Ask Me Help Desk - My adult son

:confused:
You lost me Isabelle, I also answered honestly, maybe I am reading what you're not saying but admit it, you are too.

Im unsubscribing from your post because I don't want to argue and I'm sure you don't either but it pointless me staying as we don't understand each other...

Good Luck...

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Isabelle,

I think Janine has really found a probable answer here. It certainly sounds like your son is abusing pain meds. Which could cause mood swings, personality changes and other things. You definitely should mention this to your therapists right up front. This may not be due to anything you have done, but to a medial problem with your son.

And that brings us to another point. Why is he taking pain meds? Do you know who is doctor is? If you do, I would have a confidential discussion with him. Don't expect the doctor to pass any info to you, but he does need to know about the personality change. It could be a medically treated condition that will restore relations.

I don't know why he takes pain meds but he is rich enough to buy all he wants. He has done this for years. Maybe he was mad becaue I didn't enable him but there has to be more than that. This is going on 2 years now, since he has talked to me. His drug problem has been maybe 10 years. I don't know his doc or his pharmacy.
Wish me luck with my doc appt today.

I am so tired of being in pain.

I also want to thank all for their answers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krs

:confused:
You lost me Isabelle, i also answered honestly, maybe i am reading what you're not saying but admit it, you are too.

Im unsubscribing from your post coz i dont want to argue and im sure you dont either but it pointless me stayin as we dont understand eachother...

Good Luck...

Thanks for the Good luck... Good luck to you too. I want you to know that I never took anything you said to heart. I just didn't feel you understood, but that is OK.. thanks for the time you gave me.

Im glad you didn't take to heart as I did not mean it like that :) hey, me neither.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krs

Im glad you didnt take to heart as i did not mean it like that :) hey, me neither.

I know and I am sorry.. I have been a little crazy.. a broken heart can do that. Forgive me? I am just crazy to find answers before this destroys me. And I am not sure there will be any answers.. my son will never meet with me and my doctor. But I love the son I used to know and I miss him.

Of course you love you son, you are his mother after all.
But as others advised still go visit your doctor, it will surely help you. I can't really comprehend what you are going through as I've never encountered such a situation.
You sound like a very caring mother, and your sons actions are very immature, he doesn't know what he is losing.

SINGLE4 disagrees: I know there was no mention of a "tift" and that is why I needed more information as to why all of the sudden he turned on her. It is a short OP and it was just a simple question.

First may I refer you to my suggested guidelines on using the Comments feature here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

You will note that even though I didn't agree with your response, I didn't give you a negative comment because it was not an issue of fact.

Second, in your response to the OP you wrote: "What was it that yous fought about?". Not; did you have a fight or do you know what caused the rift. Those would have been valid questions as they were asked by others without comment. But you made the assumption that a fight had happened, even though the OP did not mention a fight at any point and specifically had said she didn't know why the rift has occurred.

That's why I made the comments about your response that I did. Showing some more compassion and not making assumptions would have been a more helpful way of responding.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

SINGLE4 disagrees: I know there was no mention of a "tift" and that is why I needed more information as to why all of the sudden he turned on her. It is a short OP and it was just a simple question.

First may I refer you to my suggested guidelines on using the Comments feature here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

You will note that even though I didn't agree with your response, I didn't give you a negative comment because it was not an issue of fact.

Second, in your response to the OP you wrote: "What was it that yous fought about?". Not; did you have a fight or do you know what caused the rift. Those would have been valid questions as they were asked by others without comment. But you made the assumption that a fight had happened, even though the OP did not mention a fight at any point and specifically had said she didn't know why the rift has occured.

That's why I made the comments about your response that I did. Showing some more compassion and not making assumptions would have been a more helpful way of responding.

Is this better?

Normally when there is a falling out it is about something? It was a short OP and Krs and I both felt we didn't know why the "poster" gave us "negative" marks! A response she could have given was... "there was no fight and I don't know why he stopped talking to me".

As far as the guidelines for commenting... I apologize. I do see where you are coming from and I will follow them.

I am sorry if I overreacted to anyone's post. Last week when I first posted I felt as if I could not go on. I will admit I was very sensitive at that time.

I went to the doctor last week. He told me that I was in "the hands of satan" and that was why I was being hurt like this. I go to church to learn about satan and God so I don't think I have to pay this man to tell me about them.

I saw all his degrees on the wall while I was waiting for my turn, so I know he is a doctor, just not the right doctor for me.

I want to thank all of you for taking the time to respond to my posts. Although I don't think the doctor helped me at all, this posts have made me feel much better. I talked and I was listened to. That has not happened to me in quite a while.

I also have to admit I did not read any rules before I posted. As I said before... I found this board and I just started talking.. spilling my guts... I was at the end of my rope. I don't have anyone to confine in and when I saw this board I just talked and cryed and talked and cryed.

I don't know what degrees this quack has, but you were right to get far from him. While faith in god may be a viable treatment in some cases. Holding up evil and satan, is not the way a real doctor would treat this situation. I urge you not to give up in finding a real therapist who can help you deal with this issue.

That is one of the purposes of a site like this. We can be a shoulder to cry on or someone to give a kick in the pants ;), if that's what's needed.

I am wondering WHERE this freak of a "doctor" got his degrees? Yes, you did good to get rid of him. But there are many out there who are not like this and who truly can help, so don't give up the pursuit.

Until that time you know we are here to listen.

Thanks J_9 and Scott... I have not given up on my hunt for a good therapist. This other one may be a very good person, but not the right one for me.
I also wanted to tell everyone that while I am still hurt, I do not think I am any longer in crisis. This , I believe ,is because I was allowed to pour my pain onto this board.
Maybe I shouldn't have done that but it sure helped a lot.

Thanks again for all who listened and helped me.

Okay I have read every single post. There are people who knew that there was a rift, a fight. They just did not know what happened. Even you said you did not know what happened. Then later you described a fight over medications and his reaction. If he has been taking medications for years and years. Yes it is a form of drug addiction and medication or the lack of it can cause temper and very angry responses when they are not on it. I know this from personal experiances with family members who have been on these types of mediciines for years and you know what it destroys the mind and body and they keep getting it increased and increased and are completely depended on it. I take pain medication occasionally but I see how these other people are and there is no way I would like to be that way or be so dependent on a drug that makes you so angry and tempered. It could actually get worse and worse. Like J9 said that by you not giving him any would set him off is BIG RED FLAG THAT I SAW TOO WHEN I READ YOUR POST. You said this would not be the reason but of course it is the biggest reason. You also need to understand that at 42 with children that he has his own life to live and you need to let him live it in his own way. He needs to learn his own mistakes in life in order to learn and grow. It sounds to me that the relationship was way too close, way too controlled for comfort. This is just my opinion. No matter what, I know you love your son and even with everything if one day he desides to return and be open with you, you need to do your best to show him love and understanding. I wish you the best and your whole family the best. Please understand that it was the right decision you not giving him any of your pills and that you should not have giving him any pills in the first place. I do understand though that sometimes families share these things. I honestly even though my family members are in a lot of pain and take several medications, I honestly feel that one day each of them could possibly die at anytime. From the medications. It is a nasty habit, and to rely on so much of the all the time could eventually shut down your body. Your son is probably afraid of losing you and seeing you in so much pain. He does not want to be around you, because it hurts him and when people are afraid of losing somebody, sometimes they lash out in anger and sometimes they stay away because of what they are afraid of. So several possibilities or maybe all I mentioned is true. Hope this helps you might understanding your son better.

Joe

Quote:

Originally Posted by isabelle

I also wanted to tell everyone that while I am still hurt, I do not think I am any longer in crisis. This , I believe ,is because I was allowed to pour my pain onto this board.
Maybe I shouldn't have done that but it sure helped a lot.

Thanks again for all who listened and helped me.

Yes you should have. That is one of the services boards like this provide. EXpressing your feelings and getting people to provide their take on the issues can be very helpful.

I wish you all the best.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Okay I have read every single post. There are people who knew that there was a rift, a fight. They just did not know what happened. Even you said you did not know what happened. Then later you described a fight over medications and his reaction. If he has been taking medications for years and years. Yes it is a form of drug addiction and medication or the lack of it can cause temper and very angry responses when they are not on it. I know this from personal experiances with family members who have been on these types of mediciines for years and you know what it destroys the mind and body and they keep getting it increased and increased and are completely depended on it. I take pain medication occasionally but I see how these other people are and there is no way I would like to be that way or be so dependant on a drug that makes you so angry and tempered. It could actually get worse and worse. Like J9 said that by you not giving him any would set him off is BIG RED FLAG THAT I SAW TOO WHEN I READ YOUR POST. You said this would not be the reason but of course it is the biggest reason. You also need to understand that at 42 with children that he has his own life to live and you need to let him live it in his own way. He needs to learn his own mistakes in life in order to learn and grow. It sounds to me that the relationship was way too close, way too controlled for comfort. This is just my opinion. No matter what, I know you love your son and even with everything if one day he desides to return and be open with you, you need to do your best to show him love and understanding. I wish you the best and your whole family the best. Please understand that it was the right descision you not giving him any of your pills and that you should not have giving him any pills in the first place. I do understand though that sometimes families share these things. I honestly even though my family members are in a lot of pain and take several medications, I honestly feel that one day each of them could possibly die at anytime. From the medications. It is a nasty habit, and to rely on so much of the all the time could eventually shut down your body. Your son is probably afraid of losing you and seeing you in so much pain. He does not want to be around you, because it hurts him and when people are afraid of losing somebody, sometimes they lash out in anger and sometimes they stay away because of what they are afraid of. So several possibilities or maybe all I mentioned is true. Hope this helps you might understanding your son better.

Joe

I. I never said we never disagreed. I said I didn't know what sent this big life changing thing off. I don't think listing every disagreement we ever had would have helped.
2. If he is a drug addict or not, he is rich enough to get all the pills that he needs. I don't think me telling him "no" would brought all this on, as I never gave him any. Like you, I do not share my medications
3. At 42 he does have his own life and he has lived it. He lived out of state until he opened his stores and he called and asked me to help him so that he could move home. I helped him.
5. At no time was there ever a big event with a fight that I could pinpoint down to making a change , like the one that has occurred with my son and myself.
6. "Close" does not mean abnormal or controlling.
7. I am never in so much pain that I am not completely "myself" and there is no chance of losing me to death or anything else. There is no reason for him to stay away because I am in "so much pain" that I may die or because I am bed ridden with the pain. I live a normal life with normal daily actives of living.

In closing.. thank you very much for your opinion.

But you know what. It could be something that I had nothing to do with and that is why I have no idea what it is. It could be a mental or a drug problem that I am unaware of. There are a lot of things in an adults child life that the parents may not have a clue about. I do not believe that I did anything wrong and that is why it is so hard to know why all this happened. And why it hurts me so much.