True you must deal with this on a united front, but better than getting social services involved, I think a revision of custody, or visitation, would be more effective and less intrusive on their lives. Sending kids to bed without supper is outdated, and abusive in my opinion, that must not be tolerated, but I think you've made a good case for any judge to make a few changes in your court order, as the needs of the child must be met, and who cares how much pull ups cost? They need them so get them, period. I wish you much luck communicating with that hard head of an ex.

This is old for bedwetting and whether there are reasons for it or not, it should be looked into because some of the common causes of this issue in older kids can include sexual, mental and physical abuse. These are not the only causes, of course. Sleeping in dirty sheets in a smelly, dirty house is not acceptable and going to bed without dinner is not something kids should have to do. It is not really an acceptable consequence in today's world - there are better ways to parent.

These kids are really old enough, also, to wash and change their own sheets. My son knows how to use the washing machine. Without being punative about it, I feel it's acceptable to have a child at this age wash their own sheets if they wet the bed once medical and emotional causes are ruled out (that is if it's determined to just be a behavioral issue - not being willing to get up to go, a bad habit, not caring). Even if there is a medical cause, it can be a non-punative (as in, not to make the kid feel bad - just a part of cleaning their room and learning self-care) expectation that anything that is urinated on must go into the wash first thing in the morning and beds must be freshly remade before bedtime.

If talking to your ex is not an option (as in, you can't do it without being argumentative and causing more upset for the kids), report it. Be mindful that just because the bed wetting happens at his house does not mean that if anything bad is going on in their lives, it is his fault. Many kids who are abused at school, for example, have started wetting the bed at home. Don't make accusations - just look into all the options with an open and non-judging mind.