, Its been 5 long years of being treated like i am nothing by my children . Now 4 of my grandchildren are trying to bully me. I am fed up ! I am so tired of sitting back and taking it. I am shocked that My children are so ungrateful for the love and support emotionally and finacially that I have given them. Thousands of $$ so they woulod not go hungry, or homeless only to be kicked in the gut and have my heart ripped out over and over. Even my childrens husbands and wives bully me and malliciously say things to hurt me. I don't know what to do because I am worried for my grandchildren. I want to go far away from my children, but I don't want my grandchilren to be told lies about me, I love them so very much. Please help me with some advice.

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This has happened over a period, and it's not going to turn around/change overnight. You cannot control what is being said to your grandchildren about you. Where is your children's father in all of this?

I would stop begging and pleading - and enabling - your children and grandchildren.

Sometimes the best way to stop being abused is to remove yourself from the abuse. I'd stay far, far away.

I'd also take another look at counselling.

Their father left the children and I when they were 3 , 4 & 6 years old. Never a word from him, child support only when the state could find him as he was on the run all the time. He re surfaced after 27 years when my son decided to find him when he threw me to the curb, Of course my ex husband rallys with the kids because he is now older, and loves it that I am not in the picture. I realize I can't help what they tell my grandchildren, but it does not stop it from hurting like hell. I plan to stay away this time, I will not allow this to continue as it will send me to an early grave.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Debbie Hayes

Their father left the children and I when they were 3 , 4 & 6 years old. Never a word from him, child support only when the state could find him as he was on the run all the time. He re surfaced after 27 years when my son decided to find him when he threw me to the curb, Of course my ex husband rallys with the kids because he is now older, and loves it that I am not in the picture. I realize I can't help what they tell my grandchildren, but it does not stop it from hurting like hell. I plan to stay away this time, I will not allow this to continue as it will send me to an early grave.

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I agree - sounds like life handed you some rough times. I'm sure your "ex" is delighting in being the "good one" not that the tough part of supporting kids is done with.

Your Grandchildren will have memories of you, will be curious about you, perhaps will begin to question their parents. I'm pretty sure you'll hear from them.

And family dynamics change like the wind. You need to take care of yourself first. Hopefully the rest falls into place. If not - you'll still be in a good place. Sometimes it takes putting your foot down, "growing a spine," to change things.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I agree - sounds like life handed you some rough times. I'm sure your "ex" is delighting in being the "good one" not that the tough part of supporting kids is done with.

Your Grandchildren will have memories of you, will be curious about you, perhaps will begin to question their parents. I'm pretty sure you'll hear from them.

And family dynamics change like the wind. You need to take care of yourself first. Hopefully the rest falls into place. If not - you'll still be in a good place. Sometimes it takes putting your foot down, "growing a spine," to change things.

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Thank you so much, I appreciate your wise words.

I have a similar situation with my son-in-law. I have put up with his disrespect and emotional abuse for 19 years for my daughter' sake and for my grandsons. My daughter loves him to death. I personally can't stand him. This year I drew the line in the sand and ended my relationship with him. My daughter and 2grandsons are part of the fall out. That is their choice. I was going to stroke out with the abuse and I could not let it continue. Life goes on without them. I do not choose to be around mean spirited people.

I get the sense that they feel that you are acting ill to get sympathy and attention. If you are sick then you need to stay home. Its okay to take care of yourself. Not sure why your daughter thinks she can hit you (maybe cause you let her). You should call the authorities before it gets worse. When you get older someone has to care for you and you sure don't want her to think she can abuse you at this point. When you are elderly she will really lay into you. Correct the bad behavior before it goes any farther. One and a half years isn't long at all. It goes by quick in the mean time get that daughter under control and stay home if you are sick.